*Alisan*

Call me crazy, but I waited almost a half hour before going to check on where Justin had gone. Obviously, it didn't take more than maybe five minutes to get two drinks, but I imagined him bumping back into JC and his friends, stopping to bullshit a little and almost forgetting who he came with. Call me crazy, but I knew that wasn't it.

He probably ran into a beautiful girl, and was chatting her up, trying to get her number and forgetting about me completely. It wouldn't have been the first time I was forgotten about, though never by him. But, I knew by surveying the place when I walked in, it was a possibility, especially when I saw the women swarmed at JC's table. Justin and I's table was going to be just like that, if not worse. But thankfully, we had a private room where no one was allowed to enter unless permitted, but he leaving left that spot open for girls to shimmy their way into his heart just as quickly as it would take for him to flash a smile.

As luck would have it, he was sitting at the bar with a leggy blonde attached to his side and giggling against the side of his face. I was disappointed, yes, but I was ready for something like this to happen. I expected it. Maybe that was where I went wrong every single time: I expected the worse to happen and just let it happen because I gave up.

... but what was I giving up? He was just a friend. A friend who treated me just like he would if he were to have a sister. At least, that's how I saw it.

I sighed deeply, crossing my arms and leaning up against the wall, out of sight from him as he looked around the room. He had a look in his eyes, yet I couldn't place that look. His eyes met mine, he getting up slowly from the bar stool and staggering towards me. Drunk. That was what was in his eyes. He was drunk.

Why the hell was he drunk?!

"Hey, Sanny ..." He slurred, nearly falling into me as he got closer. I smelled the Jack Daniels on his breath before he was even within reaching distance. "I drank your drink ..."

"And everyone else's," I sighed, reaching for him as he pulled away from my grasp. "Justin," I said softly, he shaking his head. "What, Justin? What? What now? Why are you drunk this time?!"

"I drank myself into oblivion," he spit out, eyes following mine as I looked helplessly at JC, who had just now seen his state. He had gotten up quickly and was now crossing the restaurant to come to my aid. "Because of that," he snapped. "I drank myself away from this life so I wouldn't have to think of the two of you together anymore. I drank you away ..."

... what?

"Okay, Justin," JC said, reaching forward and grabbing the arm closest to him and wrapping it around his neck. "Let's get you home, buddy."

"No!" He pulled himself away from JC, staggering out the door as JC and I helplessly followed. "I'm not going home! I don't want to go to her home and I don't want to go to mine!"

"Then we'll take you to mine -"

"No, don't you get it?!" He cut off JC, snapping. "Taking me to your house would mean San would look after me and you'd be there. Thetwoofyouwouldbethereanditwouldstillhurt."

I stood there, trying to understand what he had just spit out in one long word. JC on the other hand, was still hot on his tail as he staggered in a zig-zag pattern across the parking lot. "Justin, honey, come on ..."

"Don't call me honey!" He snapped, turning to point his finger and literally falling over his own feet. He wasn't so graceful drunk. I was really getting curious about how much he had drank in that little time frame ...

"Justin, c'mon, man," JC said in a slightly lower, almost angry tone, "let's not get into this here, okay? You're drunk, you don't have any control of what you're saying. We both know you get yourself into trouble when you're drunk -"

"Why because I say what is on my mind?!"

"Exactly. Let's not say what's on your mind with San in the area, okay? Let's not bring her into this. You're drunk, and I know you don't want to get her involved ..."

"Get me involved in what, exactly?"

JC looked up at me as he hooked his arms underneath Justin's armpits, slowly lifting him up and giving me a look as to drop it. But I wasn't. This was obviously about me and I wanted to know why. "Get me involved in what, Justin?"

"Aly," JC warned, shaking his head as his eyes bore into mine. "C'mon, he's drunk, he doesn't know what he's saying -"

"We both know that's bullshit," I snapped as I listened to Justin's incoherent mumbling. "God damnit, Justin!" I threw my hands up, now becoming angry. "What the hell is wrong with you, huh? First it's the lack of social skills, then it's getting drunk, and now you're trying to pin blame on me for something I have no idea what, exactly and JC is covering for you! What the fuck?!" I walked over to his car, opening up the door and throwing my purse and lifting my foot up, pulling the heels off one after another. I tossed them to the back, slamming the door and walking over to him, now face to face with the slurring bastard. "What the fuck is your problem?"

