*Justin*

July had to be my favorite month next to January and basically the entire winter season. It really made no difference in L.A. with the seasons, but back in Memphis, it meant that the top could be down and the sun shone longer than ever. Love always seemed to bloom and the warm weather always made people happier. It wasn't an exception for me: I was so deliriously happy that it felt wrong.

Katie and I were still together, though it seemed as if we'd end shortly after Alisan had left due to my bad mood swings, but she stuck by me and we were pretty close. I don't know if I'd call what we had serious, but it was close. She seemed to be the one that was pulling away. One minute, she was attached to my hip, the other she was finding reasons for us to fight. I wasn't sure if I liked that.

So, here I am. Memphis, Tennessee to be exact. My mama and Paul live in Millington (and sometimes L.A.) now, but my father and Lisa are still here, so I'm paying a little visit to them before going back to Memphis. Jonathan and Stephen have grown since the last time I saw them: Jonathan around 14 and almost up to my chin and Stephen about 9 and mid-chest. I had a feeling they'd both be taller than me shortly. I didn't like that idea.

"So how are things back home?" Lisa asked as she placed a plate of fried chicken and mashed potatoes in front of me, studying my face. "Music going well? Life?"

I nodded, taking a rather hefty bite of the chicken, chewing it up and swallowing before elaborating, "It's the same, I guess. Tour starts in three weeks, life is going on as it has for a while ... still dating Katie ..."

"I'd like to meet her," Lisa replied, sitting down across from me with her own plate as Jonathan and Stephen came into the kitchen. "When will you bring her around?"

"Eh, I don't know," I said, wiping my mouth with a napkin as I studied the two growing boys down the table. God, Stephen looked like me at that age. Jonathan looked like Lisa. There was no doubt either of them weren't Timberlakes, though. "I don't want to rush things with this one. I did it with the girl before her and ran off, scared ..."

"But you never dated her ..." My dad corrected, "you just told her you had feelings for her and then she ran."

"Was she hot?"

"Jonathan!" Lisa laughed loudly, shaking her head at his antics. "That's not a way to talk about women!"

I chuckled, putting my fork down and taking a sip of the wine that dad had bought for my homecoming. "She wasn't hot, Jon. She was beautiful."

"Hot's better."

"Beautiful is more ... classy," I stated, nodding in agreeance with myself. "Hot is like ... model appearance. She's ... different. She's exotic looking but it's more beauty than hotness."

Jonathan remained quiet but I could see the gears shifting in his head. Soon after I noticed this, he spoke up again. "Why'd she run? You're Justin Timberlake. Did she sleep with you?"

This time, it was both of my parents who were screeching and wide-eyed. "Jonathan!"

I bit my lip to refrain the laughter, looking at Stephen who was a little confused at the entire conversation. "It was nothing like that, Jonny. I just scared her off."

"Who are we talking about?" Stephen finally piped in, eyes studying mine and then looking over at Jonathan, whose head was now hung low with cheeks hinting red. "Alisan?"

I arched an eyebrow, curious as to how he knew. "Yeah. How do you know her?"

"We met her a couple years ago, remember? When we came up to visit before you started filming 'Edison'. She was there with you, almost like she was your assistant. Jon thought she was hot."

"Her?! You let her go?!"

I looked over at Jonathan, nodding and shrugging simultaneously. "Sometimes, when you love someone, you've gotta let them go ..."

My father cleared his throat from down the table, looking at me with a sympathetic look on his face. "Well, how's tour practice going? I'm surprised they let you have the last few weeks off ..."

I gave him a grateful look, shrugging. "Practice is gonna be brutal when I reach the U.K. I'm ready for it, though. I have been itching to get back on stage since June. It was so bad the other day that Katie took me to karaoke just to shut me up. She got me so drunk I was singing Backstreet Boys songs."

They all laughed at this, my dad shaking his head in disbelief. "Bet you sounded good singing their songs."

