"Have you noticed that eventually at all these parties the girls and the guys all separate out?" Nanci asks as she lazily trails a chip through the salsa. "Why is that?"

"Because they want to talk about sports and we want to talk about boys?" I suggest.

"Nah," Tammy shakes her head, "it's because they have to all pretend they're too manly to get cold whereas we're not that stupid and have moved inside to where the heating is."

"Maybe it's because we're all running around in bikinis," I say. By the way, I might add that running around with a ton of incredibly fit and toned dancers is a sure fire way to make you feel fat in a bathing suit.

We're all curled up on couches in Justin's game room, because there are a lot of heaters but more importantly couches in here. It's the only place in the house where somebody wouldn't wind up sitting on the floor. We lifted the Doritos, the dips and naturally the cheesecake from the table and disappeared down here with it. We're taking bets on whether the guys had even realised we're missing, since they were all caught up in planning who was going on which team for their impromptu basketball game. I never realised Justin had a full sized court in his back yard… and a putting green. Sports freak.

We also brought the wine, even lifting a couple more bottles out of the kitchen as we went. The Chardonnay is excellent and Nanci and I are making pretty good work of it - everybody else is on red. Since the tour we did was a club tour I didn't see a lot of his dancers, though they stopped by a few shows. I will credit the guy for picking his crew well because almost everybody around him is a really nice person and his dancers are no exception. Even if they are skinny bitches and technically I'm supposed to hate them for that.

"You'd think that with us running around in bikinis they'd want us to stay closer," Alicia jokes. I think she's dating either Eddie or Sky right now, I can't keep track.

"Ugh, men never want you to stay close, they want to get some and get gone," Tammy mutters to a big chorus of 'ouch' from all of us.

"That bad, huh?" I take it upon myself to top up her glass; she looks like she needs it.

"Ugh. Asshole thought it was fine that for two freakin' months we were spending every spare minute together and going out all the time and now I make one slip of the word 'boyfriend' and suddenly he's freaked. MEN."

"Been there, done that," Nanci nods her head sagely, sadly while attacking another handful of Doritos. I bet she's just one of those lucky people who have a fast metabolism too. Ugh. I'd hate her if I didn't like her so much.

"Well hey, least you found out now instead of years later," I bitch.

That was a huge mistake, because now all eyes have turned to me. Nanci has leaned in close like I'm some particularly unusual specimen of bug or something, Tammy is looking at me wide eyed, and Alicia looks scared. Maybe they think it's contagious or something and that my bad luck will rub off on them. Or maybe hearing other people's pathetic relationship tales is just like a train wreck you can't look away from. Tammy in particular looks in fear of me - maybe because I just opened up the possibility that her current situation could drag on that long too.

"Do tell," Nanci says through a mouth full of chip and dip.

"Umm… high school sweetheart, with him through college, asshole who knew that everybody expected us to get married including me, but used to treat commitment like it was a rattlesnake that was going to bite him any second." I heave a sigh because reaching for the Doritos myself. Screw healthy tomato salsa, I want the cheese and chive calories be damned. Maybe that's why they're all so much slimmer than me…

"What happened? You're not still with him right?" Alicia asked.

"Oh no. One day out of nowhere I get the 'it's not you it's me' speech and then two weeks later he's with somebody else. That he just married." In go the chips. I need salty fatty goodness when talking about this subject.

"Asshole," Lisa snorts derisively. "Good riddance." My big sister has been relishing her night away from the kids and has had a little too much to drink even though she planned to stay sober and drive home. I'll make her get in a cab and drive the car back for her tomorrow.

Tammy looks thoughtful. "Oh wait, is that the guy Justin said still tried to hit on you in the restaurant even though he's married?"

"Jesus Christ he's going round telling that story?" I ask indignantly.

"Oh, it was just because earlier I was bitching about an ex hitting on me in front of Eddie," she explains. "Justin just kind of said it could be worse, at least he wasn't married like your ex. Extra level of sleaze."

"Well… to be fair…"

"Oh screw being fair it's us girls," Nanci shakes her head as she tops up both our glasses and then raises hers to me. "Tell us what you really think."

I pause for a moment, think about that, and then clink my glass against hers. "The stupid bastard's clearly realised what he's missing but he ain't never getting it back."

"Right on."

We drink to that, and it suddenly kind of hits me that this is not my usual MO at parties. Kennedy or Sophie is always the life and soul, but I just kind of hang in a corner with somebody I know. The whole social butterfly has never and will never be me; I tend to be an observer. That's okay though. I've always felt out of place in crowds so I like it that way. Maybe it's just this world Justin lives in - he has so many people around all the time and the whole atmosphere is so communal that you feel more awkward taking yourself out of it than just going with the flow. It's kind of nice to be in the thick of it with all these girls, all of us just laughing our asses off. Lisa, I have to admit, is always a good person to bring out with me because she's like the cool mom who's friends with everybody as well as being a mom. Everybody warms up to her but she's still fun and she still knows how to be one of those girls, so she's a useful buffer for me.

