Chapter 25

The ride home was quiet. Too quiet. Not that the radio wasn't on. JC had turned up the volume on the stereo as soon as they'd hit the street—and it wasn't even tuned to something good. It literally was the radio—KIIS FM.  It was some overplayed pop song. Not that she had anything against pop music, it was just clear that JC wasn't ready to talk yet. The tension was thick and that was unusual for them.

The dinner and martini in her stomach were battling a swarm of butterflies that had come out of nowhere.

As they pulled onto their street, she found herself wondering if he'd pull into his garage or hers.  They were in his car so if he pulled up to her house did that mean he was done for the night?

She was beginning to have doubts and wondering if he wanted to talk at all. Stealing a glance his way, she realized he was still completely somewhere else—lost in his own thoughts. His brow was stiff with concentration and his bottom lip was sucked in. He was tugging on it with his top teeth. It was actually a very sexy look but she could not react to it, not in that way.

She found herself wanting to bite that lip instead and then playfully smack some sense into him for turning so serious on her.

Serious JC made her nervous for some reason.

Finally he turned into his driveway and pulled straight into the garage. She got out of the car before he'd even turned it off. She just couldn't handle one more minute of that tense small space.

"El!" He was quickly calling after her, even before she heard his car door slam. "wait!"

She stopped just at the door to the house, and watched his garage door inch down slowly on the opposite end of the open space after he'd hit the button.

"Are you mad?"

"I'm not mad. I just want you to talk to me, JC. I don't like it when you get all quiet like that."

"I'm sorry. I was just caught up in my head," he explained, "but I'm not upset with you. I promise."

Ellie let her chin dip—one slow nod. "OK."

"Let's go in and we can talk."

She agreed and let him lead the way.

They went straight into his bedroom. With the lights off it was hard not to be struck by the gorgeous view of the city lights dotted along down the hill. She found herself remembering when she'd first got a glimpse of that view a couple months back, when JC had so blatantly expressed his desire to screw her—putting it bluntly.

She knew it was more than that, but considering the conversation she was facing it was easy to realize how she had justified his actions because she'd been so smitten by him.

Time to shake away those thoughts. What they shared had grown into something much, much deeper than just sex.

She turned to realize he'd went off into his closet—probably to change—and she followed him inside, heading straight to the drawer that she'd claimed as her own and pulling out a thigh-length, sheer pink night shirt. She'd barely stripped out of her clothes and put it on when she felt JC behind her, his touch at her shoulder.

She swiveled his direction and he embraced her tightly. "I love you," he whispered into her hair, emotion-filled and sentimental.

"I love you too," she returned the sentiment and kissed him sweetly.

Then she followed him as he guided her back to his bed, where they climbed on top of the bedding and sat cross-legged in front of one another.

JC grabbed both of Ellie's hands and held them.  Her eyes dropped at the action—skipping past the deep V of her neckline (her nighty was so thin she could see the dark flesh of her areolas through the fabric) and to her crossed, bare shins.  JC’s sturdy but manicured hands were grasping onto her lightly, resting on her lightly tanned skin.  He was looking down too.

"So the girl tonight... Ana."  There eyes caught.

"She's an ex, right?" Ellie was quickly asking. "It's OK, JC.  We all have exes."

He smirked, gazing upward, past her head. "I wouldn't call her an ex… exactly."

"OK..." Unfortunately she was afraid he might say that. An ex would've been easy.

Dammit.

"She's a girl I used to hookup with."  He bounced her hands a little, still grasping her loosely, as if the movement would make the conversation less serious.  "...with other women.”  His movement stopped.

Ellie pulled back, her eyes wide.  "Threesomes?!" It was more flabbergast than anger. Although she shouldn't have been surprised. "That's why you said she was hitting on me. She was hoping? Oh god. Seriously JC?  Did this happen a lot?"  Her hands were full on flailing through the air like she was an orchestra conductor.

