When Jill stormed out of the house, barely uttering a word and seemingly in a hurry to get the hell out of there, JC knew.  He knew his hunch was correct. 

He’d slept with Ellie’s best friend.  Granted, it had been many, many years earlier, but that didn’t really change the awkwardness and uncomfortableness of it all. 

Damn. 

How did he manage to get himself into these types of situations? 

“Do you want us to leave, C?” Derek asked, as JC was just kind of standing there, frozen, knowing he needed to go outside and talk to Ellie but not exactly sure what the hell he was supposed to say.

There were more people coming over.  He’d invited about fifteen—a welcome back get-together for Ty.  He couldn’t very well cancel.  If necessary, he and Ellie would just disappear.  If she was even still talking to him after this.

Shaking his head no, he shot Derek a worried look.  “No, stay,” he said.  “Just give me a few minutes.”

His friend nodded and JC made way out back.  Ellie was still sitting in the same spot, just staring out at the view.  Making way towards her, he extended an arm and urged her to stand up.  He didn’t want to talk to her right there.  He didn’t want to feel like people were watching out the window.  He wanted complete privacy.

It took her a second to respond to his silent request, and when she finally did, he didn’t miss the confusion swirling in her vibrant brownish-green eyes.  There was so much going on behind them and he had no idea if she was going to share any of it with him or not.

Nodding his head towards the side, he gently tugged her off the sofa.  Then silently he led her around the long deck that wrapped around his home until they had completely turned the corner and were just in front of the glass doors that led to his bedroom.  He guided them to the railing of the balcony.  There were houses plotted all around him on the hillside, but nothing too extremely close.  It was a beautiful day—sunny and warm, but not too warm.  There was just a little bit of a breeze to keep the air fresh.  It should have been perfect, but it wasn’t.

“I’m sorry,” JC finally spoke.  He knew he needed to say something, but he really wasn’t sure what.  He still wasn’t sure if that had been the right thing, but honestly he was sorry.

She turned to face him then, her denim clad hip resting against the railing and one hand slouched in her front pocket.  “You knew?” she asked.  “You knew all this time?”

Instantly he shook his head no.  “I saw you were upset through the window.  It kind of jogged my memory.”  He couldn’t help but think of how pathetic that sounded.

Her eyes were closed.  Her head tipped down.  Her hair, a bit darker today than it had been before, fell across her face.  The bright-white, casual, button-down shirt she wore made the tan she’d recently acquired stand out even more than it had the night before.  “I’m really not sure how I’m supposed to feel about this,” she spoke softly.  “You slept with my best friend…” she whispered it, but the hurt texture to her tone didn’t go unnoticed.

“A really long time ago,” JC instantly added, not that it made it sound any better.

“I know, but, do you know the kind of visuals going through my head right now?  It’s horrible.”  Her sight had returned to him, her expression sort of unreadable.

“If it makes you feel any better, I still don’t really remember it.”  He wasn’t sure if that would be comforting to her or not, but it was the truth.

“In ten years are you going to remember me?”

That question caught him completely off guard, as his eyes momentarily widened.  He closed the distance between them and brought both hands up to the base of her shoulders.  “Ellie, this is not like that.  I’m falling in love with you, head over heels in love with you.  I couldn’t forget you if I wanted to… and, believe me, I definitely don’t want to.”  By the time he finished, his head had fell until his forehead was pressed against hers.

“Are you really falling head over heels in love with me?” she asked softly.

“Yes.”  He’d never been more sure of anything in his life.

Her hands slipped through his arms, around to his back as she curled against him, her cheek to his chest.  “This is horrible,” she said, her voice whispery soft.

“It is horrible.  It’s uncomfortable and it’s awkward and, honestly, I feel a little disgusted with myself, but I can’t change things that happened in the past.”

“I know that, and I can’t be mad at you for something that happened in the past, either.”

“You could…” he said, pressing his face into the top of her head.  Her hair smelled different—a bit more fruity—since she’d had it done at the salon.  “A lot of girls would.”

“That doesn’t make any sense, JC.   The only person I should be mad at is Jill, because she should have told me this immediately, and she didn’t.”