"Wouldn't say they were the best, but people were getting a kick out of Justin Timberlake singing like Nick Carter," I grinned, taking another bite of my chicken. "Especially singing 'Larger Than Life'. Katie thought it was hilarious. I don't think she stopped laughing for a good three days after that."

"I may run and hide when you're screaming my name, all right ..."

I looked over at Lisa, she singing softly to herself, though loud enough for all of us to hear. She had a smug look on her face, giving me a wink as she took a bite of her own food. The rest of the dinner consisted of my entire family attempting to serenade me with Backstreet Boys songs, somehow mixing the words up and ending with *NSYNC lyrics.

I hadn't sat down and thought about Alisan for a while. The last time I heard about her, JC had told me she was thinking of moving back to Georgia, though he had talked her out of it, and was now dating a man named Lucas - he also a real estate agent. After curiosity got the best of me (okay, and a bit of obsessiveness about her moving on), I googled his name and saw that not only was a realtor, but probably the most successful out of San Francisco, San Diego and Mission Beach (the man moved around a lot, I suppose). As a man, I was comfortable enough to say that he was indeed attractive, but there was definitely something that irked me about him. Maybe it was his smirk that said he had something that I didn't, or maybe it was the fact that JC said he acted (and looked) a bit like me.

For a few weeks after that, I obsessed over reasons as to why she chose him and not me, but after a big ultimatum from Katie about this, I decided to end that and moved on with my life. It seemed to take the better of me and suddenly, as I'm standing at the kitchen counter with Lisa while my dad and my brothers work on sort of project Stephen had for his camp, she entered my mind seconds before Lisa brought her back up.

"So, you gonna tell your dear old step-mother what is going on in that head of yours?" She asked, turning her head to look at me and then down at the dish I had been washing for a few minutes in the same circular motion. "Any more circles and I'll have a see through plate."

I looked down, pausing my motions and sighing deeply. "I don't know ... my mind has been a little haywire lately."

"Problems with Katie?"

I looked over at her, the concerned look on her face comforting to me. "No. Everything is okay with us. Just ... other things."

" ... Alisan?" She said it more as a statement than question, this I knew; I also knew she'd put it in question form to act as if she didn't know. "Did you see her again or something?"

"No," I said, shaking my head and sighing. "I haven't seen her since she left that day. Things haven't been the same for us since. I just feel as if I'm missing something."

"You are," she said softly, setting down the hand towel and placing a hand on my forearm. She was the only person in my family I had told what happened to, she was more like a friend than a step-mother. Somehow, it came out, and surprisingly, she was so comforting. She never said anything to anyone, and this, this gave her major credit with the 'step' relations. "She never gave you closure. You weren't given it. You loved her, and she ran away. I just wish she would have listened to you ..."

"She did, Lise," I sighed, shaking my head sadly. "She admitted she loved me when she left, but she still went because she felt as if I deserved better than her ..."

"Maybe you do," she said, picking up a cup and drying it. They had a dishwasher, but she felt it was time for bonding, so this is what she pulled out, rather than sitting on the couch and talking, we stood over the kitchen counter. "Maybe she saw something you didn't. Or, maybe you do just because she obviously doesn't deserve you."

"I think she does," I said, feeling what seemed to be a permanent fixture on my face from months ago suddenly make a reappearance. So much for summer bliss. "I think it's me who doesn't. I was all kinds of wrong for her."

"Justin Randall," Lisa put the other cup she was drying down, placing her hands on her hips. "I may not be your birth mother, but I know you well enough to say that what you said is not true. You are a southern gentleman, a sweet man with a big heart. Sure, you do get all man on us a lot of the times with your cockiness and stubborn nature, but that's nothing no one can deal with. What you go by is the environment around you. Obviously, the industry you are in is going to make you a hard ass, but when you're around family, you're never like that. I'm sure there was never a time she didn't question your actions, she understood you. But maybe, she didn't understand you well enough; maybe she understood you too much and that got her. Maybe she knew you better than you knew yourself. Maybe her love for you put you back in this world the way you're supposed to be. Maybe Katie is your saving grace."

