-Prologue-

Clinton, Mississippi

Lance quickly removed the tape from his wrists, unwrapping it as quickly as he could before shoving them into his bag. That was shortly followed by his vest, the zipper getting stuck as he tried to force it down. He gave up on it, pulling the vest over his head and shoved that into his back as well. He pushed open the truck door and slid out, the heat of the sun instantly beating down on him.

He put a hand to his head, blinking to clear his vision before slamming the door shut. He sucked in a deep breath of air and started shuffling into the dine, Little Ole Miss. He reached the doors and pulled it open, sighing as a blast of cold air hit his face, cooling him instantly. He slipped inside and made his way through the gap between the counter and tables, looking for his friends.

As he spotted them, his world pitched sideways. Lance reached for something, anything to stop himself, but his hands slid off and he was spinning, falling to the ground on his back. He stared up at the beige ceiling a wave of nausea washing over him. He swallowed thickly hearing pairs of footsteps thudding towards him.

“James!” He felt a hand slapping his cheek and saw a blur of red, green, and purple. “James, are you ok? Answer me.”

“Ace,” he whispered, squinting his eyes, looking up at Annaleigh ‘Ace’ Carr.

“He looks really bad.” Another feminine voice. “Maybe he’s dehydrated?”

“Someone dial 911! We need an ambulance right now. Go! Somebody, go!

No. Lance let out a breath of air as his vision came back. He saw Darren and Annaleigh standing above him with other patrons of the diner. They all had looks of worry etched into their faces. “M’ok,” he said, forcing a smile to his face. He felt many hands grabbing his shoulders and arms, helping him sit up. “M’ok. I just pushed myself too hard running over here. Warm up, you know? Lost track of time.”

“Are you sure?” a male voice asked.

“I’m fine,” he replied, allowing his friends to pull himself into a standing position. “It’s just hot outside, that’s all. I over did it.”

“We’ll take him home,” Darren said.  “Don’t worry, he’ll be ok. His mom’s a nurse; she’ll be able to help.”

“I got him,” Annaleigh said, grasping Lance’s arm, putting it around her shoulders. Darren did the same with his other side.

Lance leaned against them, his energy slowly coming back. She peered up at him, her brown eyes wide with worry, her freckles bunching up as her nose wrinkled. Her gaze darted over to Darren as they hurried out the front doors of the Ole Miss.

“Mom’s not a nurse,” he said.

“It was the only way to get you out of there without any more questions,” Darren replied, his jaw set.

“What happened this time?” Annaleigh asked.

“I won,” Lance replied, giving her a small smile.

“Lance,” Darren said with a sigh. “These fights aren’t helping-“

“I’m fine,” Lance said, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Damn it, James, you’re not invincible,” Annaleigh all but snapped. He knew she was more worried than angry. Lance licked his dry, cracked lips but didn’t say anything else. “You said you’d cut back on the fights. You’re really going to hurt yourself and your mom’s starting to ask questions.”

“If she asks, I was running before the meeting, and we went to look at pianos,” Lance said. Annaleigh looked over at Darren above his head before she looked back at him, nodding her head. “Thanks, Ace.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Annaleigh replied as they pushed open the front doors to the diner. “

“Thanks for keeping quiet about this,” Lance said as his friends helped him back to his car.

“Of course,” Darren replied with a nod of his head, “but I can’t keep it for long. You’re really banged up this time Lance.”

Annaleigh reached up a hand and touched a cut on his cheek and he winced, squeezing his eyes shut. “You don’t have to do this.”

“Yes, I do,” Lance replied with a nod of his head.

-01-

TMZ - LANCE BASS: Out of the Closet

“Bass told People that he feared coming out while he was in the boy band 'N Sync because he felt "it would overpower everything."

The 26-year-old Bass, a Baptist, has already told his friends and his "shocked" family, according to the magazine.”

 TODAY - Lance Bass Reveals That He's Gay

“Bass, who formed ’N Sync with Justin Timberlake, JC Chasez, Joey Fatone and Chris Kirkpatrick, tells People magazine that he didn’t earlier disclose his sexuality because he didn’t want to affect the group’s popularity.

“I knew that I was in this popular band and I had four other guys’ careers in my hand, and I knew that if I ever acted on it or even said (that I was gay), it would overpower everything,” he tells the magazine.

