*Alisan*

"Now, just hold still," I snapped, gripping his chin and tilting it to the side as I placed a cool cloth against the bump to his temple. "Justin!"

"Ow, Alisan, Jesus," he hissed, gripping my wrist and trying to losen my own grip. "Not so rough!"

"Oh, right, not rough," I snapped, releasing his chin and gripping the top of his head near the bump as he yelped. "Why the hell did you go and start something with him, huh? Why did you have to bring up what happened last night?!"

"Uh, I beg to differ," he said, raising his finger to make a point, "he started with me."

"Whatever," I mumbled, pressing down on the lump. Okay, so maybe I was a little pissed. He cried out in protest at the pain I had just given him, biting my lip and holding back an insult towards his childish behavior. "You didn't need to get involved, I could have fought my own battle -"

"What? And let him get that hit in I saw itching in his fist? Hell no," he mumbled, shaking his head and holding the other side of it as I imagined the headache he probably had. "I had to step in."

"Oh, that's right," I said, rolling my eyes. "Justin, super hero. Justin Almighty. Justin just has to get involved in everybody's business because he can and feels as if everything should revolve around him. The world doesn't revolve around you, Justin. My world doesn't revolve around you -" I cried out, feeling him get up and grab my shoulders, slamming me up against the wall and staring at me in almost a satanic glare. "Justin, get off of me -"

"Let's get a couple things straight," he said lowly, eyes burning in mine as his grip against my shoulders held tightly, "I care about others more than I care about myself. If I see someone in danger or I sense something about to happen, I'm gonna get in between that problem and the person I care about to make sure they're out of harms way. In no way do I think I am owed anything in this life and nor do I care to get all the materialistic things that every other musician asks for. My world revolves around my family, my health, my friends and you. I don't care what happened last night, I don't even care that it was me who walked away; I care about you and walking away from you last night was the last thing I wanted to do - but I did, okay? I did because it was the right thing to do at the moment. I may hate myself for doing it, but I did. I'm not that kind of guy, and I will not turn into that guy, even if it's with the woman I love who is with the one guy I hate. I refuse to be that person and I refuse to be put down by that one woman because of the haste she is holding against me. Fuck that." He released me, ripping the cloth out of my hands, chest heaving. "Now get out. I have to leave in two hours and I have yet to finish packing and say goodbye to my family. I've got a life I can't put on hold because of some childish game you're trying to play."

I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding, my hands gripping one another as I walked slowly out of the house. My mind wasn't on the person I had to face when I got to the other home to gather my things ... oh no, it was reeling over Justin's sudden outburst, his sudden physical outburst, and if we were on the same flight together. I had a feeling we were, Lucas wanting to get home quicker than I imagined after not seeing his family in so long (and we only saw them twice in the days that we had been here). I wasn't quite sure why the trip had come to be then, trying to think of cloudy excuses as I approached his parents' home, he standing on the front porch. When I met his eyes, I began to cry harder than I remember doing in ... well, ever.

"Here's the deal," he said softly, tone still hard as he stood with our luggage at his feet, "I changed it so we're not sitting together on the flight to give us some time alone. You need to think about a lot of things and I just need to be away from you right now." He picked up the baggage, throwing them in the trunk and getting in the car as I stood there, dumbfounded as tears still fell down my face. Suddenly, he was the caring boyfriend?

Suddenly, I feel as if I'm being played.

As said, Lucas was near the back of the plane as I sat near the middle, half-listening to the stewardess in front instruct us on the safety equipment and emergency exits (right, because when the plane goes down burning, I'm just gonna quicken my death by jumping out and making myself into a pancake), half-eyeing the woman who was walking down the aisle, holding a small red wrapped box. She stopped in front of me, extending her hand for me to take the box. "What ... is this?"

She shrugged slowly, giving me a weak smile. "The man at the gate told me to give this to you. Said he was sorry that he missed you?"

"Oh," I swallowed, thanking her shortly after. Pulling open the wrapping, I saw a cardboard box wrapped pretty tightly with scotch tape, his doodlings all over the front and sides of various shapes, the sad face in the center catching my attention as the woman beside me leaned in, her voice slightly startling me.