A lot?  He wanted to say: define a lot?  But he knew that would not go over well.  Honestly, frequency was the one thing he’d rather not discuss, because quite frankly there had been a window of time where it had happened A LOT.  And his definition of a lot was probably more than hers.

"Obviously it happened a lot..." Ellie continued. "Or else why would she think that was even a possibility?!!!"

He was now thinking he should just not try to say anything until she got all of it out.

"Wait, you aren't thinking that's a possibility, are you?"

"Oh Jesus... NO."  He wasn't sure how he could be more adamant about that one.  Of course he would never want Ana to sink her claws into Ellie.  The woman was pure seduction.  He’d seen it.  He knew what the brazilian bombshell was capable of.

"Because I tried that once in college and once was enough for me.  I am not interested in sharing you JC, not with anyone. I like exclusivity in my relationships. Just you and me. That's it."  Her words were pouring out very quickly and very seriously.  Not yelling, but very stone faced. She was doing that thing she did sometimes where the words came out faster than her brain could process them.  He loved that about her...

That’s why he was positive that she hadn’t realized that she'd just confessed to having a threesome in college. The more animalistic part of him had lots of questions about that.  It was same part of him that had been present when he’d done those acts—numerous times.

She stopped suddenly and he knew he was busted. "You're grinning."  Yep.

There was just a tad bit of amusement in her eyes. "Damn you, JC." She pulled her arms up and then flopped them back onto the bed.  "All you heard out of all of that was the part about the threesome. So typical!"

Why did he want to giggle everytime she said threesome?  Did she have any idea how cute she was?  

"I was awkward in college," she continued in full-on puppy dog face mode. "OK? And I was trying to be cool."  This had gone on for long enough already.

Lifting onto his knees, he leaned into her and caught her hands to calm them.  "Stop." He hoped he was conveying the tenderness he felt.  She meant everything to him and he wanted her to know that.  "Just stop." Tenderly he braced a hand against the side of her face, his fingertips tangled gently into her hairline.  She seriously had the softest hair he’d ever felt.  He could play with it for hours.  

"First of all, You are beautiful and amazing.  I don't think you could ever be awkward. Second, I know these things keep popping up and it is not very pleasing for you to hear what I’ve done in the past, but I want you to know everything about me. I am an open book with you. For real. And third, I'm sorry I grinned. It's not because you tried something like that. It's because I knew you were probably wishing you hadn't admitted it.  And, just because you are so damn cute when you’re worked up like that.  I can’t help it."

Ellie crumbled, both mentally and physically, as she collapsed onto her back, her eyes darting up to the ceiling as her head landed with a poof into the soft mound of gray pillows at the head of his bed.  The fluffy down caved in around her ears and she almost wanted to stay that way, just because it was so peaceful and comfortable--an escape from the moment.

But as she felt the warmth of his body—he was stretching out beside her, all five-foot-eleven long and lean inches of him—she instantly wanted to curl right into him and never let go.  Abstaining, she watched his movements as he propped up on his elbow and smoothed his right hand out flat over her stomach.  He was clearly admiring that her flesh could be seen through the sheer nighty.  Gravity had taken a hold of her breasts, as it so often did, and she had the urge to reach down and prop them back up, but she did not move.  Instead she reveled in his touch against her abdomen—it felt so warm against her, it was like a heating pad against her tummy.

The butterflies she felt earlier had gone away—thankfully.

JC sighed and gradually brought his sight to hers. "This probably won't come out right," he remaked, but continued anyway. "Please do not think for a second that I was even close to entertaining the thought of you and me and her.  I respect you too damn much.  I know that doesn’t say a lot about my past choices, but like I said, I’m being honest with you.  What we have is not anything close to what I've ever had with anyone else—anyone. That is why I want to be so open with you.  Trust me, it would have been SO much easier to just say she was an ex and left it at that, but I feel safe with you and that’s not something that comes easily for me.” He felt himself get a little worked up as he continued.  “My heart feels safe with you,” his octave lowered as his voice cracked.  “As hard as it is for you to hear about these things I’ve done, I know you can take it.  I'd like to say that nothing else will come up but that's just probably not the case."

