After Oklahoma, their performance never faulted again, but their relationship was almost a pile of rubble. Kiki made a point to put as much distance as possible between her and Justin, not that she needed to anyway. The only time she saw him at all was at work and he didn’t talk to her, not even about work related issues. She didn’t have the will to challenge him again. He wasn’t willing to do anything to stop their relationship from falling apart, so why should she bother. She wasn’t about to hold on to someone who obviously wanted to be let go.
The changes between the couple hadn’t gone unnoticed by the crew. It was almost like déjà vu, very reminiscent of the first few months before the tour started. Kiki and Justin were cold and detached towards each other, but there was no constant bickering this time. That worried Alex and Trace, who knew the pair better than anyone else on tour. Silence meant something was really wrong, but neither Kiki nor Justin would talk about it. There wasn’t much to be said anyway with so many things in limbo between them.
Were they even still together?
Putting aside her anger and hurt, Kiki wanted to believe that if he would only open up to her, trust her, they could get pass this. He had to make the initiative though; she’d done everything she could. In the meantime, as pathetic as it was, she would deal with the hurt and wait for him. What else could she do? She loved him.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Alex had been watching Kiki mope around for over a week now and he was tired of it. He understood she and Justin were having problems, but she needed to get her mind off him, for one night at least, and get out of her hotel room.
“Come on Kiki. Gina found this really cool club downtown. You gotta come out with us.”
“I’m just not up to it.”
“Well get up to it. Staying cooped up in your room everyday is not healthy.”
Irritated and growing more and more defensive, Kiki snapped. “You know what Alex? Back off. This is my issue not yours, so let me deal with it on my own.”
“Fine, fine. Do you.”
“Thank you.” She grabbed her pillow and tucked it under her chin, going back to staring aimlessly at the TV.
“Well we’re headed out in a little while so I gotta go change.” He got out of the chair, “get some rest babe,” and he leaned down to kiss the top of her head. “Love you.”
“Love you too.”
Alex was long gone and Kiki had grown bored of flipping through the channels, bored and tired. So tired of thinking about Justin, worrying about Justin. Jumping off of the bed in frustration, she started pacing. She needed a distraction and that wasn’t in this room any longer. So she decided to take Alex’s advice. Finding an outfit in her suitcase, she jumped in the shower and almost an hour later she was in a cab on her way to downtown Albuquerque.
In the cab she called Alex to find out what club they were at, but he wasn’t picking up. That little shit is probably trashed already or making out with some hottie he met on the dance floor. Next she called Tori getting the same results, but finally she got a hold of Gina.
“Hey baby! You coming out?” She screeched loudly and drunkenly.
“Yeah. Where are you guys though?”
“VIP baby where else.”
“What club Gina?”
“Oh…I forgot. Let me ask.” Kiki could hear her asking someone over the line. “Thanks cutie. Ok it’s called Reservoir.”
“Okay. Sir I’m headed to a club called Reservoir.”
“Got it.” The cabbie nodded.
“Okay Gina I’ll be there soon. I’ll meet you in VIP.”
“Ok see ya soon babe.”
What Kiki didn’t know was Gina was sitting among the group that was hanging with Justin. She was too drunk to be conscious of the fact that she wasn’t a big fan of Justin’s lately “ none of the girls were knowing he had something to do with Kiki’s recent depression “ so she didn’t protect when Ralphie dragged her to sit with them. Gina wasn’t even aware that she accidentally set Kiki up when she told her where to find them. Kiki was about to walk straight into the situation she was trying to avoid in the first place.
She got into VIP with no problem and it didn’t take her long to spot Gina sitting next to Ralphie among a group of people. Unfortunately it wasn’t until she was right in front of their booth that she saw the center of attention was Justin. She wanted to turn away and go find Alex, who wouldn’t be caught dead around him, but Gina saw her.
“Baby you’re here. Come sit down.” And she pulled Kiki down on the settee before she could protest. Gina’s screeching alerted Justin to her presence and after a brief acknowledgement, he went about ignoring her.
Kiki was nauseous sitting there watching him indulge in the endless amount of alcohol that was being served and the excessive attention his little followers were showering him with, particularly the two women flanking him. They were both throwing themselves at him, whispering in his ear, touching him and he was eating it all up. You would never guess not only did he have a girlfriend, but that she was sitting right across from him watching.