"He must care for you a lot if he's drawing little sad faces all over that," she said with a slight smile, tapping the cardboard. "Special occasion?"

"Well," I said, voice trailing off as I thought. "My birthday is in two days ..."

"Then I'm sure this is an early birthday gift," she smiled. "Sometimes men know what they are doing."

Laughing more to myself, I looked at her, curious. "You think?"

"Sometimes," she nodded. "My husband chased after me for years. Six, to be exact. I dated everyone around him, until finally, I gave in and went on a date with him at a local dance. We were married six months later."

"That's sweet," I smiled, looking down at the large engagement and wedding rings on her finger. "How long have you been together?"

"It will be ... 50 years this October."

"Congratulations," I smiled. "Where is the lucky man?"

"At home with my new granddaughter," she beamed, reaching in her purse and showing me a picture of the said baby. "I had to finish up some last minute business at my job before being able to fly out to see her. He went ahead to help my son and daughter-in-law since they both moved away from home to live in California."

Suddenly, a vibration caught my attention, startling me as I looked down at the box, pulling the tape away slowly (he always loved to annoy me with putting so much tape on the boxes since I didn't have any nails). When I opened up the box, a small Blackberry sat in the center of packing peanuts, the screen illuminating with alerts of new messages. "Well," I said softly, looking at the woman. "He bought me something I didn't want ..."

"But perhaps he knew you'd need it?" She asked, glancing over my arm and down into the box as I lifted it up. "Perhaps it was because he knew he wanted to keep contact with you and this was the only way?"

"Perhaps," I said, shrugging. "With him, who knows."

"I'll let you talk to him," she smiled, turning her head and leaning up against the back of the chair. "It was nice to talking to you," she added, turning to look at me again. "Just remember, sometimes men know more about what they're doing than women. They let their heart control them with a little help with their head. Women tend to let the heart do all the talking and keep the head shut up." She winked, turning her head once more and closing her eyes.

I guess we were done talking?

Turning back to the Blackberry (A red Pearl, according to the writing on the front), I lifted it up and held it in my hands, staring at the buttons in confusion. Basically, this was a miniature laptop or what? I hit a button, watching as the message appeared in front of me.

Sent: July 17, 2007 12:43 PM
From: J
Subject: None
_________________________________
So, I know I have a lot of explaining
to do. A lot. Probably first off,
apologizing for even laying a hand on
you in the first place. You know I'd
Never hurt you, San. I just ... There's
no excuse, but I guess I just thought
there was no other way to get your
attention? I'd never hurt you intention-
ally, I know you know that. I saw
the scared look in your eyes. I'm
sorry. I'm sorry a billion times.
You and I ... we need to discuss this
like the late-twenty-something adults
we are. We can't just keep dancing
around the entire subject let we tend
to do.
Justin

It took a minute, but after I realized how to close that text and move from the next, it seemed second nature. I was still confused as to his antics earlier that day, but I guess I'd have to find out later.

Sent: July 17, 2007 12:48 PM
From: J
Subject: Happy 26th Birthday :]
_________________________________
You know I'd never forget your day.
Even if we're not exactly on great
terms, I had to get you something.
And no, this isn't it. This, is just
something that will be a lot more
easier for us to communicate
rather than that piece of junk phone
you have and my lack of phone skills.
Your gift will be waiting for you at home.
Perhaps it's already there, but I have a
feeling it'll be there within the next few
days. I leave for the U.K. on Saturday -
the day after your birthday, so I hope you
like what I got you. San, I love you. I care
about you more than I do myself, more than
life itself. Some things you and I may do
and have done may be/were ridiculous,
but I know in the end, everything will work
out for the best. I know you love me, I know
just by looking at you and seeing that look in
your eyes. You're a special woman, San. Any
man would be lucky to have you. And that isn't
just to make you feel better. I love you, have a
safe trip ... and if you're on speaking terms with
me by the end of the flight, call me and tell me you
got home okay.
Justin
... Check your voicemail when you're alone. It'd be
best if ... he didn't hear it.

