A thin sheen of sweat covered the two bodies that were still connected in the most intimate of ways. Rylee’s forehead was resting on Justin’s shoulder and his arms were wrapped securely around her body and the two struggled to come down from their post coital high.
“Wow.” Justin’s ragged voice came out in a whisper, his mind hadn’t really grasped what had just happened between them.
“I can’t believe that just happened.” It was Rylee’s timid voice that brought attention to the fact that what had just transpired wasn’t such a good idea.
“Do…do you regret it?” He didn’t want to ask the question, he didn’t want to break this moment.
She was silent for a moment, but she pulled back so she could look him in the eyes. Rylee traced a finger over his face, studying his features as if she were trying to memorize them.
“No.” She stated. “I feel as if I should, and I know that what just happened was wrong in more ways than I can count, but no, I don’t regret it.”
Justin managed a small smile and he placed a kiss on her forehead. He brought her back into his embrace and held on with a tightness that betrayed his insecurity.
“What are we going to do? I mean…” He trailed off, not wanting to be the one to mention her name.
Rylee sat back from him and pushed at his chest a little so their bodies separated for the first time since this whole scene had transpired. Both adults felt the coldness of their disconnected bodies and Rylee hurried to find her clothing.
After they were both dressed, Justin noticed for the first time the tears that were stinging Rylee’s blue eyes. He grabbed her by the wrist and brought her into his chest, holding onto her tightly.
“Justin…” She sniffled into his neck, fully feeling ashamed of what she had let happen. “Justin, what did I do? This is going to kill her.”
It suddenly hit both of them that they had just committed an act that was, for the most part, unforgivable. Justin felt like an asshole for how he’d played with both of these women and hadn’t owned up to any of his actions thus far.
“I’ll tell her.” He stated, although he wasn’t as confident about it as he may have sounded.
“Tell her what, exactly?” The question was loaded with more inquiries than it first would seem. Rylee stared up at him with longing in her eyes and she was desperate for him to tell her what their transgression really meant.
“I’ll tell her that I’ve fallen for you, and that we’ve slept together, and that I’m the biggest asshole in the world for not breaking things off with her sooner.” It sounded so simple when he stated it like that, but he knew that it wasn’t going to be that easy.
“I should probably see if I can stay with Trace for a few days…I don’t think Christina will want to be anywhere near me.” There was finality about her words, something so depressing and heartbreaking that it caused Justin to pull her more tightly to him. “I’ve just done the one thing that I swore I would never do, and I did it to my best friend.”
The tears fell freely now. Rylee clung to Justin in a desperate attempt to keep herself standing as she could feel her knees growing week.
She was a horrible person, she thought, and she was going to ruin the best friendship she had ever had. Despite Christina’s forgetfulness and her tendencies to take over Rylee’s life, she had never done something as unforgivable as Rylee had just done.
“We’ll figure something out…” The words were hollow comfort to someone that felt as if she had just killed her best friend.
“How…how can you be so, so cold about it all?” She broke away from his embrace and stepped back, her arms wrapping around her chest in an attempt to keep warm. “I mean, you…you seem so detached and careless about the fact that you’re going to break Christina’s heart, and nothing is going to be the same.”
Justin studied the girl that stood in front of him and his mind struggled for an explanation that might make sense.
“It’s just…” He started, but stopped, closing his mouth and pursing his lips together. Justin took a deep breath through his nose and blew it out in a small stream of air. “I don’t think it’s all really sunk in yet. I feel…I feel like I’ve just had the most amazing sexual experience of my life, on a physical and emotional level. While I know that I’m the scum of the earth for letting something like this happen between us, I can’t help but feel like…like I’m going to lose one person in my life but I’m bringing in someone that’s so much better.”
If Rylee had been in another frame of mind, she would’ve been flattered by Justin’s comments, and she probably would’ve agreed about the sex part. Instead, she was so caught up on the fact that she had stolen her best friend’s boyfriend that she was starting to make herself sick.
Justin couldn’t stand to watch her fall apart anymore, so he took the few steps necessary to reach out to her, and he pulled her as close to him as he could.
“I don’t know how to make this better, and I don’t know what to say to make you feel better about what just happened.” He mumbled into her hair, breathing in the scent of her shampoo mixed with the lingering scent of the sex they had just had.
