-03-

 “He’s really worried ‘bout this.”

Annaleigh shifted her green eyes to look over at Darren through the mirror mounted on the wall of her room a she twisted her dark hair up into a ponytail. He was lounged out on her bed, spinning a pillow in his hands, staring up at the ceiling.

“Can ya blame ‘im?” she asked, turning away from the mirror, crossing her arms over her chest. “He hasn’ had it all that easy even before he came out.”

“Why’d you even tell ‘im that Jake could be cheatin’?” Darren asked, turning his head to look at her. Annaleigh clicked her tongue before crossing the room to him, grabbing the pillow from his hands before smacking him in the stomach with it.

“Because it’s possible,” she replied. “An’ it makes sense. It was either that, or Jake’s datin’ him for his money.” Darren hiked an eyebrow but didn’t say anything. “It’s possible.” He let out a sigh through his nose, briefly closing his eyes. “You know I’m right.”

“When are you not?” he asked, sounding tired, blinking open his eyes.

“Glad you agree with me,” Annaleigh replied with a grin before she moved to sit cross legged on her bed, hugging her pillow to her chest. “That’s a first.”

“Don’ remind me, it was already hard enough ta say it the first time,” Darren said with a roll of his eyes. Annaleigh smacked him with a pillow for a second time. He then tucked it underneath his head, sucking in a deep breath of air before letting out “I jus’ don’ want him ta get hurt again. You saw how it was the last time.”

“He wasn’ as invested in Greg as he is with Jake, though,” Annaleigh replied, raking her fingers through her hair. “I mean, they weren’ together as long as he and Jake were.”

“Feelings are feelings,” Darren replied, briefly making a face. “It doesn’ matter how long they were together, Lance was in love with the guy and break ups aren’ easy.” He ran a hand through his short, dark hair. They were silent for a moment. “Do you really think Jake could be cheating?”

“Fights could really mean anythin’,” Annaleigh said with a shrug, “and I know not everybody’s the same but that’s all my parents did ‘fore I found out dad had an affair long time ago. Also, he seems to really be invested in work; I mean you saw how quickly he ran out today, he decided to fight with Lance in bed, blindsiding him; he used to be fine with bein’ patient with him. Lance has been at the house by himself a lot more—“

“Or you could just be lookin’ for somethin’ to be wrong and they’re just going through a little tiff,” Darren said, interrupting her.

“What do you mean, ‘lookin’ for somethin’ to be wrong’?” Annaleigh asked, lowering her voice to try and match his pitch, causing Darren to let out a short laugh.

“Any guy that’s even had a drop of interest in you, you’ve found somethin’ wrong with ‘em,” he replied, closing one eye as he thought. “Sure, you might actually like the guy, but the minute it starts goin’ somewhere it’s: ‘He was too nice’, ‘He liked doin’ everythin’ for me’, ‘His nose was too big’, ‘He didn’ respect my dad’-“

“That last one makes sense,” Annaleigh said, interrupting him. “What point are you tryin’ to make?”

“I think ever since what happened with you and Wade, especially after findin’ out what happened with your dad, you’re not all too trustin’ of guys whether you’re interested in ‘em or if they’re interested in Lance,” Darren replied and Annaleigh’s eyebrows twitched, but she stayed silent. “You were worried about Lance the minute you heard ‘bout him and Jake.”

“After Greg, why wouldn’ I be?” Annaleigh asked; her voice getting higher pitched the more defensive she got. “You were worried, too.”

“I ain’t denyin’ that,” Darren replied, putting his hands up defensively. “And don’ get your feathers ruffled, I’m worried, ‘bout you, too.”

“I’m flattered, but ya don’ have ta be,” Annaleigh replied, rolling off her bed, her feet hitting the floor. She brushed her hair out of her face before pointing a warning finger in his face. He merely looked down at her pink nail polish covered finger before looking back up at her. “And those are good reasons ta not want to date someone.”

