*Justin*
It felt good to be home. So good that I almost fell to my knees and kissed my own sidewalk, my driveway, my door. They looked so welcoming, so much like what I was used to - I may have wanted to stay in Australia a bit longer, but nothing beat being somewhere comfortable, somewhere where you felt you always belonged. I knew that kissing the objects I planned on kissing would probably be a bad idea, so instead, I walked up to Alisan, who was just about to turn the knob on said door, took her hand, pulled her to me, and kissed her. I kissed her long and hard. It basically made up for the kissing that i wouldn't get in on kissing every little object in my home that I had taken advantage of and forgotten while on tour, it all falling onto her lips instead of wood, metal or even plastic.
Hell, porcelain, too. Though, I would never kiss my toilet. No matter how clean it is.
"You look like you just finished a round," Alisan said softly from beside me as I felt her eyes on my face, turning to look at her as she gave me her own smile. I reached down, lacing her fingers with mine and tugged her to me, looking around. "I'm just ... happy. Happy to be home. Happy to be with you. It's a good feeling."
"It definitely is," she agreed, running a hand up and down my arm and bringing out goosebumps slightly as she pulled away, picking up her bags and tossing them by the couch on the other side of the sitting area. "Though I only had a vacation, you had a leave." She laid down on the couch as I stood in the doorway, watching as she stretched her arms abover her head, a dramatic groan escaping her mouth as I imagined all the tension from sitting for several hours on a plane and in a limo took it's toll on her body. I felt it, too; though I wasn't quick to move as I watched her eyes fall slowly down, body relaxing against the leather of the couch. "Are you gonna stand there and stare at me, or are you going to come lay with me?" She asked softly, tiredly, "There's room for two on here."
"We could go up to my room," I suggested, she shaking her head slowly and opening her eyes. "No?"
"No," she whispered, reaching behind her and patting the vacant spot large enough for me to lie in. "Here."
I tossed my keys on top of the table, crossing the room as I toed off my shoes, ridding myself of the t-shirt I had been wearing over the beater and crawled behind her. "Better?" I asked softly, inhaling the faint scent of melon, perhaps her hand lotion that she continuously applied in nervousness during the flight.
"Much," she managed to get out, we both knowing that it was a losing battle as she drifted into dreamland quicker than our flight had landed. That was a trip within itself, too.
I smiled, nuzzling my nose into her shoulder as I let my eyes drop, hands gripping hers as I breathed her scent in deeply once more. How we had gotten here still boggled my mind: how it took me so long to realize I had fallen for her, how she pushed me away for months on end, suddenly together, suddenly sleeping together ... and now, in this comfort zone like it had always been like this. What boggled my mind even more as how comfortable she seemed to be with it - she was the one that was more afraid than I was. Hell, I was still afraid of this, but I think I would have been more afraid if it had never happened.
But really, what was I afraid of?
I opened my eyes, lifting myself up on my elbow and studied her features that seemed so delicate and breakable. High cheekbones, pouty lips, small freckled nose ... all of these things I had seen, but never paid attention to. Suddenly, I felt as if each and every part of her was now under my watch to make sure she didn't break; that those cheekbones never turned ruddy from tears, those lips never quivered, that nose never ran from her sobs. Those long eyelashes that rested against those cheekbones that hid her beautiful brown eyes, her small ears (that I used to tease her about), her slighty imperfect forehead (a chicken pox scar here, a scar from the accident there [more so, by her hair line and above her eyebrow]) ... I didn't want to see tears in her eyes, didn't want to see her forehead wrinkle in anger or sadness. I felt the need to protect her, be her super hero of sorts.
Super JT. Ha.
I laughed to myself, burying my face into her hair to keep me from laughing aloud as I smelled the lotion again. This felt like a dream. I never imagined falling for my best friend (thank God Trace and JC weren't my only best friends); never imagined falling for her type. This was different for me, and I was pretty sure different was what I should have gone after a long time ago.
I turned on my back, tugging her towards me as she rolled over half-asleep and rest her head on my shoulder, face against the side of mine. I fell for my best friend. My beautiful, quoted 'not my type' best friend who knew me better than I knew myself. Yet, she didn't know how much I had loved her until it was said. Or maybe she did. Maybe she was just trying to hide from it.
I situated myself a little better, her hair tickling my face as it looked like a milk chocolate colored blanket resting on my chest, her hand resting right above my heart.
This was where I belonged.
Deep brown eyes watch me as I sleep
Long dark hair washes over me
Like a ray of sunlight that warms me as I wake
She was who I wanted to come home to each and every night after being in the studio all day; who I wanted to be with me each and every time I won an award or was honored with something; who I wanted to be beside me when I traveled the world and saw the things that people only dreamed of.
She was also the one I wanted to see at the beginning of the altar in her beautiful white gown. The woman I could see having children with.
The woman who, unlike the others, actually made me think of these things.
A freckled nose, nudges me as I sleep
A heart of gold holds me as I dream
Tucked away in silence
Wake me when you come
'Cause I need you now
I needed her. I already knew that this relationship wasn't going to be like the others. I knew there would be times where she'd want space, but me ... I don't think I'd ever want to be away from her for long. She made me feel alive, loved, inspired. She always made sure that I knew she wanted to be near me, just like now. That she wanted company even in the smallest thing - just to feel me there with her.
Hearts will bind you there to remind you
Of where you stand
I wanted to wake up beside her every morning. Wanted to fall asleep next to her every night. Wanted to hold her, and smell her familiar scents each moment I got.
Everything seemed better, clearer now. Maybe I wasn't as happy as I thought I had been before her. Maybe I didn't let myself be as happy because of her.
I knew I couldn't rely on her for everything ... my happiness, especially, but it was nice to know that one person, one woman could make a man happier than he ever imagined being. It was an amazing feeling, one that I hoped that every person would be able to experience at least once in their lives. It was one that you never would forget.
I opened my eyes again, turning my head and looking over at the clock on the wall. It was nearing noon, and I was pretty sure my mom was flying in and would be here by five. I could squeeze a pretty long nap in before then. It sounded more and more welcoming as I thought about it, my eyes dropping slowly with each passing second.
I dropped my hand back down to my side from above my head, turning my head and placing a kiss on her forehead, the smile on my face unmistakable to anyone. Nothing could take this smile away from me. Nothing.
Each morning as I wake
The sun is always brighter when you stay
