September 19th; Millennium Dance Studio, 10:15 a.m.
The studio is dark despite the Los Angeles sunshine that shines through the windows of the lobby. I’m surprised that no one else is here since rehearsal is supposed to start in fifteen minutes, but maybe they’re on their way. I’m actually glad that Ava and I got here before everyone else so that I can have time to do my warm up regime, but today I feel like warming up a little bit differently. I hope no one comes in and kicks my ass for touching the equipment as I make my way over to the elaborate stereo system, hoping to find a jack for my iPod. Thankfully finding one, I turn on the main power source and hook up my iPod before finding the song I’m looking for and pressing play.
The studio is suddenly filled with the sounds of people’s voices and other noise in the background, but the soft guitar riff outweighs all of that. I take off my oversized sweatshirt, revealing my tank top underneath, and remove my sneakers and socks before I do a quick run though of some stretches. Although it was never released and I managed to find a pretty good quality bootleg version of it, I have always loved this song. Just something about it instantly puts me at ease, makes me feel fluid and languid, it makes me feel sexy. Maybe it’s the lyrics:
A vision of you girl, across the room
A club full of people, all I see is you
You're making eyes, you realize that I'm watching you
It's so hard to believe you could beckon me from across the room
I leisurely move my body around the middle of the room, absorbing the lyrics through my head and throughout my body before launching into pirouettes that mimic the crescendo in the guitar, just before he sings the chorus.
You softly kill me, with just your mere words 'hello'
This may sound a bit crazy, but maybe I just wanted you to know
His voice is like a whisper against my skin as my movements become bigger and I give myself to the floor. I close my eyes and get caught up in the way he breathlessly sings the background vocals, not paying attention to what I look like in the mirror or making any conscious decision on the movements I’m making. I’m just doing what I feel.
You strangely seduce me, with just the way you say hello
This may sound quite forward, but honey
Is there somewhere we can go?
This song would have been the shit if he had put it on his first album. Since we’re on the friendship tip now, I’m going to have to ask him about that; hell he’ll probably wonder how I even know about this song in the first place. The majority of this latest album pertains to sex but to me, there is nothing sexier than this song. To me it’s four minutes and forty-seven seconds of ecstasy that makes me melt away on the inside.
Normally I just handle me, I don't act this wild
But there's something bout, the way you smile at me
I feel like a child…
I smile at the irony of those words because it’s as if he’s speaking directly to me. I never would have thought that anyone I liked would return my feelings, let alone Justin Timberlake. It takes me back to Montreal when we first admitted how we felt about each other, I felt like a little girl who was admitting her crush.
And when you said ‘hi’, I almost lost my mind from the sound of you
I can tell you're kind, you wanna throw out a sign
But you don't wanna be rude
But it’s clear that where we are right now, with each other and in our relationships with other people, is where we’re supposed to be. He may be the “safer” bet, but it’s more than that when I’m with Nick; it’s the little things that he says and does that show me that he is what I’ve been missing. I guess that’s why they say patience is a virtue because I know that I have waited long enough only to be turned away and have my heart broken countless times by dudes who didn’t give a damn. But maybe it was some higher source trying to prepare me for the man with the beautiful sleepy blue eyes and the shy smile. If that’s the case, Nick sure is worth the wait.
“And that’s why you’re a dancer on this tour,” a smooth, deep voice interrupts my thoughts. I already know the owner of it without having to look for it, but I look to see Justin standing in the doorway with his arms folded over his chest anyway. I’m a little embarrassed that he caught me dancing to one of his songs despite the compliment, but I just give him a small smile and run to turn the music off.
“I haven’t heard that song in so fucking long, how do you know about it?” He asks while slowly walking over to me.
“Well I’m afraid that if I told you that, you’d probably have to sue a lot of people in return, and I’m not prepared to give you all the money I don’t have so let’s just say I have my ways,” I say with a sly grin.
He just laughs that deep, rich laugh that seems to vibrate in his chest. “Ways huh? I guess I’ll have to find out more about these so-called ‘ways’ of yours later. But where did you learn how to move like that?”
“That? Oh, I wasn’t even doing anything special…I was just fucking around, freestyling if you will.”
“Well when I freestyle, my shit don’t look like that,” he laughs. “You were just so focused, but in the sense that it didn’t look like you were trying too hard. It looked natural…beautiful even,” he says the last part quietly. I can tell by the look in his eyes that he’s trying not overstep our boundaries of friendship so soon, so I just offer him a warm smile.