“Look,” Darren said, sitting up, “what you do with your personal life, that don’t make me no never mind-“

“You care and you know it,” Annaleigh replied quietly. Darren silently regarded her before glancing towards the ceiling, nodding his head just slightly. She gave a small smile and Darren made a clicking sound with his tongue.

“I just don’ think it’s fair that you put all guys in the same mold just cause of Wade,” Darren replied after a moment of silence. “God helped you get through it. He’ll help Lance, too.”

“Not every guy, D,” Annaleigh replied before pressing her lips together, moving to sit back on her heels. She gave him a pointed look before getting to her feet. “Some are worth waitin’ ‘round for.” Darren opened and closed his mouth before making a noise in the back of his throat. “You comin’ to the gym with me or what?”

“And have my ego crushed with you out-lifting me?” Darren asked, his eyebrows shooting up. “Fat chance.” He and Annaleigh shared a smile as he lifted his hand to push her forehead, tilting her head back.

“Get out of my room,” Annaleigh laughed, pushing his hand away before shoving his shoulder. “You’re such a loser. You should be happy that I was hospitable enough ta give you a place ta sleep.”

“With how much you kicked in your sleep, I’m startin’ to wonder if that was a good thing,” Darren commented with a half smile, earning a punch to the shoulder. He grabbed Annnaleigh’s wrist, a serious look crossing his face. “Seriously, Ace, I’m here for you. Lance, too. We always have been.”

“I know,” Annaleigh replied. She removed her arm from his hand and looped it around his waist, resting her head on his chest. Even when I tried to push them away, they were always there.

“Just keep this up,” Darren said, tapping his fingers underneath her chin. “You’re stronger, than this, Ace. I’ve seen it. Don’t let one bad egg ruin the bunch for ya.”

She hated to admit it, but she knew that he was right: despite her parents being happier then she’s seen them in years, and everything with Wade, she was picky about guys. She knew there were great guys out there, the best being named Darren, Lance, Joey, JC, Justin, and Chris and she knew she couldn’t hide behind them for the rest of her life.

She had pined after Darren for years, and she didn’t think she could ever stop having strong feelings for him, and she knew that she was comparing everybody to him and it wasn’t fair. To know that he was still one of her closest friends after all those years; even annoyingly using her feelings for him as a way to tease her kept them close. She was happy to still have him around and to know that they’d always be there for each other, and that was better than not having him at all.

 She had always planned to settle down and start a family by the time she was twenty-five, but it seemed like God had a different plan for her. She just hoped she had enough trust and faith in Him to go along with whatever it was that He wanted her to go through.

“Now we need to be there for Lance,” she said as he looped an arm around her shoulder, giving her a hug. “And I can’t stand watchin’ him sit like that all day.” She waved her arm towards the hallway. “He’s been doin’ nothin’ but starin’ at his phone all mornin’.”

“Can ya blame him?” Darren asked, scratching at the side of his jaw with his free hand.

“Naw,” Annaleigh replied with a shake of her head, her nose wrinkling as he shook her head. “Guess not.” She then removed her arm from around his waist and shoved his shoulder. “When’d you get so smart?”

“College will do that to ya,” Darren commented and Annaleigh twisted her mouth to the side. She had barely finished high school when touring with *NSYNC and in the years after that, while she continued to work, she finished school work to the bet of her ability, managing to squeak out a college diploma through online courses.

“Ha ha,” Annaleigh replied. Darren stuck his tongue out at her and pushed at the back of her head, pushing her head down. “I’ll see you when I get back.” She headed for the closet and pushed the doors open to grab her gym bag, sliding the strap over one shoulder. “What are you goin’ ta do today?”

“Haven’ been out here in a while, might just check out the city,” Darren replied with a shrug.

 “Maybe we should try again ta see if we can get Joey ta come out?” she suggested, adjusting her tank top.

“Wouldn’t hurt,” Darren replied.

