*Justin*

"And she's still there? Okay. How is she? I kind of figured. I highly doubt he even remembers what happened last night, he was pretty plastered -"

I opened my eyes, taking in the somewhat unfamiliar room I was studying. None of my rooms were mint green. The only person I knew that had a room like this was JC, and it was his guest room ... oh. Upon closing my eyes, a pounding headache entered, taking all my thoughts away with the jackhammering.

"Yeah, I figured that'd be how she'd want it ... at least for a while. I'll go to her house and pick up his stuff. I feel bad, Lys; he was never this hung up on a woman. It never led to alcohol consumption like he had done. But I understand why he was acting so weird around me now. It makes so much sense now. So much sense ..."

What was he talking about? What made sense?

"I'm trying to make sense of it all. He always said she was nowhere near his type, and then suddenly she is the one he wants to be with and instead of just telling her, he hides it for the longest time. That isn't like him. You know that, Lys. If Justin wanted to be with Aly, he should have just said something. To at least me! If I knew he was in love with her, I would have backed away and let him try to be with her. I would never stand in between someone and their love. That's not me. That's not him, either. Nothing he did last night was him ... I don't know what got into him ..."

Oh God. Hangover headache. Alisan.

I shot up at the thought of her, my brain feeling as if it had just slammed into the front of my head and bringing more pain than I had ever remembered getting from a hangover. Oh my God. I did a horrible thing last night and I screwed things up royally. And yet, here I am, lying in JC's guest bedroom as if I had not done anything wrong and just crashed after a long night of working in the studio or after a party. This was not one of those nights. I may have been plastered, but it wasn't out of fun, it was at my own expense, and I brought down two of the people I cared most about down with me.

Argh, I just need the idiot stamp on my forehead and I'll be all set. I got up slowly, rubbing my temples with my hands. JC's voice was close, he probably pacing back and forth down the hallway as he usually did when something was bothering him. Usually, I had to get it out of him to find out what his problem was, but I already knew: I was his problem.

I pulled the door open slowly, and as luck would have it, JC was right in front of me. Shit. "J-JC," I managed to stutter out, he looking as if he had not slept all night. Ah, Jesus. "Look, about last night -"

He held his hand up to silence me, and when I did, the surprise on his face showed that he thought it would have been a fight to silence me.

I'm just full of surprises lately.

"Justin, what happened last night ..." he trailed off, clearing his throat as he stepped backward, leaning against the wall, "should never have happened. You acted like a five-year-old and hurt more than just yourself with what you said. You could have told me, man. You could have said you wanted her and I would have kept away and tried to work it out for the two of you. It could have worked that way! It would have, too! But no, instead, you get shitfaced and make a fool out of me. And Alisan. You were the biggest fool of all, you know that?! Justin, you are my best friend; I would never come between you and someone you love. It just would never happen and you know that, man! You were closer to her than I would ever be and somehow you believed that I was a threat to you! If you told her to jump off the Golden Gate bridge, she would have! If I would have told her to just jump, she would have laughed at me! You royally fucked up, man. She's hurt and angry and refuses to even talk to me. She thinks that somehow, I knew and I was just lying about when I found out. God, J, if I had known ..."

I sighed, watching as he went off on one of his tangents again. His face was slightly red with anger and frustration, mostly toward me, little at the situation. I couldn't blame him. It was all my fault and I was the only one who could fix it again. "Jace," I said, cutting him off as he looked at me quizzically. "I'll fix it, okay? Regardless of it ending up that she'll never talk to me again, I'll fix it. I'll make sure everything is fine between you two, okay? I know I messed up. I don't know what I'm going to do, since the sound of my voice probably repulses her -"

"She's been listening to you all night," JC said softly, his eyes casting downward at the secret he swore he'd never tell after Alyssa had told him. "Basically the same song over and over again -"

I knew exactly what song it was, too. "I'm gonna call her," I said softly, turning away from JC and closing the door behind me, feeling around in my jeans that I had slept in, feeling around for the small contraption. When I found it, with trembling hands, I dialed the familiar number, letting it ring.

And ring. And ring.

Not surprisingly, the voicemail picked up. I didn't want to talk to voicemail, I wanted to talk to her. So I hung up and redialed, again going to voicemail. I wasn't giving in that easy. I called three, maybe four more times when I finally heard the click as she hit the button to respond, being greeted by dead air. I know she was there, I just knew she was. "San," I said softly, willing her to respond to me, hoping that she would cave and at least acknowledge she knew that I was talking to her. "San, please. I made the biggest mistake and I just want to apologize. I never should have done it and -"

"You are the biggest asshole I have ever met in my life."

