It was going to be Cheyenne’s first real Christmas; one that she’d be actually conscious of and genuinely enjoy. It was supposed to be a happy time for Kiki, decorating, running around playing Santa, getting Cheyenne's presents and thinking about how excited she was going to be when she opened them. Instead she was nursing a sick toddler through the up and coming holiday yuletides. Cheyenne had been to the doctor’s already and was declared flu-ridden. He put her on antibiotics and gave Kiki some home care instructions. After finishing those antibiotics and spending a week at home, Cheyenne was back to herself. Unfortunately her good health didn’t last long and it took her less time to get sick again than it did for her to get better.
Kiki was in the middle of teaching class when Karen, the daycare manager, called her to come and check on Cheyenne because she didn’t look well. Kiki immediately cancelled class and went to see what was going on. The minute she saw her baby sitting in Karen’s lap, looking pale and groggy, Kiki took her out of daycare and they went to her office to call her doctor and see if he could squeeze them in. Unfortunately, the nurse informed her that the doctor was out of the office for the day. Taking her advice that according to the symptoms she described, it was just a relapse, Kiki took Cheyenne home for a little TLC. She scheduled an appointment for tomorrow so Cheyenne could get on another round of antibiotics and until then Kiki was sure she’d be fine.
Dinner time came around and despite Cheyenne’s lack of appetite all day, Kiki was going to try once more to get some solids into her.
“Alright Pixie face. Mommy’s got some yummy chicken and stars for you.”
With a Backyardigans lap tray in her hands, Kiki walked into the den, where she left Cheyenne watching a movie, to find her asleep. As much as she knew her baby needed to rest, she needed to eat even more. Setting the food on the coffee table, Kiki sat on the edge of the couch next to her and tried to wake her.
“Come one sweetheart its time to eat.” Getting no response, Kiki stroked the side of her face and felt her skin burning up. “Oh God.” Panic welling up inside of her, Kiki frantically checked her neck, chest and back for a fever. She was so hot that she was sweating and Kiki went into full panic mode. Only minutes ago she was fairly okay, for her to take a turn for the worse so quickly, she knew something was terribly wrong. “Cheyenne baby, wake up for Mommy.” Again she got no response, so with a shaky hand, Kiki checked her pulse. Thankfully she had a steady on, but they still needed to get to the hospital immediately.
Wrapping her listless body in her blanket, Kiki clutched Cheyenne to her chest and jetted out of the den. Not even bothering to put anything on her feet and barely swipe her purse off the side table, she hurried out of the condo. Practically running down to the garage, she strapped Cheyenne into her seat, jumped into the driver’s side and sped off to the emergency room at Cedars Sinai.
Unconcerned with her car parked in a no-park zone, Kiki got Cheyenne out of the back and ran into the ER, making a b-line for the front desk.
In a terror filled voice, she exclaimed to the receptionist. “Please help me. My daughter is burning up and she won’t wake up.”
There may have been a waiting room full of people ahead of the young woman, but an unconscious child was most critical. “Okay Ma’am, a nurse is on the way.” The receptionist voice was calm and collective in an attempt to relax the frantic mother as she reached over and pressed the call button for assistance.
Seconds later, a nurse opened the hospital floor door and hurriedly herded Kiki into triage. Reaching an examination room, reluctantly she released Cheyenne into the care of the hospital staff. Like a zombie in a daze, she stood to the side, tears running down her face, as she watched the nurse put Cheyenne on the bed and start hooking her up to monitors and IVs. She wasn’t even aware that a doctor had entered the room until he started asking her questions.
“What’s your daughter’s name Ma’am? How old is she?”
On autopilot, she responded. “Cheyenne Lewis. She’s 20 months old.”
After checking a few of her vitals the doctor grabbed the electronic thermometer and gently placed the probe in Cheyenne’s lax mouth. “Was she sick before this?”
“Yes. She had the flu, but after she finished her antibiotics she was fine. Until today.” A machine started beeping and Kiki felt her heart jump into her throat. It may have been the thermometer instead of the heart monitor, but the resulting number flashing on the screen didn’t ease her fear. “Oh God 103! What’s wrong with her? What’s wrong with my baby?!”
“We’re going to find that out. Just calm down Ma’am.”
Suddenly the machine beeped again and the nurse notified the doctor. “Sir.”
He looked up and muttered. “Damn.”
