August 18th; Bell Center, Montreal, Canada
I hate being a woman sometimes. I hate being the indecisive woman who can’t decide if she wants Mexican or Italian food for dinner, or if she wants the sundress in red or orange. I hate being the optimistic woman one day and then a pessimistic one the next when things don’t go her way. I hate being the overly sensitive woman who lets a certain comment by someone cause her to break down because she took it the wrong way. But the woman that I despise being is the jealous one, especially over something that never belonged to her in the first place. Needless to say I’m not only a jealous woman right now, but also a pissed off one all because of one person: Jessica.
After I left the club, I took a shower, dressed, and packed my bag before I boarded the bus with the rest of the girls as we made our way to Montreal. Surprisingly and thankfully, no one asked me what I doing or why I was in the VIP lounge for so long. Justin and mine’s parting wasn’t as awkward as I thought it would be and ended with him wrapping me in his arms in the form of a tight hug. I could tell that he felt a bit baffled about our sensuous dancing and what it meant for us, as was I. But when I looked into his eyes before leaving the lounge, there was one emotion that I didn’t see in them: guilt. I know that there wasn’t a guilty bone in my body.
For the first time in a long time I felt sexy and desirable. So imagine how I felt when we finally arrived at the Fairmont Tremblant hotel and saw Jessica waiting in the lobby with a huge smile on her face. The look on Justin’s face was priceless, but not in the happy sense.
“Surprise,” she said sweetly before walking over and wrapping her arms around him and pecking him on the lips.
If that wasn’t a WTF look on his face, I don’t know what it was, but he played it off as best as he could by plastering on a mega-watt smile. “Hey baby, what are you doing here?”
My thoughts exactly. I don’t know what pissed me off more, the fact that she just decided to show up and stay for who knows how long or that I haven’t seen or talked to Justin since we left the club. Looks like I’ll have to keep on waiting and that’s what I’ve been doing ever since.
I’m sitting in the club pit now as the dancers go over the routines from the first half of the show; apparently we’re breaking for lunch after they finish. Everyone can probably tell that I’m in a shitty mood because they haven’t said much to me today. Then again with this mean mug I’m rocking right now, I wouldn’t want to talk to me either. My craptastic mood is only being fueled by the fact that Ms. Biel has decided to accompany us to rehearsal today, but thankfully she hasn’t been very talkative. She’s probably picked up on my “Fuck Off” aura too.
This is a shame; I mean I didn’t sleep with the man, I just danced with him and here I am acting like two year-old, throwing a tantrum simply because his girlfriend is here. But I can’t help but feel a little territorial; just thinking about the way his body felt against mine, the way his hips tortuously rolled against my backside, the way he was looked at me when we were up against the wall….and there goes another pair of panties.
“I hear you guys went out the other night, to Plush right?” Jessica asks me cheerfully.
Damn, just when I thought I was going to get through this conversation free. “Yeah, we did…it was fun.”
“Aww, that’s cool. I mean I love to dance, but I’d be intimidated dancing around Justin or any of the other dancers.”
“You mean to tell me that you and Justin don’t dance together when you guys go out?”
“No, we do it’s just…he likes to grind and when he does that, he moves his hips in this certain way.” Oh, don’t I know.
“It’s like we’re fucking in front of everyone on the dance floor and I can’t move as well as he can…like that,” she laughs nervously. If I weren’t so irritated by the fact that she was here, I would have found her confession cute. Who would have thought that Jessica Biel couldn’t get her freak on? Then again, I know first hand about the hips in question so I can understand where she’s coming from.
“I’ll let you in on a little secret; it’s all about control…”
“Control?”
I nod my head affirmatively. “Your back is to his front, you’re trying to show him what you’re working with, so that means you get to run the show. Just move the way you want to move and he’ll have no choice but to follow,” I smirk. Why I just gave her that bit of advice, I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I know that she can never work it like me.
Jessica nods her head, absorbing the information I just shared with her. “I guess I’ll have to try it sometime, thanks Selah,” she says before giving me a sweet smile. I try my best to give one back without it looking forced, but it must have worked because she turns her attention back to the stage. The dancers finally finish the first half and thankfully, it’s time for lunch.
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It isn’t even a second after I finally make it through the food line and sit down at the long table where everyone else is seated before Michele starts talking about the club. I swear God and karma are really trying to tell me something today.
“So I’ve decided that Plush is my new spot for whenever I’m in New York.”
“Definitely,” Marty cuts in. “That place was off the chain.”
