Chapter Fifteen

'Look alive!' Megan typed pushing the dry erase board in front of Rachel's face. She chuckled seeing the glare her boss sent her.

"I'm killing Alison," Rachel yawned. She stood up and walked around the green room. The movement woke her up some. "What time is it?"

'755. You're the next guest. You have about 5 minutes.'

The night had been long. They'd arrived into JFK Airport around four in the morning. Alison had booked them a hotel room, to crash in before they had to be at the studio. The plane ride was long but she had managed to doze off and on; extremely jealous when both Megan and Alison put ear buds in and drifted off to sleep to music. Once at the hotel she caught another hour of sleep before it was time to get ready and go. She hoped make up did a great job on her because she was sure the bags were showing.

Her stomach was twisted in knots the closer the time came for her to be on-air. The producers had talked with her briefly when she arrived. They had a system set up that would capture audio and turn to text. So while she was sitting with the hosts, the machine would pick up their conversation and write it out. She'd be able to follow along. If something malfunctioned the questions were drawn up and printed that she would get. She hoped the program didn't break.

Her iPad appeared in front of her and she looked up at Megan in confusion. Usually Megan only handled Rachel's cell phone at appearances but since all their things were stored in the dressing room, Megan felt best to keep both the phone and iPad incase there were any sticky fingers lurking.

Megan tapped on the casing bringing Rachel's attention back down. She grinned when she saw Michael and Lance. "You look how I feel," she commented watching as Michael yawned. It created a chain reaction. Rachel yawned then she saw Lance yawn and spied Megan covering hers with her hand. "But I hope make up fixed all that for me."

'You look great!' Lance wrote on the dry erase board and held it up toward the iPad's camera so Rachel could read.

"You're a liar, but thanks," Rachel chuckled. "I'm so tired."

'Nervous?'

"You better believe it. They have this program I guess it's sort of like talk to text. Why haven't we thought of that? Be easier than writing everything down on those. You guys are making me tired." Lance and Michael were still in bed, leaning against the headboard. Michael's hair was wild and sticking up. They were both bare-chested. "I should screen cap this and tweet it out to all my followers," she teased.

The video fumbled as Michael passed it for Lance to hold and he took control of the board. 'Whatever.'

Rachel laughed. "I'm actually insanely jealous right now. You guys look all toasty and warm. I want to crawl in and snuggle... if you're clothed right now." She paused. "Michael, are you blushing?" She saw Lance look at his boyfriend and the grin on her brother's face. With the push of a couple buttons she was able to screen cap the moment. Feeling a tap on her shoulder she looked up seeing Megan, giving her a motion to wrap it up. She sighed. "I got to go guys."

'You'll be fine! You'll do great!'

"Thanks guys!" Rachel smiled. She kissed her hand and blew the screen a kiss. "I love you guys." She grinned when both Michael and Lance held up the 'I-love-you' sign. She returned the sign before the feed ended. "Have I mentioned I'm really really really nervous?"

'You can do this Rachel!' Megan wrote giving Rachel a smile and the thumbs up sign. There was a knock at the door and one of the stage hands poke his head in.

"We're ready."

Rachel took a deep breath and stood. She passed the iPad back to Megan. "Take some pictures please."

"As always."

"No funny business," Rachel told the stage hand. "No cueing me to walk out early and embarrassing myself." The stage hand turned red and shook his head quickly. "Good." She waited in silence, her stomach churning. She wished Lance was here. He could calm her down. He could stand next to one of the cameras and when she felt herself starting hyperventilate all she would have to do is meet his eyes.

The stage hand held up his hand and started counting down with his fingers. When he reached one he gave her a smile and a wink and motioned her one.

"Here we go..."

~*~

Nervous.

That was the first thing that passed through JC's mind when he saw Rachel walk out from backstage. The smile she had on her face was forced and her posture was stiff. He watched as she gave hugs and shook hands before taking her seat. He wished he was with her. Hell, he wished she was here with him. Turning the volume up, he laid the remote on top of the covers. He rolled to his side, curling his arm underneath his pillow.