He didn’t say anything to that, just squeezed her a little tighter.

“She encouraged this,” Ellie continued, still speaking at his chest as she was thoroughly pressed against him.  “She told me you’d be good and now I’m struggling with the fact that she knew that from experience.”

JC had the strongest urge to cough—and he did.  Ellie backing away enough to give him space.  It must’ve been her words that had brought on the sensation.  “Can we please make a vow to not ever talk about it again?”  He really didn’t want to think about it—ever.

She looked him straight in the eye, completely serious.  “I just don’t understand what I did to get such bad karma…”

He couldn’t help but let a soft smirk slip from his throat.  “It could be worse,” he told her.  “It could always be worse.”

“Were there a lot?  Has there been a lot?”

“A lot?”  He had a good understanding of what she was asking, but it was not something that was easy to answer.  It was not something he wanted to answer.

“A lot like that.  You know… groupie-types.”

He was coughing again.  This was about the worst conversation ever! 

“Do you want me to go get you some water?” she asked.

He shook his head no.  The tickle in his throat had nothing to do with thirst. 

“Never mind,” she said.  “Don’t answer.  I really don’t want to know.  It doesn’t matter.”

He cleared his throat.  “Are you sure it doesn’t matter?”

She nodded her head yes.

“Because I have a good feeling that this is going to come back up again,” he continued.

Again, she nodded.  “You’re probably right, but I’m only human.”

Sucking in a deep breath, he reminded her with a raise of his brow,  “me too.”

Her hand smoothed up his chest and his eyes automatically fell to the spot where she touched him.  “I know.”  Her expression was softening, a half-smile across her glossy lips.

He wanted to tell her that karma was really kicking him in the ass, not her, but he kept that thought to himself.

An hour later the sun was setting and the patio was filled with a good dozen guests, none Ellie really knew very well.  She’d kicked off her shoes and picked her spot at the end of the big outdoor sofa that seemed to be the focal point, sipping her first margarita.  JC was manning the grill, along with his brother.  The two seemed to be getting along much better than the night before.  They’d been joking with each other and laughing for the past half an hour, at least.

If anyone knew about what had happened earlier, they didn’t say anything about it—thank god.  Ellie was furious with Jill.  How could she have not shared something so important?  But at the same time, Ellie was pretty sure that if Jill would have told her, she would have stopped any interest she may have had in JC to begin with. And, quite frankly, the thought of all the wonderful things she was experiencing with him not happening was kind of scary.  She was so ridiculously confused.  None of it made any sense.

The one thing it did remind her of was the fact that there hadn’t been any follow-through on the whole HIV testing issue.  Ellie had.  She’d went to the doctor just like she’d said she would and had a complete physical while she was there.  Mainly because she’d wanted to get on some type of birth control.  But the whole discussion with JC had never been brought up again.  Obviously it was something they did need to discuss again.  She wasn’t looking forward to that.

She didn’t really want to remind him that he’d been sort of a man-whore.  Or at least that she even thought that way.  But how could she not?  It was all so confusing, especially after he’d so honestly confessed that he was falling head over heels in love with her.

Just thinking about that made her head spin. 

Her eyes floated across his figure as he stood a good fifteen steps away.  He was gorgeous—relaxed denim, casual blue t-shirt and brown leather flip flops on his feet.  His dark hair was kind of messy on top—lack of styling, which was just fine by her—and soft as silk when she’d had the opportunity to touch it a little bit earlier.  His amazing blue eyes made her stomach dip every time he looked at her.   But it wasn’t just all that.  He had this aura about him.  This completely sexy and inviting aura.  It was an understated confidence—something so simple and so appealing, all at the same time.

She was falling in love with him too.  If she hadn’t been, she would have split after the whole ordeal with Jill.  But now her feelings were too vested.  Besides, it wasn’t his fault.  He hadn’t known her ten years earlier.  Shit, Jill hadn’t even known Ellie ten years earlier.

What a mess.