Kiki had already turned her attention to the monitor and even without his explicit, she knew Cheyenne was not doing well at all. Her temperature had jumped to 104.
“Okay keep pushing that antibiotic and get some ice packs. We have to bring her temp down stat!”
Feeling her world begin to splinter at the thought of losing her child, Kiki watched, froze as nurses started rushing in and out of the room with ice packs and were covering Cheyenne’s tiny body with them. One nurse started drawing multiple tubes of blood and every alarm inside of Kiki set off, waking her out of her daze.
Running on instinct, all she could think was that she needed to get to her baby, her baby needed her. “Cheyenne!” Kiki yelped and tried to rush through the mass of nurses, but as if she expected her charge, one of them whirled around and stopped her.
“Ma’am please you have to stay back.”
“I have to be with my daughter!”
“Ma’am please. The doctor is doing everything he can for her, but he can’t do that if you’re in the way.” The nurse besought Kiki as she gently pushing her out of the room. “Just please follow me.”
Kiki let the nurse direct her to the triage’s waiting room knowing her resistance would only make it harder for Cheyenne to get the best care possible.
Dropping into one of the plastic seats, she closed her eyes and started breathing deeply. Please God, please. Don’t…Don’t let anything happen to her. Please get her through this. Please protect her.
The nurse had left her side for a moment to get an aide to assist the little girl’s mother so she could get back to her patient.
“Excuse me Miss.” The aide approached the woman with silent tears running down her face. Being a mother herself she sympathized with her right now. “My name is Amy. Is there anything I can do for you? Is there anyone I can call?”
Kiki opened her bloodshot eyes and looked up at the aide. Right now the only thing she wanted was for this not to be happening, but this woman had no control over that. However, she could definitely make a phone call for her because she was sure she would breakdown before she got a word out. “Yeah um, can you call my parents?” She muttered out, tears distorting her voice.
“Sure Miss.” Amy took Kiki’s offered cell phone and finding “Mamí and Daddy” on her contact list, she went to the nearby nurse’s station to place the call “Hi. My name is Amy Baker. I’m a nurse’s aide here at Cedars Sinai and I’m calling to….”
The conversation faded into the background once Kiki knew her parents were being notified and no doubt on their way. She couldn’t wait until they were here because right now she needed them more than any other time in her life. Her mind was all over the place, going over every possible scenario that could explain what was happening to her child and what she could have done differently to prevent this. All she did know was that she felt completely helpless and utterly terrified. The possibility for the worse thing to happen in her life was knocking at her front door “ her baby’s life was in jeopardy and she couldn’t stop it.
“Okay Miss. They said that they’re on their way.” Kiki wiped her damp eyes and took her phone back. “I know the last thing you want to do right now is paperwork, but it’s a necessary pain in the ass.” Amy quipped with a smile trying to ease her anxiety.
Kiki looked at the clipboard with the forms attached to it. All that information they needed that was completely useless to Cheyenne. They didn’t tell what was wrong with her or how to fix it, but she had to fill them out to ensure those questions got answered. So Kiki took the clipboard and pen, and after retrieving her insurance information from her purse, she quickly finished the forms.
She was left alone again when Amy went to process the information and it was another fifteen minutes before a man in a lab coat, obviously a doctor approached her.
“Hi Ms. Lewis. I’m Dr. Harry Sabine. How are you?” He wore a warm smile and his demeanor was so welcoming that despite her turmoil, she cracked a polite smile.
“I’ve been better.” She shrugged and sniffling slightly, she wiped her nose with the tissue Amy had given her. “What’s happening to my daughter?”
“Well...” He opened his coat and sat in the seat next to her. “She’s still unconscious, but that’s just her body’s way of protecting itself. Conserving her energy so she can fight this infection. Her temperature is still elevated, but is has stabilized and we have moved her to an isolation room up on the fourth floor. The room is built in a way that minimizes the risk of further infection and at this time only authorized personnel, including myself have access to the room. I know it sounds like a prison or something, but it’s just a safer environment that gives us more control over the situation. And that betters our chances of breaking her fever all together. Okay?” Kiki nodded, telling him that she was following his clear and concise explanation. The thought of Cheyenne being so sick and separated from her was heartbreaking, but she was prepared to do whatever necessary to help her daughter get well. “Now I need, Cheyenne needs you to keep an open, positive mind when I tell you this.” Kiki tensed as her fear mounted again, but she stayed calm. Whatever was coming she had to keep it together. “I’m a pediatric oncologist and after reviewing your daughter’s blood work results, I found that Cheyenne’s white blood cell count, which is the number of immune cells in her blood, is very low. That in combination with her flu like symptoms and some bruising we found - overlooked I’m sure because evidence like that is usually contributed to normal toddler aged clumsiness.” He took a moment before revealing what potentially could break this almost despondent mother, and put a comforting hand on her forearm. “I believe that Cheyenne has acute myeloid leukemia.”