"First off Rachel," Al Roker stated, looking at her. "We want to thank you for agreeing to do this interview. We know you've been tweeting a lot from your Twitter account but this is your first face-to-face interview since the accident."

Rachel met Al's eyes and smiled. "I got to admit, I'm a little nervous."

"Understatement," JC spoke to his television.

"Don't be nervous," Al said trying to put the woman at ease.

"As long as this program doesn't break," Rachel motioned toward the screen in front of her. It was just an iPad on a stand, tilted so she could read it. The words Al spoke were written perfectly.

"Then we'll be in trouble. Let me explain to our viewers. We have an application set up where the words that I am speaking..."

JC watched the camera change to a close up of the iPad. He could see the words Al was speaking being typed on the screen. That was definitely what they needed on their phones to talk to Rachel. He didn't mind writing at all, but having that application would make it easier for all of them. It would also pick up the conversation in the room so Rachel wouldn't feel left out. He would gladly pay any price.

"This definitely makes it easier," Rachel spoke. "I've been doing a lot of correspondence through e-mail, Twitter and text messages. We have dry erase boards stashed around the house to use and of course we have phones to tap a message out on."

"The first thing we want to know; how are you?"

"I'm good," Rachel told him. When the question popped up on the screen, she lifted her eyes to make eye contact. "It's a slow healing process."

"You suffered from..." Al paused as he looked down at his notes to make sure he was correct. "A concussion, collapsed lung, fractured ribs."

Pictures taken from the scene popped up on the television and JC stared at the twisted metal that had once been Rachel's car. The driver's side had been completely demolished. It scared him to think he could have lost her that day; could have lost her without ever discovering their feelings for one another.

"You've never seen these."

Rachel shook her head staring at the pictures of her car. "No. No one showed them to me and I never really had the urge to look them up." She was horrified. Her car was crushed. "I don't remember the accident. That whole period is a blank to me. Judging by the photographs, I think that's a good thing."

"What is the last thing you remember?"

JC smiled when he saw Rachel smile.

"I was listening to Lance's radio show. I was supposed to be his guest but I was running late," Rachel smiled as she remembered the last thing she heard. "He was in the middle of playing a clip of JC singing 'Ho Hey'."

"JC Chasez." Al spoke unnecessarily. Everyone knew who Rachel was talking about.

"Yes," Rachel nodded. She was unable to keep the grin off her face while she was thinking about JC. "That's the last thing I remember. Listening to JC sing. The next thing I know I'm in the hospital and can't hear."

JC knew the question was going to come sometime during the interview. Rachel opened herself up to the topic but he was surprised when no further question came about him. When Al asked about her hearing, JC sat up in bed. He leaned toward the television waiting.

"I'm not gonna lie; it's rough," she gave a half laugh and raised her hands pressing her fingers beneath her eyes as she felt them well with tears. "I'm sorry," she apologized.

JC's heart clenched when he saw the tears. Now he definitely wished he was in New York with her so he could comfort her. It was probably better that he wasn't or else he would have left the back room and going up on stage and taken her in his arms. Right there on national TV for everyone to see.

"Music's a big part of my life. Everyone knows that. Everyone knows my story. All this was never my dream; singing and performing. I never set out to do this but it happened. Now I can't imagine doing anything else. You wouldn't believe the amount of songs I have floating in my head. There are melodies up there swirling around and I can't sit down at the piano and work them out. Sure I can write them down and I can play them. But I can't do anything else."

JC knew this. They had talked about the exact same thing before. What he didn't know was that Rachel had melodies already. He figured she was talking about later, down the road. It was a flub on his part. He should have known and tried to help her. They hadn't had that much time together. The only time they could have been able to do something with the music in Rachel's head had been yesterday. If he had known he would have suggested his house where he could work with her.

He thought about the song he had started writing. The words were coming a little slower but he had no doubt he would be able to finish. He wasn't sure if Rachel could sing it though. He wasn't sure how he could teach her to sing it. With the old songs - the ones where she already knew the melodies and words he had no qualms. He knew she could sing those. New stuff he wasn't sure.