It was like driving by a car crash for Kiki. No matter how hard it was to watch, how deep her hear sank with each passing moment, she couldn’t look away. She wasn’t going to look away until he looked at her, right in her eyes while he continued to treat her like she meant less than nothing to him.
Justin had been feeling like crap these last couple of weeks. With each passing day his relationship with Kiki was breaking down more and more, and it was killing him. All he wanted to do tonight was go out with his friends and drink until he couldn’t remember the name Kiki anymore. His plans were foiled when she not only showed up in the same club as him, but right at the booth he had reserved. Her timing was perfect too, there he was flirting like the playboy his image portrayed, being fondled and propositioned by females left and right. Instead of pushing them away when Kiki joined them, like the good boyfriend he was supposed to be, he wrapped his arms around both girls and pulled them closer. Maybe if he kept pushing the envelope Kiki would put him out of his misery and dump his sorry ass.
Once again he wasn’t that lucky and all she did was stare at him. He could feel her anger and hurt burning from her glare and it was starting to get to him. He was getting angrier, not at her but himself. If it wasn’t for him, if he only had the balls to be honest when his doubts first started they wouldn’t be where they were right now.
Anger and alcohol were never a good combination for Justin and eventually his anger reached its peak. And he exploded, misdirecting it all on Kiki.
“What? What?!” He yelled at her as he sprung forward in his seat, knocking the two women off of him. “So what if I lied, so fuckin’ what? My life doesn’t revolve around you, I don’t owe you shit. I got more important things to worry about than your ass! So why don’t you get off my fuckin’ back and get the fuck gone!”
Those sitting at the booth who were members of the crew, were in shock. After seeing the relationship between Justin and Kiki develop, to watch him talk down to her like that was something they never thought could happen. All the others who didn’t know the couple of course thought it was funny and were snickering and snorting, “trying” to hide their laughter.
Kiki inhaled sharply, feeling like her heart was just crushed by his outburst. He looked furious and his words were so hurtful, she wasn’t even sure she knew the man she was looking at. She wasn’t determined enough and she wasn’t strong enough to sit there in take this no matter how much she wished she was. She quickly bounded out of her seat and rushed to the nearest exit.
“You fuckin’ asshole!” Gina screamed at him and jumped up to follow her. “Kik! Kiki wait!”
Not only was Kiki devastated but she was embarrassed by the way Justin went off on her like that in front of his little entourage. She pushed through the crowded club, frantically looking for an exit, on the brink of tears. She made it down the stairs and was headed towards the main exit, via the bar which had the clearest path when she ran into Alex and Tori.
“Whoa whoa.” Alex grabbed her arms when she bumped into him and a big smile broke out on his face when he realized it was her. “Hey you made it! Tori! Kik’s here.”
“YAY! Kiki’s here. Come on let’s dance.” They both tried to pull her out on the dance floor, oblivious to the tears that were now falling from her eyes.
“No. No guys. I don’t want to dance, I just want to go home.” She forcefully pulled herself from their grip.
“Oh come on -“ Alex started to goad her, but Gina burst through the crowd.
“Kiki! Kiki babe, are you okay?” She turned her around and hugged her close.
“I’m fine.” She pushed away from Gina. “I just wanna go. I just wanna go home.” She cried, no longer able to keep it in.
Alex finally noticed her tears and her sobs and he pulled her over to face him. “What’s wrong? What happened?”
“It doesn’t matter.” She was crying in earnest now, no matter how embarrassing it was to be crying in public, she couldn’t stop. “I just want to go home. I wanna go home.” She sobbed and Alex wrapped her up in his arms. He knew that “home” meant back to LA and he also knew Justin was the reason why his best friend, his little sister, was falling apart in front of him. He could kill him right now.
“Ok, ok honey.” He cooed into her ear. “Come on I’ll go with you back to the hotel.”
“Us too.” Gina linked arms with Tori and they surrounded her as they quickly made their way to the exit.
The four only stopping once when Ralphie finally found Gina and they told him they were leaving. He could see Kiki was upset and he couldn't help but feel sorry for her. They say never mix business with pleasure. He wasn’t done partying so he opted to stay behind and let everyone know they had left for the hotel already.