Kiki’s mouth parted sharply as the breath was knocked out of her. She felt like her world was crumbling around her, her heart was slamming painfully into her chest and she couldn’t catch her breath. Oh God, oh God no. Please no. Not my baby. Please, please let this be a nightmare. She started sobbing out loud and in earnest, her body shaking in devastation.
Watching the young woman fall apart at the news, Dr. Sabine grabbed her hand in a show of consolation. He was a father of two himself, he could only image the pain she was experiencing right now.
“Kiki!” A male voice caught their attention and Kiki’s eyes darted in the direction of her parents walking toward her.
“Daddy!” She rushed out of her chair and stumbled into Frederick’s open arms, sobbing into his chest.
“Oh God hijita. What’s wrong?” What’s happened to Cheyenne?” Nina asked, arriving at Kiki’s side with her husband and wrapping her arms around them both.
Neither she nor her husband had ever seen their baby girl like this, she was always so strong. As Frederick held their child, immense fear came over them both at the state Kiki was in. Something was gravely wrong.
Dr. Sabine saw that Kiki was unable to answer them at the moment, so he took it upon himself to explain. “Excuse me. I’m Dr. Harry Sabine. I’m Cheyenne’s oncologist.” He extended a hand to Nina as he tried to reveal his identity with ease.
Nina stuttered in her return of the hand shake and reply. “On-Oncologist?”
Kiki pulled away from her parents then. “Cheyenne has leukemia.” She blurted out, trying uselessly to wipe away her insistent tears.
“Oh dear God.” Nina gasped.
Fredrick let out a hard exhalation and looking down at Kiki, he caressed her face, trying to soothe her. It was worse than all the possibilities that had been running through his mind since they got the phone call. “How could this happen?”
“To be honest sir, we don’t know.”
“It’s Frederick and Nina. Lewis.”
“Mr. and Mrs. Lewis we don’t know the cause of this particular form of leukemia especially when it effect children as young as Cheyenne, but we do know how to treat it.”
“And that is?” Kiki, now more composed, asked. She had to keep herself leveled and focused for her daughter. No matter what she would always stay strong for Cheyenne, her baby, her purpose.
“Uh, how about we sit down?” He gestured to a group of seats. They all moved further into the lobby and Dr. Sabine grabbed a chair, placing it in front of the family so they all could see him as he explained.
“For this type of leukemia, that attacks the bone marrow, the best treatment is intense chemotherapy and once all the cancer cells have been destroyed, a bone marrow transplant to replace the lost immune cells.”
No relief was offered to Kiki when the options were reviewed because she knew that “a sibling is her best chance at a donor match right?” She sighed dejectedly. “Something she doesn’t have.” As far as she knew, Justin had no other children. I guess I’ll be finding out for sure very soon.
“Yes the ideal donor is a sibling, but any blood relative can be a match. A stranger could be a match, I mean that’s why we have the National Bone Marrow Registry.”
“And every possible donor on that list will be checked right?” Frederick inquired, almost demanded.
“Absolutely. I just need Kiki’s authorization to put Cheyenne on the bone marrow transplant list.” He looked at the now much more composed mother.
“You have it without question.” She nodded vigorously.
“Then I’ll take care of that, but as I said that’s just one source for donors. I need your help for the other.” Kiki, Nina and Frederick listened avidly ready to get right on whatever they had to do to help Cheyenne. “I need you all to get yourselves tested and get in contact with all immediate family and local friends so that they can be tested as well. That’s possible right?”
“Yes.” They answered in unison.
Dr. Sabine smiled encouragingly. “Good then I’ll go do my part and you go do yours. Together we’ll to our best get Cheyenne healthy again.” They all nodded their compliance. “Alright let’s get on it.” Like a football team breaking from their huddle, they all stood up prepared to do their part. “As soon as you’re ready you can go right up to the fourth floor. There's a family room adjacent to the isolation room so you can at least keep an eye on Cheyenne. We’ll meet back up there.”