"... I don't know about that," I said, putting the dish rag on the faucet and wiping my hands on my pants in typical man style. "I don't feel for Katie what I felt for Britney ... or Alisan. I know that she's a good woman, but sometimes, I can't help but wonder what Alisan is doing, how she is doing ... I miss her. It hurts."

"I know it hurts," she said sympathetically. "Love isn't meant to be all rainbows and butterflies ... it sometimes hurts and it takes a lot of compromise ..."

"Stop quoting songs," I chuckled, she swatting me playfully. "It is true, though. I guess it'll just take a longer amount of time than I imagined."

"All bad things move on. This too, shall pass." She smiled, reaching into the water and unplugging the drain. "Justin, life isn't always fair. For the most part, it doesn't make any sense, but that doesn't give you an excuse to give up on love and life. You'll understand a lot more if you don't question things. Sitting around isn't going to get you anywhere, either. Especially in the love department."

"I know," I said, leaning forward and kissing her forehead. "Thanks."

She gave me a weak smile, nodding. "I try."

Giving her a matching weak smile, I drummed against the counter and pushed myself away. "I think I'm gonna go take a walk. Haven't been able to do that in a while."

"All right," she said softly, watching me walk away and calling out as I reached the door, "be careful!"

"I will," I said softly, probably too soft for her to even hear. I left my cell phone behind, not wanting to be bothered as I shoved my hands in my pockets, walking around aimlessly. Things hadn't changed since I last came. The town my parents lived in was still quiet and calm, cornerstores just down the road for easy access, a few streetlights out on the next road I mosied down, a slight smile forming on my face as I remembered years ago running back and forth with Trace ... back when things were easy and we didn't have a thing to worry about.

It was probably a lie about Katie and I. We weren't together, together. This, was a definite truce. We were more like ... bed buddies. She was too busy with school (she was taking more courses to further her career) and I was just too busy with myself to pay any attention to her other than when we were sleeping together. That makes it (and me) sound horrible, but it was something we both agreed on. There had been a few times where Alisan somehow floated into my mind in the midst of our trysts in the bed, and I had to catch myself before calling out her name (in wanting? Ecstasy?) mid-climax. That ... that was horrible.

I was hung up on someone who wasn't even aware of my existance anymore.

Attempting to my head completely, singing silently to myself as I looked at house after house. A few looked the same as before, while a lot more looked completely different, or weren't even there anymore. This town had changed, yet hadn't. Trace's house was coming up on the next block, no longer his home, but another couple with two young children. Changing my mind, I turned towards the main road, walking towards the local supermarket. I had some cash on me, and suddenly, I was craving tortilla chips and dip like no other.

The temperature of my body from outside changed drastically as the automatic doors whooshed open, greeting my face with almost icy cool air, the warm, humid air that had been resting all over my body now scared (sounds cheesy, right? But that's how it felt) away from the dramatic change, bringing goosebumps all along my arms and legs. I grabbed a basket, a smirk forming on my face as I heard 'Like I Love You' on the radio speakers, heading directly towards the chip aisle in search of my chips. Oh, this was definitely going to settle that craving quickly. My mouth was watering just at the thought.

"Medium or Hot?" I asked myself, staring at the jars in contemplation. After great debate (hey, a decision is a decision!), I chose medium, not wanting to feel the burning sensation in my chest or any other area. I grabbed two bags of chips (and another jar of salsa, just in case), not exactly wanting to check out just yet as I walked in a somewhat zig-zag pattern, staring blankly at other items in disinterest. Suddenly, I was craving chocolate milk. Oh, chocolate milk. That'd be a mix with salsa and chips.

