She was unsure of herself again. Was she making the right decision? She assumed, well, she was pretty sure, that she had figured out what happened between Aimee and her husband. It took her a while, because she wanted to believe that someone that she considered her best friend for years would never do something like this. But on the other hand, being best friends for so long meant that Janelle knew exactly how manipulative Aimee could be when there was something that she wanted yet couldn't have.
Her flight back to LA awakened things in her, things she should have thought about sooner than the present moment. It just seemed impossible, that her husband would simply fall into bed with her best friend. She knew Justin. And she knew Aimee. And that small thing that never added up to her when she found out finally clicked. That was how she knew she was making the right decision coming back to speak with him.
She nodded her head at the man still standing shocked in the doorway. She brushed past him into the foyer, still unsure of how to begin the conversation. She leaned her suitcase against the wall and placed her purse on top of the entry table.
She still didn't know how their future together would play out, but she was sure that there would be a future between them. That was not a question, because the child growing inside of her needed both his or her mother AND his or her father. Not one or the other. She just wasn't sure how her child would know his or her parents, together or divorced.
Sighing, she dragged her tired feet and mind into the living room, eyeballing her favorite overstuffed chair in the corner. It used to be her favorite place in the house. It was so comfortable that you simply sank right into the cushions, and it was the best spot for curling up with a good book. It was right next to the window, allowing sunlight during the day, and had a reading lamp on the table beside it for at night. She quickly walked to the chair and sank into it, relishing in the good memories it brought her. Memories of her and Justin squeezing together into the chair, him scribbling random things in his leather journal and her reading whatever new book series that had caught her eye.
Janelle looked up to her husband and nodded for him to sit down on the couch closest to her. It was time that they started this much needed conversation, although neither knew the words to say.
"Look, Ellie...I don't know what's going to happen here, but I just want you to know something. I love you. I love the child that you have growing inside of you even though I have yet to meet him or her. I know I screwed up. I know I screwed up big time. My mom won't talk to me right now, unless it's to ask about you. Trace doesn't know what to say to me, because he agrees with my mom. I'm losing my entire life here, and I don't know the damnedest way to make it right again. I don't know how to bring us back to the way we used to be."
"That's the thing, Justin. It will never go back to the way it was before all this. I don't think I will ever be able to forget this, able to get the image of you and her out of my head. It's burned there, probably permanently."
Justin cringed. He knew that she would say something along those lines, because he had learned some things while she was gone. If the roles were reversed, he wasn't sure he could ever forget the image of his Ellie in the arms of another man. "What are you trying to say, Janelle?" He was barely able to keep his voice from cracking, because he was terrified of her answer. Did she come here just to tell him in person that she was going to divorce him? No, because she wouldn't have brought her suitcase. But she may have brought it so that she could stay in LA while the papers were drawn by a lawyer. But she wouldn't have brought the suitcase inside if she wasn't going to stay here. Damnit, he didn't know what to think. She held his heart and his life in her hands, that fact had never changed even with this whole mess.
Shaking her head, she looked at him. "I'm not quite sure what I mean. I know this baby needs a father, and a mother. I know that I still love you, despite this ordeal. But I'm just not sure love is enough to get us through this."
"Love IS enough. I know that the love I have for you will keep me wanting you every day for the rest of my life. I know that my love for you will be my motivation to help you get past this, to help you heal from this. I will use every ounce of love and passion and determination in my body to make you see that you can trust me again, to rebuild our relationship even if it takes the rest of my life."
She nodded, the tears coming to her eyes. His voice was laced with the love and desperation that he felt, that much she knew. It was enough to shake her to her core. She knew that he was always a passionate person, but to have so much passion directed at her at one time was a little overwhelming. "Justin...we need to talk about something before we continue the conversation concerning our relationship."
"Anything at all. What do you need us to talk about?"
"Aimee."