“Thanks Justin, I appreciate it.”
We fall into a comfortable silence before I look over at the door and see Marty and Nick walk in. I have this incredible urge to go run and jump into Nick’s arms, but I figure actually walking over to him would suffice. Making my way over to him, I wrap arms around his neck and place a soft, but lingering kiss to his lips before pulling back.
“Mmmm, good morning to you too,” he says lowly while holding me tight in his arms. “What were you and Justin doing in the dark?”
“Oh I was just freestyling to warm up and he walked in, so we started talking.”
“You should ask her to freestyle for you sometime man,” Justin pipes up. “She’s incredible.”
“Oh I bet, especially if she moves anything like she does on stage,” Nick replies before kissing me on the cheek. I can’t help but notice how hard Justin is trying not to stare while Nick and I cake with each other, but at least he’s trying.
“Ugh, it’s 10 in the morning. Do you guys ever stop kissing or touching each other?” My sister grimaces as she; Michele and Dana make their way into the studio.
“Sis, is that Hater-ade you sippin’ on? What flavor you got? Bitter?” I crack while everyone laughs and ooohs.
“Okay, don’t make everyone have to witness you getting a beat down. I doubt Nick will be quick to kiss those lips after they get busted up,” she retorts jokingly.
“Who says I would be kissing those lips?” He whispers in my ear before quickly walking over to the stereo.
“Perv!” I shout out before everyone turns and looks at me with questionable looks on their faces. “Ya’ll don’t even want to know,” I say before laughing as the rest of the crew joins us, we take our places and start to rehearse.
******************************************************************************************
Staples Center, 5:47 p.m.
You would think I’d notice how huge this place is since I’m from L.A. and I frequent the Staples Center quite often. But as I sit up in the 200 level and look around at all the empty seats that are going to be filled in about two hours, I slowly start to take it all in.
The Eagles start to fill my ears as I take time out to focus and start to get my head right for tonight. Sitting here also gives me time to put me into perspective as I think about where I’ve been from just a month ago to where I am today. Before I got here I was a college dropout with no job and nothing to call my own. Now in the course of 30 plus days I’ve seen more of this country than I have in my entire life, I got a boo, and I’m dancing for one of the most popular and talented artists in the industry right now. And just when I thought shit had hit the fan, life is looking real good right now…well despite the somewhat sad lyrics of this song. It’s still one of my favorites though, one that I know word for word.
Look at us baby, up all night
Tearing our love apart…
Aren't we the same two people who live through years in the dark
Ahh…
I’ll admit, I don’t know too much about The Eagles or their music. But there’s something about this song and “Hotel California” that puts me in a zone where I’m oblivious to everything and everyone and I just close my eyes and sing.
Every time I try to walk away
Something makes me turn around and stay
And I can't tell you why…
But as soon as I open my mouth to sing the next verse, I’m cut off by his silky tenor voice.
When we get crazy,
It just ain't right,
Girl I get lonely too
You don't have to worry
Just hold on tight…
'Cause I love you
I can’t help but smile at his intrusion as he takes a seat next to me and takes my iPod out of my hands.
“Questions,” he starts off.
“Oh so there’s more than one?” I ask with a grin.
“Three to be exact. What are you doing up here all alone? What are you doing singing The Eagles? And what are you doing singing?”
“Okay,” I laugh lightly, taking back my iPod from him and turning it off. “I was trying to have some ‘me’ time and get focused for the show, so that’s why I’m all the way up here. Secondly, what do you think I listen to? Just rap, r&b, and all that other bullshit they play over and over again on the radio? I will have you know that I am quite the eclectic so that’s what I’m doing singing The Eagles. And, I like to sing…ok?” I look at him with a faint smile.
He laughs quietly at my explanation before nodding his head. “Okay, all that is understandable. So since you’re quite the eclectic, who are some of your favorite singers?”
“Psh, we’d be up here all night if I went through my favorites. But off the top of my head right now I’d have to say Patti, Aretha, Gladys, Stevie, Christina, Al Green”"
“Al Green? Okay now what you know about that?”
“Boy please, Al has the cuts. When I get married ‘Let’s Stay Together’ is going to be the song my husband and I dance to on our first dance and ‘Love and Happiness’ is the truth,” I say, nodding my head for emphasis.