Except sometimes she gets a little too far into 'I'm a parent who can only talk about their kids' territory and I have to give her a gentle nudge out of there. Nobody my age wants to hear about changing nappies when the kid's got diarrhoea.

"While we're on the subject of Chelsea's love life…" Tammy begins.

"Oh hell no," I stop her before she even gets started. She hasn't even said anything and I already know I won't like this conversation.

"You are aware JT has a huge crush on you right?"

"What?" I play dumb. I convince nobody.

"Oh please it's written all over his face," Nanci snorts. "Don't tell me you don't know."

My sister the Gossip Magazine Queen is looking me with an expression that's somewhere between shock, horror and delight. God, this is just the kind of thing she lives for. I like to tease her about it being because she's just Mommy and her life has no excitement beyond what to make for dinner. Whatever - her appetite for gossip is ferocious, half the time she knows what they're saying about Sophie before I do, and I did not need her hearing this.

God, what if she tells our mother?

"Well… maybe it had occurred to me." That's as much as I'm going to give them. I absolutely cannot let on that there's been more to it because if they know everyone in his circle will know and I'm not ready for everybody else to be wondering what this is when I haven't figured it out yet.

"And you didn't tell me?" Lisa whines.

"Hey, I don't expect you to tell me about your love life," I riposte. Then I think about that some more. "Heck, I'd much prefer you never tell me, I need to know about you and Phil about as much as I need to know about Mom and Dad."

"What about you? Any butterflies for JT?" Oh great, thanks Nanci. Now they're all looking at me again and I do not have a great poker face.

"Umm… he's my boss, it's awkward… I don't wanna talk about it," I mutter before gulping half a glass of wine at once. I wish I hadn't done that because it's gone straight to my nose and now I have hiccups.

Luckily for me, my phone has just started chirping and I see that it's Sophie. Sometimes she has the best timing ever, I tell you. If ever there was a perk to her incessant phone calls, it's that they have interrupted plenty of uncomfortable conversations for me. I love it when she does that.

"Excuse me, I need to get that!" I take the blanket with me so I can go outside to take the call. The reception in Justin's house can be shitty anyway but I also just want to get out of the room.

I try to ignore the "that was so a yes" I hear Lisa declaring to the group as I make my exit.

***

Well, that was the best phone call of my life, really. I'm so glad this was a pool party and I wasn't wearing make up, because it would be smeared all over my cheeks by now.

I just got fired.

My alleged fucking best friend just got me fired.

It's getting pretty cold out now. It has got dark enough that I can't read my watch very well but the clock on my phone tells me it's just gone midnight. The good thing about Justin's vast estate is that it's easy to get lost on it. When I took the phone call I just slipped out a side door, but when I started to get the notion that it wouldn't be good I slipped along past the flowerbeds and into the back corners of his yard, where he has some benches and stuff. It was a little precarious when I had to sneak past the court, but thankfully the floodlights point in the other direction so I don't think I was too visible. I came out barefoot, but I'm so paranoid about bugs and creepy crawlies that I've perched them on the edge of the bench, hugging my knees to my chest in a pretty good imitation of the foetal position.

I would love to go inside and cry to Lisa right now, but knowing her feelings about my job it'd just make me feel worse. She'd think this was just fabulous.

Sophie just called me up on the phone, telling me that with me having been gone so long with Justin it's given her time to 'rethink' my 'position' on her 'staff.' She never fucking refers to me as staff. I swear to God, she was talking like a complete robot. Sophie, it seems, has decided that she's holding me back and that I've got into such a comfort zone with her that I'll never do anything about furthering my ambitions unless I'm forced to. She has decided that the only way I will go look for another job more in line with what I want to do is if she fires me. So she did just fucking that.

I wasn't buying a word of this. She sounded completely stiff and unlike herself. She was talking about me and my job with her in terms I had never heard her use. Sophie has always told me she never wants me to leave and she has no idea what she'd do without me. She's always told me that she knew I'd leave one day and she'd never hold me back, but that until then I was hers and she was hanging on. It was a nice thing to know, though she's totally gone back on her word I guess now. So, I pulled out my stern manner, I swore at her and I got really mad. It was emotional blackmail. I know she can't stand it when I'm angry with her and I used that. She cracked like an egg.

