I hear your innocent giggle from down the hall and a tear falls. I hear your sweet whispers to him and a tear falls. I hear your footsteps coming closer and closer to the closed door of my bedroom, and then farther as you pass it. And a tear falls and I hear it hit the pillow and my heart breaks again. The heart I’ve spent so many hours trying to repair breaks all over again every time your sweet self steps into this apartment.
It’s been months since we broke up and weeks since you and he started seeing each other. And he acts like he’s not committing a crime to a friend. Like it doesn’t hurt every time he talks about you. Like it doesn’t kill me to think that while we were together, you thought about him and he thought about you.
It’s eleven o’clock and I lay here, my tears soaking the pillow that I wish I’d be sleeping on. You’re coming back up the stairs, I can hear your soft footsteps. And they pass my door and I hear the steps get softer and softer and then they stop and I hear a small click of his door closing gently down the hall. And you giggle quietly and another sad tear falls. And my heart aches. And I hear the swishing of his sheets as you climb into bed with him. I hear him talking gently into your ear and you reply in the same tone. And I can hardly bare it. Another tear falls. My breath gets caught in my throat and suddenly, I feel so frustrated. Frustrated that you can be so deceitful, so deceiving. That you can walk in this apartment pretending that you and I never had a relationship.
My anger builds until it is too powerful to control. I grab a porcelain statue standing beside my bed. I squeeze it tight in my angry fist and send it through the air with all my frustration. My heart jumps at the sound of it shattering against the wall. It jumps because that is the same thing that happened to it. My heart was taken and it was shattered and now I can’t find all the pieces to put it back together.
I throw open my bedroom door and hear the wall crack with the punch of the doorknob. I run down the stairs, grab my car keys off the counter, run to the door, and yank my jacket off the hook on the way out. I hear you call and I hear him call. You’re running after me. But for what? I’ll come back.
But not today. For my heart is broken and I need some time to fix it.
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