"Alisan, seriously, you really don't want hear about this when he's drunk," JC said softly, Justin's eyes rolling in the back of his head. Oh, no, he wasn't getting off that easy. "God damnit!" I reached up, slapping his face. Hard. "Tell me what the hell is going on, Justin! Why the hell is he covering for you? What are you hiding?"

"I'm not covering for him, Aly," JC's voice brought me to look at him, he having the same bewildered look in his eyes as I did. Yet, his eyes had understanding in them. He knew what was going on. He knew what this was dealing with and wasn't telling me. "You know," I said softly, looking down and feeling hurt. Why was I the last one to know?

"I just found out, Al," he said softly. "You've gotta believe me. It wasn't for me to tell you -"

Justin was still holding his cheek as he slumped away from JC's grasp, swaying side to side as he sat on the concrete, head in hands as he tried to sober himself up.

"Someone needs to tell me what the hell is going on," I said, beginning to feel the anger boiling inside me even more. I realized that I swore a lot more when I was angry compared to the little amount I did when I was calm. "God damnit someone needs to talk and now!"

"J," JC said softly, he looking down at the top of his head. "You need to tell her, man. She won't let it drop and you'll feel better once you have it off your chest."

I looked from one man to the other, JC's chest rising and falling heavily, Justin running a hand through his short hair. Justin was still looking at the ground, and JC was looking at the top of his head.

What was this? Some sort of fucked up love affair that I had no idea about? Was this why JC and I weren't working out?

"I don't want you and JC to be together."

I felt my heart stop and a lump form in my throat. I was right. They were in love with each other. Justin was gay. JC was gay. God, I picked the greatest men.

Well, they are great ... but not great for me.

I took a deep breath, trying to hide my surprise. "Oh?"

"Yeah, 'oh'." Justin got up with the slight help of JC, he turning to look at him as JC urged him to go on. So basically, I need to start finding little knick-knacks with 'Chalake' on them for their housewarming gifts. "I don't want you to be with him. In fact, I don't want you to be with anyone."

I scoffed. "Well, that's not a hard one to work on."

So he wanted it to be like 'Will & Grace', except Jack and Will were in love and Grace was the old maid who lived with them and ate all their junk. As long as I get my hundred dogs, I'll do it.

"Alisan, are you listening to anything I'm saying?" He asked softly. I realized now that he was close to what looked to be tears, his face pale and ruddy from the alcohol. He was still swaying, and I then saw JC's hand steadying his shoulder. God, if they weren't gay, I don't know what I'm gonna do with myself.

"Yes," I lied. "Justin -"

"I want you all to myself," he said softly, he hissing as he ran a hand through his hair once more, looking down. "I don't want you to be with JC -"

So, basically ... he wants to be old with me and own a hundred dogs, too? Single friends forever?

" ... I don't want you to be with anyone ... but me."

Huh?!

I swallowed, licking my lips slowly, my tongue almost getting stuck on my very dry lips. I looked to JC, he having a look of 'you better believe it' on his face. Was he serious? "Come again?"

"I want you to be with me. I want you to love me like I have loved you for so long. I don't want you to be with him, although I know the two of you are perfect for each other ... I knew you first, I want to be with you. I need you. We're both not perfect, but you're perfect for me ... I was so scared to love you, and then I realized it, and that scared the shit out of me ..."

How many times was he going to use perfect? And was I hearing this right? "Justin," I said slowly, trying to figure out my choice words, "I -"

"I love you, okay? I love you like I've never loved anyone before and it hurts so much that it scares me. It scares me to think that this could be it for me, after saying for so long I didn't think anyone would be ... and then you come around and change all of that. I didn't want to tell you, but I saw the way you looked at him and it killed me. I wanted you to look at me like that. It was eating me up for so long ... and then seeing you tonight just made it worse. I don't know - I'm still drunk but I'm totally sober saying this to you -"

I looked at JC once more, he nodding. "He's not lying," he said softly. "He told me before he went back to you in the restaurant."

"So you knew," I crossed my arms, JC nodding but shrugging. "And no one told me?"

