*Justin*

I am ridiculous. Completely and utterly ridiculous. I felt like I had my mother's voice nagging me over and over in my head, saying, 'You know what they say, Justin: Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me'. What do they say when it goes on for a third time? Shame on both parties?

Oh, the tangled web I weave.

It was at this moment that I didn't feel at home. At all. In the midst of growing overly emotional and attempting to keep the tears at bay with my palms, head hung low, the comforts of home seemed to have lifted away from me and drifted to the one person, the one place I ran from. Her face graced the movie screen in the back of my eyelids, her smiling face looking at me with such intensity. I felt her mouth against mine still, tasted her cherry or strawberry lipgloss again.

(Cherry, it had to be cherry).

I brought my tongue out, slowly licking away the remnants of the sweet lipgloss that was riddling my memory like an old photograph. I thought back to the airport, the way she threw her arms around my neck, the way she felt against me, how she smelled of a mixture of me and her sweet perfume that she always wore. I remember how quickly the kiss had ended, but how long the next one that occurred lasted when she saw me again. I saw her eyes light up again, saw that smile cross her face and felt the force she had when she literally jumped at me when I was close enough for her to do so.

She had denied it for so long, but as I thought back to it, I could see as plain as day how she felt for me.

And now, here we are, almost strangers again. Strangers that are in love. Instead of her pushing me away, I was the one that turned and literally ran away from it. I saw her face when I pulled away, it making me press my palms even harder into my eyes, seeing stars with the pressure as I tried to rid that confused and startled looking face out of my mind. The one woman I had wanted for so long had surrendered to me and I had run away from her and everything that dealt with us.

I feel like I'm not Alisan and she's me. In a sick, fucked up way, it seems the tables have turned and I'm not afraid that she'll hurt me and I refuse to even let her do that to me anymore than she already has, even if she didn't realize or didn't mean to.

Maybe I'm just meant to be a serial dater. Maybe I'm supposed to have a life full of relationships that are much like the one I have with Katie now. Maybe I'm supposed to be like this. Or maybe I change with every person I fall for (or sleep with). Like with Britney, I wanted to be with her forever. Jenna, it was casual and I was content with that. Cameron, I was all ready to be just be with her, regardless of wedding bells and engagement rings. And for the brief few months I was with Scarlett, I was happy with off and on. And with Katie, sleeping with her was good enough. With Alisan, if we had ever happened, I would be all ready for marriage.

The thought scares me now. I don't think I'm cut out for marriage. I'm not ready for a relationship like that. Maybe I won't ever be ready for a relationship like that. She was too passionate, too emotional, too forgiving. It had to be all or nothing, and sometimes, a little bit of in-between was best. She never settled for that. She never took 'maybe' as an answer, and never let someone give up.

Sometimes, giving up seemed to be best. Like giving up on her.

But did I really want to? Did I really want to give up the passion, the emotional rollercoaster ride that made me feel like a child again? The one woman who made me smile the cheshire cat? Did I want to lose that feeling I had every time I felt her touch me? Or when I kissed her, the lingering taste of her ... did I want that to go away? Did I seriously want to give up something I had been fighting for for so long? Just like that?

Maybe I did.

And, unlike Alisan, I was okay with that answer.

Sighing deeply, I pulled off my shirt and pants, crawling into my bed and pulling the covers over my head as I lay on my stomach. Tomorrow I'd leave for Millington to be with mama and Paul, and then three days later, back in L.A. to get my stuff, a day later, I'd be in the U.K. busting my ass and hopefully not even thinking of what had happened tonight or any other time before this.

I really didn't know who I was fooling ... I don't even think I was fooling myself at that moment. I would never just let her go that easily. I'd fight like hell for her.

I'll be there for you
When everybody's coming unglued
I'll be there for you
I won't say you have to choose

... It was just a matter of deciding just how much.