“Not only was the place hot but the women there were ooohwheeee…” Eddie replies, making everyone at the table laugh.
“Yeah, especially the one with that green mini dress on…did ya’ll see her?” Nick asks while sending me a sly grin from across the table. I send him one back while everyone else laughs at his obvious description of my outfit. “Baby girl had some moves too.”
“Yeah she does.” And just like that, the table goes silent and looks in the direction of Justin’s voice. Thank God that no one is looking at my face right now because my eyes are the size of half dollars and my heart is pounding. What the hell is he doing? I mean it’s not like we made an agreement not to tell anyone, but I highly doubt that Nick or Jessica would be happy about the details of what happened between us in the lounge. I think Justin can tell that he’s made me uncomfortable with his comment.
“I saw her breaking you off from the VIP man,” he says, directing his comment to Nick.
Nick laughs lightly, but I can tell that he’s not buying Justin’s lame cover-up. “Oh yeah? She was working it in those heels too…looks like we may need another dancer for ‘Damn Girl,’ “ he says in a sing song voice.
“Oh hell no,” I finally speak up. “I don’t even like wearing a bathing suit let alone some lingerie in front of thousands of people almost every night,” I laugh, making the conversation lighthearted like it was before. Everyone laughs and Marty starts talking about the show, forgetting the awkward moment all together. I look across the table at Nick; he catches me looking at him and I give him one of the shy smiles he always gives me. He mirrors it, only it’s not so much shy as it is confused and unsure. The sad thing is that I know those feelings all to well right now.
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7:30 p.m., Girls’ Dressing Room
I’m in my usual spot before show time with my earphones in my ear. Tonight’s song: “I Got Trouble” by Christina Aguilera. How appropriate right? My mind is still reeling over lunch today and the way Nick looked at me. I felt my heart break a little bit when his sleepy blues didn’t light up when we made eye contact like they usually do. Now let me explain something, I may have gotten myself into some shit by already getting in too deep with Justin, but I like Nick…I really do. He’s the first guy in the longest time that actually wants and makes time to get to know me as well as spend time with me. It’s the little things that he does for me too, like saving me a spot next to him at breakfast, lunch, or dinner; or when we’re walking somewhere and he slips his hand against mine and intertwines our fingers, and I’ve never been called beautiful more time in my life than during this week. I swear, if he gives me that shy smile of his while looking at me with those sleepy but beautiful blue eyes of his one more time…I’m a goner.
But I’m also a goner for someone who probably isn’t even thinking about me in that way and yet after a few conversations, I feel so comfortable around Justin that it scares me. It’s like he can see right through me without me having to say a word and I think that’s what happened at the club the other night. I wanted him so bad, but am I wrong in thinking that he wanted me too? I mean just looking at the man makes me all hot and bothered, but I’ve danced with guys before…and they don’t get that hard. When he had me up against the wall, I thought he was going to bust out of the jeans he was wearing because he was grinding against me so hard. Honestly I was ready for him move my panties to the side and dickmatize me in the VIP lounge of Plush, but that’s just my hormones talking. However it’s had me thinking either that he and Jessica’s sex life isn’t all that hot or he likes brown sugar a lot more than I thought.
“Come on little mama, you know what time it is,” Dana says after tapping me on the shoulder. Ah yes, gossip time. Right away the girls start teasing me about Nick.
“Girl, you got him following you around like a puppy dog,” Michele says.
“I guess your hips, your thighs, they’ve got him hypnotized,” Tammy cracks before we all bust out laughing. Just when I about to respond, we hear from the outside:
“Ayo, I’m tired of using technology…”
This makes us laugh even more since Justin just gave himself away and was listening to our conversation.
“Justin…” Nanci drawls out.
“Yes?” He mimics while poking his head through the curtains. “What? I heard someone singing my song so I thought I’d sing along.”
“Technically, it’s 50’s song. I didn’t know featured artists got bragging rights too,” I cut in.
Justin cocks me an eyebrow before licking his lips and giving me a smug grin. “Well I co-wrote the song so I get to brag as much as I damn well please.”
Oh no he didn’t. He just basically told me to shut the fuck up. Why am I so turned on right now? Better yet, why does my brain cease to function whenever he’s around? Just the way he’s looking at me right now; the way he said those words to me. It’s like he could say or do whatever the hell he wants to me and there wouldn’t be a damn thing I could do about it. That sense of confidence, with a pinch of cockiness thrown in is starting to make me throb. I think I need to go to the bathroom and from the look in his eyes, he knows why too.