’N Sync is known for a string of hits including “Bye Bye Bye” and “It’s Gonna Be Me.” The band went on hiatus in 2002. Bass has also found headlines for undertaking astronaut training and failing to raise money for a trip into space.”

PEOPLE – Lance Bass: I’m Gay

“"I didn’t know: Could that be the end of ’N Sync? So I had that weight on me of like, ‘Wow, if I ever let anyone know, it's bad.' So I just never did," he says speaking about his sexual orientation for the first time with PEOPLE.

Now, after years of keeping his personal life private, the Mississippi-bred, Southern Baptist-reared Bass, 26, is publicly revealing what he first shared with his friends, then his shocked family.”

Los Angeles, California

Twenty-six year old Lance Bass switched off the TV, letting out a loud groan as he ran his hands over his face and into his hair, gently tugging at the strands until his scalp tightened. He tapped the remote in his hand against the arm rest before he threw it across the room, where it landed on the couch with a soft thump.

“’Shocked family’,” he said, using air quotes around the word, words formed form molten bitterness, “that’s an understatement.”

His mom could barely look at him; not that he could blame her, it would be hard for anybody to see him through all those tears. And his dad…Lances was reassured that he was loved, but he could see  the fear and worry in his father’s eyes, the same fear and worry Lance was sure he could see in his own eyes, he could feel in his own heart. Stacey had cried too, but she was happy for him, and stressed to him that nothing was going to change between the two of them and that she didn’t love him any less, but she loved him more for being himself.

His gaze shifted towards the ceiling when he heard a shuffling sound followed by a thump and footsteps. He used his feet to turn the chair away from the TV and towards the entrance to the living room as footsteps were heard coming down the stairs.

“Nice to know you’re still alive an’ kickin’. Haven’ heard from you in days and here are just sittin’ on your ass. Boy, you better be happy I decided to check up on ya.”

“Don’t you think you’re getting a little too old to be climbing in through the window?” Lance asked as his best friend, twenty-four year old Annaleigh Carr, stepped into the living room, dusting off the knees of her jeans.

“So don’t live in houses with trees outside the bedrooms,” Annaleigh replied with her southern drawl, rolling her eyes. “Especially when they’re outside my bedroom window.” She moved to sit down on the floor in front of him, patting his knee. “Which, by the way, I happen ta notice doesn’ have that nice paint I picked out for it.”

“I’m not painting that all by myself.” Lance gave a small smile before he let out a laugh, shaking his head from side to side. “Are you just going to sit there or are you going to give me a hug?” he asked and Annaleigh shrugged. “Cause I really need one.”

Annaleigh’s lips pulled back into a relaxed smile before she  got to her feet, opening her arms towards him. Lance pulled himself out of his chair before wrapping his arms around her waist as she stood on her tiptoes to wrap her arms around his neck, giving him a tight hug.

“I didn’t know you were coming!” he said to her, squeezing her tight.

“Well, duh,” Annaleigh replied, her breath tickling his ear. “If I had told you it woulda ruined the surprise.” Lance chuckled as he buried his fingers into her chocolate brown tresses.

“Love you, Anal-Lee,” Lance said, using his old nickname for her. Annaleigh kissed him on the cheek before taking a step back from him, giving him a bright smile.

“Love you too, Bass-hole,” she replied and Lance chuckled. She then cupped his face with her hands and Lance gently took her wrists.

“How long have you been waiting to use that one?” he asked.

“Two years,” Annaleigh replied, her freckles dotting her nose sliding together as she scrunched up her nose. “But, you really are bein’ an asshole.” Lance gave her a confused look. “Just like I’ve been waitin’ for you to do this.” She waved her hand in a circle in the air. “I love you, James, but, I don’ love how you’re shuttin’ everyone out.”

Lance swallowed thickly, rubbing his thumbs against her wrists. “I’m sorry,” he replied quietly, dropping his gaze to the floor, “but I can’t…I’ve seen what people have said online. I can only imagine what they’re all saying out there. It’s just easier not to leave.”

He let out a sigh before gently removing her hands from his face. It was why he hadn’t left the house for days. It was why he was dodging calls. It was why he didn’t want to talk to anybody, or to see anybody. He didn’t want to know if there was even a slight chance that people wouldn’t treat him the same; treat him differently; treat him like he wasn’t a person.