Bringing her tall glass to her lips, she took a long, slow slip of her half-melted margarita.  She didn’t mind that it was a little watered-down.  It still tasted good.  His eyes caught her again, as they had been every couple of minutes or so, and that crazy rush of longing hit her square in the chest.  “You want another one?” he mouthed, casually pointing to her glass.

She shook her head no. 

“You okay?” He was still mouthing his words.

Resting her glass on her knee, she nodded her head yes.  He grinned, sort of goofy-like, and she was instantly returning the look. 

She realized then that Mac, who was sitting closest to her, had directed the conversation her way.  She turned to respond, but JC was still in her line of sight.  Her attention didn’t leave him for a second, and he knew it.  He totally knew it… and that was just fine.

Darkness came.  They ate and Tyler lit the fire pit.  JC settled in beside Ellie and wrapped his arm around her shoulders.  Some of his guests had left.  Only a few were left.  Classic Michael was playing at a fairly low decibel from the built-in speakers on the deck—“Rock With You”.

It was a pretty kick-back atmosphere.  It was an environment she could get used to.  James’ gatherings had always been so formal and stuffy.  This was so much more comfortable, even with all the drama she’d dealt with early on in the evening.

Tyler was sitting catty-corner from them, telling a story about the crazy girl he’d been dating back home.  Ellie wasn’t quite sure where his home was.  He seemed to live with JC half the time and then half the time somewhere else.  She’d find out more on that when she felt more comfortable asking.  She wondered what the hell he did for a living, but she didn’t feel comfortable asking that either.

What did feel comfortable was the warmth of JC’s body beside her.  Why did he have to feel so damn right?  Why was it that every ounce of her body longed to be as close to him as possible?  It had to mean something.  It had to mean she was making the right choice, still being there.

She wasn’t sure how long they’d been sitting when he leaned into her ear and whispered, “let’s go inside.”

Her look said enough.  He immediately stood and began telling his goodbyes.  Ellie grinned and made cordial farewells, and then let JC take her hand and guide her into the house.  They didn’t stop in the kitchen or the living room.  He took her straight to his bedroom, then shut and locked the door.

“Sit down,” he told her in a tone that almost made her nervous.

She plopped down on the edge of his bed and just stared, completely doe-eyed.

With a huff, he sat down beside her, folding his hands together in his lap and looking straight ahead.  “I feel really shitty about what happened earlier.”

Ellie didn’t really know what to say to that.  She just kind of stared at him even though he wasn’t looking back.

“Do you think can we get past it?” He finally looked up at her, bringing one hand to the back of his neck and resting it there.

She didn’t really like this serious side to JC.  It was sort of disturbing.  She was finally open to all the feelings that were going on between them.  It was hard to imagine it all washing away.

“You’re not saying anything,” he continued, still sounding unsure.  “I know you probably think I’m this huge jerk who’s slept with half the country—and I can understand why you’d think that.  I can.  But it’s not like that.  I mean, yes, I’ve probably slept with more woman than the average guy—I’m not really proud of that fact, especially right this second, but—”

“JC… Stop.”  She had to interrupt him.  She couldn’t let him keep going on like that.

“No, there’s more.”  The look in his eyes told her how badly he needed to continue.  “I kind of poured my heart out to you earlier.  I mean, I laid it all out there, and I know that you are going through a lot right now and I probably shouldn’t have been so open with my feelings, but now I’m not even sure if you’re feeling what I’m feeling.”  His chin dropped then, a look of defeat across his face, as he breathed a quiet, “Fuck, I don’t know.”

It was at that moment she realized he was having a moment of insecurity.  It took her too long to realize it, but it had caught her completely off guard—totally and completely off guard.  He was always so confident in everything he did, but it donned her—just like he’d said—he was only human.   

She didn’t hesitate one second more.  She maneuvered swiftly until she'd straddled his lap, bracing her hands at his neck while his arms automatically slipped around her waist.  “JC, if I wasn’t so goddamn crazy about you, I wouldn’t still be here right now.”

He was the one staring doe-eyed now.

Leaning her face into his, she whispered, “It scares me that being with you isn’t scary at all, especially when things happen like what happened earlier tonight.”  Then she pressed her lips to his just for a brief moment.  “You’re amazing, and you make me feel amazing, and as long as you’re not sleeping with half the country right now, I don’t care what you did before we met.”

