Got somebody here but I want you

Cause the feelin ain't the same find myself

Callin' her your name

Ladies tell me do you understand?

Now all my fellas do you feel my pain?

It's the way I feel

I know I made a mistake

Now it's too late

I know she ain't comin back

What I gotta do now

To get my shorty back

Usher- Let it Burn

I never wanted anything more than to be happy in life. Never asked for all that much and when I finally had it all with him, something utterly ridiculous comes up and slaps us in the face. A month later, he seems happy, seems to be getting along just fine... with Jessica. 

Yes, Jessica the heartbreaker, Jessica the girl who tore him to shreds, all one in the same. They’re everywhere together and nowhere near me. After spending so long in Trace’s apartment, I decided it was time to take myself on a mini vacation, in an undisclosed location.

The great thing is, nobody knows I’m here, the bad thing is, all I’ve ever wanted was to be around somebody else. Every day I just hit a lounge chair and pull out a book or a magazine. Today, it’s a tabloid and they’re on the cover. 

It’s already February and all I can think about is the impending Valentine’s day. Not that I’m surprised that I’m alone, I should’ve known better. I’ve never had a boyfriend for Valentine’s. I thought this year would be different. I thought for the first time in a long time that I was finally secure and happy at the same time. The thoughts scared the hell out of me, and now look at where it’s gotten me.

She’s looking at him with that awesome smile and he’s looking back at her, the same look he used to give me. The headline reads “Back in love.” And I can’t help but want to flip to the story and read on.

Friends say that the once wrecked relationship is back on between Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel. 

“Ever since New Year’s and her proclamation of love, Justin can’t keep his hands off of Jessica,” says a source.

Apparently Timberlake has long forgotten his past love, Diana Knight, who hasn’t been seen since her New York departure, sans her five carat “promise” ring.

Are things really back on for good? 

“Most definitely,” says a close friend of Justin’s. 

And the slump that I’ve slowly started to emerge from collapses from underneath me. I know Jive’s behind this, but it doesn’t stop the hurt any less. He stopped calling when he realized that I wasn’t picking up the five calls a day, but what I wouldn’t give to see my phone ring once. 

Trace calls every once in a while, always begging to know where I’m at so he can come and visit and although I would love the company, I need this time to myself. Plus, I’ll be back home soon. My probation with Jive ends in a week and apparently they’re giving me a new job. I’m secretly excited because having the chance to go back to work gives me the opportunity to have a purpose in this world other than moping around all day and worrying about him. 

I can’t help but feel that this is slightly my fault, but then my mind jumps back into reality and tells me that money is behind this. Justin’s always been good about publicity stunts, but this, this is ridiculous. Jive must’ve given him an ultimatum or something, that’s all I can think of. It sucks though, I mean, why would I want to go back to a company that was set on destroying my relationship from the start?

____________________________________________________________________

“Jess,” I plead, “get off of me.”

Pushing her off of my lap, I stroll into my kitchen, only to hit the picture of two smiling faces that not long ago were happy as can be. I silently want to kill myself, or just rewind time to the exact moment I could’ve pushed Jess off of me at New Year’s and went back to my girl.

Jive’s claiming that if I don’t go along with my relationship with Jess to make the press happy, then they’ll fire Di and that’s the last thing I want. Apparently her dating me was going against the “assistant contract” that says she is not allowed to have relationships with anybody she works for.

It just doesn’t make sense to me though, like if that were the case, why didn’t they stop us in the very beginning? Why didn’t they stop us before I bought her a ring? They could’ve taken her off of my tour and things probably wouldn’t have escalated so fast into love the way they did. 

That’s hindsight though, I guess. It just sucks without her. Jess is totally not like Di. Diana could walk around without make up on and not care. She had that carefree aura about her that just made you want to be around her. Jess, for the most part, is cold and cocky. They don’t have the same laugh either. Everytime Jess cracks up at something that isn’t remotely funny, I secretly want to gag myself. Diana could’ve laughed at silence and I would’ve laughed with her. 

Trace says that everything will work itself out and I can only hope that’s the case. I can’t take one more day of this bullshit. I don’t care if she gets fired, I don’t care if they don’t want me anymore. I’ll start my own fucking business. I hate not knowing where she is or how she’s doing. I need her to be okay, I need her to want me back. Because if she doesn’t, I really don’t see a point in living life anymore.