“Thank you Dr. Sabine. Thank you so much for everything you’re doing for my daughter.”
“You’re welcome Ms. Lewis. I promise you I will do my best for her.” Kiki gave him a thankful smile and suddenly reached over to hug him. This was the man that was going to save her daughter, she had to hug him. He accepted the embrace and then excused himself.
Breathing deeply and gathering all her courage to prepare for this battle for Cheyenne, Kiki turned to her parents and they started dividing up a contact list.
“Okay I’ll call Derek and Maya. You call Tami and Marissa, and….”
“I’ll call Lynn and Paul.” Kiki interrupted her mother’s instructions.
“Are you sure honey? We can make all the phone calls.”
“No. I have to make this one especially because I need her to make a phone call of her own. The most important one.”
Nina and Frederick looked at Kiki, knowing she was about to open herself back up to feelings she had put aside since before Cheyenne’s birth. This crisis was about to reunite a lot of people and bring a lot of emotions back to the surface for all of them.
“Come on we have to go to a cell phone friendly area. There’s one down here.” She pointed to the hallway next to the waiting room and together they made their way to the designated area.
Each taking a corner of the room to make their calls, Kiki stood in hers and composed herself before speed dialed the familiar number.
“Hello,” answered the tired southern drawl over the line.
“Lynn, its Kiki.”
Lynn sat up in her bed, feeling a wave of apprehension come over her considering the hour Kiki was calling, not to mention the tremble in her voice. “Hi honey. Are you alright? Is everything okay?” Her sudden movement and shine from her bedside light being turned on woke Paul.
Reining in her tears, Kiki continued the conversation. “No it’s not. I need you to get in touch with Justin and ask him to get to Cedars Sinai now. I need you and Paul here too.”
Knowing she would only ask for Justin under one condition, Lynn’s apprehension went straight to fear. “Something’s happened to Cheyenne.” It was a statement not a question.
Kiki explained to Lynn what had happened and what the doctors had found out from Cheyenne’s blood test results and the treatment she needed, specifically that everyone including Justin needed to be tested for a donor match.
While dressing herself and throwing clothes at Paul, Lynn assured Kiki that even though he was in New York, he would be at the hospital as soon as possible even if she had to go get him herself.
Once their conversation ended, Kiki left her parents to finish their calls and went to the fourth floor ahead of them. She may not be able to sit at Cheyenne’s side, but right now she needed to be as close to her as possible.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Hurrying out of the house, Lynn and Paul rushed to their car while she dialed Justin’s cell.
“Helloooo,” the clearly inebriated voice answered. Rolling her eyes and cursing she hung up on him, knowing in his state nothing she said would get through. Instead she called Lonnie, he no doubt would be capable of getting her son out of wherever he was and back to LA.
“Lonnie.”
“Hi, this is Ms. Lynn, hun I need you to listen carefully okay? This is an emergency.” She said calmly, not wanting to get herself worked up about the message she had to pass on. “Lonnie wherever Justin is now, you have to get him out of there and on the next flight back to LA. Sober him up however possible and get him to Cedars Sinai ASAP.”
When Lynn said it was an emergency, Lonnie immediately started scanning the VIP crowd for Justin and the nearest exit. His eyes landed on Eric who was at the bar talk with one of the club’s bartenders. Making eye contact Lonnie gave the signal for him to get the car and pull it up to the side entrance. His attention never fully leaving the conversation, he asked, “What’s wrong Ms. Lynn, are you okay? Is Paul okay?”
“Everything’s fine with me and Paul.” She took a deep breath before she continued to calm her nerves. “It’s Cheyenne.” Being a witness to most of Justin’s benders lately, Lonnie knew from his drunken babbling that he had a kid and at the mention of her name, the seriousness of the situation was driven home. “She’s in the hospital and Justin needs to get there immediately to get tested for a donor match.” Lynn’s next words made Lonnie very fearful for the little tyke. “She’s been diagnosed with leukemia.” She choked out suddenly feeling overwhelmed by the emotions she was trying to control.
Seeing his wife’s distress, Paul reached over to gently rub her back and in return she gave him a hollow smile. The brief look they shared conveyed all the fear they both felt at the thought of the danger their granddaughter’s life was in.
Without further hesitation, Lonnie headed toward Justin and his entourage’s table while promising Lynn that he would be on the next flight out. “I’m on it Ms. Lynn, Justin will be in on the next flight to LA.”
