Justin remembered the events clearly as if they had happened just yesterday. He remembered every horrible detail of the worst day of his being. But how could one forget?
It was now a month later, and he still couldn't reconcile some aspects, as hard as he tried.
"I'm sorry man... she's gone." Those words ran through his head like a sharp knife ran through butter.
"She's gone," he told himself, trying to pull himself out of the little dream world he still was in. He had tried his best to block that night out of his mind, or at the very least push it to the back of his head.
He knew he had to face reality sometime. What the past month had done to his mental health was indescribable.
"She's gone, she's fucking gone, she's not coming back!" he yelled into his empty house.
His memory drifted back to weeks ago. He remembered the terrible call Lance had made, to tell him the horrible news. He remembered leaving the house immediately and driving to the seashore, he remembered the cool December wind nipping at his cheeks and nose, and stinging his bare arms.
He remembered stepping onto the sandy grounds, and then and there deciding he'd end himself with suicide. He remembered how it all made so much sense to him. She killed herself, he loved her, he should kill himself, and they'd be together forever.
He remembered stepping onto the wet sand where the salty water made its mark, he remembered the freezing cold liquid of the Atlantic immediately numbing every nerve in his body.
He remembered the thoughts running through his mind, and found himself an hour later sitting in the exact spot, shivering with cold as previously unnoticed snow fell on top of him.
He remembered his difficulty breathing and his difficulty standing up on his weak and frozen legs.
He remembered arriving at home, the look on Joey's face when he first caught glimpse of his appearance. But then he remembered staring past Joey, at nothing in particular. He was in a daze that he couldn't snap out of.
He remembered hearing Joey yell something, that he couldn't comprehend, and he remembered Jc appearing in the foyer, and his face fell.
Justin's clothing had appeared to be hardened with ice, stuck to his trembling frame. His face was expressionless, as he stared past them, and Jc could have mistaken him to be a statue if it weren't for the involuntary chattering of his teeth. His complexion was blue, and his once pink lips were now an icy purple. Jc could hear his short, staggering breaths, Justin being unable to control it. And the snow fell down on him...
He remembered Jc requesting that he got changed into warm, dry clothes. But he didn't respond.
He remembered barely being able to talk due to his frequent intake of breaths. He said the only thing on his mind at that point.
"I-I-I'm s-o-o-so c-o-co-ld-cold," and taking a few steadying breaths after speaking.
He remembered Jc leading him up the stairs, and he remembered how difficult it was on his part.
Then he remembered his mother coming over, hugging him, and her also making her requests that he changed. He remembered her handing him clothes, and told him she'd check back on him in five minutes. They left the room, and that was when he remembered feeling slightly dizzy, then everything disappeared from view.
He remembered waking up to someone rubbing his forehead gently. He remembered opening his eyes, and looking into the face of his mother, and finding he now had warm, dry clothes on.
He remembered her begin to speak what he couldn't understand, and he let his eyes drift shut again. And again he saw darkness.
He remembered waking up a few more times, in various places, including different locations of a hospital. He remembered being told he had pneumonia, a double ear infection, and hypothermia.
He remembered again considering suicide, and finding comfort in the fact that he was in physical pain. Because the emotional pain he felt was far worse, and too intense for him to handle.
He remembered being released from the hospital two weeks later, and since then, he couldn't take his mind of Regan.
Now, he wondered if suicide really was what he was after. He needed to conquer his emotions. So without much thought or allowance to change his set mind, he walked to his car and drove to the cliff. The one that took his lovers' life.
He took notice of the almost full moon in the midnight sky. A hazy dim light replaced the bright, clear one that he remembered so well.
When he reached his final destination, he walked to the cliff and stood silently still, dangerously close to the edge. He stared down at the rocks below him, watching the crests of the waves turn white as they splashed against the sharp, steep rocks. He waited for a sign to tell him his decision otherwise. With not a signal, he closed his eyes and took one last deep breath... and jumped after her.
The End
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