September 25th; Sacramento, California
I feel his soft lips against my neck, alternating between quick, chaste pecks and warm, lingering wet kisses. His lips make their way to the spot just underneath my right ear; the spot that makes my toes curl with one touch…the spot that makes me throb. The tip of his tongue peaks out to touch it before slowly laving the area and replacing it with another wet kiss.
I pull my bottom lip between my teeth as my hands make their way into his hair, running my fingernails along his scalp. Soft moans escape my lips as he continues his ministrations to my neck and his fingertips graze up and down my sides. The contrast between his warm hands and the cool air gives me goosebumps along my naked skin. But when he brings our chests flush against each other’s, I’m warm again, reveling in the feeling of his sculpted pecs and the bumps and grooves of his abdomen.
He’s beautiful and I don’t have to see it to believe it. I can tell just by the way that his strong body and soft, warm skin feels against mine. It not only feels good, it feels right and it starts to feel even better as his fingertips leave my sides and make their way down my body and nestle themselves between my folds. Teasing me by tracing around my awaiting bud, I gasp as one of his gorgeous digits slips inside my warmth only to be joined by a second one soon after that.
My juices start to flow and cover his fingers as he takes his time and my heart starts to race in anticipation at how thick and swollen he is against my thigh. Knowing that it’s me that has made him this way and that I’m craving to feel even more of what he can give me, I suck his earlobe into my mouth as my small hand wraps around his hardened arousal.
“Baby…please,” I whisper breathlessly as a sign to let him know that I’m ready. He doesn’t say a word as his kisses stop and his hand replaces mine, giving himself a slow stroke before placing himself at my entrance. I squeeze my eyes shut as I feel him slide inside my juicy walls, which start to contract as soon as he’s buried to the hilt.
“Fuck,” I groan out in ecstasy before he sucks my bottom lip into his mouth and sets a sensuous pace with his hips. Damn his stroke has me ready to bust and he’s barely even started. The sensations of his thickness stretching and creating a delicious friction inside of me, his fluid hips working against mine, and his lips nibbling and sucking my lips contribute to my increased cries of pleasure. My hands look to grab for anything within reach: his back, his arms, his hair. They finally rest against his lower back, aiding him as he works me deeply.
I don’t want to cum yet because he feels so good, but the way that his pelvic bone is grinding against my clit is making it so that I won’t get my wish.
“Say it,” I hear him whisper in my ear. “I want to hear you say my name baby.”
I finally open my eyes and met with a sea of dark blue mixed with passion and lust. I’m instantly captivated and drawn in by them, so much that I seem to forget his request”especially since I feel the first my orgasmic waves crashing into me.
“Say it baby,” he begs me breathlessly before he groans passionately. “Fucking say it…”
It’s like his name is stuck in my throat and nothing else will come out except for my loud moans and groans. I bite my lip to try to calm myself down but that’s when I feel the second wave crash into me, causing my body to jerk violently.
“Baby…say it,” he hisses as hips move like lightening against me. But all I can see are his blue eyes as my orgasm finally washes over me; making my entire body vibrate and pulse underneath him, so powerful and vivid that I hear it and feel it buzzing in my ears.
When I come down from my high, I’m drenched in sweat…and I turn off my alarm clock that’s been going off for the last few minutes. Shit, that’s third time I’ve had that dream in the last week and it’s starting to freak me out, mainly because I never see his full face or recognize his voice; I only focus on his eyes. There are two things I’ve picked up on though: the guy always has blue eyes and the dream always ends before I can say his name. But what’s really bothering me is that there are two men in particular in my real life that I’ve been somewhat sexually involved with and that have blue eyes. Damn, I hope this isn’t omen or some bull like that but if it is, I hope it’s with the right blue-eyed man. Maybe my dream doesn’t have to do with Nick or Justin at all; maybe it’s my brain subconsciously trying to tell me that getting brain isn’t cutting it anymore.
But am I ready for sex? I mean I haven’t even accepted Nick’s offer even though I act like I have, and having sex with Justin is completely out of the question, especially since he’s not single. Ugh, maybe my hormones are just out of whack; it has been awhile since Nick and I fooled around…maybe I need to indulge him.
Tonight is a special night for the tour anyway: it’s the last North American stop. I’m still not definite about going to Australia, but I’m slowly leaning toward yes. Besides, I probably never will have the opportunity to go “down under” again, but I still have to think about it. Until then, I’m going to go take a shower…a cold one.
*******************************************************************
Arden Fair Shopping Center, 1:45 p.m.
“Hey sis, can I talk to you about something?” I ask my sister as we make our way into Bath & Body Works.
“Anything,” she replies while browsing at the various lotions and body creams.
I sigh before I speak. “How did you know if you were ready for sex?”
Ava’s head snaps in my direction with a look of shock on her face. “What would make you ask that Selah?”
I just shake my head. “Nevermind…it’s nothing. Just forget that I even asked,” I say before walking off to another part of the store.