“Not Justin.” Kiki demanded breaking away from Alex. “I don’t want him to know a fucking thing about me anymore!” And she stormed out of the club.
The girls and Alex hurried out after her and found her hailing a cab. They all climb in and the ride back to the hotel was filled with an uncomfortable silence. Alex, Gina and Tori all suspected that things were only going to get worse after tonight.
They all followed Kiki back to her room and as much as she didn’t want to be coddled right now, she didn’t have enough strength to stop them. All she wanted to do was take a shower, go to bed and hopefully wake up back in LA. Away from Justin and away from this heartache.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Standing in front of his suite and still shaken up from Justin’s verbal attack on her at the club, Kiki was trying to work up enough courage to knock on the door. She could barely hold it together last night let alone retaliate for the things he said to her, but now she just wanted it done so she could get over him and move on with her life. What would happen when he opened the door though? If he opened the door. What would he say to her? Would he berate her even more than he did last night or would he beg her forgiveness and go back to being the caring, considerate guy she fell in love with?
God how she wished they could work this out, she didn’t want to have to end things with him.
“There’s only one way to find out Kiki.” Standing straight and determined she raised her fist and knocked. When the door opened and the person on the other side was revealed, Kiki felt like all that strength and determination was blown out of her like a punch to the gut.
“Can I help you?” A woman wrapped in a sheet asked.
Devastation taking over her whole aura was her only response. She was in shock, she couldn’t speak, she couldn’t even move as she felt what was left of her heart shattering.
“Uh are you okay? Is there something you need?”
“Who’s at the door?” Justin called as he walked into the living room, in nothing but a towel around his waist.
Brown eyes clouded with tears as the unmistakable proof was standing right in front of her. She hadn’t come to the wrong room, Trace wasn’t using Justin’s suite for one of his conquests. This was real, too real and too much for her to handle.
“Who is it?”
“I don’t know she won’t say anything.”
The girl moved out of the way to show Kiki standing in the doorway. A mix of shock and incredible pain was on her face and Justin froze, knowing just from that look, that without a doubt they were over. Just like he thought wanted, but certainly not like this.
When he woke up next to a warm body that wasn’t Kiki’s, it all crashed down on him and he felt sick. The lies he told, ignoring her, his outburst that was unfeeling and callous and now this. He never meant for Kiki to find out about his infidelity, he was about to ask his company to leave and then go find her and beg her forgiveness for the way he’d been treating her. He changed his mind, he didn’t want to end their relationship anymore, no matter what the risk. He’d been miserable and he drank himself into a stupor last night trying to do the impossible, forget her. It killed him to say the things he said to her and he wanted to take it back, take it all back. He wanted a second chance, and last night with the girl was going to be a deep dark secret that he took to the grave. It was too late though. There was no way he could get himself out of this one, but he was going to try.
“Kiki-“ He stepped towards her and she jolted further back into the hallway away from him. She vigorously shook her head, needing him far, far away right now. Justin took the hint and stopped pursuing her.
A tear fell down her cheek and she closed her eyes tight trying not to shed anymore, not in front of these two. A sob choked out of her mouth before she composed herself as much as possible and definitely declared. “Goodbye Justin.” And to everything that we had.
She turned and walked away using the little strength she had left not to running away hysterically or stumble away in pain.
“Was that your girlfriend or something?” The girl closed the door and approached Justin.
Numbly he nodded. “Yeah.”
“Ooh.” She winced. “Sorry.” He only shook his head, it most definitely wasn’t her fault. “I’m just gonna go then.”
“Yeah.” He said with a detached voice.
Blindly he walked to the sofa and dropped into the seat, his eyes still glued to the door where his girlfriend, the woman he loved stood while he broke her heart. He didn’t know how long he stayed there, he wasn’t even aware when his company left. All he could think about was the look on Kiki’s face and the knowledge that he did that to her. The damage was done and now he was alone again. This time he could only blame himself.
Despite the pain and the tears clouding her vision, Kiki made it to Alex’s room without breaking down. As soon as he saw the state she was in, her face streaked with tears, her arms wrapped around her body as she trembled. He rushed her into the room.