Ending the phone call with a “Thank You” Lynn let out a small sigh of relief. At least Justin would be arriving at the hospital soon, and then the only thing they could do was pray for a match. Oh God, please, let there be a match somewhere. We can’t lose Cheyenne.
Stopping briefly in his pursuit to get to Justin, Lonnie called Eric. “Hey are you at the car yet?”
“Yeah what’s up?”
“We gotta get back to LA right now. I’ll explain later, but I need you to call JFK and La Guardia and get us five spots on the earliest flight that we can make in time.”
“Got it.”
They hung up and Lonnie continued to barge through the crowd towards the table. Reaching Justin’s side, he immediately grabbed him up out of his seat and quickly ordered. “Let’s go.”
“Hold up man. What going on? It ain’t time to go yet.” Justin asked, while trying to pry his arm out of Lonnie’s grip.
“Look J, we gotta go now. I’m not kidding and I’ll explain it in the car.” Lonnie again tried to pull him toward the exit. Looking on in confusion with Cameron and the rest of their friends, Trace decided to butt in.
“Lonnie dude chill, the night’s not over yet.” He smiled to ease the tension in the situation.
“Trace this is serious man, you need to be helping me get him out of here.” He looked back at Justin and said loud enough for only him and Trace to hear. “You gotta get to the hospital back in LA. Cheyenne is really sick, it’s serious.” He didn’t know how to tell him that his little girl’s life was in danger, but he didn’t have to.
Justin could tell by the look on his face and fear like he never felt gripped him, sobering him up almost instantly. In the blink of an eye, he composed himself enough to rush toward the exit of the club without a word, expecting whoever planned on joining him to follow. Lonnie took up his position in front of Justin to ward off anyone who would try to cut their pass. Cameron who had no clue what was going on, collected all their things while Trace ended the night with their company and went to the bar to pay the tab. He didn’t knowing what to think now that the unspoken topic of Cheyenne was showing itself in the worst possible scenario.
Less than 10 minutes later the black SUV they arrived in sped out of the club’s parking lot on its way to JFK.
After getting his rising panic under control and taking a swig of the bottle of water Lonnie had chucked at him, Justin started asking questions. “What the hell is going on Lonnie?”
“All I know is your mom was trying to call you earlier, but you were too drunk to answer her so she called me and told me I had to get you to Cedars as soon as possible.” Before he dropped the worse of the news, Lonnie turned around in his seat to face him. “Cheyenne was admitted there and she’s been diagnosed with leukemia. They need to find a bone marrow match from either someone in the family or an anonymous donor. Most likely you or Kiki. Your daughter needs you man.”
His words left the car in silence for the rest of the ride to the airport, everyone lost in their thoughts. No one more thoughtful than Justin, the news Lonnie just deliver made him feel like someone had sucked all the air out of his body. This couldn’t be happening, not to Cheyenne, she was only a baby. God please don’t do this. Don’t take her away. Not now. As tears welled up in his eyes, Justin dropped his head into his hands and when intense grief struck him those tear rolled down his cheeks and he started sobbing.
Hearing his cries Cameron wrapped her arms around him and whispered words of comfort in his ear. Even though she was just now finding out that Justin had a child, she put her confusion and anger aside to give him comfort.
Unfortunately, at the moment nothing could make him feel better. In the worse possible way, he was truly realizing what a mistake he made in abandoning the treasure he had in his daughter and that it could be too late to fix it. I may never get the chance to get to know her, to hold her and tell her how much I love her. Those thoughts made Justin cry even harder.
Seeing him completely break down, no one knew what to do and could only sit and watch, feeling completely helpless.
With all the late night traffic, it was almost an hour later that they arrived at the airport and everyone got out and headed toward the check in counter to pick up their tickets. Going through security quick, due to their lack of luggage, they settled into the waiting area at their flight’s gate. Thankfully boarding would start in the next 15 minutes, but it seemed like hours away to Justin and everyone else. Considering the somber mood they were all in, the wait was very quiet, none of them knowing what to say.
Justin sat lifelessly into a seat, his mind racing and his heart breaking. Lonnie and Eric were close by talking amongst themselves while Trace stood near the window trying to reach Lynn on his cell phone. Cameron, more lost and confused about what to do than anyone, approached Trace. She needed at least one of her many questions answered. Justin was in no state to do that, but Trace, she knew without a doubt could give her one.