That name was enough to stop him in his tracks. He had tried so hard to remember more about that night, and he had tried even harder to get her to tell him her side of the story. But he always ended up with the same nonchalant answer from her.
"Justin, we need to talk about that night. You need to tell me everything you remember again. The last time we talked about this, I wasn't in the right frame of mind to really comprehend everything you were saying."
Nodding, he began his story.
Justin was exhausted. It took everything he had to walk from his front door to the couch in the living room. He loved recording, loved making music for everyone to hear. He loved the feeling of being in the studio and creating a record from nothing.
But it was absolutely exhausting sometimes. Being a perfectionist was bittersweet.
He ran his hand over his face, looked down at the clothes that he had been wearing for almost 24 hours, and stood up. He desperately needed a shower. Without thinking, he drug himself down the hallway, stripping his worn clothes off along the way.
After a long, hot shower and a new set of sweat pants, Justin relaxed back into the same place on the couch again. He missed his wife. It had been so long since he had seen her, felt her next to him in bed, and kissed her. This was one of the only drawbacks of being in the industry that he was in - the time he was forced to spend away from his loved ones. He had been in the industry for years, but it still never got any easier being away. Especially now that he was married. What he wouldn't give at that moment to have Janelle, his Ellie, in his arms.
Ellie was more than his wife. That was how he knew she was the one that he was going to marry one day. She was his lover, but more importantly, she was his best friend. It was an easy decision to make, marrying her. He knew that there would never be a time when he would grow sick of being near her, because she was his best friend first and foremost. Even when they were old and wrinkly, they would still have that friendship to fall back on and keep them surviving together.
A knock at the door drew him out of his thoughts. Looking at the clock on the entertainment center, he wondered who would be knocking at his door at almost 2:00 in the morning.
Begrudgingly he stood and stumbled to the door, his body wanting to give out on him. Squinting through the peephole, he saw Aimee on the other side. She looked like a mess. Twisting the deadbolt and then the handle, he opened the door. "Aimee? What are you doing her so late?"
"I'm sorry to bug you, Justin. But I really just need to have some company right now. It's been a long day, and I brought wine!" she attempted a grin, holding up a bottle of pinot noir. "Come on...it's a pinot from Napa Valley...you know you want some!"
He smirked. He didn't always care for his wife's best friend, but she seemed to really need a friend. He opened the door a bit wider to allow her to enter, while realizing at the same time how little he was wearing.
"Go ahead into the kitchen at crack that bottle open. You know where the corkscrew and glasses are. I'm going to go grab a shirt."
As he turned to walk toward the bedroom, he barely noticed Aimee eying his chest up and down. The feeling was nothing new, plenty of women had ogled him before. He worked hard to keep the body that he had, and it was nice to be appreciated for the work he had done. But it just didn't feel right coming from Aimee.
"Yeah, yeah, Justin. Not like I've never seen it before, but whatever makes your cookie crumble."
Hurrying down the hall, Justin threw on a sweatshirt and changed into jeans before walking back into the living room. Aimee was already seated, sipping from a glass, with another glass filled and sitting on the coffee table. He picked it up before sitting in the arm chair, keeping a respectful distance between the two. "So what's the matter, Aimee? Couldn't get a hold of Tim or any of the guys to go out tonight?"
"Pretty much, because Tim was in the studio with you, dumbass," Aimee griped.
"Oh, yeah, you're right," Justin laughed, remembering Tim was the reason he spent such a long day in the studio. "So what's running through your mind?" he asked while talking a large sip of wine. She sure knew how to get his attention; this wine was his absolute favorite. Ever since he and Janelle had spent two weeks in Northern California touring different wineries, he had been addicted to this brand in his hand.
"I don't know. My mind is running in circles and I just don't know where to go with all these thoughts."
"Why didn't you call Janelle?"
"Because she's always busy whenever I call her, running this or working on that. I feel like she never has any time to talk to me anymore."