Sky was in the room lounging and Alex asked him to leave. He could clearly see Kiki was a mess and left without question. He had a feeling what was wrong anyway, word was already spreading about the argument between her and Justin last night, not to mention the state their relationship was in lately. Drama of the worse kind, broken hearts, was about the hit the Justified tour.
The door closed behind Sky and Kiki burst into tears in Alex’s arms. He moved them over to the bed and held her as she told him the whole story through her sobs - Justin pushing her away, his lies, and finally seeing the aftermath of his infidelity with her own two eyes.
“That son of a bitch!” Alex fumed and tried to launch off the bed, ready to go after him. His anger toward the guy, who was becoming a good friend of his, had been mounting since last night after Kiki went to bed and he got the details about the outburst from Gina. But this was the icing on the cake.
“No please don’t. It…He’s not worth it.” She grabbed his shirt and pulled him back down. “Just, just hold me. Please Alex.” She sounded so sad and broken. He immediately wrapped her up in his arms, holding he close, wanting to shield her from this heartache. She started sobbing again and he slowly rocked her back and forth, placing soothing kissed on the top of her head. “Shhh. It’s okay honey. It’ll be okay.”
Her puffy and blotchy face, turned up to his and she asked. “What’s wrong with me? Why do they always hurt me?”
“Nothing is wrong with you.” He replied adamantly. “You are one of the most beautiful, loving, loyal people I know.” He stroked her face, wiping away the tears that continued to fall. “If I could find a guy like you…..You are not to blame for Devon or Justin’s fuck ups. It’s all on them and it’s their lose. Justin is going to regret losing you.”
Silently Kiki cried herself to sleep in Alex’s arms. He settled her in the bed and used the opportunity to call Sky and ask if he could hang with Marty and Ralphie for the afternoon. He and the others had seen enough of the pain she was going through. That accomplished, he climbed back into the bed with Kiki and held her through her fitful sleep until it was time for them to get back on the road.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
As they say, the band played on and the tour continued to move forward. Fortunately there were only a few weeks left before they were back in LA. In the meantime, Kiki had gone from her sassy, bubbly self to a girl who forced smiles in public, but cried herself to sleep every night. Justin was pretty much in the same state, he had started drink more and nothing, not even his work made him happy. It was only a miracle of God that made it possible for him and Kiki to still work. They were consummate professionals when working, but the minute the music went off there was a football field’s worth of space between them. Unless it was work related Kiki was never in the same vicinity as Justin, it was like he did exist to her for those moments.
It helped that no one around them was talking about it, trying to keep the collateral damage to a minimal. They all knew the relationship was over and ended badly, but they didn’t know why. Alex and Trace were the only ones who knew the truth.
“Hey man.” Trace approached Alex during rehearsal one day. “How’s she doin’? Is she okay?” He nodded over to Kiki who was trying to look happy among the girls as they talked while waiting to go through the next routine.
Alex sighed deeply. “No, she’s not. She’s just good at putting on a brave face. At least for those who don’t know any better.”
“I can’t believe this happened.” He thought his best friend had finally found the “one”.
“Did he tell you everything that happened?”
“Yeah he told me.” He rubbed his eyes, thinking about when he found Justin drunk and crying on his bus in the middle of the afternoon. He blurted it all out to him, begging Trace to tell him what to do.
**************************************************************
"I’m going to be perfectly honest with you man. I don’t think you can fix this. I don’t even know what you were thinking about pulling all that shit in the first place. For months you were trippin’ because you thought you couldn’t have Kiki. When you got her, you acted like you couldn’t be away from her for more than a minute and then you go and cheat on her? What the fuck was going on in your head J?"
***************************************************************
“I don’t get it. He had a good thing, a great thing with her and he fucked it all up.”
“Yup he did.” Alex said without a bit of sympathy for Justin. “Listen this is really nobody’s business so can you not say anything to anyone? Especially our friends back home, Kiki really doesn’t want them to know. She doesn’t want to deal with that drama. You know with Tami dating Joey and her and Maya being real cool with JC lately. She doesn’t want anyone to feel like they have to choose sides.”
“Yeah whatever she needs. I definitely won’t say anything. I know how that is, I’m living it. Justin’s my brother. What he did was wrong, I told him that much, but I also know he’s hurting too.” Alex glared at him. “Hey, hey. I’m not defending him. I’m just saying.”