Wow.  How could she be upset when he was being so open and honest with her?  Not that she wanted to be upset.  Not that she really was to begin with.  She felt like she should have been something, she just didn’t know what!

But his heart felt safe with her?  That just made her heart melt!  

"I do appreciate that you are honest with me, JC, and please don't mistake my reaction for being upset with you. It wouldn't be fair to get upset with you over things you did in the past.  The hardest part for me is the visuals. I have a vivid imagination and it's hard for me picturing you doing these things, especially when I know what the other person looks like."

"I'm sorry" was all he said to that. But really, what else could he say?  "I'm not proud of my actions. I'm really not. And to be completely honest with you, most of the wild and unscrupulous acts I've committed are a direct product of my loneliness at that time."

Loneliness? She hadn't expected that. And honestly it made her kind of sad for him.

"I'm not saying that I didn't enjoy those things at the time—I did. I had fun being wild and living in the moment. But those experiences come nowhere near what I experience just being with you, El, and I would never take a chance and jeopardize that. So please understand that while my past is a bit mortifying in some instances, my past is staying very much in the past. You do not have to worry about those things happening now that we are together."

Her eyes drawn to his, she slowly nodded. "I believe you and I trust you."

Her eyes followed the movement of his face as it came in close. She focused on the light shadow of stubble on his top lip just before he kissed her. "Thank you," he told her, pulling away just enough to speak.

"Is there more?" She heard herself asking and almost wished she hadn't.

His neck craned back, probably so he could study her better. Her sight fixed on the imperfection of his nose this time. She loved the imperfection—the bulbous tip and the way the bridge was just a little too wide for his face. Imperfection at its finest. She loved this man. She would accept whatever he had to tell her.  She had to.

"More? Like more things that I've done I'm not proud of?"

"Things you would never tell your mother," Ellie clarified.

He grinned, wide and amused. "I wouldn't tell my mother a lot of things," he replied with a smirk.

"Well, I guess it's going to be a long night," Ellie chuckled as she reached a hand to smooth against the side of his head just briefly.  He’d just had a haircut and his dark hairline was perfectly groomed around his ear and the back of his head.  It was one of those weird things that she found extremely pleasing to the eye.

He relaxed against her side and hugged her with his entire body, one of his hands finding her head so that his fingertips could trace through her hair and along her scalp. It felt absolutely heavenly, just the right amount of pressure.  Then he pressed a moist kiss into her temple. Still, she did not lose focus.

"I will tell you whatever you want to know," he spoke softly and sincere, and she remembered quickly the affect his silky tone had on her reserve.

She rolled to get better eye contact and the strength of his grip slid to her waist. "Well, start with tonight.  Were the ‘others’ girlfriends?  Or just hookups?"

She watched the knob in his throat bob with a nervous swallow.  His brow furrowed in the center of his forehead. "By others you mean the additional party?"

"Yes."  She imagined her questioning made him a bit uncomfortable, but he preached his honesty so she was going to push the limits on how far she could take her questioning.  Whatever she heard, she could take it.

"They were not girlfriends, per say, but more than hookups. They were girls that I casually dated."

"So how did that even work? I mean, how do you initiate something like that?" She was genuinely curious, even though she wasn't sure why, and she felt like maybe if she knew more of how it really happened that she wouldn't be quite so tortured by her vivid imagination.

"You really want to know that kind of detail?"  He was brushing hair out of her face again. She'd managed to tangle her arms around his fit torso, and her cheek was kind of planted against his shoulder. She'd decided it was easier to ask these things when she wasn't looking him in the eye. Besides, his arms made her feel secure and safe.

"Yes, it gives me a bigger window into the world of JC."  She peeked at him, just for a moment.

He smirked. "Nice. OK. Well, I didn't really do much to be honest. It was mostly Ana."  She felt his torso expand and contract as he sucked in a heavy breath.

