December 19th, 1999

Clinton, Mississippi

Lance rubbed at his eyes as he sat in the church pew, looking over the program in his hands. He then looked up and around the church, watching as everyone scurried back and forth, putting up decorations and ushering kids around, and barking orders at each other. He had forgotten just how much really had gone on to put the Christmas show together.

He looked through the program in his hands for a second time, looking through the names of those who were participating in the program, the songs that were chosen, lyrics to some songs that were done in different languages for those who wanted to know what they meant or to sing along with the singers. It listed the names of musicians and the origins of some of the Christmas songs. And, it listed him as one of the performers.

He had no idea how Bob was able to convince him to be a part of the show and to help out around the church in preparation for the big day. Lance was the kind of person that hated saying ‘no’ to people and while he wanted to take this time to take a break from performing and to just relax, he was excited at the same time.

He remembered before *NSYNC when he would practice his songs “just one more time” and make sure that his voice was ready for the performance. He knew that everyone in Clinton was happy to have him back, but he also knew that his participation would help bring in more concert-goers. All in all, he was happy to do it; it reminded him of his life before he was in *NSYNC and it made his success all the more worthwhile.

“Chestnuts roasting on an open fire,” Lance sang to himself as he set the program aside, “Jack Frost nipping at your nose.” He stretched his arms up over his head. “Yuletide carols being sung by a choir, and folks dressed up like Eskimos.”

“Nice song choice,” Darren commented, dropping down next to his friend. “Fits your voice, perfectly.” He rolled up the score book in his hands. “Although,  with your training, I’m not surprised.” He sniffed loudly, placing a hand over his heart. “It just hurts that…after all this time, you don’t need me to…choose songs for you anymore.”

Lance rolled his eyes, shoving Darren’s shoulder. “Shut up,” he said with a small laugh.

Before Lance was really used to his own deep voice, he had Darren help him choose songs o audition with and to perform that helped him that supplemented his vocal range. He wouldn’t have ever thought of using “Old Man River” as his audition piece for *NSYNC.

“I’m glad to see you’re participatin’ that’s all,” Darren replied with a smile. “The kids sure are happy ta see ya here.” He smacked the score sheet into the palm of his hand. “Matter ‘a fact, the minute they realized you were my best friend, they haven’t stopped askin’ questions ‘bout ya.”

“Only time in his life he’s gotten so much attention,” Annaleigh commented as she walked up to the two of them, reaching out a hand to flick Darren on the forehead. “His big ego might get even bigger f’you’re not careful.”

“Aw, you’re jus’ jealous that you didn’t get to put the star on the tree this year,” Darren said with a grin. “Not my fault I’m taller’n ya.” He then got to his feet, emphasizing their height difference before patting her on the head. Annaleigh’s gave a snarky smile before batting his hand away. “Anyway, ready to practice?”

“Giving me some time free from all the kids,” Annaleigh replied, brushing her hair back with her hands, “I’ll take what I can get. I love ‘em, but they drive me crazy.” She then gave him a sweet smile. “Not as much as you though, your title is still safe.”

“I aim to please,” Darren replied with a half smile.

Lance quirked an eyebrow as he looked back and forth between his two friends. He crossed his arms over his chest, peering over at Darren as his handed Annaleigh  the music in his hands. Annaleigh took it and made her way towards the musicians sitting off to the edge of the stage. “Uhh—“

“Before ya say anythin’,” Darren said, putting his hands up defensively, “nothin’ s’going on with me an’ Ace.” Both of Lance’s eyebrows shot up. “Well, she told me she used ta like me—“

“You, just now, figured that one out?” Lance asked. He let out a bark of laughter. “Dare, she’s liked you since The Pudding Incident.”

Long story, short, when Annaleigh was 11 and Darren and Lance were thirteen, she had sat in some chocolate pudding, and not only was Darren one of the only people who didn’t laugh, he had given her his sweatshirt to wear and sat with her in the nurse’s office until her mom was able to come to school to give her a change of clothes. That whole time, he had held her hand and cracked jokes to try and get her to laugh. She had been smitten since.

“She jus’ told me tha other day,” Darren replied with a brief nod of his head and Lance blinked in surprise. He didn’t think she would ever tell him about her feelings at all. He then looked sideways at his friend, who was laughing at something the guitarist had said. “We got closer after ya left, but that’s all. She was pretty upset about it for a while.”

“Not surprised,” Lance replied with a heavy sigh.