I sighed deeply, the woman next to me shifting slightly to look at me. "I wish I knew more than I did."

"About what?"

"Love," I sighed, touching the screen where his name was. "How the one thing I've wanted for so long can scare me so much and cause me to run. How, the one man that does love me will chase after me for so long when all I want to do is run."

"If love was easy, no one would want it," she smiled, patting my hand. "But if you want to be with him, stop running. Let him catch you."

"It's not that easy," I frowned, casting my eyes backward and seeing the top of Lucas' head as he looked down, perhaps sleeping. "We're both with someone."

"Love has no boundries," she insisted, shaking her head. "If it seems as if there are, you tear them down. There are no rules. Just don't run away this time. Let him finally catch you."

I scrolled up, looking at the three words that seemed so foreign to me, yet so comforting coming from him. I love you. Those three words, when used in different sentences, meant nothing as to what they meant at that moment. 'I' was just something that gave ownership to yourself, a noun at best. Love. Pfft. You could love anything in some sense: I loved my new Blackberry (it was red, my favorite color, I had to love it), my home, my car. I loved my life, my job. I also loved my family and my friends. Throw Justin into the mix and it's a different love. Sure, family and friends are a different love, too - the platonic, settled love. The love you can rely on and lean against when you need to. Justin, God, Justin's love was different. So different. And now that I think about it, I know I love him. I love the heat, the passion, the tension. The tension that could cut everything quickly and send him to me, or me to him. I loved the way his eyes danced when he was teasing me or laughing. I loved that he would sit up for hours and watching 'Dirty Dancing' and 'Fools Rush In' with me when I didn't feel well. I loved when I felt him hug me, the way he held me so tightly. I loved his mouth. God, his perfect pout. The soft curves of his lips that met mine time and time again and felt as if they belonged there. The same pout that sent shivers up and down my spine. And his laugh. The loud, almost annoying cackle that echoed anywhere and everywhere. He always laughed when he was with me, and it became something so heartening that everyone would soon laugh soon after.

I was beginning to think that my falling for JC may have been a ploy from my own mind. A sick and twisted ploy to keep Justin off of my mind in that way. They were best friends, and a part of me believed that if I showed interest to JC, I'd get to see Justin's jealousy act towards me this time, and not towards some undeserving girl. I knw I deserved something special. At that time, I thought it was JC. The man was more special than any woman could fathom, he probably one of the best men to ever get ... but he wasn't Justin.

To: J
Subject: Thank you.
__________________________________
I hope you realize just how much you
made my day, regardless of how
shitty it had been looking. I love you, J;
I know I said it, and I know you know I do.
I hate that things are so difficult between us
and I hate that you and I keep running
from each other. Maybe some day, right?
Maybe one day, I'll retire my running shoes
and maybe, hopefully, on that day, you will
be there to see that. I'm so confused ...
there are so many things going through
my mind right now that I feel like I should be
like Bruce in Bruce Almighty when all the
prayers start pouring in millions at a time
and he didn't know how to handle it.
Sometimes, I want to run away and leave
this place permanently; give myself
another shot back in GA ... but the only
shot at a life I really want is in LA ... with
you. Just ... give me time, okay? Don't
give up too easily on me. I do love you.
I care about you just as much as you
care about me. You are my happiness,
my heart. You are my heart. You and I,
we are one of kind. Give me time alone
to sort my brain out and we'll know just
what to do ... Good luck in the UK;
I'll see you in a few months.
San

I set it down in my lap, the box being shoved into my purse after I broke it down, it taking more room up than anything else in there. Luckily, most of my belongings that usually were in my purse were in my carry-on and brought a big enough purse. Soon enough, my phone vibrated again, alerting me that Justin had messaged me again.

"That was quick," I mumbled, hitting the button to view it and instantly feeling tears form in my eyes as I read what he had responded back with:

Sent: July 17, 2007 1:45 PM
From: J
Subject: RE: Thank you.
__________________________________
I've waited years to be with you, what
is a few more weeks, months?

I'd wait forever for you.

Justin

Now, the hard part was figuring out what to do with the rest of my messed up love life.