*Alisan*

"I'm coming there and getting you."

"Gabby, no," I argued, holding my cell phone to my hear with my shoulder as I wiped the remnants of dry tears away from my face. I had been standing in the middle of my room before she had called, throwing all my belongings in my bags and contemplating who to call when her name graced the screen of my Caller ID. "I don't want you to come get me, I don't want to be a burden ..."

"Nonsense," she said in her 'tish, tosh' manner. "You're my baby sister and I'm going to take care of you. That's how it should have been in the first place. I'm a half hour away so can you handle being there for about ... 45 minutes while I put Logan down for his nap and get Lilly from school?"

I sighed. There was no way I was getting out of this now. "Yeah, I can."

"Good. I'll call when I'm close." With that, she hung up. My sister was rarely a part of my life, she having left home when I was 14 years old to move to L.A. herself to make a life away from my parents. At that time, she was 18 and pregnant with Lilly. She did make a name for herself, for a while: a private dancer at some gentleman's club that housed the infamous and not-so-infamous of celebrities. She met her future husband there (he was a security guard with dreams of owning his own restaurant), he coaxing her out of the job and to work for him. They married eight months later, Lilly around one at the time. Now, Gabby was co-owner of Casablanca, an Italian restaurant. Lilly was now 8 1/2, nearing 9, and Logan was a little over three. There was also now one on the way from what my mother had told me (she was only about four months pregnant). Gabby wasn't much for my family, though I can't blame her in ways. My mother wanted Gabby to give Lilly up for adoption, refusing to acknowledge that her oldest daughter had accidentally gotten pregnant by her more off than on boyfriend. After many fights ensued, Gabby packed in the middle of the night and left without a word. Things were still bad between my mom and sister, but my father, who told my mother he was going on business trips, would fly to L.A. instead to visit his daughter and grandbabies.

And now, I'm running away and she's behind me, not turning into my mother and telling me I need to face what happened, rather than leave well enough alone before it got worse. For this, I was grateful, though a little unsure as to where this would leave Justin and I. I didn't want to lose him, he was my best friend. But being here, I'd lose a lot of respect for myself if I just kept letting him do what he would do, fully aware of the now girlfriend that I'm sure will be attached to his hip anytime soon. They always are.

Justin had been gone for more than three hours by the time Gabby had called. I had finally let up on my tears about an hour beforehand, staring blankly at the wall and coming to the realization that I had to leave. It'd be the best thing for us, he'd see that. (Perhaps he'd see it before I did). In the long run, we'd both be happier and he'd be able to go on with his life the way he was supposed to. He'd get married to some gorgeous model type, and she, being afraid to ruin her figure by pregnancy, would talk him into adoption. They'd adopt one, maybe two children, and live luxuriously until their lives would take the last trip down the road. Perhaps I wasn't meant to be in his life after this ... that my being here is just holding him back from the amazing life he'd have without me in it. Every little thing he strived to be and strived to have, I was afraid of.

I was afraid of fame. The one thing he had that kept him well-known and in the spotlight was the one thing I refused to be a part of. I refused to be a part of something so hot and cold, refused to be under the microscope and be studied for every single flaw I had. I was afraid of money. Afraid that if I had enough of it, I'd be bankrupt quicker than it took me to earn it. I was afraid of love and commitment, the one thing Justin breathed for. Perhaps my liking for JC was because he too, wasn't one for long-term commitment, he also being afraid of the whole marriage thing. JC was my excuse. Maybe he was that wall that I put up for an excuse so I didn't have to unmask the feelings I felt for Justin, if that was what I was feeling at the moment.

I was so afraid, that I wasn't even sure how I felt about either man. JC was always the eptiome of what I wanted when I was younger and dreamt about. Sweet, gentle, looking for the same thing and suddenly giving up because he had been burned one too many times. Justin, on the other hand, was demanding, cocky, yet so overwhelmingly sweet and charismatic that you forgot about all the negativity when the positive shone through. He felt all with his heart, and when it was feeling something, he refused to let go.

That's when I knew he was for real, that he actually did love me. He wasn't letting go of his feelings and refused to let me settle for what I was saying. He was refusing my words, refusing what I said ... until I ... confessed loving JC more.

And he bought it. Mr. 'Question Everything More Than Once Just In Case' had bought it and left. When had I become a good liar, exactly? Sure, I felt things for JC that I wasn't sure would go anywhere, but I did. Hell, those feelings had been around from the moment he gave a smile to me that was meant only for me, but Justin did the same thing. Why had I overlooked it?