"That's not true and you know it, Aimee. You are the closest thing that she has to a sister."
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean she always has time to talk." Aimee was complaining, and Justin needed to keep drinking to be able to handle this conversation. He brought his glass back to his lips only to realize there was nothing left in it. Had he already drank the entire glass? His mind was starting to become fuzzy, and he forced himself to set the glass down on the table before focusing back on what the woman across from him was saying.
"Justin! Are you even listening? Ugh, I shouldn't have come here."
"N...no, I'm listening. I just don't feel well right now. My head is kind of spinning." Shaking his head, Justin tried to clear his thoughts. It had to have just been the long day in the studio.
"Oh, well do you want me to let you go to sleep? I mean, I could always just meet you tomorrow to talk about all this." She sounded so innocent and caring, almost too innocent. "Here, let me help you into bed."
Justin nodded, allowing her to grab his bicep to help him stand. He stumbled down the hallway toward the bedroom but never remembered making it to the bed.
The next thing he knew, he was waking up to the sun shining in his face. His head was pounding and his stomach wasn't feeling much better. What the hell happened to him last night?
Rolling over to go to the restroom, his hand came across something warm. And bare. Bare skin, that is. That's not right, Janelle's in Los Angeles, he thought. Then he looked up to see the face of his wife's best friend looking back at him.
Shit.
As he finished his tale, he looked at Janelle. "That's all I remember. The time between stumbling down the hall and waking up in the morning is completely blank, Janelle. I don't remember a thing."
"Then how do you know that you slept with her?"
Cringing, he prepared to answer her. There was no point in lying; she needed to know the complete truth if there was any hope in them resolving this. "I know because we were both naked when I woke up. There was an opened condom wrapper on the night stand and a used condom on the floor. What else could have happened?"
Janelle sat there, still unsure of the situation. The honest eyes of her husband burned into her own. Growing up in the limelight like he had, he was bred to lie. He was taught how to say the right thing in public, while using the right tone of voice, to keep his image intact. But the one thing that he had never been able to do was seal a lie with his eyes. The truth always came through there, at least to her. And right now, she could tell that he wasn't lying. She could also tell that he was breaking down inside, similar to the pain that she had been dealing with the past month.
"I came back here for a reason, Justin. Our child needs both of its parents. And I truly hope that our child gets to grow up having both of its parents in one house. But there are things that we need to work out before we can go forward, understand?"
"Of course. I swear Ellie, anything you want me to do, I'll do it. I promise."
Ellie shook her head, the words sounding ironic as they bounced around in her head. "That's the thing, Justin, I don't trust your promises to me right now. You broke the one promise between us that meant the most to me - your vows."
"But I promise to make it right! I will never make the same mistake again!" Justin pleaded, grabbing her hands and getting down on his knees before her in the chair. "Just give me the chance, Ellie-girl. You know what we have between us is real, it's meant to last forever."
Her hands trembled. Maybe love ISN'T enough. Her heart wanted nothing more than to take Justin into her arms and forget this entire mess. Her heart wanted to move on as if nothing had happened because it was aching without Justin near her. But her mind was playing devil's advocate, saying that if he's done it once, he's bound to do it again. And the contradiction between the two was driving her crazy.
"Maybe...maybe I came back too soon. I don't know if I can deal with all of this yet, and the stress isn't good for the baby." Janelle stood up, having to forcefully pull her hands from his as she began to walk away.
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying...that I came here to try. To try to see if I could be around you, and push the things that have happened from my mind. But now I'm not so sure that I can."
Justin shook his head, still kneeling on the floor. Could this really be happening? Was the joy that had overtaken his body when he saw her at the front door going to be gone so soon? He was frozen as he watched her walk toward the door, picking up her purse and her suitcase along the way. "You're not even going to give it a chance? You've been her for all of 15 minutes. How can you know that you can't get past those feelings in that short of a time?" He was trying not to get angry, but damnit, she wasn't even trying here!