"Ana?" Ellie didn't necessarily like saying the name, but she pushed it out anyway.

JC was now tracing lazy circles down her back with his fingertips, leaving light trails of electricity on her skin.  She tried not to absorb the sensation too much because she didn’t want to lose focus.  "Ana enjoys beautiful women," he continued, "and she enjoys beautiful women even more so when someone else is watching."  Ellie hadn't really expected that type of response.  The visual switched from two women devouring her boyfriend to her boyfriend watching in a corner as two women devoured each other.   That was not what she’d expected.  JC was voyeur?

It was at that point she realized her body was reacting in a way that may have not been appropriate considering he was confessing some of his darkest sins.  Regardless if it was right or wrong, she could not ignore the low swirling dance of temptation that had surfaced in her belly. There was a warmth between her thighs that had not been there moments before.  She squeezed her legs together, as if that would make it go away.

It didn’t.

She felt oddly conflicted between her discomfort, her curiosity and her excitement.

Carrying on, she hoped none of those feelings were showing. "So you did not participate?"

"Oh, I wouldn't say that..." His voice was downright sexy when he said it, as he gave her a good, firm squeeze that she felt everywhere. The visual that popped in her head then was more scandalous than she cared to admit!  And one that should have made her cringe!

But it didn’t.  What was wrong with her all the sudden?

Her head was telling her that she should have been upset or disgusted, but her body was betraying her—the heat between her thighs had joined with moisture, a LOT of moisture, and she was down right mad at herself for being so incredibly turned on.  This was so wrong!

Maybe he was doing this on purpose?  He did have the sexiest voice in the universe—all he really had to do was say a few choice words and she’d be begging for it.  That had to be what was happening.  It could not be simply the thought of JC involved in a hot threesome with two other attractive women.  It had to be his voice, and the lazy circles he was drawing on her back.  She would force herself to think that if she had to.

At that point, she really didn't know where to take the conversation.  Plus she didn’t trust her hormones, which now seemed to be running the show.  So instead she grew quiet and tried to calm her overactive labido, but her breath was heavy and her pulse was racing.  She was literally hot from head to toe.  A pulse had now joined the already present heat and moisture trapped between her thighs.

JC's hand skipped down to her hip and then under her night shirt and she was like a cat begging to be stroked, practically purring for him.  She knew she'd been discovered.  He could read her body language like it was his favorite, well-recited book.   

That’s when he confidently dipped a finger inside the front of her low hipster VS panties, pulling them down just enough to press the back of his finger against her wetness. He groaned loudly and obviously at the realization that she was soaking for him.

Confidently, he found his way into her little bit of clothing and palmed her entirely, teasing her with his middle finger against her moist and sensitive flesh. His mouth searched out her lips and he was cursing into their kiss, a muffled "fuck, baby."  She was so hungry for him, she gasped when his tongue swept past her lips somewhat forcefully.

"I know. It's wrong," she confessed after a moment, grinding her hips into his touch and whimpering when the pad of his finger rolled over her throbbing clitoris.  Fireworks of electricity shot through her body.  He knew exactly what to do and how to do it.

"It's not wrong. It's fuckin' hot."  He gasped, as he was full on massaging and rubbing her.  Her hips couldn’t match his touch fast enough.  Suddenly all she could think about was release.  

He managed to knock her flat onto her back with his chest and he instantly had better access. "Let me make you come.  You'll feel better.”  His voice was so damn sexy, how could she ever argue?   “Then we can continue our conversation."  His breath was so weighted and heavy you would have thought he was deep inside of her, when really he was just that focused on pleasing her.

"Am I bad?" She asked, just before he plunged his touch deep inside of her and pressed firmly into her G spot. She nearly screamed out at the feel of it.