"I just found out, Aly," JC said, holding his hands up in surrender. "I didn't know, either."

"San," Justin's voice came out desperate as I looked at him, his eyes wide and terrified. "Please, say something."

I didn't know what to say. My best friend, whom I had, until minutes ago, saw as a big brother, had admitted he was in love with me. Me, of all people that he could have. Me. Alisan Maille Turner. I was ready to pack my bags and move to a house with a lot of trees that scared kids and be the old lady. I wasn't ready to have someone be in love with me.

"Stop fucking with me," I said softly. Did I just say that?

"I'm not ... fucking with you," Justin said softly, taking a step towards me as I took a step back to keep the distance. "San, I do love you -"

"Don't do that," I said, shaking my head. "Don't put my name and 'love' in the same sentence. Just, don't."

"San -"

"Stop!" I put my hands to my ears, turning towards his car and grabbing at the door handle, it sliding from my hands more than once. Angry and confused tears formed in my eyes as I finally got the door open, grabbing my purse and shoes as I hurriedly put them on, JC coming towards me with a look of worry on his face, while Justin hung back, still reeling from his admittance. "Both of you, just stop." I held my hand up to stop JC in mid-step, throwing my purse around my shoulder as I stepped away from them. "If you both knew what was good for you, you wouldn't follow me -"

"Aly, it's dangerous, you shouldn't go alone ..."

"I'll call a cab," I snapped, ignoring JC's worried statement. "Just leave me the hell alone."

Against both of their protests, I walked across the parking lot, heading towards God knows what. All I knew, was that I had to get out of there before I fell over in a fit of tears like I usually did when i didn't know how to handle things. I knew it would be exceptionally bad because when I did that, Justin was the one to comfort me.

And he was the last person I wanted comforting me at the moment.

I walked into the gas station a little ways down the road, Madison Avenue still in sight as I looked up from the display near the door, hunting for my cell phone to call a taxi. I wasn't going home, I knew that for a fact. I didn't have much family around here, but the family I did have was a woman I knew would be willing to take me in for at least the night. "Lyssa?" I asked softly, hearing her voice greet me on the other line. "Can you come pick me up?"

"Alleycat," I heard her say softly, the line static-filled. She was in her car. "What's wrong? You okay?"

"I just ... I can't go home right now," I said, looking up and seeing Justin slowly approaching the gas station. "Can you just come pick me up? I'm at the Exxon by Madison Avenue."

"Okay," she said, not questioning me. If she had, I would have broke. "I'm actually quite close. Give me ten minutes."

With that, she hung up. By the looks of it, ten minutes was going to feel like ten hours for me as Justin pulled the door open, his eyes meeting mine. "San, please ..."

"No," I pushed him away, he following me like a lost puppy as I looked for a place to get away from him. The restroom. "Just go away, Justin ..." I pushed the door open, he fighting with me as I somehow managed to shut it against his force, locking it before he could open it.

"Sanny, please," his voice was sad and desperate as I leaned up against the wall, letting the tears now fall. "Open the door, we need to talk about this ..."

"Go away ..." I pleaded, just as my voice broke, bringing me to not only tears, but sobs. "Just leave me alone ..."

"Alisan," his voice trailed off and I knew he was getting emotional. "I never wanted to tell you like this, you have to believe me. I didn't want to tell you at all ... and that's probably why I got drunk tonight. I wanted to be with you so bad, but I knew it'd never happen and it upset me -"

"Justin what the hell are you doing?"

I felt my heart jump at the sound of Alyssa's voice, hearing her tell him to go away so she could deal with whatever mess was made. "Alleycat, it's me. You ready to go home?"

I swung the door open, falling into her arms as I cried. Justin's faint 'I'm so sorry' barely hit my ears as I heard the door jingle, signalling that he left the gas station. I'm sure the attendant thought I was a real winner. "Can we just go? Please?"

"Of course," she said softly, pulling away from me and wrapping an arm around my waist. "I'll make some popcorn and we'll watch chick flicks in our pajamas all night. How does that sound?"

I nodded, she tightening her grip on me as I got into her waiting car, she pulling out and passing Justin almost as if in slow motion. His head was hung low, hands shoved deep into his pockets. His tie was mussed, along with what hair he had.

Look at the mess we've made.