“Damnit.” He pulled the phone away from his ear and shook it. It was the third time he tried to get through to Lynn with no answer. He knew if she was at the hospital already, she might had turned it off.
“No luck?” Cameron asked.
“No, but I’m gonna keep on trying.”
“What exactly is going on Trace? Justin has a daughter?”
He sighed deeply before he began. “Listen I can’t explain his actions, I really don’t know why he hasn’t been there for her so you’re going to have to get that information from him. But I can tell you that “ yes he has a daughter named Cheyenne. She’s about a year and a half, I think. Her mother is the girl he was dating before you and uh, he made the choice to not be involved in her life. It’s been eating at him for awhile now, but this, this is killing him.” They both looked over at Justin slumped in his seat, not moving and just staring off into space.
After seeing Cameron unsuccessfully comfort his best friend, Trace decided to take a shot.
“I’m gonna go talk to him. Can you uh call the hotel and check us out? Have them put our stuff in storage or whatever. They can just bill Justin whatever fees they need to for that.”
“Sure.” She pulled out her own cell and began to make the call. It was a much need distraction from all the confusion and saddness going on around her.
Sitting in the seat in front of Justin, Trace tapped him on the knee to get his attention.
“You okay man?”
When he looked at him, Trace was taken back for a moment. Justin was a mess, his face was tear-stained, and his eyes were puffy and blood shot from crying. But what stuck him the most was that in the 25 years of friendship he had never see that dim look in Justin’s eyes, he was hurting bad and scared to death.
Knowing his best friend could read the pain and fear he was openly expressing, Justin fell apart again. “I fucked up so bad. What am I going to do if she doesn’t make it?” He cried and frantically muttered. “I “ I need to talk to my mom. I need to know what's going on.”
“I’ve been trying to call and haven’t gotten through, but maybe you can.”
Justin didn’t hear a thing Trace said, too focused on dialing the number with a shaky hand. “Hello.” As soon as his mother’s voice can over the line, he broke down once again. He needed her more now than ever to comfort him and tell him everything would be okay.
“Mama..” His voice trembled before he started sobbing again. On the other line, Lynn couldn’t help but tear up as well at the misery in his voice.
She and Paul had arrived at the hospital and after seeing Cheyenne, her emotions were so raw, it didn’t take much to set her off. Still she had to keep her son composed especially when he was so far away and in need of support.
“Sweetie, you have to calm down alright? Everything is going to work out fine. You just get here in one piece. The doctor's taking really good care of her and she’s a strong little girl.” Needing to send strength to her own baby, Lynn said with strong conviction. “We will find a match I know it in my heart.”
“I just feel so helpless, Ma, not being there with her. I’m such a fuckin’ idiot for all that time I wasted. What, what if she doesn’t make it?” Tears streaked down Justin’s face as his heart squeezed with regret.
Of all the things I should've said,
That I never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.
All the things I should've given,
But I didn't.
“Don’t you think that Justin! She will pull through and you’ll have the rest of your life to make it up to her and be the best father to her.”
The confidence in her voice gave him a little solace, but he just wanted to be in LA with Cheyenne. “Thanks Mama.” Just then a flight attendant came over the loud speaker to announce that they would be starting boarding for first class. “Ma I gotta go, they’re starting to board the plane.”
“Okay baby, just keep it together and be safe getting here. I love you.”
“I love you too. Bye.”
For the next 3 hours of the flight Justin sat silently by the window lost in prayer and thought.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
They arrive in LA at six in the morning and the car that they call for was there waiting. They piled into the SUV and zoomed off to the hospital.
Justin was the first one off the elevator when they arrived on the pediatric oncology floor, headed non-stop toward the nurse’s station.
“Excuse me Ma’am, can you tell me where Cheyenne Lewis’ room is please,” was his hurried request. After that flight that felt like forever, he was more than anxious to get to his daughter. Seeing the nurse pull out a sheet of paper that read C. Lewis: Visitor’s List, he quickly said. “My name’s Justin Timberlake.”
A look of recognition came over the nurse’s face. The oncology staff had already been informed of his arrival, in addition to his role as the child’s father. Despite patient privacy laws they were still swore to secrecy regarding the current events in the superstar’s life involving the patient. It was the usual protocol when Hollywood stars showed up at the hospital, the staff gossiped like mad among themselves but nothing was said to outsiders. It was part of their job to protect the patient’s privacy and they were vigilant about that responsibility, particularly with the younger patients.