“That’s not to say she wasn’t happy for ya,” Darren quickly continued. “We came to a few shows near here.”

“I didn’t know that,” Lance said quietly.

“She’s always been your biggest fan, of course she’s gonna support you,” Darren said with a shake of his head. The two of them were silent for a moment. “In fact, Ms. Darlene wanted to know if you wanted to do a trio performance, just like old times.”

Lance let a smile come to his face. He couldn’t remember the last time the here of them had all sang together. He had to admit, their alto, tenor, and bass trio were pretty good and the last time that they had all performed together, they had gotten good responses from everyone in attendance of their performance.

“I told her that you might not want to do it,” Darren continued when Lance didn’t answer right away. “That you were already doing one song an’ that you wanted to take a break from performin’ since you still have part of a tour to finish.”

“Thanks,” Lance replied, giving his friend a smile, “but it’s ok. I’d like to do it.” Darren smiled as well. “Have you convinced Ace, though?”

“Haven’t really told her about it, yet,” Darren replied, closing an eye into a cringe. Lance cringed as well. “Plannin’ on easin’ it in soon. Was thinkin’ of doin’ the Band Aid song, Don’t They Know It’s Christmas. Although, I think I’ve convinced her to join in the Christmas Eve festivities.”

“Thanks, Dare,” Lance replied. He then groaned and ran his hands over his face. “I thought all my stress was because of Lou.” He frowned. He didn’t want anyone else to bring up Lou Pearlman, and yet, here was, talking about him. He took in a deep breath of air, slowly letting it out through his nose. He could feel the tension coming back.

“Forget about him, man,” Darren said, patting his friend on the back. “You won. That’s all that matters. You and your friends.”

“Yeah, I know,” Lance replied with a half smile. “God was really looking out for us that day.”

He made a mental note to call everyone, or at least Joey, at some point. He hadn’t talked to any of them since he had gotten back to Clinton. Even only for a week or two, it was weird to not be around them all the time. He was sure they were all having the best time at home with friends and family, and in JC’s case having the best time sleeping. 

JC was notorious for falling asleep anywhere and everywhere. In some cases his sleeping caused for delayed starts to shows. Not that Lance could blame him, they were lucky to get even five hours of sleep a night in regards to back to back shows. It was all hard work that he got used to as tours went on, but whenever he was asked what was the one thing he was looking forward to when getting time off, his answer always was, “sleeping.”

“Yes, he was,” Darren agreed. He peered over Lance’s shoulder and Lance turned to see Bob Westbrook making his way up the center of the aisle with the kids in tow. “I gotta get going.”

“No problem,” Lance replied, clapping his friend on the arm.

“Anna, Anna,” a little girl near the front of the line called, waving her hand in the air. Lance smiled at the small girl as she hurried towards Annaleigh, turning her small feet as she ran. Annaleigh grasped the girl’s hands, lifting her into the air before balancing her on her hip. “I practiced my solo. My mommy says that…that I, um, am doing good. I think I got it.” The girl lifted her hand and rubbed at her nose with her fist. “I don’t hafta miss snack time anymore.”

“You did?” Annaleigh asked with a gasp, smiling at the girl. “I’m proud of you, sweetie.”

As Lance looked around at everybody, he really felt like he was on the outside looking in, despite becoming a part of this tradition again. Normally, he was able to slide back into the routine of being at home and hanging out with his friends and family. He just wanted to be able to get back into that old friendship he had with Annaleigh. He wasn’t entirely sure what had happened while he was gone, but he was concerned.

“Alright, file in over here,” Bob said as he motioned for the kids to slide into the pews. “Stay quiet while we have the older kids rehearsin’, ok? You know the respect they gave you?” Lance watched as the kids heads bobbed as they nodded. “Well, show some respect for them, kay?”

“Ok,” a couple of small voices called out.

“Excellent, excellent,” Bob replied before turning towards Annaleigh and Darren who were standing at the front of the church, microphones in their hands. “Darren, Ace, around the piano, please. We’ll just warm up for a bit, make sure y’all are startin’ in the right key with the right harmony.” He then turned towards Lance and gave him a bright smile. “We’ll get to you as soon as we’re done with these two, Lance.”

“Ok,” Lance replied with a smile, leaning forward to rest his arms against the back of the pew in front of him.  

He placed his chin on his arms, and watched as his friends warmed up their voices before taking center stage to start singing. Bob struck a chord on the piano before nodding towards the other musicians and the all started to play. Lance instantly recognized the opening to All I Want For Christmas Is You.