“Ladies, I’m going to go to the bathroom,” I say while still looking Justin in the eyes. “I’ll be back.” I know they’re probably wondering what the hell is going on with the way we’re talking to and looking at each other, but I have to get out of here before they make me explain everything…or before I have an orgasm in front everyone. I finally find the bathroom, clean myself up and splash some cool water on my face.
“So I take it you’ve been replaying Thursday night in your head too.”
I am really sick of him lurking in the shadows and scaring the hell out me, he better be lucky that my first instinct is to swing and not to kick.
“Justin what the hell are you doing in the women’s bathroom?”
“I just want to talk,” he replies nonchalantly.
“In the women’s bathroom? Why couldn’t you have waited until I came out?”
“Because I’ve been waiting for the last day and a half,” he sighs. I guess it’s been on his mind too. Maybe if we actually talk about it instead of avoiding it, it might give me some clarity on the decision I have to make. I sigh too before taking a seat on the bathroom counter.
“What’s up?”
“Apparently my dick was.”
Leave it to him to be honest enough to the point of being crass. “Well thank you Captain Obvious.”
He bows his head, embarrassed at his outburst. “I’m sorry…that didn’t come out right. It’s just…I don’t know what happened. I mean you know how I dance, but I’ve never danced with anyone like…like that.” Great, he’s embarrassed and ashamed. I guess I psyched myself into believing that he actually did feel something.
“But I’m not going to lie to you Selah, what we did, the way we moved and connected, it felt good. You feel good,” he says in a low voice. That last part definitely got my attention and I realize how close he is to me when he says it. He’s standing between my legs with his hands on either side of my hips. I look into his blue eyes and that’s when I notice how many different shades of blue they are. It seems like the lighter they are, the happier or upbeat he is; the darker they are, the more angry or passionate he is. I’m swimming in a sea of navy right now and it’s not because he’s pissed at me.
“You feel good too,” I admit quietly while moving my gaze to the bathroom floor. “I’ve never felt or moved like that with anyone either. But what you did at lunch today was not cool, what were you thinking?”
“I wasn’t…I mean, I didn’t intend for it to come out like that. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”
I meet his gaze again. “It’s ok…although I don’t think Nick bought your excuse, even if it is true,” I say before biting the inside of my cheek.
“I told you he likes you,” he says as he plays with my fingers and intertwines our fingers together. I love his hands and honestly, I love when I feel them on me. “How do you feel about him?”
“Honestly, I like him a lot…a whole lot. I know it’s only been a week, but I’m really starting to care about him. I feel bad that he probably thinks that something is going on between us.”
“It’s not like he can prove anything.”
“Well he will if he keeps catching us in these awkward situations,” I snap before snatching my hand out of his grasp.
He sighs. “So what do we do?”
“Justin, there’s nothing we can do. You’re in a relationship or have you totally forgotten about that in the midst of us making each other feel good?” I say irritably.
“No I haven’t forgotten about my relationship,” he echoes my irritability. “I love Jessica.”
“Do you?”
“Yes! I love her, she means the world to me.” He saying the words, but now instead of lust, his eyes are filled with uncertainty. Why do I feel a “but” coming?
“But despite all that,” he sighs for what seems like the millionth time. “There’s no spark.”
“No spark?” I ask him baffled. Jessica is a beautiful and curvaceous woman, hell she even has the ass that he’s always talking about when people ask him what his favorite body part on a woman is. I’m surprised he’s not caking with her right now and trying to get a little something before show time. “What do you mean?”
He’s pacing back and forth in front of me now while running his hands through his curls. “I don’t know Selah. Like when we first started dating, there was so much raw, unbridled passion between us. Shit, I thank God for this tour otherwise I’d be in bed all day butt naked with that woman,” he chuckles.
“I mean, sure it’s only been a few months and I’ve been running around the country and overseas like a chicken with my head cut off, but it’s like that anymore. She’s one of the sweetest women I have ever met, but she’s so sweet to the point that she has a hard time taking the reigns ya know? It’s always cool with whatever I want to do and oh my god don’t ever ask her what she wants for dinner, you’ll fucking starve.” I have to laugh on that one because it reminds me of someone I know so well.
“It’s just I’m always making decisions; whether it’s about my career, my label, the clothing line, whatever. It would just be nice to share that load with someone and have that person help take control when I need a break,” he says before chewing on his bottom lip. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m the happiest I’ve been in a long time. But there are times when I rather be in the passenger seat instead of the driver’s ya know?”