It was an odd mix of feelings for him. He felt like an enormous fuck up and he did regret the fact that he was going to hurt someone he cared about. He had never imagined being capable of cheating, especially since it had happened to him before and he wasn’t fond of the emotions. But…he couldn’t help but feel this strange sense of peace at the same time. Everything that had been building inside of him since he had first met Rylee had exploded—no pun intended—the moment their bodies intertwined. He experienced a rush of warmth just thinking about it, and he had to concentrate on keeping himself together.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do now. This…this changes everything.” Rylee’s crying had slowed to an occasional hiccup. Justin ran his hands up and down her back in a comforting motion as he tried to calm her down.
“Ry,” He spoke softly and when she lifted her head to look at him, he smiled gently. “I’m going to do what I can to fix this, or at least make it a little less painful. Just…please…don’t regret this. Don’t think less of yourself for feeling the way you do, and don’t think less of yourself for letting me feel those things too.”
Her expression was unreadable and he was afraid that she was considering never speaking to him again.
“Justin…I don’t know where this is supposed to go with us.” She swallowed thickly and closed her eyes against a fresh wave of tears. “I don’t want to look at you and be reminded of how I hurt my best friend.”
“Then don’t think of it that way.” He grasped her shoulders firmly and waited until she was fully looking at him. “Look at it like this: You have always stepped back and let Christina take what she wants from life. You’ve always been the supportive best friend that would put aside any of her needs and wants for someone else. This is you taking what you need from life for a change. Yes, it was a bad idea for it to have happened the way it did, but we can’t take that back now. Don’t regret feeling, Rylee-Jean, especially not this.”
She was struck speechless by his little outburst. A million thoughts filtered through her hazy brain and she struggled to put them into some semblance of order.
“But…” She couldn’t help but fight him on this. She really didn’t understand how he could be taking it all so calmly. “But of all the times for me to NOT think about myself, this would’ve been the one that really counted.” She started to pace the room, breaking away from his touch and putting some distance between them so she could actually process thoughts.
“Rylee…”
“No,” She stopped him from interrupting. “I’m serious Justin. It doesn’t matter that I’ve always let Christina take the lead in life and our friendship. It doesn’t matter that everyone thinks she owes me something…this isn’t it! Even if she did owe me something, I’m certain that it wouldn’t be on the level of having me fuck her boyfriend behind her back!”
Her words stung him and he visibly shuddered under their intensity.
“That’s not what I’m saying.” His tone was wounded and Rylee was a little offended that he could act like the victim at a time like this. “I’m just trying to get you to cut yourself some slack here. Hell…blame me, it was my fault, I initiated it and I wouldn’t stop. Anything, just…just don’t blame yourself.”
Rylee stopped her pacing and stared at the man across the room. This was the man that she had been pining after for over a month now, the man that had managed to work himself under her skin against her better judgment. She had let herself feel, for once, and had ended up making a huge mistake because of those feelings.
Part of her wanted him to be right. She wanted to believe that it was her time to get the guy, and she wanted to believe that it was OK for her to go after something she wanted. But the more rational side of her knew that it didn’t matter how shafted she felt compared to Christina, having sex with Justin was not the way to even the playing field.
But as she watched him watch her, she couldn’t help but know that what had just transpired between them felt so damn right. All of it felt like it was meant to happen. No other man had ever touched her the way that Justin just had, and no other man had ever managed to make her feel the range of emotions that she had been experiencing in the last hour.
Without really thinking about it, she closed the space between them and took his face in her hands. Their eyes connected for a moment before she pressed her lips firmly against his. Justin responded by wrapping her up in his arms and putting a little more pressure into the kiss.
It wasn’t anything near as heated as the kisses they had shared earlier. It was much more emotional this time, and Rylee found tears falling down her cheeks and mingling with their mouths.
“I’m sorry I brought you into this mess.” Justin whispered against her lips. He broke the kiss and pulled her tightly to him, letter her burry her head in his shoulder.
Nothing had been resolved, nothing had been fixed, and neither really knew what was going to happen. It was so strange, this sense of foreboding mixed with this sense of completeness that they had found in each other.
Rylee didn’t wish often, but at this moment she was wishing for whatever feelings that she and Justin had for each other to be enough to get them through this.