“I don’t want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need,” Annaleigh sang into her microphone.

“I don’t care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree,” Darren came in next, lifting the microphone up to his mouth, tapping the side of his leg with his hand.

“I just want you for my own.”

“More than you could ever know.”

“Make my wish come true, all I want for Christmas is you,” Annaleigh and Darren sang the last line together, and Lance felt himself sitting up at attention.

He felt goosebumps shoot up his arms and he got that feeling of awe for a second time in his life, the first being the first time he had sang as a group with JC, Justin, Chris, and Joey. When it came down to it, it had just felt so right at the time. Seeing how the his two friends sang with each other, their voices mixing together made him smile and made him happy to know that they were able to rely on each other while he was gone.

“Great aren’t they?”

“Hey, ma,” Lance said, lifting his head to smile at Diane as she slid into the pew next to him, putting her purse and keys down as quietly as possible. He leaned over to give her a kiss on the cheek. “Yeah, they’re great.” He watched as Annaleigh and Darren sang Mariah Carey’s hit tune. They even had a small dance routine to the song. “How was work?”

“Oh, all the kids are so anxious to be out of school,” Diane replied with a small laugh, talking quietly. Lance leaned closer towards his mother so he could hear her. She crossed one leg over the other. During the day, Diane would teach at the local school, but in the evenings she would teach some of the kids’ bible classes at the church. “How are you doing today, sweetie?”

“I’m singing in the show,” Lance said, leaning back so his back rest against the pew. Diane’s eyebrows shot up, a smile coming to her face. “I’m singing The Christmas Song and Darren is trying to set up a trio with The Three Musketeers. I think it’d just be harder to convince Ace. It’s been hard to talk to her.”

“Oh, sweetie,” Diane said with a sigh, running her fingers through the hair at the side of Lance’s head. He briefly closed his eyes at the touch. She let out a heavy sigh and Lance turned towards her, feeling an odd feeling of worry wash over him. “She’s been through a lot since you left. It’s been hard for her an’ her father.”

“What happened to her mom?” Lance asked, his eyebrows lowering into a look of confusion.

“She’s not ‘round anymore, Lance,” Diane replied with a sigh through her nose, twisting her mouth to the side. “Her and Ace’s father had irreconcilable differences. You remember they fought a lot?” Lance slowly nodded. “After a while, you could call it World War III with ‘em. It was hard for Annaleigh, she trid her best to make ‘em stop fighting, she thought it was her fault…it was jus’ a mess.”

“She stayed at our place for a little while, but she’s been tryin’ to make thigns work. You know how she is, wantin’ to do things on her own. She didn’t want anyone to think that things were goin’ wrong, but you know Clinton, news spreads fast ‘round here. If it wasn’t for that, it was Ryan getting’ hurt while on the job. Work compensation helps out, but she’s had to take on some jobs to help pay the bills, all the while goin’ to school and everythin’. It’s been hard, but they’re makin’ it through.”

“Darren said that they had gone to a few of our concerts out here,” Lance said quietly.

“Oh, yes,” Diane replied, patting Lance on the knee. “Even when Darren was away at school, he would make time for her and they’d go see you perform.” She looked over at the two teenagers rehearsing.

“Oh, I won't ask for much this Christmas, I won't even wish for snow,” Darren sang as he strutted over to Annaleigh’s side. He bent at the waist and tapped his cheek with his finger. “I'm just gonna keep on waiting underneath the mistletoe.” Annaleigh smiled before kissing him on the cheek before she started to sing, “I won't make a list and send it to the North Pole for Saint Nick. I won't even stay awake to hear those magic reindeer click.”

Darren then took Annaleigh’s free hand and spun her until he pulled her to him, her back resting against his chest, his arm wrapped around her. “'Cause I just want you here tonight, holding on to me so tight. What more can I do? Baby, all I want for Christmas is you. You, baby.”

 “They sure have gotten closer since you’ve been gone,” Diane continued and Lance gave a brief nod of his head. “He’s been looking out for her, calling in every once in a while he’s been gone. She wrote you letters quite often, and then they slowly trickled until they just stopped. Apart from her family, I think you were the last thing she could hold onto—“

“And because of all of my touring and promotional work, I couldn’t be there for her,” Lance said, slowly nodding. He felt his mom gently squeeze his knee. “That explains so much. Why, even when I came home, she wouldn’t see me or she was busy or that I had ‘just missed her’.” He peered over at his mom. “He says they’re not—“

“They’re not together,” Diane replied with a small smile of amusement, “trust me. They wouldn’t lie to you about that either.” She then gave him a curious look. “I know she was smitten with him for a while, but, nothing has come out of it. She’s still your number one fan, don’t worry.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about,” Lance replied, and Diane tilted her head slightly to the side. “I just don’t want her to get hurt. I never have but look at where that got me…she doesn’t even want to talk to me.”