I feel him and that’s why I could never do what he does for a living. I would have been committed somewhere by now if I had to deal with what he deals with every single day. But I know that he wouldn’t trade it for the world because to him, making music is like breathing air.
“Well that’s what happens when you bring sexy back,” I say trying to cheer him up. I’m glad it works because he laughs at my lame joke. “People are going to expect you to live up to that claim now that you’ve gone and put it out there.”
“But I’m lazy,” he whines before resuming his position between my legs. “I don’t wanna be sexy no more…”
“Too late,” I mumble in hopes that he doesn’t hear me. But when our eyes meet and I see his infamous lopsided grin, I know that I’ve been caught red handed.
“So you said that you and Jessica’s spark is starting to go out…is there someone else who you think you have sparks with?” I ask shyly.
“Can you keep a secret?” he whispers with a mischievous smile.
“Yes,” I whisper back.
“There’s this one chick I met a little over a week ago. From the moment I saw her smile I knew she was different, but in good way. Then when I actually had the chance to talk to her and get to know her, she basically clowned me to my face!” He says, feigning disbelief. I just laugh because I know exactly whom he’s talking about.
“From that conversation though, I could tell that she was intelligent, sassy, but not in a bitchy way; sweet, and honest. But you want to know what’s sexy about her?” He says while he inches he face closer to mine.
Oh dear God, doesn’t he understand that he is a walking orgasm? Somewhere in my lifetime, I better be handsomely compensated for the resistance I’m putting up right now. I swallow the lump that’s in my throat and nod my head in order to answer his question.
“She knows how to control me and that’s a rare feat because I always have control,” he says intertwining our fingers again.
“Whether it’s during a conversation…or with her hips,” he chuckles as his hands skim up my thighs and plant themselves on my hips. “She always grabs my attention somehow. What’s even sexier is that she doesn’t even realize the power that she has over me…and the fact that she has the sexiest pair legs I have ever seen,” he says as our eyes meet again and his knuckles graze over my denim-clad thighs.
His eyes are navy again and I need a new pair of panties for the umpteenth time since I’ve been on this tour. I never thought I could grab anyone’s attention let alone Justin Timberlake’s. But he really doesn’t understand the control he has over me right now with his hands on my thighs in this bathroom.
“Well would if it was the other way around? Would if you actually possessed some type of control over her that you didn’t know about?”
“Then I would want her to tell me what she wants and what she needs, but I’m pretty sure I could figure it out.”
“How so?” I ask quietly as I watch his thumb and index finger play with the button of my jeans.
“Well not to sound too cocky, but it’s obvious that she wants me. I can tell by the way that she looks at me and talks to me. Her body language is out of this world, I can tell what she needs based off of that alone.”
“And what’s that?”
“Well the other night I went to the club and she was there too. She had on this green mini dress that made her look good enough to eat and these heels that made her legs look they went on for miles. When I finally got to dance with her…it was like some of the best sex I had ever had, only with clothes on. When she bent over to the front and let me take the reigns from behind or ran her fingers through my hair, I could tell that she’s giving; that she’ll do whatever it takes to satisfy me and keep it that way. But I can also tell that she’s never been given the attention that she needs or deserves, so when I had her up against the wall I wanted to show her that the passion she gave to me could be reciprocated and then some.”
He makes it sound so technical yet sexy at the same time, never mind the fact that he hit the nail right on the head with my wants and needs. Shit, I’ve definitely sprung a leak now.
“But you know how I know that I have control over her?” I’m surprised that my rapid breathing and increased heart rate weren’t a dead giveaway, but I nod and let him tell me anyway. I soon feel his lips and warm breath against my left ear.
“When I can see and feel how wet she gets every time that I’m around,” he says as he quickly cups my center from the outside of my jeans. “But she doesn’t have to worry, her secret is safe with me.” And just as quick as the words leave his lips, he’s out the door.
You know how I said that I hate being indecisive, sensitive, and jealous? Well I also hate keeping secrets because they always find a way to come out into the light when I least expect it. Whatever this is between Justin and I is fun and sexy, but so dangerous for other many other people involved. It would be completely different if Justin was single, but he’s not and despite how attracted I am to him, I refuse to hurt two completely innocent people. For what seems like the first time in my life, I know what”better yet who I want and I’m not going to let anyone take me away from him…for now.
Author's Chapter Notes:
My darlings, I am so sorry for leaving you all hanging like this for almost a week. I've just been trying to catch up with my writing, especially with the next chapter which is going to be a big one. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this next update and again, thank you all for reading and reviewing. *Muah*
Story Tags: love tourj soloj justin dancer college