“Alright, well I’m gonna head out.”Annaleigh lifted her hand in a wave before making her way through the carpeted hallway and down the hardwood stairs, making her way into the living room. She paused when she saw Lance lounging his chair…again. “James, let’s go.”

Lance looked up from his phone from where it was sitting on his thigh and gave her a confused look. “What are you talking about?” he asked.

“I’m takin’ you to the gym, that’s what I’m talkin’ about,” Annaleigh replied, clapping her hands together. “Come on, let’s go.”

“I don’t feel like goin’ to the gym,” Lance said shaking his head, running his hands over his face.

“Seems ta me like ya don’ feel like doin’ anythin’,” Annaleigh commented, setting her bag down onto the ground, sitting by his feet. “Jake said you’ve barely been outta the house since everythin’ went down. Not that I blame you. I know how ya feel.”

“Ace…“

“Seriously, James, I do. To not want ta go outside and be bombarded with questions ‘bout how’ve you been doing, what really happened, day in and day out,” Annaleigh continued. Lance let out a sigh through his nose, pressing his mouth into his hand. “It sucks; you really start to realize what it is that people really care about. They wonder what the next scandal will be and will pounce on you to get out every detail they can. They don’ care ‘bout the fact that they’re constant questions and badgering makes things worse.”

She reached out a hand and patted his knee. “Now, I understand that it’s harder for ya,” she said to him. “No one understands and they don’ choose to understand. The easiest thing is ta just shut everybody out because you don’ think there’s anyone that’ll understand. Jake understands; he’s been through everything you’ve been through.”

“Only difference is that you’re not just Lance Bass, you’re ‘Lance from *NSYNC’. Everyone wants know what you’ve been up to since you guys took a break and everyone’s talkin’ about you. But, they’re not jus’ talkin’ about you, they’re talkin’ about Jake, too. He’s doin’ his best, but I don’ think he’s ever been in a relationship with someone who was so in the public eye for so long. It’s bound ta be hard on him.”

“So you’re siding with him?” Lance asked, raising his eyebrows. “And weren’t you just saying you think he’s cheating?”

“I didn’ say that,” Annaleigh instantly replied, blinking once. She then bobbed her head back and forth. “Well, I did say that; but you know me, I like to give people second chances."

"When did Jake need a second chance with you?" Lance asked, hiking an eyebrow. "Thought you loved him."

"Remember when you brought him to my house back home?" Annaleigh asked, arching her eyebrow as well. Lance slowly nodded and she gave a sqeet smile. "He was on his second chacne ever since he broke my Ma'steacup."

Lance rolled his eyes.

"You’re both right and you’re both wrong. I understand why he’s frustrated, but no one ever said this would be easy; he could be doin’ a better job at bein’ understandin’. You on the other hand, can’t let this get you down. Being gay is who you are; you finally get a chance to be yourself. You said it yourself, you were tired of hidin’.”

“It’s just so much harder than I thought it was going to be,” Lance said quietly, running his hands over his face.

“Harder than movin’ away from home to audition for *NSYNC knowin’ you can’t dance, or harder than keeping yourself a secret for all these years, or harder than tryin’ to keep yourself while still wantin’ to try and date guys?” Annaleigh asked counting off on her fingers. Lance was silent, staring back at her with his green eyes filled with pain. She closed her eyes for a moment, letting out a heavy sigh. “Or…harder than hearing what I had to say when you came out to me?”

Annaleigh knew she’d never forget that day for the rest of her life. It was right after everything with Wade Robson had boiled over. Lance had found out about Wade knocking her around from time to time and quickly got the guys to help him put a stop to it. She had been grateful for it, and had turned her feelings of gratitude into something more for him.

They weren’t real feelings, but they had felt real at the time; she thought Wade had truly cared about her, and loved her, something she had wanted ever since she found out about her dad’s affair. He had tried to let her down gently, telling her it wasn’t going to happen and then it just slipped out.