"Right now I plan on focusing on recovering..." Rachel's voice snapped him out of his thoughts and he realized he missed the question. "I just moved in with Lance which I'm pretty excited about. Being on tour, putting out albums and just the promotions I've been gone quite a lot. So I haven't been able to spend as much time with him as I want to."

"Lance being Lance Bass," Al said. He pointed toward the screen as a picture of her and Lance appeared.

"Lance Bass, we all know who he is," Rachel smiled as she looked at the photo. "Aww..." It had been taken a couple months ago at one of her shows Lance and Michael attended. They had their arms around each other in a tight hug as they smiled for the photographer - Michael. The concert had been so much fun with the both of them there. "I love him. He's been great these past few weeks; I don't know what I'd do without him. I made him sleep in an uncomfortable hospital chair the first night. It was scary. You know there are all these sounds around you but you couldn't hear anything. I would get scared, jump when someone would appear in front of me. I couldn't hear the door open; I wouldn't know they were there until there were right there. It's frightening."

"You had to feel alone."

"Very much so," Rachel answered truthfully. "That's why I made Lance stay. With him in the room, I didn't feel alone. This might sound weird to a lot of people but I feel him. I know when he walks into room without having to look at the door. We've always had that connections; a twin thing."

That was something JC knew. The connection between Lance and Rachel was strong - had always been strong. After picking Lance to be in their group they got to know him better finding out he had a twin. In the beginning Rachel had been in Mississippi while Lance and Diane had moved to Orlando. The group had only met her once. JC remembered her being a soft spoken shy girl who stuck close to Lance.

The short visit had been long enough for him to see the connection they shared. When they made the move to Germany, Rachel had showed up two months later. He hadn't noticed something wrong with Lance until Rachel was there. Having Rachel there had perked Lance up. He was quicker to smile, laugh and joke around. Rachel had brought out a Lance they hadn't known. It hadn't taken long at all for Rachel to warm up to them either. She had still been shy outside their group but around them she settled into their dynamic.

"We're gonna go way back," Al said as a picture popped up on the screen of Rachel with the NSYNC.

"Wow," Rachel said looking at the photo. "You did go way back." The picture was taken in Germany. "We all look so young."

"You were what? Seventeen." When Rachel nodded, Al continued. "This was taken in Germany. How did you end up in Germany, touring around with five teenagers?"

"Chris will love that," Rachel laughed. Being the oldest Chris had been far removed from teenage status. Joey too. JC had just crossed the cusp into adulthood. "I ended up over there because of Lance obviously. I'm sure my parents would have preferred that I stay back in Mississippi and that's how I started out; in Mississippi with my Dad and my sister, Stacy. But Lance and I had never been separated like this. It was rough when he was in Orlando but we still could talk on the phone. When he went to Europe? Forget about it. They were busy. Being separated like that and having very little communication; I couldn't take it. So Mom and Dad decided to send me to Europe."

"You became their first groupie then?" Al chuckled.

"Oh no," Rachel laughed. "By the time I got there they already had the groupie following. They all just assumed I was dating one of them."

Al laughed asking Rachel a question as he sent the show a break. "Were you?"

~*~

Rachel tilted her head against the back of the couch with her eyes closed. She was completely exhausted. The couch in the VIP lounge in the airport was looking like a mighty fine place to take a nap. The Today Show had gone well. There were no hard hitting questions and they'd adhered to Alison's direction and there were no questions about Ben or JC.

Al had touched base on a broad spectrum of subjects; talking about the accident and how she didn't remember, her injuries and recovery; the loss of her hearing and where she was going from there. She talked about her fans and how amazing they were; how much fan mail she'd received and how she was taking the time to write them letters; the Grammys and the Academy of Country Music Awards. She talked about her family and of course Lance.

Megan heard the buzzing sound and looked up from her phone to see Rachel's iPad vibrating on the small coffee table in front of the coffee. She looked at her boss and saw Rachel still had her eyes closed. Grabbing the device she looked at the screen. "Hello JC."

"Hello Megan, you weren't who I was expecting." JC said sitting up straight on the piano bench.

"Sorry to disappoint," Megan smiled.

