October 21st, 6:49 p.m.
It’s raining like fucking cats and dogs outside. I watch the downpour through the window from my bed with one pillow cradling my head and the other hugged to my body. I’ve basically been like this all day, just really getting up to eat or pee. Today I just woke up feeling anxious, like my heart was full and ready to burst. That’s usually how I feel before something happens. It’s funny because it was absolutely beautiful this morning and afternoon, full of sunshine and not one cloud in the sky. But once the clock struck five, everything became shadowed in gray and the sky just opened up and down came the rain. It may be good or it may be bad, but something is going to happen today…and I’m just waiting for whatever it is.
“Hey little one, I’m going to run out for a little bit. You wanna come with?” My sister asks while poking her head in the door.
“Nah, I’ll pass; it is too damn wet outside. Where are you going in this shitty weather anyway?”
She looks down at the floor before answering me. “I was going to go visit Mama for a few hours, that’s all.”
“Oh,” I reply flatly.
“I mean depending on if the rain lets up, I might end up staying the night over there but I’ll call and let you know.”
“Okay. Well have a good time,” I say, hoping that it will end this awkward conversation.
My sister comes over and sits on the bed. “Selah, you sure you don’t want to go? Maybe it’ll give you and Mama a chance to talk and sort things out”"
“A, please,” I interrupt. “I appreciate you trying to help, but I’m just not ready for all of that yet okay? When the time comes for me to be big enough to go talk to Mom on my own, then I’ll do that. But right now…I’m still too angry, still too hurt and I don’t want to say something to her that I might regret.”
“I hear what you’re saying and I respect that. But just remember that we’ve only got one mom, a mom who took on the role of two parents in order to raise us right, a mom who sacrificed a lot of her own needs just so that we could succeed. I know that what she said to you was out of line and I still think that you did the right thing by sticking up for yourself, but since the both of you are as stubborn as two mules, one of you is going to have to be the bigger person. But like you said, it’s not your time; but when it is I trust that you’ll do the right thing,” she says before kissing my cheek.
“I’ll call you later okay? Are you going to be okay here by yourself?” She asks.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I’ll probably finish the remainder of my packing tonight anyway.”
“Alright, love you and see you later,” she says while walking out of the room.
“Love you too and be safe. Hey Ava, wait a second!” I call out to her.
“Yeah?” She says while poking her head in the doorway again.
“Tell Mom…I said hi.”
My sister gives me a cheeky smile, “I’ll do that.”
************************************************************
11:51 p.m.
The rain is still falling hard and I’m still watching it through my window. I’ve been trying to get to sleep for the last hour, but my brain just won’t turn off. I know it’s because I’m still anxious, if not more than before since I’m still waiting for that something to happen. But still, nothing has and the day is almost over.
Maybe I’m just psyching myself out over nothing. I mean I think about today and nothing major or anything that had the potential to be major has happened. Believe me, I’ve been mulling over the events of today in my head since I’ve been laying here. Ava called to tell me that she decided to stay with Mom for the night after all. I have to admit that a small smile came to my face when she told me how happy Mom was when she told her that I said hi. After that I finished my packing for Australia, ordered a pizza, watched some TV, and then talked to Nick for a while before I brushed my teeth and got into bed at around 10:45. And yet, I still can’t go to sleep.
It’s 11:55 now and it’s like my heart and my brain are still waiting for that something…
Or better yet that someone.
I’m sitting up in my and bed and my heart seems to have stopped. Who in the hell is knocking on the door at this time of night? But as I walk toward the door with my anxiety growing tenfold, I know that whatever, or in this case whoever I’ve been worried about all day is on the other side of that of that door. It’s like my body knows that something is about to happen before I do. But like I said earlier, it may be good or it may be bad, but something is going to happen…and it’s going to happen right now.