"You are bad in the best fucking way ever," he said just after that, right before he pressed his mouth into hers for a deliciously hard and deep kiss. He pressed his thumb into her sweet spot while his middle finger worked inside of her. The second the two sensations joined that was it, she instantly climaxed, her entire body convulsing and her hips arching off the bed in concerto. She screamed and shouted and grunted and he stayed there with her through the entire ride, pressing into her with the pressure that her pulsing body craved. When it finally settled, she was a bit in shock over the whole thing.

She really hadn't meant for that to happen.

JC freed his hand from the inside of her panties and rolled his weight into her again. Instantly she felt how hard he was. Oh damn. This could turn out to be a long night. She was perfectly OK with that.

"Don't you dare feel bad about what just happened," he was telling her and kissing her at the same time. "There is nothing wrong about being turned on when we are having conversations about sex—and naughty sex at that. Nothing wrong at all."

Ellie chuckled. She felt such relief after her mindblowing orgasm it would take a lot to feel shame at the moment.

"You do not ever have to be embarrassed about anything with me. Do you understand? I will never judge you, El. Never."

"Thank you," she whispered it. And she meant it.

She hugged on to him even tighter, reveling in the strength of his body against her. He just felt so good—holding him made her heart full. There was no feeling to compare it to.

The fact that he was in such tremendous shape didn't hurt. His muscles were strong and lean. Often she'd found her fingers exploring the dips and curves of his toned muscle definition.  And often she gave silent thanks that he cared so much to take care of his body because she enjoyed it very much.

Loosening his hold on her, he lifted away enough that he could kiss her forehead. "Thirsty?"

"Yes please."

"Ok. I'll be right back."  

JC hopped up and Ellie took the opportunity to use the bathroom. She chuckled at her reflection in the mirror. Her wavy auburn hair was totally disarray, extra full and crazy on top from where JC had been playing with it. Still amused at herself, she smoothed it down with her hands.  It helped a little.

When she returned to the bed JC was inside of it and from what she could see, he wasn't wearing much.  She noticed that he had placed a tall glass of water on her nightstand, on top of a round, black coaster.  Without hesitation, she climbed over him and climbed into bed.  "Thank you," She said first, reaching for the water.  Then she took a much needed sip.  Her mouth seemed extra dry for some reason.  Perhaps the vodka from earlier?

Then she situated herself on her side, propping up on an elbow while her left hand found the warmth of his rib cage.  She indulged and sought out his hip—just as supsected, he'd stripped down to his boxer briefs.  She didn't let herself get too excited.  She had something she wanted to say.

"I want you to know that I'm not a prude."  She was beginning to feel like she should have reacted with more of an open mind to his confession.

His reaction to her words was strong and evident. "I most certainly do not think that," he expressed with a stiff brow, his gaze unfaltering.  "I know you are not a prude."

She just stared in waiting, knowing he had more to say.

"What I do think," and his gaze softened into something much more comforting as he continued, "is that you have been conditioned to be viewed as someone who is very prim and proper, which is fine, as long as you remind yourself that you do not need to be that way when we are alone."

"I know that," she grinned.  "You have opened up my world a bit in that sense."

The tickly, wet touch of his puckered lips dabbed quickly to the tip of her nose.  "I know," he stated simply. "And I think we should continue with our conversation from earlier," he suggested.

Ellie's tummy dipped in response.   "You want to tell me more about all the things you can't tell your mother?"

He chuckled lightly, brushed her hair back from her face and said, "Actually I was thinking it was your turn to share."

"Oh.... you want to know about my awkward experience, don't you?"

"And anything else you want to tell me... since we are laying it all out on the table—or bed—so to speak."

Ellie smirked.  "I'm sure my stories come nowhere near close to as exciting as yours."

He kissed the top of her cheekbone. "That's probably true."

"There was no oral," she heard herself spit that out quickly before her brain had even registered it.  Like she'd just had to let him know she'd never done THAT.  Jeez, what was wrong with her?

JC was amused, probably at her uncomfortable honesty.  "I am not judging either way," he assured her. "Obviously, I have no room to judge."

"Have you ever...with another man?" That one popped out before she could think too.

