Unfortunately, Justin didn’t want him to see anything and locked him out of the bedroom. The door was locked from the inside, so Josh knew he was in there but his boyfriend just wasn’t answering. The older male wanted to keep himself calm, he didn’t want scared Justin, he assumed Justin was scared he’d push or hit him again. The words he had read had talked about being upset that Josh wasn’t hitting him but, he just didn’t understand and more importantly, he didn’t know how. They both had a lot to learn about one another and themselves really.

Josh just wasn’t taking what he had read to heart, for what it was.

Justin knew he was wrong and he was sorry that he had hurt Josh, he was sorry about all of it but in an odd way, he was relived. All that shit wasn’t his secret to keep any longer; he had thought life would end when and if anyone besides Devon knew that but, here he was still, still breathing. Somewhat sobbing but still breathing nonetheless. He’d fallen into a much needed sleep nearly an hour before Josh showed back up. In his mind it was over, He wouldn’t be wanted anymore and he understood that. He’d start packing tomorrow he decided.

Looking back on everything now, he was just numb. Maybe all along he had been waiting for this, hoping for it and looking forward to it. Being with Josh, like this, it just wasn’t working. He needed more and Josh deserved so much better.

If there were “Devins” out there, surely he’d find someone. In his mind all was said and done, Josh couldn’t forgive him and he wouldn’t forgive himself. What kind of life would it be though? To be with someone you didn’t love. When such a thought had run through his head, he thought of Devon, he didn’t want a life like that either …

Maybe it was all he was meant for though. Sometimes Justin would remember what some of the Masters had offered his first night. They had wanted to talk him, get to know him, he wondered if anyone of their kind had a real relationship. He had never allowed himself such thoughts before, mainly because in his mind he believed things would never change. That they wouldn’t get any better but at least they also couldn’t get worse. Turns out, he was wrong.

A final bang on the door jolted Justin awake and he rubbed his eyes looking towards the small clock on the nightstand. For a brief moment, he had forgotten the events of the night, he head Josh’s voice and smile but it quickly faded. He couldn’t hide forever but he didn’t see anything wrong in trying for a little while longer.

“Justin, just open the door I want to talk to you.” Rolling his eyes the teen just shook his head. Josh didn’t sound angry, why didn’t he sound angry, shouldn’t he be angry? Wait, no he such be relieved he thought to himself. Frowning some, he pushed himself off the bed and moved to unlock the door but stopped.

“I don’t want to talk to you.” He heard himself saying. “I just want you to leave.” He sounded pissed off, defiant. “Just go away.” He ordered. His tone matched the one he had used with Devon countless times when attempting to push his buttons. He doing the same to Josh, or trying to at the very least?

“You fuck around behind my back and you’re the one telling me to leave?” He asked more in disbelief then anything. “That’s a fucking riot.” He mumbled. “Open the door Justin.” He said again, trying to keep his voice in check. Last thing he wanted Justin to think he was going push him around again or something. He was still just beginning to process the idea of what Justin had gone through. It really was a lot to take in …

Placing his hand on the door, he just waited a moment. “Listen I’m not here to fight … I just want to talk to you.”

Justin heard him but rather then growing relieved, he grew angry. “Christ Josh … Your such a … Just … Go Away!” Now Justin was angry, why wasn’t Josh mad? Why wasn’t he screaming and yelling? He wanted Josh to ring him out, to be pissed off, why was this so impossible? He’d freak out just a few hours ago, why not again? This was what he had wanted along, someone to hurt him and someone to take care of him.

The dark haired man wasn’t going to get mad. He wasn’t going to yell, he wasn’t going to do more to Justin then what had already been done.

The teen was never one to be able to ask for hat he wanted. He tired to manipulate because he was scared. Only Josh took what he saw for what he it looked like.

Biting his bottom lip, he waited for some sort of answer but instead he was met with the sound of a door opening and then closing. Making a quick move to the door, he unlocked it before stepping back, standing there a moment he seemed to be waiting for Josh to walk in, though by this time it was just wishful thinking.

Why couldn’t Josh be that person he needed him to be? Better yet, why couldn’t Justin be smart enough to ask him to be? He hardly ever …

Just, fuck it.

Walking out into the living room, a moment Justin found his journal on the couch. Picking it up he frowned some. He wanted to punch himself out, moving back to the bedroom he closed to door before stretching out on the bed again.

~

Shoving the ripped paper deep into his pocket Josh reached the train station in record time. He had noticed the address during his first read through of Justin’s journal. He could only assume it was the asshole his boyfriend had been fucking around with. More like he hoped it was, Justin wasn’t giving it up and if this prick was willing to send pictures then maybe he was willing to talk.

Getting of at the second stop Josh’s eyes scanned the area he’d been here before. Frowning some he realized he wasn’t going to find this guy, least not on this block, it was mainly filled with clubs and bars. He’d loved it around here when he was single; no one cared who you fucked as long as you did fucked.

Looking at the address again as the male stepped out of the station he sighed some. It wasn’t as if these places had mailboxes with addresses on them. Biting his bottom lip he thought to act someone but it was around three in morning, there was no to ask, no one sober anyway. Heading down the street he thought to just walk, maybe he’d come up on someone or something.

Besides, if he remembered correctly there was only one club that had Justin supposed tastes. He’d never been there before but he’d heard about it and there was a first time for everything.

Shivering some, he walked to the end of block. Keeping an eye on the twinks, ranging from high and drunk Josh wondered for a moment what the fuck he was really doing here. No one was going to give him any answers, but again, maybe he’d find Devin here. Of course, he had no clue what he looked like, yeah this was a wonderful plan.

He had to do something though.