He was unhappy with Josh, he was unhappy with Devin, he just didn’t know how to happy at this point. Looking at his life, at this point, it wasn’t so bad or, it hadn’t been. He was school, he had a job, a roof over his head, a boyfriend, but he was still so miserable. Even when Josh was home, he still thought of Devin and the things they’d do together.

He had such a need to be controlled but whenever Devin tried, he’d push him away. He wanted to be taken care of but when Josh tried, he ran to Devin. The teen decided not to bother with the train home tonight; he just thought it better to walk. It was freezing like a bitch but he didn’t care.

At some point, he’d make it home and with any luck, he’d be able to sleep tonight.

~

Throwing the door open Josh moved into the apartment that he shared with his supposed boyfriend. “Justin!” He yelled but was met with no answer. Moving to the bathroom, and then the bedroom he looked just to make sure. “Where the fuck …” Throwing his book bag on the bed he pulled the pillows from Justin’s side off and then the sheets but he didn’t seem to find what he was looking for because he soon moved on.

Pulling the nightstand drawer out he pulled out a few books and papers not really caring where the shit landed as he reached to the closet. “I fucking know its here somewhere, you fuckin write it every damn day.” He mumbled to himself.

Justin had a journal and he was sure he’d fine the truth in there. Josh had never given Justin a reason to think he’d go snooping but the pictures he’d gotten in the mail gave him the right to read whatever he wanted. Pulling down a random box, he lost his grip and swore out loud, as it hit the floor. “Son of bitch.” He snapped throwing his hands up in frustration. Looking around the room, he thought for a moment. He was beyond pissed off, he just wanted an answer and he wanted it now.

Next, he decided to tear Justin’s dresser apart but as he pulled open the first drawer, he heard the apartment door closing and in a few seconds, Justin appeared in bedroom doorway. As his eyes fell on the mess and finally on Josh he looked, both confused and a bit scared. Opening his mouth to speak he was quickly cut off.

“I want your fucking journal.” Josh yelled but when Justin didn’t move Josh’s face grew even redder. Walking straight up to the younger man he grabbed him by the front of the shirt shoving him hard against the wall. “You been fuckin around?” He asked his eyes cold.

Now Josh had a temper and all but Justin had never seen him like this. He opened his mouth to lie but soon shut it again afraid to answer either way as he pressed himself further into the wall.

Giving Justin another push further into the room, he slammed the door behind them. Pulling open the small pocket in the front, he threw the contents at Justin who only caught one or two.

Kneeling down he retrieved the rest open soon dropped the photos again as if they were hot. Looking at the floor, the wall, anywhere but at Josh, he shook his side. “I … I um …” Suddenly his mouth had gone very dry and he was disparate to say anything but his mind had gone blank.

The pictures, as anyone could guess, were of Justin with Devin in position or another. The teen searched his mind, when had he taken those, why had he taken those?

As Justin thought it over Josh just stared at him. His anger had left him and had been replaced with shock and sadness. The look on his boyfriend’s face was enough; he had come all the way from LA to be told that the pictures were fake or something, not to be meant with silence. “You mean to tell me that you’ve been …” Only he couldn’t even finish. “Why would you do this? I thought you loved me. I thought what we had was …”

“It is.” Justin finally spoke up moving closer to Josh he tired to touch him but Josh pulled away and was soon walking out the door. “The fuck it is.” He shot back as he shook his head. “What the fuck have you been doing with him Justin? Were there more? How long has it been going on?” Only Justin didn’t have any answers, no matter how many times he opened his mouth the words just weren’t there.

Finally, he pulled his journal from the dresser drawer and held it out to Josh still looking at the floor. It was all he had to offer; even being caught red handed didn’t make any of it any easier to understand or to explain.

Still staring at Justin, with more hate now then anything he just took the book and left.

Sitting down on the unmade bed Justin watched the door gone after it had slammed shut. He waited to see if Josh would come back but after an hour or so, he accepted the fact that he wasn’t. He was still in shock, he still didn’t get it. Licking his lips, he found his cell phone and dialed Devin’s number. He hadn’t seen or contact him in well over a week but he kept his number just the same.