“He brought it on himself.” Alex stressed. “Do, not just Kiki a favor but Justin too, and keep him away from her. It's bad enough that she has to work with him everyday without him trying to alleviate his conscious and fix something that can’t be fixed.”
Trace nodded understanding where he was coming from and agreeing. His best friend screwed up and there was no forgive and forget. “I’m sorry man.”
Alex genuinely smiled at Trace, knowing he was feeling guilt by association. “It’s not your fault and it’s cool.” They clutched hands and gave each other a pat. “We just gotta get them both through this tour in one piece.” He sighed, feeling like it was daunting task to oversee.
It wasn’t the healthiest solution, but Kiki forced herself to be so emotionally numb to the whole situation that after awhile it made things almost bearable. She still had her crying spells, but she was surviving. The girls were always coming up with things for them to do while traveling, anything to keep her mind occupied and Kiki was thankful for that. It kept Justin locked away in the back of her mind, but only briefly. Something always managed to come up in conversation or catch her eyes that reminded her of him. The reminders depressed her, but it was a lot easier to deal with than having him in her face. Thankful he was keeping his distance.
Kiki didn’t know though that Justin wasn’t staying away from her by choice. At first he wanted desperately to talk to her, but he was afraid to hear her say she hated him, as she should. So he stayed away, but his heartache was becoming too much and he needed to have some sort of contact with her other than performing dance routines. He didn’t care if it resulted in her cussing him out or slapping him even. Anything was better than nothing. But every time he tried to approach her either Trace was telling him to leave it alone or Alex was getting in his face warning him away from her. The girls were doing a good job of playing guard dog and defender of Kiki as well. They’d glare at him, murmured “asshole” under their breath when he passed them. It pissed him off, like he needed to be reminded of something he was well aware of, but at the same time he deserved worse. Still all he wanted was to talk to Kiki, just once to let her know how sorry he was. Until that happened he wasn’t going to stop looking for an opening.
He eventually got one when he saw her coming down the venue hallway right as he was leaving his dressing room. And just his luck, she was all alone.
Kiki was walking around backstage coming from the bathroom and heading back to the green room. Her head was downcast, something she’s been doing a lot lately that was completely out of character for the old normal Kiki. She felt like she hadn’t been normal Kiki in a long time. Glancing up just to make sure she wasn’t about to run into anything, she saw Justin coming out of his dressing room and her steps faltered. She wanted to turn around and run back into the bathroom, but what good would that do? He could always follow her in. No she had to keep walk, pretend like he wasn’t there and get back to the green room where she could find someone to shield her from him.
Standing tall this time, she kept her sights straight ahead and walked swiftly towards him. Not even acknowledging his presence.
Justin stared at her for a moment. She looked so beautiful, she always did, but at the same time he could read the sadness in her demeanor. He just wanted to beg her forgiveness, holding her and make it all go away. “Kiki.” He called to her when she passed him without a word or glance. He followed her until he was with arms reach and grabbed her hand to stop her. “Kiki baby.”
She froze and violently shook her hand out of his grasp. “Don’t touch me.” She wouldn’t even look at him, she stayed facing forward. “Just leave me alone.” She said each word as if they pained her to say them.
He didn’t stop her again as she practically ran from him. He knew he was hurting her even more with his persistence, but he had to try. He had screwed up in so many ways but he wanted to fix this, fix them. Most of all he wanted to finally tell her the truth. That he did love her, truly loved her. If it didn’t bring her back to him, he’d find a way to go on without her, but he just wanted her to know that what they shared was real and that he’d never stop loving her.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
After their run in, Justin didn’t approach her again, but it didn’t stop him from staring at her all the time. Kiki felt like she was under a microscope and it was becoming very uncomfortable. Work was becoming difficult as well when Justin’s touch would linger like it used to when they were together. When they took second breaks whenever someone called a time out for a loose shoelace or something, instead backing up, he stayed press up against her. Kiki couldn’t breathe with him hovering all the time lately. She couldn’t take being around him anymore so she made her final decision.