“I feel you on that, he’s one of my favorites too. What about Donnie Hathaway?”
“I know he’s a classic, but I’ll be honest…I’m not too familiar with his work,” I admit quietly.
He looks at me with a serious face and shakes his head, “You poor child.”
“Shut up,” I laugh as I playfully shove him. “He wasn’t played very often in my house when I was growing up.”
“So you learned how to sing by listening to those people?”
I look away from him when he asks that. My voice, as well as my ability to dance, is one of secrets. I don’t like to share it or talk about it with anyone.
“Selah? Did I say something wrong?” Justin asks, puzzled by my reaction.
“Naw, it just brought up some old feelings,” I respond quietly before pausing. “When I was like three or four years old, I had two goals: I wanted to be entertainer and I wanted a Grammy, sound familiar?” I ask him jokingly.
“Very,” he chuckles in response.
“I remember The Bodyguard had came out around that time and I was a huge Whitney fan, it was ridiculous. I always had this ability to remember the lyrics to a song after hearing it maybe one or two times so my grandmother had gotten the soundtrack to the movie and had me learn all the songs,” I laugh. “Then she recorded me singing the entire soundtrack on a cassette. Do you know that she still plays that tape ‘til this day?”
“I think I’m going to need a copy of that,” he says jokingly as I throw him an evil look.
“I sounded a hot mess, but I was determined and I knew what I wanted out of life. I kept singing, as I got older, especially when Pop music seemed to explode…but my mom didn’t think that my dream of having a career as singer would get me very far so now I just sing when I’m by myself and no one else can hear me. I danced for almost ten years too, but I was still taking the same class so I eventually quit that too. I mean I knew that type of shit was expensive for us, but it was like she didn’t want me to progress at anything I wanted to do; hell after I stopped dancing all I did was go to school and come back home. My sister got everything she wanted though…until she changed her major in college from business to dance. My mom wasn’t too happy about that, but at least she graduated and made something of herself.”
“Hey, look at me” he says softly as I meet his eyes. “Look I heard that your mom didn’t take too well to you being a dancer on the tour, but if she wants to be upset with anyone, then she can talk to me. Now I’m not going to lie to you when I say that your sister is one of the best dancers I’ve seen in a long time; she’s sick as hell. But so are you and I wouldn’t have offered you this opportunity if I didn’t think that was the case. Selah, you’ve got to stop worrying about everyone else and what they think about you because it’s only going to hold you back, especially if you passionate about something you love. You think I wasn’t scared shitless about leaving the guys and stepping out on my own? But I got over my fears real quick because I’m passionate about what I do; I love what I do. When you feel that way about something or someone, no one can stop you.”
I can see it in his eyes too, the passion, and he’s not even on stage right now. It’s a beautiful to see someone like that, who lives and breathes their craft, especially someone as talented and creative as Justin.
“Sorry, I guess I kind of got a little too into it huh?” He laughs lightly as I smile back at him.
“Naw, you were just speaking from the heart and there’s nothing wrong with that. You’re right though about me not caring about what others have to say about me, especially if it’s negative. It’s something I’m working on, slowly but surely.”
“Well good, because I’m not going to lie to you when I say…you look really good up there,” he says with a grin.
“Look at you trying to butter me up like some toast,” I say jokingly.
He cracks up at my remark before speaking. “I’m serious…Nick is a lucky man too.”
I look down at my hands in my lap before meeting my eyes with his again. I can tell that he has more to say about that particular subject, but he wanted my friendship and that’s all I’m giving him this time around.
“You want to head back down there?” I ask while I stand up to leave.
“Yeah, I better start getting myself ready,” he says, standing up as well.
We make our way toward the exit before I stop and turn to him. “I know this is going to sound redundant, but”"
“You’re welcome,” he cuts me off with a smile. And just like he sings in his song, he knows…he knows.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Hey everyone! I feel so bad about these updates not coming out as fast as they used to, but I'm trying everyone...I'm just a granny at some things. Anyway, here is the next chapter and I hope you all enjoy it and thank you all again for all your AWESOME feedback. I love it! *Muah*
Chapter End Notes:
Lyrics Credit: "I Just Wanted You To Know" by Justin Timberlake, "I Can't Tell You Why" by The Eagles
Story Tags: love tourj soloj justin dancer college