Sophie couldn't get hold of me earlier and she did what she sometimes does, which is to try Kennedy's number. Kennedy, my alleged fucking pal who has just stabbed me in the back, basically guilt tripped Sophie into FIRING me. She told Sophie I was being held back and that if Sophie had ever been my friend at all she wouldn't do what she does to me or some piece of crap like that. Thanks to my supposed best friend, I am now unemployed and totally screwed. How many God damned times have I told Kennedy that I've got much more service to do with Sophie before I've paid my dues and can get in the door at the jobs I want? Now I'm screwed. I have to start this whole cursed journey all over again just because Kennedy hates Sophie and doesn't like me working for her. That's all this is. She's used Sophie's actual concern for me to fuel her own selfish ends and now I'm SCREWED.

Not to mention that the dinner I've been toiling weeks over now won't involve me. My pretty new dress won't get worn, my pitches won't be made (by me, anyway), and my possible short cut to the producing career I want has just been snatched out from under me by that fucking bitch. I just couldn't convince Sophie that Kennedy was talking shit and so she's sticking to her guns.

The wind is stinging my wet cheeks as the cold cuts into them, but the tears won't stop. Despite the night being crisp and clear and the smell being of fresh air and space, I feel like I'm suffocating.

"Hey, I wondered where you'd… shit, are you okay?"

Justin. It figures Justin wouldn't let me be missing too long. He likes to know where everybody is at all times; I think it's his OCD thing. I raise my head from my knees just long enough to shake my head no before a fresh wail springs from my chest and I bury my face back in them.

In an instant he's sitting next to me and before I know quite what I've done I've climbed into his lap and wrapped both my arms and the blanket around him. Despite the cold they must have been getting warm on that court, because he's mildly sweaty. Normally I'd find that gross and would pull away, but right now I need him. Now my face is buried in his neck rather than my knees and his hands are running soothingly over my back beneath the blanket as he coos softly into my ear.

"Hey, hey… what happened? Tell me, it's okay…"

My shoulders are shaking, and I can't catch breath for more than a couple of syllables a time so the sentence is jarred and hesitant. "Sophie… fired… me. All… Kennedy's… fault…"

"WHAT?" His voice is raised in angry, indignant disbelief and a flush of warmth spreads over me. I'm just so pathetically grateful that somebody's outraged on my behalf. "She did what? Why?"

"Kennedy… told her that…" Shit, my hiccups are back. "She was… holding me back… that if she was a good friend she'd…"

Justin, clearly seeing that I'm in no fit state to talk, pieces together the rest for me. "Kennedy told Sophie to fire you? And she did it?" I nod, trying to stifle another cry. "Are they both retarded?"

I give a shrug before bursting into fresh sobs. Justin tightens his arms around my waist, giving me a squeeze, and kisses my cheek a couple of times before brushing his thumb under my eyes. If he's trying to wipe away tears he needn't bother because there'll be more coming.

"What am I going to do?"

"Well…" He smoothes my hair out of my face before wrenching it up out of his neck - he forces me to look at him. "You dry your eyes, we'll go back inside, and you have a job with me for as long as it takes for you to find another one."

"What about Rachael?" I sniffle.

"If she's back before then I bet she'll be thrilled to have help with my demanding ass."

Despite myself I let out a solitary pained giggle. There's sympathy etched all over his face, but he's still smiling at me and trying to encourage me to calm down. It's all in the eyes with this one, all in those big old blues of his.

"It's okay, Chels," he reassures me, again trying to brush tears off my face. "We'll go get some sleep and then in the morning when you're not so upset we can go through all the gory details. If you want I can kick everybody out right now."

"No," I shake my head. "Let them have their fun. I'll be fine."

"This is why you're the PA and not the actress - that was not convincing."

I give his chest a light smack for that, but again I can't help a small giggle. "Thank you," I tell him.

"Any time, sweetheart."

I catch sight of him, and suddenly it occurs to me that I just got screwed over by two people who are supposed to be my best friends in the world. I can't count on people that have known me for years, but this guy met me a few months ago on a movie set and he actually gives a shit about me. He doesn't have to, he's all big and famous and shit, but he does and he likes me. And more to the point, I don't fucking care if it breaks the Girl Code because Sophie just smashed that into a million damn pieces along with my future.

Gratefully I press my lips to his, whispering 'thank you' again. He kisses me back, each time briefly and softly between quiet assurances that we'll work it out and I'll be okay. Finally I don't want to think about it any more and I kiss him harder, longer, going for the make out. It's really too cold out here for this, but I don't care. I just want to stay with him for a while and forget that any part of the world exists beyond this little nook of his yard, with the azalea bushes and the bench. He's a great kisser. He's being all soft and delicate with me right now and even through my serious upset it's occurring to me how sexy that is.

Not to mention he must have had some more dessert before he came looking for me because he tastes like chocolate cake. Score.