He pushed a loud breath of air through his nose.  “I didn’t—”

“It doesn’t matter,” Ellie cut him off, silencing his lips were her thumb pressed against them.  She dropped it just as quickly as she’d put it there.  “I get it.  Okay?” Her fingers tangled into his hair enjoying the soft silky feel against her touch.  “I mean, what guy wouldn’t have took advantage of such an opportunity?”

Instantly he shook his head and her hands fell automatically, resting at her thighs.  “It really wasn’t like that.  I mean, there were times—yes—but for a lot of the time I was in the group, I had a serious girlfriend.  I know how to be a good boyfriend, Ellie.  I swear I do.”

She couldn’t help but smile, even if it was just a little.  “I believe you.  I think you’re amazing.  Didn’t I tell you that?”

Nodding, he inched close enough to brush his mouth to hers just once, like he was afraid to push it.  But Ellie instantly wanted more.  As soon as he was breaking free, she was following for another capture,  a bit more passionate about it.  His lips just felt so damn good against her.  She couldn’t help it. 

“I am falling in love with you,” she confessed a moment later, just a little breathless.  “Head over heels, just like you said.”

This time he was smiling when his mouth took hers for another time, his breath mingling with her own as his tongue slipped delicately into her mouth.  “I think you’re amazing, too,” he said, after the brief exchange.  “I’m just not really sure that I deserve you.”

Words like that she didn’t dare take seriously.  “Now that’s just crazy,” she told him.  Then she grinned and smoothed her palm down the side of his face, before kissing the corner of his mouth.

How the hell was she supposed to bring up the whole testing issue now?

JC spent Sunday catching up with his brother.  Ellie spent the day stewing over the previous nights events.  She wasn’t anywhere near ready to talk to Jill.  She wanted to talk to JC, but the night before had ended a little awkward—as much as they had both tried to make it not be—and she wanted to give him a little space.  Her heart wanted to spend every second with him, but her head knew that it just wasn’t healthy to actually do that.

Regardless, it was all leaving her a little lonely.  It was the first time she’d really felt that way since she’d moved out.  She couldn’t call Jill and she was doing her best not to call JC.  Unfortunately, with her select group of close friends, that didn’t leave her too many options.  The TV was her best friend for the moment.  She flipped through the channels aimlessly until she found a decent drama on the Lifetime network.

It was nearly eight o’clock when her phone rang.  She assumed immediately it was JC since she’d yet to hear from him all day and answered with a harmonious “hello?”

“El?”  The voice on the line definitely wasn’t JC.  It was quite the opposite.  It was female.  It was inherently distressed.  It was her sister.

Tension instantly filled Ellie’s chest.  Her posture went stiff as she popped up straight on the couch.  “Rose.  What’s wrong?”  There was no concern in the words.  It was something she’d asked so many times, she couldn’t make herself feel no matter how hard she tried.

Sniffles and sobs automatically filled the phone line.  “I’m stranded.  All alone.  I have no money.  Ellie, I need you.  Will you come get me?”

Closing her eyes, years of heartache flashed through her head—dozens of second chances, promises that never stuck.  But still, she couldn’t leave her stranded—alone.  “Where?”  Ellie asked simply, her tone mechanical. 

“Some little Podunk town between L.A. and Palm Springs.  My ride ditched me while I was in the bathroom.”

Ellie’s jaw was clenched, her teeth gritting together.  She didn’t want to hear it.  “Just save it and give me the address,” she spoke gruffly.

“Please don’t be mad at me, El.  I’m trying to get better.  I really am.  Just don’t be mad.”

Ellie’s head was shaking back and forth—too much nervous energy.  “The address, Rose.  Just get me the address.”

It took a couple of minutes for Rose to get it.  She’d had to ask someone else.  Of course she didn’t know where she was.  After writing the information down, Ellie hung up the phone, slipped into her shoes, grabbed her purse and headed for the car, not even sure why she was going in the first place.

How many times had she been through this?  It wasn’t healthy.  She should have just hung up the phone and let her sister find her own way, but she couldn’t do it.  She just couldn’t.