My legs almost give out from under me when I see him standing in front of me, drenched from head to toe. He looks lost, saddened, and broken but at the same time relieved that I answered the door. He scratches the back of his head and I can tell that he’s embarrassed that he’s ended up here and is sorry for possibly waking me up. But if he only knew. And just like that, my heart revives itself again and starts to race as I lick my dry lips and begin to speak barely above a whisper.
“Justin, what are you doing here?”
He swallows and gives me an awkward smile. “I know that it’s late and I’m sorry if I woke you up and that I haven’t called or anything…but I…I really needed to see you,” he croaks out.
Been thinking about this all damn day,
And I can't wait to see your face…
I eye him strangely when he says that, not because of what he said, but rather how he said it. Who is this nervous creature in front of me? Who is this person who looks so unsure of himself? Because it’s not the Justin that I know.
“Is everything okay? Are you hurt?”
He licks his lips and looks down at ground. “I’ve been trying so hard to do the right thing, to make everybody else happy and to do what they tell me that they think is right. But I can’t keep doing what everybody else wants me to do anymore, I just can’t.”
Okay, now I’m even more confused, worried, and scared. “Justin, what are you talking about? What’s going on?”
Again, he just dismisses my questions. “I don’t know why I even bothered trying to convince other people that I love her when I already knew the truth my damn self.”
“JUSTIN,” I yell his name, forcing him to look into my eyes while I grab the lapels of his jacket. “What the hell is going on?”
“I BROKE UP WITH HER!” And just like that, my heart stops again.
We stare at each other for what seems like an eternity before I start to breathe again.
“Why?” I sigh out.
“Because if I’m passionate about something or someone, no one is going to stop me from getting what I want. Now does that answer your question?”
How the hell can expect me to answer him after what he just said? I don’t think I could since I don’t even know what my name is right now.
“I don’t know how many times or how many ways I have to show you that I want you, that I need you. Selah I need you so bad. You don’t know how much you consume my day with just that one phone call or text message, your words of advice or even your laugh…an-and, you don’t know how much I need that in my life all day…everyday,” he confesses while wrapping his strong arms around my waist.
My hands are dying to touch ya,
But I ain't got the patience to wait…
That’s when I feel him bury his face in my neck and begin to plant kisses there. “Selah please, please be mine…” He whispers. Oh God, why did he have to say that? Why is he doing this to me when knows…he fucking knows…
“I can’t try to love her anymore,” he says as he pulls away from my neck and looks me in the eyes. “But I know I can with you because if it’s anything like what I’ve been feeling since I met you, then I have to have you. Please let me show you that I can Selah, please let me love you.”
The next thing I know, he’s captured my lips with his, making me melt as our tongues touch and slide sensuously against each other’s. He’s taking over all of my senses with the sweet taste of his lips, the smell of his own clean and natural scent, the touch of his warm hands that are caressing my lower back, and even though he looks like a little like a drowned puppy, he still looks gorgeous in my eyes.
I feel his lips reach my neck and that’s when my brain decides to click back on, but I’m not thinking about stopping him…I’m thinking about Nick. What the hell am I doing? Why won’t my body stop succumbing to Justin’s kisses? Why can’t I stop?
When Justin and I started over as friends, I thought that I had wiped my slate clean of those feelings I had for him, I thought that I didn’t and couldn’t look at him in that light anymore because I had Nick. But no matter what Justin and I do, we can’t fight the chemistry that we have with each other. It’s gotten us in trouble before and it may get us in trouble again. But I’m not going to stop it because as much as I want and care about Nick, I want, care about and need Justin that much more. And right now, I can’t fight what I’ve been feeling for him.
And I think it's time…
That I…
Lose control, lose control…
My hands reach up to cup his face as I bring my lips back to his, devouring him with as much passion as I can before sucking his bottom lip into my mouth and pulling away.
“Okay,” I say breathlessly while pressing my forehead to his.
“Okay?”
“Love me Justin…show me that you can love me and only me.”