Justin was seated at the bar in his suite, talking shop with Johnny. One more weeks and the first leg of the tour would be over. They were talking final projections for this leg and expected projection over in Europe. It looked like he was becoming a bona fid solo success worldwide. For some reason he couldn’t muster the same enthusiasm Johnny obviously had. His already dejected mood took another hit when Johnny was reviewing some of the business that needed to be take care in LA.
“I schedule the audition for next Wednesday. Will you be able to fly in or should I just conduct it myself?”
“What audition?”
“For your new dance partner.” Johnny stated what he thought was the obvious.
“What? I already have a partner.”
“Not for the next leg you don’t.” He reminded.
“Wait what?”
“Uh Kiki Lewis. She declined the offer to continue on with the tour in Europe.” Johnny started searching through the paperwork for the end contract that Kiki had signed. Just to make sure he wasn’t mistaken. He would have thought the young woman would have told Justin her decision by now. “You did know that didn’t you?”
Justin’s head was spinning. She was leaving the tour? Why? She loved dancing and despite their relationship being a mess, they worked so well together. She couldn’t leave the tour. She couldn’t leave him.
“Justin. Justin. You still there?”
“Uh yeah sorry was just remembering when Kiki told me she wouldn’t be going to Europe with us.” He lied. “I blanked for a minute there.”
“Oh alright. Well should I book you a flight to come in for the audition or should I take care of it?”
“No you take care of it.” He glanced at the clock and saw that he had to be at the venue soon for sound check. Good because there was someone he had to have a serious talk with. “Listen I gotta get to the arena in a little bit. Got some business of my own to take care of. We’ll finish this conversation tomorrow.”
They parted ways and after closing his cell phone, Justin threw it across the room. Luckily it didn’t break, but he could care less right about now. He was livid. It seemed like Kiki was leaving him high and dry without even telling him. What was she planning for him to find out when she didn’t show up for check in after the break? How dare she leave his tour, she was the best damn dancer he had, how the hell would they find a replacement good enough?
Fuming, he grabbed his bag, swiped his cell off the floor and stormed out of the room to Lonnie and Eric’s across from him.
He banged on the door and shouted. “Let’s go!”
They got to the arena and Justin didn’t even wait for his bodyguards to follow. He charged through the hallways looking for any crew members. He found some sound guy and he told him the band and the dancers were already on stage. Flicking the curtains out of the way, Justin rushed onto the stage and scanned the area for Kiki. He spotted her smiling and laughing, having a good ol’ time with the people surrounding her and his anger flared. He stomped over to her and grabbed her upper arm, whipping her around to face him.
“What the hell are you doing? Are you trying to ruin me? Are you so fuckin’ bitter that you’re trying to ruin my career?”
“What the hell are you talking about? And let go of me.” She yanked her arm out of his grasp.
“You dropped out of the tour!” His voice seemed to boom through the whole arena. The news that Kiki was hoping to reveal at a later time to her friends and co workers, had them all shocked.
Her anger flared. “What did you expect when I can’t stand to be around you?” She hissed in his face.
That hurt especially when simply being around her was the only thing that made him happy anymore. His anger immediately dies down when he remembered that he brought this on himself. She was leaving because he broke her heart and it hurt too much to be around him any longer.
Signaling for him to follow her, Kiki charged backstage, not wanting to have this argument in front of everyone.
“How could you do this to me?” He asked in desperation. She was leaving him - that was all he could think. The little contact he still had with her would be gone.
“I didn’t do anything to you. You did this! You pushed me away. You cheated on me. The only thing I did was love you, stick by you and stupidly, let you fuck me!” She exclaimed in a quiet yell.
Her word hit hard again. She made what they shared seem so cheap. “Don’t say that, please baby. I love you okay. I love you, I do.” He finally confessed, but it was too late.
Tears were in her eyes and she looked at him with such sadness and defeat that it pierced his heart. “How am I supposed to believe that now? If you loved me how could you have done this to me?” She cried.
“I’m so sorry. Please baby. Please believe me. I love you. I’m so fuckin’ sorry. I was just scared. I didn’t want to get hurt again, but I don’t care anymore. I just want you back. Please baby, please forgive me.” He grabbed the sides of her face and forced her to look at him as he begged her.