She paused before the front door. "I did give it a chance. I can't do it."
"Don't do this, Janelle! If you walk out that door, we will never have the chance to fix this! I know it's hard right now, but it will get easier with time! It will get easier as I prove myself again to you!" He was scrambling now, trying to get up off his knees and to the front door before she could open it and walk out.
"I'm sorry, Justin. I love you."
And she was gone. Again.
He didn't know how long he stood there, staring at the front door, willing Janelle to walk back in. It was a mind game that he shouldn't have been playing, because he knew that he was fighting a losing battle. He had made the one mistake that could never be forgiven, at least in the eyes of his wife. Hearing noises coming from his right, he turned and looked toward the kitchen entryway.
"Momma?"
"Oh baby, I'm so sorry. I came in through the garage a minute or two after she got here. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, I was just going to drop off these groceries I got you and then leave again. But I needed to make sure that everything was going to be ok for the two of you."
"Well it's not, mom. I guess this means it's over."
"Not necessarily, baby. Just because she couldn't do this now, doesn't mean that she won't be able to work past it in the future. It still hurts for her. I remember when your father and I got divorced all those years ago, it was painful. Your father had found someone new, and it was the worst pain imaginable when I had to see the two of them together. But time heals all wounds, Justin. I didn't bring that up because I think that you and Janelle are going to end in divorce. I brought it up because I need you to understand that the pain she is feeling will eventually weaken. Especially with how much she needs you. That girl is fighting a battle between her head and her heart. And her heart will win. You just need to give it time."
Justin shook his head. "But how much more time? I've given her over a month. I know I hurt her, but in reality it wasn't my fault! That bitch drugged me! If I didn't care about the press, I'd file rape charges against her!"
"I know. And if you were anybody else, I'd tell you to. But you're not anybody else. You're my son, and my son has the will and determination that will get him beyond this."
"I know."
"Do you?"
"Yes, momma. I do. I know that I can get past this. I just want that time to be now, and not later."
"Then go get her, you idiot! If you haven't noticed, the sound of a car starting has not been heard yet. That means she's either still standing on that porch, or sitting in her car. Probably fighting that battle between her head and her heart. I'm betting that after seeing you just now, her heart is starting to win out."
As if on cue, the front door was thrown open, creating a loud crash as it hit the wall behind it.
"Justin?" her voice sounded frantic as it called out to him. He could hear the tears in it.
"Ellie? Baby?" Justin jogged to the door, where she stood. Tears were pouring down her face, creating streaks of mascara.
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! I can do this! I can't live without you. I can't go through this pregnancy without you! I need you beside me!" Janelle's speech was slurred, her words pushing together because of the sobs that were coming out of her throat.
"Shhh, it's ok, it's ok," he kept repeating, as he held her close and stroked her hair. "I know baby, I need you so much too. Just calm down, we're together. That's all that matters."
Janelle hiccupped between sobs and attempted to calm herself down. "I know that you didn't sleep with her on purpose. I know that for a fact. And I will eventually get over that. Just please, be patient with me."
"Anything, baby."
"And tell me that you love me."
"I love you, Janelle Timberlake."
"And I love you, Justin."
Quietly, so quiet it was barely audible, Justin began singing. It was the song that he had sang for her on their wedding night. A promise that he was making again, and this time it would not be broken.
Whenever I'm weary
From the battles that rage in my head
You make sense of madness
When my sanity hangs by a thread
I lose my way, but still you
Seem to understand
Now and forever
I will be your man
Sometimes I just hold you
Too caught up in me to see
I'm holding a fortune
That heaven has given to me
I'll try to show you
Each and every way I can
Now and forever
I will be your man
Now I can rest my worries
And always be sure
That I won't be alone anymore
If only I'd known you were there
All the time...
All this time...
Until the day the ocean
Doesn't touch the sand
Now and forever
I will be your man