And with that, I’m scooped up into his arms with my legs wrapped around his waist as the front door shuts behinds us.
***********************************************************************
I feel his soft lips against my neck, alternating between quick, chaste pecks and warm, lingering wet kisses. His lips make their way to the spot just underneath my right ear; the spot that makes my toes curl with one touch…the spot that makes me throb. The tip of his tongue peaks out to touch it before slowly laving the area and replacing it with another wet kiss.
I pull my bottom lip between my teeth as my hands make their way into his hair, running my fingernails along his scalp. Soft moans escape my lips as he continues his ministrations to my neck and his fingertips graze up and down my sides. The contrast between his warm hands and the cool air gives me goosebumps along my naked skin. But when he brings our chests flush against each other’s, I’m warm again, reveling in the feeling of his sculpted pecs and the bumps and grooves of his abdomen.
He’s beautiful and I don’t have to see it to believe it. I can tell just by the way that his strong body and soft, warm skin feels against mine. It not only feels good, it feels right and it starts to feel even better as his fingertips leave my sides and make their way down my body and nestle themselves between my folds. Teasing me by tracing around my awaiting bud, I gasp as one of his gorgeous digits slips inside my warmth only to be joined by a second one soon after that.
My juices start to flow and cover his fingers as he takes his time and my heart starts to race in anticipation at how thick and swollen he is against my thigh. Knowing that it’s me that has made him this way and that I’m craving to feel even more of what he can give me, I suck his earlobe into my mouth as my small hand wraps around his hardened arousal.
“Justin…please,” I whisper breathlessly as a sign to let him know that I’m ready. He doesn’t say a word as his kisses stop and his hand replaces mine, giving himself a slow stroke before placing himself at my entrance. I feel my body tense up on instinct as my nerves start to get the best of me and I think he can feel it too.
“Hey,” he says quietly. “You alright?” He asks with a small smile.
I return it, “Yeah…I am. I’m just a little nervous, that’s all. But if you cause me any major pain, this will be the last thing”or person”that you ever do.”
He laughs heartily at my remark. “Then I can’t think of a better way to go,” he says before placing a soft kiss to my lips. “You already know that I’m going to take it nice and slow and if you want me to stop, just let me know…but I highly doubt that you’ll be doing that,” he says with a naughty grin before biting his bottom lip at me. I giggle and shake my head at him before he tastes my lips for the infinite time, letting me know that he’s ready.
I thought I was going to be a lot more nervous when I had sex for the first time, but lying here with Justin feels good, comfortable; natural even. I’m surprised that I’m not trying to cover myself or hide parts of my body, but I doubt Justin would let me get away with that anyway. Besides, I haven’t heard or seen any objections from him about it so far, so I guess he likes what he sees.
I watch as he takes the condom that’s sitting on my nightstand, unwraps it and places it on himself. Even the man’s dick is beautiful: long, thick, and throbbing. I know he’s going to hurt, but I’m willing to risk it because I know how good it’s going to feel in the end. When I feel him tracing my entrance again, our eyes meet and I feel him bring my hands above my head and intertwine our fingers.
Girl are you ready?
Are you ready for love?
Girl are you ready?
Are you ready for us?
I squeeze my eyes shut and bite my bottom lip as I feel him slide inside my juicy walls. I feel like I’ve forgotten how to breathe as he pushes in almost halfway, only to pull back out and do it again. I grip his hands tightly as he finally buries himself inside me while short-rapid breaths escape both of our mouths. That’s when it finally hits me, this sense of déjà vu that I’ve been in this position before. But this time, it’s not a dream and honestly with this beautiful man inside me right now, I don’t give a damn about being sore tomorrow. I’m just glad that I won’t have to wake up this time.