“Maybe not,” Diane replied, giving him a reassuring smile, “but from what I remember, she’s always wanted to sing with you.”

Lance laughed lightly, a smile coming to his face. That’s true, he thought to himself. She always wanted to do what Darren and I wanted to do. He thought back to all the times she would tag along to Showstopper rehearsals, and comment on songs he and Darren would perform as Seven Card Stud, and even tagging along to each travelling show with Attaché. I just never thought there was another reason behind it.

“She’ll come around,” Diane added, “it’ll just take some time. She’s had the rug pulled out from under her feet, she just needs to regain her balance so to speak and to start building her life back the way she wants it.” Diane shrugged. “And you know what they say, ‘Many hands make light work’. She needs y’all; you and Darren.”

“I invited her over for Christmas Eve, like old times,” Lance said, slumping slightly in his seat, crossing his arms over his chest. “I think Darren convinced her to accept. But, now I know why she didn’t really want to accept.”

“Just try not to push her into anythin’,” Diane replied, moving her hand to run her fingers through his hair. “Ok, sweetie?”

“Sure, mom,” Lance replied, reaching for his pocket as his cell phone vibrated. He retrieved it from his pocket and glanced at the caller ID, sighing through his nose when he say Johnny Wright’s name pop up. “Could you tell Bob I’ll be right back? I have to take this.”

“Sure, sweetie,” Diane replied, giving him a smile. Lance smiled his thanks before quickly shuffling out of the room as quietly as possible. As soon as he was out in the lobby, he flipped open his cell phone and put it up to his ear.

“Hey, it’s Lance,” he greeted his manager.

“I’m glad I caught you,” Johnny’s familiar an soothing voice came on the other end of the phone. “I hope I’m not calling at a bad time. How’s your break going?”

“It’s good, happy to be home,” Lance replied, nodding, although he knew that Johnny couldn’t see him. He wrapped an arm around his waist and propped up his elbow with his arm. “What about you?”

“Good, good,” Johnny replied. “Listen, I’ve called with some important news.” Lance had already figured that out for himself. Johnny was a pretty laid back man at times and he was known to crack a joke or two with the rest of the boys, but he was always straightforward when it came to work or any sort of business that affected the boys in anyway. “Troy Antunes will not be a member of the *NSYNC band after this tour comes to an end.”

Lance blinked in surprised. “Well…is everything ok?” he asked.

“Yes, yes, everything’s fine,” Johnny replied. Lance heard a tapping sound in the background. “Nothing to worry about. He would just like to be with his family more and spend some more time at home. He will be playing the last few shows in Hawaii. But, this is where you come in.”

“Shoot,” Lance said with a nod. He slid his free hand into his jeans pockets.

“If you know of any bass players, we’d like to get them started learning all of the songs as early as possible,” Johnny replied and Lance stopped walking. His eyebrows slowly rose. “That way they can get the older songs done and out of the way to start working towards the new album and the next tour. It’d also give them more time to get used to the other musicians and you boys as well.”

“Yeah, um, I have an idea,” Lance slowly replied, “but I’ll let you know as soon as I can.”

“Alright, alright,” Johnny replied. Lance could practically see him nodding, and could hear the sound of him writing on paper. “Well, I’m calling all the boys just to let you know. I’ll be looking for musicians as well, but I think, in the grand scheme of things, it’d help if they knew one of you ahead of time, that way they’d have that little bit of familiarity.”

“I understand,” Lance replied, nodding his head. “Thank you for letting me know. Happy Holidays.”

“Happy Holidays to you, too.”

There was a clicking sound and Johnny hung up. Lance closed his cell phone, tossing them back and forth between his hands before making his way back into the church. He saw that Darren and Annaleigh weren’t on stage anymore. Annaleigh was sitting with the kids, trying to get them to be quiet an Darren was talking quietly to Bob, who was still sitting at he piano.

“Hey, I have a question,” Lance said as he walked up to Darren. “How good is Ace on the bass?” he paused for a moment when Darren laughed quietly. “I didn’t mean for that to rhyme.”