Shrugging, I headed toward the dairy aisle and smirking once more when I heard the beginning of 'Nothin' Else' start. They must have had my cd on shuffle or something.

I was just walking that day aimlessly

As I stared at the milk products, in search of the particular milk I used to drink as a kid, I felt a force hit me from the front, stumbling backward and watching the woman in front of me stumble forward, grabbing onto her arm and steadying us both before we both fell on our asses and lost everything in our hands.

You picked a perfect day to bump into me

"I'm so sorry," I started, looking apologetically at her as she turned to return the saying. Freezing, I looked back at the familiar eyes that suddenly became strange to me, her face paling. "Alisan ..."

Probably should have watched the stars in the sky the night before
But for some reason, we still met at your store

"Sorry," she mumbled, she bending forward and scrambling for the things that had fallen from her hands. I knelt down, picking up the few apples that had started to roll away, holding them in my hands as she reached forward, not meeting my eyes and tossing them back in her basket. "Thanks. Bye."

I licked my lips, speechless. I had planned what I would say to her if I ever came in contact with her again, but now, those words were lost in the back of my throat, my tongue feeling as if it had swelled to three times bigger than it's normal size. All right, that went well.

There's nothing else that I have seen
There's no getting around it or inbetween
You're out of this world, except you're not green
Look, you don't know what you mean to me ...

I grabbed my milk, not caring now what kind of brand and walking slowly behind her. Suddenly, I wasn't craving my chips, dip or milk. I'd buy them though. Perhaps my appetite would come back after being away from her. Perhaps Jonathan and Stephen will start eating them and I'll smell the scent and crave them again.

Highly doubted, Justin. Good try, though.

Mentally, I slapped myself, shaking my head in distaste as I studied her figure from behind. She had lost weight. Not drastically, but she didn't have the hips she used to. She was now crutch-free (obviously) and lacking both casts, though it seems as if she had a slight limp still ... maybe from rehabilitation? This, I wasn't sure about. Or maybe it was from her falling again, because I knew how much of a graceful person she was outside of dance.

Maybe she picked up dancing again. Maybe that was how she lost some of her weight.

But then I thought about it and saw how dark her eyes were, how much baggage was under her eyes. Surely, she wasn't reeling from a few months ago. I really wasn't (okay, slight lie), so she definitely shouldn't be.

I met her gaze again across the conveyor belt from one check-out line over, the same look she gave me when she left now flashing through them again.

Swallowing my pride, I grabbed my bag after handing the change to the cashier, walking boldly up to her as she diverted her eyes elsewhere, walking quickly away from me and out of the store. "Alisan, stop!" I called, gripping my bag and jogging after her. Surprisingly, her pace had slowed to almost snail's pace, she looking at me out of her peripheral vision and still walking. "You gonna tell me what you meant then? Elaborate? Because I still don't understand. You left me hanging ..."

"Justin," she said softly, her voice low and sad, "It's just something I understand in my own head. Maybe one day I'll be able to get it out so you understand, but right now, I can't even explain it to my own sister."

"Maybe because it doesn't make sense," I frowned, she turning to look at me. "San, you look like shit."

Rolling her eyes and giving me a smirk, she pushed me gently with her hand. "Thanks."

"No, I'm serious."

"I know," she replied, not elaborating any further on the reason why. "How are things between you and Katie?"

"San -"

"Can we just not talk about my looking like shit?" She asked, turning to look at me as I felt the lump form in my throat and my heart speed up a little just at the sight of her. "Life hasn't been too great to me lately."

"Why are you here?" I asked, watching as her features softened a little, she shrugging. "My boy - Lucas lives around here. He grew up a few blocks down."

"Lucas ..."

"Knight. He's around your age. He's a few years older."

And then it clicked. Lucas Knight was one of the biggest culprits of my adolescent bullying. I hated him more already. "Oh. Yeah, doesn't ring a bell," I shrugged.