“Oh no,” my sister follows me. “You wouldn’t have asked if it wasn’t important and if you weren’t thinking about it. Look I know you’re going to do what you want to do because it’s your life, but what’s going on girl?”
I roll my eyes, “Look I realized that I don’t want to talk about this in here, let’s go outside,” I say before taking her by her wrist and dragging her to a bench outside of the store.
I can feel my sister’s eyes burning a hole into me as I sit in silence, trying to find a way to express my thoughts.
“Selah, you’re still a virgin right?” My sister asks me quietly.
My eyes grow as big as saucers, “Yes!” I exclaim.
“Okay…I’m just checking, shit I don’t know what you and Nick be doing.”
“Well we haven’t done that,” I say before sighing. “Look, I’ve been having this dream where I’m asleep”naked”and then I wake up to some guy kissing and sucking on my neck. Ava, you don’t even understand, like he touches me, teases me and pleases me until I can’t take it anymore. I finally beg him to…to slip it inside and when he does, it’s like…” I pause, taking a second to think about my recurring dream. Shoot, if I don’t stop I might bust a nut right here on this bench a la When Harry Met Sally.
“But then like mid stroke, he starts asking me to say his name and he keeps asking me to say it over and over again…but I don’t know his name, it’s like it wants to come out of my mouth but it never does. I can never see his full face or recognize his voice; all I can see are his eyes, which are blue. And then to top it all off, the dream ends while I’m in the middle of busting a nut!” I exclaim while throwing up my hands. My sister has a laugh on that part.
“So let me get this straight, you’ve been having a recurring sex dream with some guy with blue eyes and you never get to nut?”
“That’s just half of the problem. Ava who do we know that I’ve been around lately that has blue eyes?”
She takes a minute to think about my question before I see the recognition that hits her eyes. “Oh Lord…”
“You see why I’m all confused and shit?” I reply.
“Well little one, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re ready to have sex. I mean you’ve had two very attractive men on your jock these days, not to mention Nick eating you up like Thanksgiving dinner,” she chuckles. “Maybe it’s just your hormones or something.”
“That’s what I thought too, but that whole ‘say my name’ thing just didn’t sit right with me. I just hope that’s not sign of things to come.”
“Well if it is, I hope you actually get to,” my sister cracks before busting out laughing.
“You know what, I don’t like you,” I say with a serious face.
“Okay, okay I’m sorry little one,” she calms down. “But in all seriousness, if you’re unsure or not ready, then you’re not ready. I know it doesn’t seem like this coming from where we come from, but losing your virginity is a big deal and you want to do it with the right person, not with Mr. Right Now. I mean I know you and Nick care a lot about each other, but you haven’t even decided on whether or not you want to cement the deal with him. And Justin? Child you must be crazy to even consider him as an option right now. Besides, I thought you guys were friends?”
“We are and nothing more, I’m just thinking of possible people. And you’re right; he’s not an option…I don’t need a repeat of what happened because I couldn’t keep my legs closed around him. I just wish I knew what that dream means and why I keep having it.”
“I wish I could help you. But I do know one thing; I want you to slow down when it comes to those two. You’re usually the indecisive one out of the two of us and yet you’ve been going a hundred miles per hour with these guys that you’ve just met. You need to pace yourself. Now there’s nothing wrong with some instant attraction, but don’t mistake that for what’s real okay?”
And once again, my sister is right. I know I’ve been saying that I need to slow down, but as they say actions speak louder than words. I think the reason why I haven’t given Nick an answer is because I am afraid of mistaking our physical attraction for “real” feelings. It’s obvious that I have a tendency to do that. I’m not trying to put the blame on anyone else, but I think my fear is also what led me to mess around with Justin. But since that situation was a dud maybe I’ve been afraid of the wrong thing, I mean I highly doubt that Nick would ask me to be with him without having any merit behind it; that’s just not the type of person he is. Besides, Justin and I are friends now so I guess I should take that as a sign to keep moving forward with Nick right?
Suddenly a pair of hands covers my eyes. “Guess who?” The voice whispers in my ear.
I already know who it is, he’s so silly yet completely adorable at the same. “Hmmm, do you have a gorgeous pair of blue eyes?” I ask.
“Yes…” Nick replies in his normal voice.
“And full pouty lips?”
“I haven’t heard any complaints.”
“What about a delicious, sculpted body?”
“No complaints about that either,” he chuckles.
“Hmmm…Ryan Phillipe?” I crack before my sister and I break out into the giggles. Pulling Nick’s hands from my eyes, I see him giving me an evil look.
“Aww, I’m just kidding babe,” I say while standing up to give him a hug and nuzzling my nose against his. “Forgive me?” I ask with a cheesy smile.
“Mmmhmm,” he responds before dropping a kiss on my nose. “Just don’t be mad if the name Beyoncé comes out of my mouth.”
“I wouldn’t, I’d take it as a complement. But don’t get cute,” I retort jokingly.
