*Justin*

The house was quiet. Silence boomed in my ears like loud explosions that made my eardrums want to pop and ring. They had been ringing since the day she left. The moment I finished reading that letter, I felt empty. I realized then that she had taken not only herself and her belongings, but she took a part of me with her; the part that made me feel alive and worthy of everything I earned. I felt hollow, almost as if I were missing my heart, missing the one organ in my body that served it's purpose as the blood pumper and the one symbol in life that signified love and comfort. My blood ran cold after I finished the letter. I was angry. I lost my heart and I lost my love.

But ... I guess I can't say that I wasn't expecting this. All good things come to an end, right? Isn't that what they say? What we had, was a good thing. Now it's done and I should just be grateful I had it for the few months I did. I should have paid more attention the intimate details of our relationship and knew that it'd end.

Just as quickly as we started, we had ended. A spark that grew into a raging wildfire died down and settled into smoldering embers with the remnants of our love lives completely dissipated. We weren't quite to the point of ashes, but I felt it was coming, and I knew she did, too.

But I will never understand her leaving the way she did. In the middle of the night? After making love? That really, deserves a big 'what the fuck' comment. I loved her. I loved her more than I could possibly grasp myself, loved everything about her, even the flaws that she hated so badly. I loved her more than Britney, whom I felt I'd love forever ... that is, until I found a love for Alisan that totally wiped out any feeling for any other woman.

I'd get through this. I had to. She left me, it wasn't my choice. It was her choice, her own damn fault for leaving something that could have been so great and so fulfilling. She'd lose any chance she had with me, I had to let myself believe that. I had to feel bitter, but at this moment, all I felt was empty and dull.

Life had to go on, I had to move on. It had been three weeks since she left and it still feels like that day every time I wake up and feel emptiness beside me. I get a cold chill just thinking about another envelope lying on the table as I move down the stairs. I almost trick myself into thinking that she's just at her house. Once, I did trick myself into thinking it was a dream and that I had never seen that envelope. I could have sworn I heard her laughter echoing from the back. It all stemmed with me finding her favorite scarf in the hallway closet. The beautiful white cashmere scarf that she had bought only a few weeks prior to leaving that she carried around even when inside because it was so costly and she was getting her money's worth. It smelled like her. As childish as it sounds, I even slept with it the first week she was gone, almost like a teddy bear for comfort.

I did try to call her. I called her sister, but she was no help: she didn't know her parents number. I should have known that, since they rarely speak and her mother calls from work. I called information all the way down in Georgia and got nothing. Her family's number was private and unlisted.

Yeah, thanks Alisan. Way to be hard to find.

None of this is my fault. At least, I'm going to try and make myself believe it. But maybe, maybe it is. If only I had been a little more loving, a little more understanding ... maybe she wouldn't have left. Maybe if I questioned her more, pushed for an answer as to why she had been acting weird, I wouldn't be in this mood, in this predicament. No one knows how to comfort me, no one knows what to say. What else could they do?

But really, what could you say to someone who chased a girl for years on end and finally got her, only to lose her months later? Unexplained? What do you say to someone who woke up, expecting to see the woman they had just made love to hours before, but see nothing and get left with a 'Dear John' letter? In my case, it's a 'Dear Justin', but that's not really something I care to correct right now.

She doesn't want me to find her. Okay, I won't. But it would be nice for her to call and tell me what this is really about. Call and tell me why she left. Was it me, was it her? Bullshit could be seen throughout the entire letter; she obviously didn't want to go, but did anyway. Did something happen that she didn't want to tell me? She said she didn't cheat, but was that it? Had she slept with someone and was so consumed with her regret that she left? Did someone say something to her? Was that it? If they did, I would be all ready to punch their lights out.

I cared about her. I loved her. I wanted to be with her so desperately that I was blind to everything but the fact that I finally had her, that I was finally able to hold her, kiss her, make love to her like I had dreamed of doing. So much for that.

There are times that I wish I wasn't who I was ... now, more than ever. I wish I was some regular person who had never met every person I had ever met while being a celebrity. Maybe then I'd be in love with a normal girl with my normal lifestyle and we'd have a kid, maybe two. It sucked being seen and photographed everywhere and every relationship be sold to the tabloids for some filthy cash.

When Alisan left, it seemed as soon as she left that it was in the paper. Justin Timberlake and girlfriend split! Their secret affair revealed! I had scoffed at that. Secret? No way. Affair? Maybe for ten seconds. Pop Star Justin Timberlake siddenly single! Details inside! Too bad they had no idea why I was 'suddenly single', except for the fact that I was indeed, suddenly single. Justin Timberlake is shafted! Oh, thanks online gossip community. Alisan Turner, a former dancer (who must have been blind) finally gets sick of his cocky attitude and leaves!

I can only imagine what the tabloids overseas are making of this. They have a more liberal way of headlining things. I can just see one of the headlines saying, Justin TImberlake dumped! Sex wasn't as good as he thought! Or something idiotic along those lines.

Maybe that was it. Maybe I sucked in bed.

You know I'm thinking too much when I get to that level of thinking.

But I was better than Lucas, wasn't I? I never forcefully grabbed her, never screamed at her directly in the face ... I never put her down. But now, here I am just as shafted as he was. I guess we all get on the same boat at one time or another.

Maybe she saw me in the same light that she saw him. That was the last thing I wanted to be seen as. Maybe I just didn't deserve her. Maybe I was the last thing she wanted, but the first thing that wanted her so she went for me. Maybe that was it. Maybe she never wanted to hurt me, but hell, she has.

And it hurts like hell.

Maybe one day I'll understand. But I swear, I'm going to get to the bottom of this. I'm going to find out why she left me. I'm going to find that reason out and then I'm gonna pummel it down. I love her. I want to be with her. I'll let her have her space, but I will come for her. I'm not letting her go.

This isn't the last of me.


Fin.