"I know, I -"

"The most arrogant, self-centered, egotistical prick. You only think of yourself, you're more worried about what people see in you rather than what you see in yourself. You feel as if the world owes you something. You treat what real friends you have like garbage, and then throw them around like little rag dolls. You're not doing that to me, Timberlake. I'm not going to be your little welcome mat to walk all over. I'm done being the faithful friend. I'm done being your friend -"

"No, please, Alisan," I bit my lip, feeling tears prick in the corners of my eyes. Since when did I become so emotional? "Please, don't do that. Please don't throw our friendship away. I treasure what we have so much and I don't want to lose you -"

"You drink yourself into oblivion and act as if everything is all peachy keen and then when that alcohol gets into your system its just a giant pity me, pity me party. You use women, use them for your little toys. You act as if no one can be happy unless you are. You won't even let your friends be happy because that means you won't be. Well, tough shit, Justin. Tough fucking shit. You can't always get what your little heart desires. That's not the way it works; it will never be the way it works. I'm sick and tired of you getting handed things on a silver platter and then when that platter breaks you feel as if the world should just stop what it's doing to accomodate you. No. Not happening. What you did last night was horrible, embarassing and pathetic. You are a sorry excuse for a human being and I can't stand that I even called you my friend. I can't stand even closing my eyes because I see the entire night play all over again. Do you know how sickening it was to have to witness what you did? To hear what you had to say? How long have you kept that in, Justin, huh? How long?"

Silence. She was actually waiting for me to answer.

"Answer the fucking question, Justin Randall!"

Ouch. I was almost afraid to answer, cringing as I opened my mouth to speak, not ready for her next outburst. "...two years."

"TWO YEARS?!"

I had to literally pull the phone away from my ear at her super-sonic screech, sighing deeply. "Yes, Alisan, two years."

"God, Justin I don't know what you want me to do ... I never ... I mean, I've never ..."

She trailed off, letting the sentence hang. Her voice had fallen to a dramatic soft tone, it now full of confusion and hurt rather than anger and disgust. At least it was a change. "I just want you to accept my apology," I said softly. "I just want us to be like we were and to forget what happened last night. I don't want to lose what we have, San. You are one of the most amazing women I've known -"

"I don't know if it'll ever be the same," she said softly, interrupting me. "I don't know if I can forgive you. What you did was horrifying to both JC and I and I can't even look at him -"

"He had nothing to do with this, okay? It was me, just me. I got angry when you said that someone had asked you out ... and the bringing up JC was just the hammer to the nail. I was so jealous that he was getting your affection and I wasn't -"

"Justin, you meant more to me than JC did. You were my best friend. I trusted you with my heart. I never had to worry about you making me cry. But then again, I should have expected that from you -"

"No," I pleaded, listening to her voice raise again in anger. "Don't say that, San ... you know I'm better than that. I'm just so sorry -"

"I don't think I can accept that," she said slowly. She was steadying her voice, trying not to cry. Yeah, I'm a good person. Just so good. "What you did threw me through something I've never been through before, and I'm not sure I want to do it again. I don't think I want to associate myself with you anymore -"

"Alisan, give me a chance at this -"

"I have to go," she said, finally breaking as I heard her begin to cry. "I have to go ..."

"San, please -" I stopped, the phone cutting off my call. Shit. Now what? I wasn't going to let our friendship go without a fight. I wasn't going to let us go. We weren't ending like this. We weren't going to end, even if it resulted being over my dead body. She truly was one of my only friends that I could trust and surrendered all my secrets to. Why would I let someone like that go? Someone so amazing and beautiful? Someone I should have said something to a long time ago? If I had done that, maybe we would be together and none of this would have ever had to happen.

I dialed her number again, it immediately kicking to her voicemail. I should have known it would have.

"Hey, you've reached Alisan Turner. I'm unable to answer my phone right now so please leave a brief, detailed message along with your phone number and I'll call you back. Calls without voicemails don't get a call back, so if it's important, please, leave a message. Have a good one."

God, did I mention how cheesy she was?

I took a deep breath, hearing the automated woman's voice instruct me as to how to go about leaving a message. Yadda, yadda, yadda, I know all of this, I knew what to do -

Beep.

Except, I didn't know what to say. "San ..." I trailed off, not knowing how to go about this. How would one go about groveling and kissing someone's feet through a phone line? "You obviously knew I was gonna call you after you hung up, so I don't have to say who this is. Look, I was in the wrong. I never should have gone about drinking like an idiot and saying what I did. I held it in for so long, I'm surprised it didn't come out earlier. I know you don't wanna believe it, but I do love you, okay? I do love you and I want whatever you want. I don't want you to be unhappy. I want you to be happy and in love with whoever you want to be in love with, regardless of it being me or not. I just ... I have never felt this way about someone for ... well, ever. You keep the smile on my face and you keep me motivated to get the job done. You mean the world to me, Alisan. I don't know if you realize that, but you do, whether you want to believe that or not. You're the best friend I ever had and the one woman who has kept me on my toes. You keep me crazy, Sanny. You keep my mind going and my heart racing just by looking at you or hearing your voice. There isn't any other way to say how I feel except for this ..." I cleared my voice, feeling incredibly cheesy but incredibly desperate to get her to forgive me, that I was willing to do anything, even act like a fool.

As I cleared my voice, I imagined her sitting in Alyssa's own guest room, hugging the pillow and staring down at the phone, wondering why a voicemail had not alerted her. She'd have the song I was going to sing to her on repeat and low in the background and just hearing it was probably making her angry and sad at the same time. She probably thought I had given up on us finally, but I knew deep down, she knew I would never give up. I would prove that to her right here, right now.

I let the word linger a moment, licking my lips and breathing deeply. "I'm sorry, Alisan." With that, I hung up and put my phone away. I had done the best I could; now it was her turn to step up.

I just prayed that she found a soapbox to step up onto. I would give anything to hear her scream at me again, just so I knew she was still talking to me.

Anything from the wrath of San was better than nothing.