“No..” She closed her eyes trying to fight her heart’s pull back towards him. Reasons for why she had to leave were flying through her mind. A sharp stab of pain hit her when flashbacks of finding that girl at his door bombarded her. She shook her head trying to block out the painful images and his pleas. “No, I can’t.” She ripped herself away from him. She couldn’t believe anything he said anymore. He lied, he cheated and he lost her trust. “It’s too late, you’ve done too much damage. I can’t….. It’s over.” She backed away from him before rushing down the hallway, bailing out on practice. It didn’t matter anymore. One more week and this would all be over with.
Justin watched her run away from him once again and he fell back against the wall. Bending over, he braced his hands on his knees when he felt like his legs would give out on him. It hit him that he had really lost her, she was going back to home in a week. And he didn’t know how he was going to deal with never seeing her again.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Tomorrow the tour would be arriving back in LA and Kiki would be performing on a stage in front of thousands for the last time. She was sad that she had to leave the thrill of performing and the people she was out on that stage with, but she was too relieved to be going home. She needed to be away from it all and take the time to heal.
She was packing her luggage, reminiscing whenever she put away something that she got while on this tour. She had already packed those items that Justin had gotten for her, deep in her duffle so she wouldn’t have to look at them again. No matter how broken her heart was she couldn’t get rid of them, so out of sight out of mind. Thinking about that now only made her more anxious to get home and she started packing faster.
Stuffing her last rolled up pair of jeans in her pulley suitcase, she heard the electronic clicking of the door unlocking.
“Hello lovey.” Tori didn’t come in the room, but she stood in the doorway with a big grin on her face. “Up for some company?”
Curiosity peaked, Kiki shrugged. “Sure.”
Tori opened the door wider and all the dancers, the back up singers and the band filed into the room with pizza boxes and cases of beer.
“Since you won’t come out with us after the show in LA “ which is cool, we understand “ we decided to come to you.” Sky explained as everyone spread themselves out in the double hotel room. Taking any available chairs, piling on the beds and bunking out on the floor, food and drinks were being passed around as everyone chatted happily.
“Here we got a whole pepperoni and mushroom pizza for you and a case of Heineken.” Alex gave her the box and set the case next to her on the bedside table.
“Aww thanks. I’ll pass on the beer though. I want to enjoy the drive back to LA, not spend it puking my guts out in the bus bathroom.” She opened the pizza box and dug in like everyone else.
“More for us then.”
“So I see you’re packed already. In that of a hurry to get away from us?” Ruben, the bass player, only half joked. They all knew she was in a hurry to get away from someone in particular.
“You know it. Ya’ll done got on my damn nerves.” She cracked and a collective laugh filled the room.
“We’re gonna miss you Kik.” Sarah pouted.
She smiled sadly. “I’m going to miss you guys too.” Gina who was sitting next to her, wrapped an arm around her and hugged her. “Make sure you take it easy on Europe and the new girl.”
“You know we gotta initiate her, but after that we’ll be nice. For you.” Marty winked at her and she giggled. She was happy to see him there. He and Trace were Justin’s close friends, but they both maintained their friendship with her.
“Poor girl.” Kiki quipped was a mocking piteous shake off her head. “Alright no more discussing my impending departure. I hate goodbyes, so - I see you guys brought some movies with you. Let’s watch.”
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
The last US show and Kiki’s last performance on the Justified tour was over. It was sad to see it end, but the situation she was in needed to. Her emotional and mental state was at stake and a person could only take so much.
Backstage, it seemed like everyone was lining up to say their goodbyes to her. She lost count of how many people she said bye and gave hugs to. Tori, Gina and Sarah reaffirmed their lunch plans with her for later in their break when they returned to LA after visiting their families. As everyone was scurrying around to get out of there and start their long overdue vacation with an after party at Les Duex, Kiki spotted Trace approaching her through the crowd.
“Hey.”
“Hi.”
“So this is it huh?”
“Yup. It’s the end of the road of me.”
“Its not gonna be the same.” She nodded solemnly. “I’m sorry Kiki.”
“Don’t be, it…it just wasn’t meant to work out.” She shrugged nonchalantly, trying to keep the tears at bay. She didn’t want to think about the way things between her and Justin fell apart. “But hey you take care of yourself overseas. Don’t get into any trouble.”