"Why are you here?"

"I grew up on Taylor," I said, pointing behind us. "My dad and step-mom live in the house I grew up in with my brothers."

She nodded, it not clicking in her head that that was where Lucas lived. At least, his parents still resided. "You look good, J. Happy."

"I am," I nodded, she smiling in appreciation. "I mean, there are days when I feel like complete shit, but everyone has those days."

She gave me the same smile I had fallen for, heart racing once more. God, why did she have to be who she was?

You're still captivating even though it's been so long
You used to love me, baby
What went wrong?
'Cause now you march to the beat of a different song

Just as quickly as the smile appeared, it was gone. Something was very wrong about her. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out. "San?"

"Walk me back?" She asked softly, eyes pleading with mine. I saw the longing and sadness in her eyes, it took a lot for me to even open my mouth and answer. "Please?"

"Of course," I said softly, falling into step with her as she started to walk away, again hitting myself mentally. WHy was I putting myself through this again? What was it about her? What was going on with her, more importantly. "San?"

"Hmm?" She asked softly, eyes still looking ahead almost blankly. She seemed vacant. I knew it wasn't about me, not everything was about me. This, this seemed much different. This sadness in her eyes was more in depth, something more complicated than she and I ever was. "What, J?"

"I missed you," I said softly, watching the little light of relief flash on her face before it died off once more. "A lot."

Try to understand that we needed space
But everywhere I turn, I see your face
I've been waiting for you to come home
'Cause I don't want to be alone
... I still love you

She turned her head to look at me, a soft voice reiterating what I had just said. "My house has been empty without you there."

"Then ... we need to make a change on this," I said, looking down at her hand, it clenched tightly. Pulling my hand out of my pocket, I dropped it down to hers and gripped her fist in a comforting way. She looked down at my gesture, another sad sigh escaping her throat as she let her hand fall open, allowing me to hold it. "We were best friends, we don't need to let something that came between come between us again. I miss being with you and being able to talk to you when I want ... we need to call this a truce or something mutual for now."

She nodded, still not saying a word. Where was my talkative friend that usually took my ear off with her conversation? This was not who I was used to. "Okay," she said, again, end of sentence. No arguments, no explanations, nothing. I didn't like this at all.

I can't escape the magic in your eyes
Is there a way to make you realize
There's no one more special to my heart
But you want us to be apart
... I still love you

Why did you take away your love, baby
When did you think to just give up, yeah
How am I supposed to carry on now
Without you ...

Before too long, I was standing on the front porch of whatever he was to her's porch, looking at her. "Alisan, what's going on with you?" I asked softly, feeling her release my hand and shove her hand into her mouth, biting her nails as she shrugged. "San, c'mon. This is me, here. Something happen at home? Are you sick? Depressed? What?"

I heard movement from inside the house, she dropping her hand and shrugging. "I'm fine."

"Alisan -"

"Justin, look," she shoved her hands into her pockets, pulling them out just as quickly and taking my hand, pressing a piece of paper into my palm. "I can't talk about this now. Just ... call me ... text me or something. Later though ... not now. I'll be meeting up with Lucas' friends and having dinner, and then he'll be going out with them. Text me then. 9:30 or so."

"Alisan -"

"Later," she hissed, door opening as she turned and forced one of the most fake smiles on her face that I had ever seen. "Thank you for walking me home, Justin." She said almost in normal Alisan tone. "It was nice to meet you."

You are my light.

I swallowed, her demeanor taking a complete 360-degree turn-around. "Um ... it was n-nice to meet you, too ...?" I nodded at Lucas, still hating on him from childhood. When I got further down the street, I opened my palm up, staring at the paper. My hands began to tremble when I read what was written on there.

No one else comes close to you.

Immediately, my mind flashed back to the time we kissed during this song, when I felt her longing and her need just melting away. It clicked instantly. I knew she was in trouble.

Alisan needed me.