“She’s picked it up quickly,” Darren replied, his eyebrows lowering slightly. “She’s playin’ the bass for kids’ song Light the Candles so you can see for yourself, then. Why?”

“Johnny’s looking for a new bass player for the *NSYNC band,” Lance replied and Darren’s eyes widened. “I was thinking of asking her to audition if she was good enough.” Darren’s lips twitched. “What do you think?”

“I think it’s a good idea,” Darren replied, scratching the back of his neck before giving a grin. “That way you can take her off my hands.”

“Don’t let her hear you say that,” Lance warned, turning his head to the side.

“I know, she’d be fixin’ to knock out my front teeth,” Darren replied in a monotone before cracking into a small grin. “It’s not the first time she’s threatened ta do it and I’m sure she’ll follow through sooner or later.”

“Nah, Ace is all talk,” Lance replied with a shake of his head. “At least that’s what I remember. Mom told me about what happened.” Darren pressed his lips together nodding his head. “I didn’t know it had gotten that bad.”

“She didn’t want me to say anythin’,” Darren replied, giving Lance an apologetic smile.

Lance put his hands up defensively. “If she asked you not to, she asked you not to,” he replied, “I get it.”

“You know how bad she’s wanted to get out of Clinton,” Darren said with a shrug of his shoulders. “With everything’s that’s happened ‘round here, she’s just wanted to get away from it all. I think if she could get this, it’d be enough money to turn things ‘round for her and her dad. Downside—“

“She’d have to be away from her dad all that time while he’s recovering,” Lance finished for him, nodding.

 “Well, that an he’s never been fully supportive of her music,” Darren replied and Lance blinked in surprise. “Everything ‘round here; church choir, Showstoppers, Attache, all that is fine because he knows what all goes into it. Going out of Ole Miss and travelling around the world? He doesn’t know what that entails, he doesn’t know what it’s like. He’s just worried that she won’t come home, I guess.”

“Understandable,” Lance replied with a nod.

He then patted Darren on the shoulder before moving to stand next to the piano to run scales and vocal runs to warm up for his singing as Darren moved to take a seat. He then took one of the two microphones that sat on top of the piano and used his thumb to flick the switch on the bottom of the microphone, turning it on. He heard a low hum before tapping his fingers on the microphone, hearing a tapping sound through the speakers around the room.

“Jus’ give a no whenever you’re ready,” Bob said, placing his hands on the keys. He then repeatedly pressed his finger into a pedal. “This is the note you’re starting on.” Lance hummed the note to himself before nodding over at Bob and the other musicians. As the opening to the song started, Lance made his way to the center of the stage. Bob nodded over in his direction and he lifted the microphone to his mouth, starting to croon, “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire. Jack Frost nipping at your nose.”

Lance paced around the front of the stage. It was kind of weird for him doing nothing on stage. They did perform acapella songs during their concerts to give themselves time to catch their breath and get some of their energy back, but in comparison to how the rest of their show was so upbeat, it was kind of night and day. But, what was really odd was that he was doing this without his four friends, his brothers by his side.

“They know that Santa's on his way, he's loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh,” Lance continued, looking around at the dim glow of the lights in the church as the sun started to set, bathing the room in a warm glow. He smiled over at his mom as he sang and she beamed back at him, gently rocking from side to side as she listened to him sing. “And every mother's child is gonna spy, to see if reindeer really know how to fly.”

Lance put a hand over his heart, closing his eyes as he continued to sing until he got to the end of the song. “And so I'm offering this simple phrase to kids from one to ninety-two. Although it's been said many times, many ways, Merry Christmas to you.”

“Good, good,” Bob said as he played the last chord to the song. “Be careful about your bauble in the second verse.” Lance nodded his head. Bob had specific words for how to describe someone’s singing. ‘Baubling’ was when a singer’s voice would quiver; something that could add effect to a song and at the same time, could take away from the song. “You’re already goin’ to catch your listener’s attention jus’ by your voice, you don’t need ta do anythin’ special with it.” 

“Yes, sir,” Lance replied with a nod.

Bob turned on the piano bench, the movement causing a loud squeak to hit the air, before looking over at the other musicians. “Let’s start again, from the second verse.” He then turned back towards Lance. “’Everybody knows.’ That’s your first line.” 

“Yes, sir,” Lance replied with a nod. As he waited for his cue to start singing, he glanced out the window, a smile coming to his face.

It had started to snow.