He was the most worried about his ex-band mates. He had kept his sexuality a secret in fear that it would danger their careers or change their opinions about him. Justin Timberlake had a positive comment saying, "Lance is one of my great friends. I support him and wish him all the happiness in the world” and he knew Joey would of course have his back, and it warmed his heart to see that he said, “He took years to really think about how he was going to tell everyone. I back him up 100 percent." But, he hadn’t heard a word from JC or Chris about it.

“You mean it’s easier to hide,” Annaleigh replied as Lance dropped back into his chair. “Easier to run.” She slammed her hands down onto her hips, narrowing her brown eyes. “James Lance Bass, I can’t believe you’re doin’ this to me.” Lance’s eyebrows shot up, giving her a questioning look. “You’ve always been there to help me with what I’m goin’ through, especially when I was on tour with you boys , but now you won’ let me help you when that’s all I want ta do.” She tilted her head to the side. “Are you punishin’ me or somethin’?”

“For what?” Lance asked, his voice cracking. Then it hit him and he shook his head back and forth. “No. Don’t even think about that for one second, Anna.” Annaleigh moved to sit back down on the ground. “I was happy for you to work with Justin and JC on their albums. I told you to do it; it was a great opportunity.”

After serving as the travelling bass player for *NSYNC travelling with them on their No Strings Attached and PopOdyssey tours, she worked with both Justin and JC on their solo albums, providing bass lines for them and helping them write a couple of songs.

“I know,” Annaleigh replied quietly, “but if I was here more…I don’ know, maybe it wouldn’ be so bad. You wouldn’ feel so alone.”

Lance put his face in his hands for a moment before looking up at her, letting out a heavy sigh. “Anna, you haven’t done anything wrong,” Lance replied. “I have.” He chewed on his thumbnail. “I should’ve waited longer or…not done it so publically…or…just not…be this way. Maybe God’s punishing me for it.”

“So, where’s Jake?” Annaleigh asked, changing the subject. Lance couldn’t help but smile. He always smiled whenever his boyfriend’s name was brought up. “How is he? You still want ta be with him, right?”

He had met Jake McMahon at one of the many parties he had thrown when he first moved to California after *NSYNC had broken up. He was a friend of a friend, and often showed up whenever Lance was invited out for the night. They had hit it off right away; enjoying each other’s company, they had the same sense of humor, the same favorite movie genres, they both like to travel, and most importantly they had the same faith and beliefs.

Everything just clicked with them, it felt so right, that before he knew it they were going out on dates, trying to find time to be together, and then they were official. He couldn’t have been happier, or more scared. As they got closer together, the paparazzi were there to follow their every move. They had to be careful, more cautious. They went to parties through separate entrances, left at separate times, drove separate cars.

At first, the secrecy was exhilarating, it made everything more fun, but the more they kept it a secret, the more people wanted to expose it. They were put on gossip sites and in the tabloids every which way they turned, every time they left their house. And the more they were put on those sites, the more awful comments were thrown their way. After seeing the words “Fag” and “queer” so many times, he thought he’d get used to it, and used to the hate, but it hurt his heart each and every time.

“He had to work today,” Lance replied. “And of course I do.”

Jake was a photographer and had an unpredictable schedule aiding in photo shoots with celebrities or leading his own. Lance was even his test subject a handful of times. Not that he was opposed to any of it; he was used to it after all the photo shoots he had taken part in with *NSYNC, but now it was just for fun. Just for them.

“And how is he takin’ you sittin’ in here all day every day? Hiding?” Annaleigh asked and Lance scratched the side of his neck. “He’s happy with himself and he’s happy about the two of you as a couple. So, why aren’t you?” Lance stayed silent, twisting his fingers in his lap before shifting his gaze towards the front door as the doorbell rang. Annaleigh cringed. “Would you believe I left somethin’ not so important in the car?”

“Knowing you, yes,” Lance replied as he got to his feet. He stretched his arms over his head before making his way towards the front door, tugging at the waistband of his pants as his feet slapped on the linoleum floor. He made his way to the front door and twisted the door knob, pulling it open as he said, “Hey, Darren.”

“How’d you know it was me?” his best friend, Darren Dale, asked as he stepped into the house.

“Who else would Ace refer to as ‘something not important’, and would willingly leave in the car?” Lance asked as he pushed the door closed. Darren chuckled before he gave Lance a quick hug. “It also explains how she got over here since she doesn’t have a car and won’t take the bus.”