'Cause I don't wanna let you go
And I don't wanna lose you slowly
I just want to let you know
That it's only just a little back and forth lately

I woke up the next morning with a killer headache and the nagging feeling that I needed to run. So, pulling on a pair of jogging shorts and a beater, I did. I don't think my feet had hit pavement so hard before in my entire career of dancing and cardio training. The pain in my feet was keeping my attention at that, instead of traveling to the one place I didn't want it to go. But as soon as I stopped to take a breather, she entered it like a haunting.

I'll be chasing you the rest of my life
Welcome to the rollercoaster ride

When I come to you
I know that you'll help me get through
I'll be there for you
We both know we could never choose

'Cause I don't wanna let you go
And I don't wanna lose you slowly
I just want to let you know
That it's only just a little back and forth lately

I couldn't help it. I had to see her. Regardless of whose home she was at, I needed to go there, to see for myself why I had run. I needed a more concrete reason. Had I run because I didn't feel for her the way I used to? Highly doubted. I was pretty sure it was getting stronger each day. Had I run because I was now on her side? Probably. In fact, I'd probably bet a lot of it on her running was rubbing off on me.

I ran harder than I had before, not even caring about the aching pain in my feet and up to my shins anymore. Lucas' house was closing in and all I could think about was slamming that door open and grabbing her, shaking her, demanding explanations.

As I came up the walk, the door swung open, Alisan's wide-eyed face looking at me. "Justin, you can't be here," she hissed, grabbing my arm and pulling me back down the drive and out of view of the house. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"You," I said, trying to catch my breath, "owe me an explanation."

"Me?!" She asked, bewildered. "You were the one that ran!"

"I know," I huffed. "You owe me an explanation as to why you ran all those times before."

"Justin, you already know. I've told you a thousand times -"

"Right," I said, finally able to breath normally. "Now tell me the real reason."

"I don't deserve you."

I opened my mouth to speak, cut off by another. "What the hell is going on here?"

Her face paled, and by instinct, I stepped in front of her as if to protect her by the quickly approaching Lucas. "Luke, he just came to talk to me for a few minutes -"

"Bull," he snapped, jabbing his finger into my chest. Was he kidding?! "What the fuck are you doing here, man? L.A. to cool for you?"

"I grew up here," I said, trying to keep my calm tone. "Or is your skull to thick to remember? I'm surprised you can sell houses with that thick skull putting so much pressure on your brain like that."

"Fuck you."

"No, no, after you," I said, giving him a smirk as I felt Alisan's grip on my shirt tighten, attempting to pull me away from him. "San, stop," I said, wiggling myself away from her. "Gotta treat a woman horribly to make your brainless self look better, huh? Can't just own up to your moronic self?"

"Had to run away from L.A. because a woman wouldn't give you the time of day," he said through a smirk that I wanted nothing more than to wipe off. "Look who got her, too. Damn, a shame."

"Too bad I was the one kissing her last night while you were fucking around," I snapped, eyes widening when I realized it had come out, Alisan gasping from behind me as Lucas caught her face. Before I knew it, his fist was in the side of my head, knocking me to the ground as Alisan cried out in shock.

"Let's go, Alisan," he snapped, reaching for her arm and yanking her towards him, she screaming at him as she turned to me. I held the side of my head, dizzy and somewhat nauseous. Was there suddenly two of them, or was there now two of me?

"Let me go! You hurt him!" She snapped, yanking her arm hard as I saw the two of her walk towards me, a sad and concerned look on ... their faces. "J," she said softly, cradling my head as she examined my temple. "C'mon. Can you get up?"

"Fine, you little whore," he snapped. "You can get your shit and get out. See who you go home with tomorrow."

"Shut up, Lucas," she turned to him, screaming. "You didn't need to hit him!"

"And you didn't need to kiss him!"

Yeah, he had a point there.

"Get up," she said softly, putting an arm around my back as she took her free hand and took my arm to rest across her shoulders. "Let's get you home."

Home never sounded so good to me before.