"What? No."  He was shaking his head a little bit. She'd shocked him with that question. "Not that there'd be anything wrong with it if I had, but that's just not my thing."

She was glad. That might have been a little TOO open for her taste. "Sorry. I just know that you've been exposed to a lot more than I have."

In one swift move he nudged her onto her back and rolled on top of her, straddling her hips and falling to his elbows so that his face was just a small space above hers. "Sometimes I wonder how things come out of your mouth so freely."  He chuckled gruffly and bumped his forehead playfully against hers. "I know you have a filter 'cause I've seen it, but when we're alone sometimes..."

"I know," Ellie interrupted, trying hard not to get lost on his handsome gaze. "I can't help it. It happens when I'm really comfortable with someone."

His smile grew wide as he dipped in and sealed her lips with a tender kiss. "Don't ever feel like you have to change that becuase it's one of the things I absolutely love about you."  He settled into her then—his torso spreading out against her stomach and his hips resting gently into her. He was heavy, but not too heavy.

Now she was smiling.

He nudged his nose into her ear and whispered. "You never told me your story."

Lightly Ellie smirked. She should have known she couldn't get out of it.  "It was my sophomore year at UCSF and I was at a party—slightly intoxicated—and I had been hanging out with this guy who I thought was cute at the time.  One of our mutual acquaintances was at the party too and things just kind of happened. To be honest I don't even remember how it came up. I just remember ending up at her dorm room and then one thing just led to another."

JC realized quickly he didn't want to know anymore than that, but it was too late as Ellie was continuing anyway.

"They ended up more into each other and I snuck out when they were busy, feeling extremely uncomfortable...so much so that I avoided both of them for months."

JC let all of his weight sink into her and squeezed her as best he could. Then he took a big whiff of her—remnants of her Michael Kors perfume lingering at her neck. "What idiots," he said with an exhale.

Ellie was giggling underneath him. "Why do you say that?"

He managed to press all five of his fingertips into the side of her ribs. She giggled with a jolt—he'd tickled her—and he enjoyed every second as she wriggled underneath him. "Because you are the most amazing woman on the planet, AND you are a sexual beast. Anyone who passes that up is clearly an idiot."

"You're just trying to get into my pants!" She chuckled. His hands automatically danced across her slender rib cage. He lifted and sat atop her to get a better angle. Then watched as she squirmed and wiggled underneath him. Her eyes were closed—she was still in full makeup, that he knew she'd want to wash off before bed—so she didn't see him lean in to kiss her. He captured her lips mid-laugh and what followed was a funny muffled giggly gasp.

"Technically you're not wearing pants," he finally responded, shifting and situating his legs in between hers so he could settle his weight into her.  She moaned when she felt how hard he was.  God he loved the sounds that she made.

"I guess that makes it easier for you," she spouted back with a laugh, clearly amused with her own comeback.

"I'm not sure there'd ever be a time where it would be difficult—with you," he teased back. Suddenly her legs had surrounded his thighs like a vise, as she seemed to be squeezing with all her might. He could see the focus in her jaw as she tensed and it just made him laugh even more. Even with her regular yoga and Pilates she could not out-strength him.  "Silly woman. Do you think you can hurt me?"

"No," she grunted, still squeezing, "but it's fun trying."  The hold fell and she let out a hefty breath of air. JC quickly rolled them both over so that she was on top of him. Ellie settled immediately and rested her head into his chest.

"Thank you for understanding me and being so open."  His arms couldn't squeeze her tight enough as he said it.

"Thank you for reminding me that I can be open," she remarked. "I led such a conflicting life when I was married to James."  She didn't say his name much and it felt weird to hear it come out of her mouth.  "I lost myself a little. I love that you accept me for who I am and let me be myself...and maybe even help me to remember who that person is when I forget. I think you know me better than I know myself sometimes."

He just kept squeezing. He loved what she was saying to him. "Awe, I love you, sweetheart. So much."

"I love you too," she replied with emotion-filled sentiment "more than I've ever loved anyone before."