“Where’s the fun in that.” He grinned devilishly.
She laughed briefly followed by a somber sigh. “It was nice getting to know you Tracey.”
“You too Kik.” He gave her a grim smile, thinking how unfortunate it was that she and Justin didn’t make it. She really was a great girl for his brother. “Give me a call ever now and again let me know you’re still alive.”
“Oh please you’re gonna be too busy manwhoring around Europe.”
He shrugged not deny her accusation at all. “What can I say I’m aspiring to be el chulo de todas las naciones.”
Kiki cracked up laughing. Trace joined in and for a moment it felt like they could stop. They were finally able to get it under control and Kiki sighed. “You are crazy, you really are Tracey.” He gave her a mocking little bow. “Come here give me a hug.”
They embraced each other and then pulled away to start going their separate ways.
“I’ll see ya later Kik.”
“Yeah see ya.”
Kiki went back to the dressing room to retrieve her belongings and take a quick shower. She just wanted to go find her family, who had come to the final show, and finally go home. With her luggage dragging behind her, she found her mother, father, Derek and Rhea, and Maya waiting in the meet and greet room with all the other families of the LA native crew members. She’d never been happier to see her family and she wanted so badly to run into her mother’s arms and finally cry her heart out. She kept it together though, at least her tears, but she did rush over to them.
“Mamí, Daddy.”
Her family turned their attention from mingling with the others in the room towards the door when they hear her voice.
Kiki was greeted with smiles and cheers of her name before they engulfed her in hugs and kisses.
“You were absolutely beautiful on that stage baby.” Frederick beamed with pride.
“And you looked hot hermanita.”
“Thanks.” Cause I certainly don’t feel hot.
“It’s so good to have you back home.” Nina cupped her face and kissed her cheek.
“It’s good to be home. I can’t wait to sleep in my own bed again.”
“How long is your break?” Derek asked, taking her luggage off her hands.
“Uh two weeks.” She lied. Now was definitely not the time to tell them that she was no longer on the tour.
“Hey where’s Alex?” Nina asked and Kiki smiled at the sound of her mother’s thick accent that was so familiar and soothing.
“I don’t know. Hey Sky!” She called to the other dancer who was getting the same welcome from his family. “Sky this is my family. Family this is Sky Hoffman.”
“Nice to meet all of you. I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“Sky was Alex still in the dressing room when you left?”
“Yeah he should be out soon.”
“Thanks. You have a good break.”
“You too.” He winked at her and she smiled warmly.
“We met you friend Sarah while we were waiting. She seems like a nice girl.”
“Yeah everyone on the tour is great. We had a good time working and not working.”
“Speaking of which “ where’s your boss, Justin.” Maya hint at, a devious smirk on her face.
“Yeah we’d love to meet him. Your sister showed me some of his music videos. He’s a very good artist and very handsome.” Nina nudged her and arched her eyebrows. Kiki just smiled uncomfortably.
“Yeah he’s mighty fine Kik.” Maya teased and Kiki glared at her. The look didn’t go unnoticeable by her either. What was that all about?
“Sorry but Justin’s got a lot of post show press so you won’t be able to meet him.”
“Oh that’s too-“
“Hey!” Alex loudly made his presence known and Kiki was thankful when everyone’s attention diverted to him.
Alex was wrapped up in hugs much like her and once everyone got there fill, they all confirmed that their previous plans for dinner were still a go.
As they were walking to the exit, Kiki felt eyes on her and turned around to see Justin watching her.
Justin winced at the sight of her when he first came out of his room. He had gone straight there after the show and stayed until he thought everyone was gone so he wouldn’t have to watch Kiki leave him for good. His timing was off, way off, and now he couldn’t take his eyes off of her and her family. He took a good look at them all and could correctly identify her parents “ Nina and Frederick, her siblings “ Derek and Maya. They were smiling and laughing, obviously happy to have their baby girl and sister home. A deep pang of regret and loss struck him when he remembered that he was supposed to be meeting them and joining them for dinner, for the first of many times.
Their eyes stayed locked for what seemed like forever. Sadness, longing and lastly regret passed through that look. They had their chance to be really good together and for each other, but now that chance was gone. They were going in different directions and they probably would never cross paths again.