“There are crazy people on busses, ok?” Annaleigh called before joining the two of them in the foyer. She then wrapped an arm around the boys’ waists, pulling them to her sides, smiling up at the two of them. “You see, James, you’re not alone. The Three Musketeers, remember? Well, four includin’ Jake. And it wasn’ like you told the whole world; Joey, Stace, D, and I already knew, and obviously so did Jake.”

“And we didn’ care,” Darren added, lifting a hand to muss Lance’s hair. Lance made a face, smacking his hand away. “You’re Lance; our friend, our partner in crime—“ he motioned towards Annaleigh, “—and most importantly, the reason we stop fightin’.”

“Yeah, that’s the most important quality ‘bout him,” Annaleigh said with a roll of her eyes, shaking her head. She then lifted a hand and gently punched Lance’s shoulder. “Truth be told, Jake asked us ta come an’ check on you. What with Joey bein’ away from travellin’. Figured you’d needed some friends to cheer you up.”

“An’ your mom’s been worried, too,” Darren added and Lance gave a brief shake of his head. He exchanged glances with Annaleigh. “We all are.”

Yeah, worried about what everyone and what God thinks about her now that this is out, Lance thought to himself and then felt a spike of guilt pierce him.

He loved his mom, and he loved God, he really did, but he remembered what it was that he was taught in church, what he’d been taught by his mother since her was a kid. He knew that it was a shock and could understand why she, or anyone, would take the news so hard. But, in the end, it hurt him to know he had hurt her so much. That he had the capability to hurt her.

She had tried to show her support. Her words had rang in his ears every day. He could remember the strength she had tried to bring to her voice as she had said, “I’ll have a hard time accepting it, but I will one day. One day I’ll fully accept it, because you are my son and I love you. I just want you to be happy. If that’s with a man, then so be it. I hope whoever it is makes you happy. But right now…I just can’t.” Then she had taken his hand and they had sat in silence for a long time.

“You don’t have anything to worry about,” Lance replied with a shake of his head. “I’m fine.”

“Lance, come on,” Darren said with a sigh, a frown coming to his face. Annaleigh stayed silent, her eyes narrowing slightly as she hiked an eyebrow in his direction. 

“Really, I am,” Lance replied. “I swear.”

“Don’t swear,” Annaleigh instantly replied and Lance let out a bark of laughter. “Look, we’re here for a couple of days, we jus’ want ta hang out, have a good time. Catch up.”

“Do you have a place to stay?” Lance asked, his eyes turning towards Darren. “We have plenty of room for you here, I’ll just let Jake know.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it,” Darren replied reaching out a hand and clapped a hand to his shoulder. “Don’ worry ‘bout me, though. I can crash on the couch. I don’ want ta inconvenience you.”

“No, man, don’t worry about it,” Lance replied, putting his hand in the air, shaking his head. “I just need to put some sheets on the bed in the guest room and get some extra towels.”

“He can share my room, its fine,” Annaleigh replied, waving her hand in the air. Lance looked back and forth between Darren and Annaleigh as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Relax.” He watched as she reached her hand into her shirt to pull at the chain that sat around his neck to reveal the purity ring sitting at the end.

Lance’s eyes flickered over towards Darren. Annaleigh had liked Darren for as long as Lance had remembered. While she had moved on—at least it seemed that way, he wasn’t too sure—he was sure she’d always have strong feelings for her. Darren on the other hand had always been a little more aloof with his feelings.

Nothing significant had really happened between them—at least not in his opinion—especially when she was on tour with him and the rest of *NSYNC, but he could see that they had gotten closer over the years. If something were to happen, he’d be extremely happy for them. Apart from their bickering, which he quickly deduced was the way she flirted with him, he thought they’d be great together.

“I’m more worried about you two wanting to kill each other while Jake and I are sleeping,” Lance replied, deadpan. “You two have grown up over the years, right?”

“Jus’ a little bit,” Darren replied, lifting his fingers into the air, holding his forefinger and thumb a little ways away from each other. “Ace isn’ that annoyin’ anymore.”

“Ha ha,” Annaleigh said with a roll of her eyes. She pressed her lips together before pinching his side. Darren let out a yelp of pain and she stuck her tongue out at him before turning back towards Lance. “When was the last time you ate? You look thin. I’ll go make you somethin’.”

Lance opened his mouth to protest, but Annaleigh had already made her way into the kitchen. The clang of pots and pans hit the air as she started to make something for him to eat. He locked eyes with Darren and put his hands up defensively, turning to make his way back to the chair he had abandoned. He knew not to interrupt Annaleigh when she was, what he affectionately called “Mother Mode.”