“Pshh woman, I already am,” he jokes. I just laugh and shake my head at him before giving him a soft peck. I love moments like this with him. The more I think about it, the more I can see myself with him and since he’s so willing to do so, maybe it is time that I hand my heart over to Nick and let him hold on to it. If he can hold on to it like the way he’s holding me in his arms right now, I know that for the first time in a long time, I won’t have to worry about a thing.
*****************************************************************************
ARCO Arena; Girls’ Dressing Room, 7:15 p.m.
“Jake Gyllenhaal…”
“No girl, Orlando Bloom!”
“Both of ya’ll know good and well it’s all about Skateboard P, a.k.a Mr. Pharrell Williams thank you very much.”
I just giggle to myself while the girls argue over who’s the most delicious man in Hollywood as we get ready for our last show. I can’t believe it’s going to be a month before I get to travel again, dance on stage, or hear the same songs that have been stuck in my head for the last month or more. Yeah, I decided that I’m going to go to Australia but I haven’t told anyone about my decision yet. My hope is that Justin and Marty will still want to include me in the show, but I guess I’ll have to talk to one of them about that soon. Until then I’m just going to enjoy tonight, starting with our nightly ritual of pre-show girl talk.
“Little one, who’s your celebrity dream man?” Tammy asks, interrupting my thoughts.
“Ya’ll know my sister likes her some vanilla-chocolate swirl,” Ava cracks while the rest of the girls and I laugh.
“Shut up A! I think Channing Tatum is delicious; I fell in love after I saw Step Up. But Ryan Phillipe makes me moist on sight,” I giggle as the girls agree and laugh with me. “That body and those lips, and he got booty for white boy? Shit, he better have the police on speed dial if he ever meets me because I’m going to jail for some sexually based offenses.”
“Mmmhmm girl, he is fine like aged wine,” the girls and I suddenly hear from outside of the dressing room in a mock female voice. Simultaneously, we all start cracking up.
“Justin, you out there eavesdropping on us?” Dana asks.
“Maybe…” he replies with a smile in his voice. “I was actually wondering if I could talk to Selah for a second.”
My heart quickens as the girls’ eyes land on me. “I’ll be right out okay?” I yell loud enough so that he can hear me.
“Alright, take your time.”
“Oooh, you’re in trouble,” Nancy teases.
“Please, for what?”
“Probably because he heard you didn’t pick him as your celebrity dream man,” my sister jokes before the other girls laugh.
“Ha ha ha trick,” I reply while smacking her on the butt. “When you end up tripping on stage, don’t say I didn’t warn your ass,” I retort playfully before making my way out of the dressing room. I spot Justin right away, talking to one of the crewmembers. His eyes flit over to me before he excuses himself and makes his way over.
“What up foo’ ?” I greet him jokingly.
He chuckles, “Another question…”
“What’s with you and all these questions? I mean am I on trial here?” I continue my silly charade.
“You might as well be; you my friend have committed a crime against me. In fact,” he says as he pretends to sniffle pitifully, “You’ve hurt my feelings.”
I giggle at his lame attempt to be sad before crossing my arms over my chest, “Awww…and what did I do to the baby?”
“How come I don’t have your number?” He asks before poking out his bottom lip.
I give him a playful glare. “You drug me out the dressing room just for that? Everybody else has my digits”"
“Which is exactly why I’m hurt,” he replies like a little boy who can’t get his way. “I thought we were friends and friends have each other’s numbers so that they can call each other and”"
“Harass my black ass,” I interrupt him with a grin. “What do you really want my number for Justin? And if I do decide to give it to you, don’t be trying to be on that late-night-creep shit, calling me at some ungodly hour…I already got somebody for that.”
He rolls his eyes playfully, “Yeah, yeah I know the nighttime is reserved for Nick, but would if I need someone to talk to? Someone that isn’t my mom, my cousin Rachael, or Jessica? Would if I just want to talk and maybe chill with my homie?” He asks with a sugary sweet smile.
“You are a mess Mr. Timberlake,” I say, shaking my head even though I’m grinning. “Now listen because I’m only going to say this once…(310) 313-1831, you got it?”
“Got it,” he says with a satisfied smile.
“And remember what I said, don’t be calling me all the time or at crazy times during the night. And don’t be flooding my inbox up with hella text messages okay?”
“Damn, did everybody else have to go through this screening process?”
“Nope…but that’s because I trusted them,” I say with a serious face before a smile takes over.
“Awww man, that’s cold blooded Ms. Selah,” he says while clutching his chest. “Who would have known that you could be so bitchy.”
I raise an eyebrow at him, “Well someone once told me and I quote, ‘you Ms. Bernstine are one bad bitch.’ I’ll see you on stage Justin,” I say before walking back to the dressing room and leaving him smiling at the memory of us and the infamous orange juice incident in New York.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Hey darlings, again I'm trying like hell to get these updates out quicker...I just have not been feeling all that hot lately (especially today). But here is the next chapter so I hope you all enjoy it. Again, thanks so much for your awesome reviews and feedback, I love and appreciate it so much.
Story Tags: love tourj soloj justin dancer college