The garage door was opening as she slipped into the driver seat of her Mercedes sedan.  She’d been trying to calm her breathing when she noticed JC walking up in her side-view mirror.  With a swallow, she hit the button to open the window. 

He was already there, leaning in as soon as he was able.  “What’s the matter?”

“It’s my sister.  I have to go get her.”

His brow furrowed in response, an obvious moment of surprise. Then his expression smoothed—that understated confidence.  “Get out,” he said.  “I’ll drive.”

Ellie shook her head.  “She’s a mess, JC.  She’s probably…” but her words drifted.  She couldn’t finish.

“You’re upset.”  He was opening her door now, not giving her much choice.  “Please, just let me drive you.”

She conceded, practically oozing out of the car.  He slid in while she moved around to the passenger seat.  He asked where they were going and she told him.  The car was quiet then, as he maneuvered the vehicle down the dark street, heading for the freeway.  Ellie let her body sink into the fine leather seat, staring blankly out the window.

JC stole quick glances at Ellie every time the traffic would allow.  He really didn’t like to see her so upset.  He’d seen her distraught before, for sure, but this was so obviously different.  It brought out this innate sense to protect her, to shield her. 

It was really quite odd how he’d managed to show up just at the right time.  After their conversation the night before, and the fact that she hadn’t called him once the entire day, honestly he’d been starting to think it was all just too much for her—that he was just too much for her.  Of course, he already felt so much that it was going to take a lot more than a little insecurity to keep him away.  That’s why he’d been on his way over.  He wasn’t the type to give up—obviously.

Having that conversation with her now was the last thing he wanted to do.  It was probably a good thing.  He’d said enough the night before as it was.  He would be there for support, to help in any way that she needed him to help.

“JC?” Ellie finally broke the quiet spell.  They were outside the city lights, heading towards the desert. 

“You okay?” he asked instinctively, seeing her shake her no from the corner of his eye.

“Not really,” she answered.  “There’s something I need to ask you and I’m going to apologize now if it upsets you.”

He let his eyes look over at her again, longer than he should of while driving 75 miles per hour.  “Okay… go ahead.”

The quietness of the car made it impossible not to notice the loud breath of air she pushed out.  “You remember when we had that little…accident…at the hotel,” she cleared her throat, “in the shower and we were both supposed to go get tested afterward?”

Why was his throat suddenly dry?  Did hers not come back negative?  Fuck.  “Yes,” he said trying not to sound nervous.  How the hell would he react to that type of news?  He was trying to brace himself for the worst.

“Well, did you?”

His face scrunched with confusion.  “Of course.  It was fine.”

“Fine?  You mean negative?”

He was looking at her again, clearly aware that he needed to be paying more attention to the road.  “Yes.  Negative.  And you?”

Her neck kind of craned back as if she was surprised he was asking that, but the way she’d brought it up.  He turned his eyes quickly back to the road, mentally willing himself to pay better attention before he killed them both.  His foot instinctively eased off the pedal and he moved the car into the right lane, the slow lane.

“The same,” she finally said.  “Are you mad?”

Confused was more like it.  “I’m not mad, but the way brought it up I thought maybe you had bad news or something.”  He was trying to be as nonchalant as possible.

“Oh… oh!” 

What he’d said obviously clicked.  “But you were more worried about me, right?  After what happened yesterday?”  It shouldn’t have bothered him.  Could he really blame her?

“I’m sorry,” was all she said.

“Maybe this should have been a conversation to have while not driving,” he remarked.

“I’m sorry,” she said again.  Her voice was soft—timid.

He was shaking his head, shaking the thoughts away.  “It’s fine.  I understand.  I’m sorry, too.”

His eyes dropped as he felt the warm touch of her fingers against the top of his hand.  “Thank you,” she told him.  “Thank you for being here.”

He let out a deep breath, his body relaxing at the feel of her touch.  With a grin, he reached up to touch her cheek.  “You’re welcome,” he said.  “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” 

She smiled too, sort of shy-like.  “I know.”

© BrandyRae 2008