Oh no no,
It's okay to scream,
And if you need to, take a second to breathe…
“Fuck,” I groan out in a mixture of pleasure and pain before he sucks my bottom lip into his mouth and sets a sensuous pace with his hips. Damn his stroke has me ready to bust and he’s barely even started. The sensations of his thickness stretching and creating a delicious friction inside of me, his fluid hips working against mine, and his lips nibbling and sucking on my lips contribute to my increased cries of pleasure. My hands look to grab for anything within reach: his back, his arms, his hair. They finally rest against his lower back, aiding him as he works me deeply.
Hey, there it is
I can feel your legs trembling…
You feel the sweat dripping from my chest…
I don’t want to cum yet because he feels so good, but the way that his pelvic bone is grinding against my clit is making it so that I won’t get my wish.
“Say it,” I hear him whisper in my ear. “I want to hear you say my name baby.”
I finally open my eyes and met with a sea of dark blue mixed with passion and lust. I’m instantly captivated and drawn in by them, so much that I seem to forget his request”especially since I feel the first of my orgasmic waves crashing into me.
“Say it baby,” he begs me breathlessly before he groans passionately. “Fucking say it…”
“Justin,” I moan out and I find myself smiling at the sound. “Fuck Justin, don’t stop.” I bite my lip to try to calm myself down but that’s when I feel the second wave crash into me, causing my body to jerk violently. “Please, don’t stop…”
“Baby…say it again,” he hisses as hips move like lightening against me. I try to yell out, but that’s when I feel his fingers nestle in between my folds again, finding my clit instantly. I try so hard to say his name, but my mouth can’t even form words as he rubs me furiously. His blue eyes are the last thing that I see as my orgasm finally washes over me, making my entire body vibrate and pulse underneath him.
I feel my pussy squeeze him like a vice as my back arches off of the bed and I scream out in ecstasy. Shit, it’s so intense that I feel tears spring from eyes and roll down my cheeks. He’s not too far behind me as his hips start to jerk against mine and he bites down on my shoulder to muffle the sounds of his moans as he cums. It’s one of the sexiest sounds I have ever heard. Shit, I could almost get there again just listening to his cries of pleasure and release. I slowly rock against him as he rides out his waves and my hands skim up and down his warm, sweat-slicked back.
He’s starting with the wet kisses again as his tongues laves the spot where he bit me. He makes his way to my neck before my hands cup his face and I plant a long, slow, lingering kiss to his lips.
He chuckles breathlessly, “Damn girl…you keep kissing me like that and I’m going to have to take you down again.”
“Trust me, I wouldn’t object.”
“Good, because we’re doing that again…and again…and again…and again…”
I giggle as he kisses all over my neck. “Hey...”
“Yeah?”
“I know this is going to sound cheesy, but thank you…for being my first and for being gentle with me,” I say with a shy smile.
He gives me a soft peck, “You’re welcome baby, but I should be thanking you for allowing me to be your first, so thank you because that was…fucking amazing.” He says before laughing breathlessly. “I just wanted to make you feel good, so…did I do that?”
“Well I’ll just tell you this…I’m going to be sore tomorrow, but in a damn good way.”
“Good, because round two is about begin right now.”
Today I woke up feeling anxious, like my heart was full and ready to burst and that’s usually how I feel before something happens. It could have been good or it could have been bad, but I knew that something was going to happen…and I can’t believe that this turned out to be it.
Girl are you ready?
Are you ready for love?
Girl are you ready?
To glow in the dark
Author's Chapter Notes:
Well my loves, here is the next chapter. I was going to put it up last week but since there was hella stuff going on with the archive I decided to wait. I'm also posting it now because I leave for school bright and early in the morning so I wanted to leave you all with something. Now after this chapter, the updates are going start coming a bit more slower since I'm trying to get settled and I'm going to be working. But no worries, I plan on finishing this until the very end (which sadly, is not too far away). Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this chapter for now until I get things together. Thanks again for all the love and support with this story, I truly appreciate it.
Chapter End Notes:
Lyrics Credit: "Glow In The Dark" by Chris Brown
Story Tags: love tourj soloj justin dancer college