I put my hand to my mouth then, fighting back tears as words flowed through my mind, sticky and sweet. Of course, it was his voice, singing his words and making me feel completely horrible.

I jumped, hearing the door slam: a signal that he had arrived home. I held back a painful sob as I lowered myself to the ground, picking up clothes and throwing them in the bag, feeling helpless. Another sob came out, it not muffled as I blindingly reached for more clothes and the various body sprays that were lying by my feet, angry that I was in the shape I was in and unable to move around like I could before. Only another 7 weeks and I'd be okay. I'd be able to chicken out and run away quicker. I'd train myself and run so no one could ever catch me like he did.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Jumping, I looked up, wiping away the tears that fell as I tried to not keep eye contact with him. "Packing."

"Packing?! What?! Why?!" He stepped into the room, watching me as I zipped up my bag and pulled myself slowly up with the foot of my bed as a stabilizer for my other leg. "San -"

"I can't stay here," I said softly, glancing down at my phone, it flowing with an incoming call: Gabby. Dropping down again, I picked it up, hearing her greet me. "I've gotta go somewhere where I don't have to worry about hurting you anymore ..."

"I'm ten minutes away - Alisan?"

"Just, hurry," I said quickly, tossing the phone on the bed as I reached down slightly, unable to reach the bag, Justin's hand appearing in front of my face and swiping the bag out of my reach. "Justin!"

"I'm not letting you go," he said, voice panicked. "I promised I'd take care of you, and I'm going to -"

"Gabby will," I clenched my shaking hands into fists, wishing Gabby would hurry and get here. "Justin, you've helped enough. I need to get out of here -"

"And away from me?" He asked softly, meeting my tear-filled eyes with his own. He swallowed roughly, waiting for my answer as I bit my lip, muffling a sob that I was sure would escape if I didn't.

"No," I said, shaking my head and lying once more to him. "I just need a change of scenery, a change of pace. Besides, you need to take care of your tour, your ... girlfriend ..."

"Oh, so it goes back to that? Back to Katie? Alisan, I told you, she'd be gone if -"

"She doesn't need to be gone!" I felt my battle with the sobs slowly giving way, putting my fist to my mouth and silencing them. Grabbing my crutches, I brushed past him as fast as I could, hearing a car pull into the drive. "That's not what I'm saying, that's not why I'm leaving -"

"You're leaving because of me, am I right? You're leaving because I love you and you don't want to face that! Well, you're gonna have to! You're still my best friend, Alisan! Regardless of what I feel for you and what you don't feel for me -"

"No!" I screamed, still blindly hobbling my way to the door an unlatching the locks he had done each and every time he came in the house. "I'm leaving because I have to! If I don't, things will get all screwed up and I'll lose you forever -" I pulled the door open, feeling him grab onto my good arm, turning me to look at him as Gabby stood there, shocked. "Justin, please!"

"Don't go," he begged, eyes wide and pleading. "Please, I'll fix this, you'll think this never happened -"

"You can't fix how I feel," I blurted, a gasp coming from behind me as Gabby, I imagined, clutched her heart in shock. Justin just stood there, a dumbfounded look on his face as he waited for an explanation. "I can't not love you, Justin; but I can leave and let you have the life you're supposed to have -"

He licked his lips, the disbelief dripping off of his face. "You can't ... not what?"

I felt my heart pounding, bitng my lip almost to the bleeding point. "Love you. Is that what you want to hear? That I love you, too? I do. God damnit, I love you more than I thought. But I can't ... I can't do this. You're not meant to be with me, and you'll see that. You'll see what I mean. I have to go -"

"Alisan ..." His voice was breaking as I fought back my own tears, nodding towards the back. "My things are in the back bedroom, right off of the kitchen -"

Gabby nodded sadly, brushing past Justin and I as he stood there in front of me, at loss for words. "You'll thank me for this," I said softly, looking down at the floor as I turned towards the door. "You'll have the life you were meant to have. You'll be with the girl you were meant to be with -"

"I was meant to be with you," he said softly, a heartbreaking tone I had never heard him use before. "I was meant to love you, Alisan. Maybe some day, you'll understand that."

"Justin," I said, turning my head to look at him, he gone.

I went down to the car, putting my crutches in the back. Minutes later, Gabby had appeared in the driver's seat, my belongings in the trunk. As we pulled away, my palm to the window, I saw him standing in the large bay window, face unreadable. He had raised his hand up for a weak wave, but it ended up looking as if he was shielding his face from the sun, he turning his head away when my eyes caught his.

I knew that this was the end of us.