“Oh. Mr. Timberlake, we’ve been waiting for you to arrive. Cheyenne is in room 4614, but at this time she’s still unconscious so you’re going to have to go to 4614A which is the adjoining family room. That’s where everyone else is waiting.”
“Why can’t I go into her room and sit with her?” Justin was very confused; he wanted to be with his child not in a room separate from her.
“I’m sorry Mr. Timberlake, but she’s in isolation right now. The leukemia has weakened her immune system tremendously. Her being unconscious attests to how taxed her body is and having anyone other than authorized personnel in her room at this time would put her at higher risk of infection.”
Confused, tired and frustrated Justin rubbed his hands over his face and said. “Alright 4614A right?” The nurse nodded and pointed towards the room. “Thank you.” He turned to walk in the direction she indicated.
“I’ll notify the doctor that you’re here and he’ll be there as soon as he can to speak with you.”
“Thanks.” Trace replied for Justin because he hadn’t stopped when she started talking again and was almost to the room.
Inside room 4614A, people were situated in various spots of the mock living room. It was set up as such; beige painted walls with overstuffed floral sofas and chairs, end tables, a television set and paintings on the wall, all in an attempt to provide comfort to visiting family members. Unfortunately it did nothing for the people in that room right now.
The inner circle sat around talking quietly about anything and everything, trying not to think about the little girl that they all loved so much, lying unconscious in the other room. Sitting on the sofa against the same wall as the viewing window, the sight of the group of women sitting there could break a person’s heart.
Kiki sat in the middle of that sofa watching every single rise and fall of her daughter’s chest, completely oblivious to anyone or anything around her. Her mother and Lynn sat by her giving her support in a situation that only another mother could truly understand. Even though she gave no outward response, she treasured the presence of her whole family who had been surrounding her since this whole ordeal started. Nevertheless there was really only one person she wanted and needed by her side and ironically that was Justin. Needing him was something she never thought she’d feel again, but then again she never thought she might lose her baby.
Moments later, with the exception of Kiki, everyone’s attention was drawn to the new arrivals when the door opened.
“Oh thank God you’re here.” Lynn got up from the couch and rushed over to hug her son.
Relief spread through the room, still for the exception of one person and from the minute he walked into the room, Justin hadn’t taken his eyes off of her. She looks so small and fragile sitting there, completely cut off to anything other than what was happening in the adjacent room. His eyes were then drawn to the window and he slipped out of his mother’s arms to get closer.
He could see Cheyenne’s small body in the crib with IVs in her arms and an oxygen tube in her nose. His breathe hitched and his heart broke at the state she was in. His thoughts were interrupted when he heard small sniffles coming from Kiki who had yet to show any signs that she knew he was there. He sat next to her and instinctively reached over, wiping a tear falling down her cheek.
“Hi.”
“Hi.” They both sat there watching their daughter through the window. Despite her lack of response she knew Justin had come, but she just couldn’t face him. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I didn’t protect her.” Kiki cried out in anguish.
“No, no don’t say that Kiki. Look at me.” Justin reached over and tilted her chin towards him, forcing her to look into his eyes. “This is not your fault, you hear me?”
“But if I had known, I should have known something was wrong with my own child. If I had done something sooner she wouldn’t be in there Justin.” Kiki sobbed and he pulled her into his arms. “Our baby wouldn’t be lying in that crib fighting for her life.”
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking
“Shh. It’s not your fault Kiki. Please don’t blame yourself.” Justin was crying with her and rubbing her back to calm her, as he held her to his chest. “She’s going to be okay. They’re gonna find a match and then she’ll be fine.” Kiki was clinging to his shirt finally able to really let out all the emotions that had been swirling inside her. He was the only one she could do this with, the father of her child. “I promise everything’s going to be ok. We won’t lose her.” Justin kissed the top of her head and they both sat there drawing comfort from each other.
Of all the things we should've said,
That were never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.
All the things that you needed from me.
All the things that you wanted for me.
All the things that I should've given,
But I didn't.
Their family and friends stood around watching the parents holding on tight to each other. They all knew that their own fears and worries were in no comparison to Kiki’s and Justin’s. Hopefully this crisis would be over with soon and none of them would have to sit back and watch an important part of all their lives fade away.
Oh, darling, make it go away.
Just make it go away now.
