I said I just miss you right now

One eye one the clock 

And one on the phone 

It's 5:19.... 

I'm feeling alone 

If I could talk to you 

I'd want you to know 

I'm holding loose 

Ain't letting go 

Baby, take all the time you need 

I just want you to know 

I'll be here, waiting 

Matt Wertz- 5:19

She’s been in there for hours and it seems like eternity. I didn’t get any sleep last night, I just kept clinging onto the door for dear life. I need her, so bad. I need to make sure she’s okay, that she’s not gonna get up and leave me here because honestly, if that’s the case, I don’t know what I’ll do with myself. I’ll probably stay here, in this same spot on the floor and wallow for days.

I can hear faint moving and the door unlocking, I hopefully look up, only feeling shittier than I did before. She looks horrible, her makeup has run down all over her face, her eyes are blood shot and it looks like she’s been tearing at her dress for sometime. The blackberry, or what’s left of it, is up against the door and I’m sitting there looking at her like a lost puppy.

She pulls out her suitcase and begins to throw things in it as I stand up to watch her movements. Taking off her shoes, I attempt to hug her and she pushes me away.

“Don’t you fucking touch me,” she seethes. 

She continues to pack and finally pulls the zipper shut on the suitcase. Taking the jeans and t-shirt she’s left out for herself she walks into the bathroom and changes, leaving the dress thrown on the floor. Pulling her hair up, she grabs her baseball hat and pulls it over her head. Picking up the bag she motions towards the door, where I currently stand.

“Diana, don’t do this. Don’t walk out on me,” I beg.

Looking up at me with eyes full of hurt she says, “Maybe you should’ve thought about that, Justin. I’ve got to get out of here, it’s making me sick to my stomach.”

She walks past me and into the hallway where she meets up with Trace and a bodyguard. 

“From this point, until I decide a better time, your assistant is Rachel. She’s already agreed to it and I don’t really have the effort it takes to continue on with my job.”

“Trace, where are you going?” I ask.

“Dude, you’ve been my best friend for a long ass time now. But this, this is just wrong. You had to of known what could’ve happened when she showed up at a party. I told you it would end badly, you didn’t listen to me.”

“Wh- what are you talking about, Trace?” she questions, looking down at her shoes again.

“Go ahead, Justin, tell her.” And at that exact moment, I know I’m fucked. I know that the slight peace offering I had extended to Jessica is coming back and biting me in the ass. 

“I, I, listen Di, it wasn’t meant to happen like this. She called asking for tickets and, and... God, I’m an asshole.”

Shaking her head and wiping away the tears that have built up on her face, she looks at me one last time.

“Goodbye, Justin. Don’t bother calling, don’t bother coming to see me, just don’t bother.”

Walking away with Trace and Tiny, she heads to the elevator, I scream out.

“I love you,” I say.

“That’s not enough,” she replies.

And with that, the love of my life and my best friend have left me all alone in a city filled with people pushing forward, looking for a happier new year and all I want to do is rewind time. 

______________________________________________________________________

Walking away from him was one of the hardest tasks of the day, the second hardest was the challenge of making it past the photographers that have been huddled in front of the hotel all night. 

“Diana, what happened?”

“Did you know Jessica was coming to the party?”

“How are you feeling?”

“Did you and Justin break up?”

“Where’s your ring?”

“Guys, come on, move it,” Tiny says. Opening the door to the Escalade, I get in the back and pull out my Ipod. Trace closes the door and puts his hand over my shoulder, letting me know he’s there.

The sad thing is, every song that’s been played on the shuffle keeps reminding me of him. Some of them transport me back to the exact moment of when they kissed and I keep getting the same feeling in my heart, I can even hear the cracking sound as it breaks more and more each time. I feel the tears welling up in my eyes again and the only thing I can do is let them out.

Pulling out my headphones, I look at Trace who seems to understand how big of a dick his best friend is.

“Do you want me to get your stuff from his house? Cause I can if you need me to. But where are you going to stay?”

“I’m going to see if I can get an apartment for the time being,”

Holding up his hand to stop me, “That’s ludicrous, just take my old place, it’s practically empty except for the furniture.”

“Thanks,” I say, “you really don’t have to, though.”

“It’s the least I can do,” he replies.

The car pulls up to the tarmac and I suddenly feel nauseous again. I walk up to the stairs of the plane that was supposed to take him and I back home to Los Angeles and head to the couch hoping for some sort of solitude.

As the plane takes off, I look back down at the city that in four days has turned my world upside down and the realization hits me.

“Trace,” I say. Looking up he allows me to continue, “Don’t ever let me come to New York again.”

“Deal, Di, deal.”