"I'm not disappointed," JC said quickly. "I just expected Rachel to have her phone back and such. Aren't you guys at the airport?"

"We are at the airport and she does have them back. Here's why..."

JC watched as the screen wobbled as Megan turned the iPad. When he saw the scene Megan stopped on he smiled. He could imagine how tired she was. Her body hadn't even had time to adjust to the time change and she was ready to throw it out of whack again. "I feel like a stalker watching her sleep..."

"I don't think she'll mind," Megan said as she moved to Rachel and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Time to go?" Rachel yawned raising her head. She blinked a few times seeing the screen in front of her and JC's face. She rubbed the sleepiness from her eyes trying to wake up. It hadn't been a very good idea to rest her eyes even for a couple minutes. Now she was just more tired. "Hey," she smiled as JC waved. "Oh! Wait! I wanna try something. I'm gonna hang up and call you right back."

JC nodded just as Rachel cut the call. He was confused at what she wanted but she hadn't given him an option. It was only a few seconds later when the FaceTime call came through. He immediately accepted and waited as the call connected. He smiled when Rachel's face popped up.

"Now talk," Rachel told him. She looked at the screen anxiously.

"Okay," JC said slowly looking at Rachel. "You're acting a little weird. Just how much sleep did you get last night?" He watched as Rachel's smile widen. Her eyes weren't looking into the camera but somewhere on the screen. When she finally looked at him, the smile big and bright, he felt like he was socked in the gut.

"An hour; maybe two," Rachel grinned. JC's words popped up on the bottom as he spoke. "Yay! It worked!"

"I think you might be a tad sleep deprived."

"More than a tad..." Even thinking about sleep made her yawn.

"Can you hear me?" JC asked incredulously.

"Oh JC, I wish." How much she would love to hear JC's voice! "One of the tech guys from the show today showed me the program they were using so Al didn't have to write everything down. He could talk and it would pop up on the screen. I now have it installed in my phone and iPad. He said it would work with calls too. So I had to try it out."

"Guess I won't be needing this anymore then," JC turned the camera to show the dry erase board sitting on the piano hiding the music behind it. The words he'd written before he called the first time still imprinted.

"Well don't go getting rid of it yet," Rachel spoke as he appeared back on the screen. "You never know when this might crap out. You watched this morning? You got up at five a.m. to watch me on TV?"

"I did and my body is feeling it. I could definitely crawl into bed right now and sleep."

"Aww, go back to bed. It's not even seven there," Rachel told him. Her mind procured the image of crawling into a big comfortable bed; beneath soft blankets and curling around JC's warm body. She felt warm inside knowing that JC woke up early to watch her. "I like how you got out of bed and dressed to call me. Lance and Michael couldn't even do that. Never had I ever been so jealous."

"If I didn't get out of bed, I'd have fallen asleep and I wanted to call." That was part of the reason for getting out of the bed. The other part had been something that Rachel had said in regards to have she was dealing with her hearing loss. 'I just wanted to shut the world out and be left alone.' Those words stuck in his brain. When he started humming the song he'd been working on, those words fell right into place. Immediately after the interview he had thrown clothes on rushing to his basement before the snippet fluttered away and was lost.

"You're at the piano," Rachel spoke as it came to mind from when he showed her the dry erase board. "Are you writing something? Working on a new song? For you? Someone else?"

JC laughed as Rachel hit him with questions. "Yes. Yes. No. Maybe."

"I'm kind of happy that it's not for you," Rachel admitted. She smiled seeing the surprised look at JC's face.

"What? Are you kidding? You're happy that I'm not going to sing? This coming from the woman who told me a couple weeks ago that the music industry would be a much better place if they had half my ability?"

"Well I've changed my mind."

"So I don't have an amazing voice anymore?"

Rachel rolled her eyes. "You know you do, JC." She sighed. "It just made me sad thinking of you writing a new song to sing and I couldn't hear it."

JC would have promised anything in order to never see the sad, miserable look on Rachel's face again. It caused a pain to rip through his heart. He wished there was something he could do to make her hear again. He wished he could give music back to her.