She would worry about whether or not he, or any of their friends, had clean clothes, or plenty of food to eat, or had a clean place to live in and would go on a rampage to supply for them if they didn’t. There were a couple times where she was staying with him while in California where he would come home and find the pantry and refrigerator stocked with newly bought groceries, with pots filled with chili or spaghetti sauce, and with meals for the week prepared and cooling in the fridge.  

He couldn’t thank her enough for it, and would forever be grateful to her. She was the very first person he told about being gay. He told her while on the No Strings Attached tour and she didn’t take it well. Not that he really blamed her, she had just gone through a rough time and was, to put it nicely, emotionally unstable. As always, he was there to help her out, and while it did make their friendship a bit rocky for a spell, it only made them stronger.

She was always there for him, just like she promised she would be; even when Darren got mad after Lance had told him. Not because he was gay, that didn’t bother Darren at all, but because she had known and never told him solely at Lance’s request. Darren had more of a curious reaction to it, asking Lance if he was sure, how he knew that he was gay, and most importantly, if he was happy.

He couldn’t have asked for better friends. They were worried of course, and had every right to be, but they were supportive.

“So how’ve you been?” Darren asked. “Really?”

“And talk loudly,” Annaleigh called from the kitchen over the sound of running water.

“…Lousy,” Lance replied, dropping back down into the chair he had abandoned. “Every phone call, every e-mail…I never know what they’re going to say so…I just don’t answer. I can’t answer.” Darren slowly nodded his head. “I’ve had people who have been great about everything and then others…it’s just hard. I don’t want to disappoint anybody. I see all the comments online and the hateful things they say…”

“It’s disgustin’ what people online say,” Darren said with a shake of his head. “But, on the other hand, there are people who won’t hesitate to remind of their opinions: that what you’re feelin’, what you’re doin’ is sin and that they don’ like it. But, I mean…you were part of *N-Stink, right?”

Lance couldn’t help but smile at the name. Out of all the bad things he could’ve had said about him as he was part of *NSYNC, Chris was the one that had coined the term when talking about themselves. Laughing at themselves was the best way to keep themselves grounded.

“So, you should be used to, in a way, all the negative comments thrown your way,” Darren replied with a shrug of his shoulders, “And all those people who talked badly ‘bout your dancin’ when we were in Attaché.”

“And let’s be honest here,” Annaleigh said as she leaned in the kitchen doorway, pointing a spoon at him, “your dancin’ was pretty terrible.”

“Thanks, Ace,” Lance said, giving her a bright smile, which she returned.

“Welcome,” she chirped before a serious look crossed her face. “I’ve never seen you like this, Lance, even when you’re worried about your dancin’. You’ve never been one to take what people say ‘bout you to heart. You’ve always been so confident.”

“Hmm, I’m a better actor than I thought,” Lance commented and Darren let out a short laugh. He rested his elbow on the arm rest, tilting his head to rest his head into the palm of his hand. “Everyone says it’ll get better. Do you really believe that?”

“Yes,” Darren instantly replied with a nod of his head. “God wouldn’t test you with this if he didn’ think you’d come out the other side stronger than when you went in”

“And you’re not alone,” Annaleigh said before a whining tone came to her voice. “Please listen to me when I say that.” She then pointed the spoon at him again. “You told me that all the time and it took me so long ta believe it, but I did. Because it came from you. That was all that mattered. So please listen to us.” She then clasped her hands together, lacing her fingers, giving him a pleading look, sticking out her bottom lip.

“No, not the eyes!” Lance said loudly, throwing his hands up to cover his face. “Don’t give me the eyes!” He then lowered his arms and smiled at his friends. “Thank you.” He looked over at Darren. “Both of you. I don’ know what I’d do without you.”

“Well, you’d starve for one,” Annaleigh pointed out.

“And you probably wouldn’ have been in *N-Stink,” Darren added. “I don’ remember getting thanked at all.” A mock thoughtful look crossed his face. “Ace? Do you?”

“No, D, I can’t say that I have,” Annaleigh replied, tapping her chin with her finger.

“Very funny,” Lance replied with a roll of his eyes, although he was smiling. For a moment, everything was alright. But only for a moment. In his house he was safe, in his own little world where everything worked out the way he wanted it to.

But out there, in the real world, it was a whole different story. And he wasn’t sure if he had God on his side.