Shocked, angry, and hurt, she had blurted out the most hateful thing she had ever said to him in her entire life. She preached to him how it was a sin, how he was shaming his whole family, how he was shaming her, that he didn’t actually care about her, and a whole bunch of other things she had said in a fit of anger. She didn’t mean any of it. She saw how much it hurt him the seconds the word slipped past her lips. She knew she’d never forget what she said and she knew that Lance would never forget, even if he did forgive her.

And, thankfully, he did.

It was a rough patch between the two of them for a while as she tried to get used to the idea that he was gay. Being stuck in a tour bus together, as well as working on new *NSYNC albums and living in the same house, made it hard to ignore. It was after many sleepless and prayer filled nights that Annaleigh finally understood that he was always gay and she liked him for who he was despite not knowing. It didn’t change him; he was still the Lance she grew up with and trusted and loved with every fiber of her being.

She just wanted him to be happy.

“You know I hate seeing you so upset,” Annaleigh said quietly, using her thumb to wipe at the tears that were building in the corners of her eyes. She sniffed loudly, swallowing the lump that was building in her throat. She took in a shaky breath before letting it out, pushing a smile to her face. “You have to tell everybody to suck it and to go out with your head held high and show them that you don’ care what they have ta say ‘bout you. It’s your life, not theirs.”

“Don’t do that,” Lance said as he got to his feet. He grasped her small hands with his larger, callused ones, and pulled her to her feet. “Don’t cry.” He used the pads of his thumbs to wipe at her eyes before he gave her a kiss on the forehead before wrapping his arms around her in a tight hug. “Ace, it’s ok.”

“No it’s not,” Annaleigh replied, shaking her head, wiping at her eyes with a shaky hand. “I can see you as a loveable, funny, nice, sweet, and caring person, forget the fact that you’re gay. Why can’ other people see it?”

“Because they don’ want to,” Lance simply replied. “The sooner I accept that, the better, I guess.”

“Or you could just show ‘em that you won’t take their crap,” Annaleigh suggested. Lance’s eyes widened, a light of amusement gleaming.

“Did you just curse?” he asked, a smile slowly coming to his face. He lifted a hand and pinched at her cheek. “Did Little Ace just curse?” Annaleigh wrinkled her nose as she wiped at her eyes, sniffing, trying not to smile. “Remind me not ta piss you off.”

“You already are,” Annaleigh said, practically stomping her foot and pouting. “I know you can be hard on yourself, but I also know that you can be so tough and push through things.” She grabbed his hand between both of hers, and rubbed the back of his hand in small circles. “You’ve always let me lean on you so I’m going to do that for you now. Just don’t hold it against me if you get too heavy sometimes.”

Lance smiled before letting out a sigh through his nose. “So, how do you think going to the gym is going to help?” he asked.

“Well, you’ve been veggin’ out for a while, you need to build that tone back,” Annaleigh said, patting his stomach. A serious look then crossed her face. “I’m going to teach you how to kickbox.” Lance blinked in surprise. “It’s a great stress reliever, trust me.”

She had only decided to take up kick boxing at her therapist’s suggestion at learning something that’ll help her get out her frustrations about Wade. It was also as a way to build confidence in knowing that she could defend herself if something were to happen.

It was the main reason why she had thought about bringing up the idea with Lance. It was one thing to read about people’s opinions and views on Lance, but she was really worried if someone would act out on their anger or fear. She just wanted him to be safe.

“Ok,” Lance said with a sigh, slapping his arms down too his sides.

“I…” Annaleigh blinked in surprise. “Ok?”

“Not like you’d take ‘no’ for an answer,” Lance replied.

“You know me too well,” Annaleigh said with a warm smile. “Trust me, Lance; you’ll be a lean, mean, fighting machine in no time.”

24 Hour Fitness

Lance watched, jaw slack just slightly as Annaleigh repeatedly drove her fists into the punching bag at the local gym. It swung slightly from side to side, the chains squeaking with each push and pull on the bag. She had her hands and wrists wrapped in bright green tape. He had tried to follow her when she showed him how to do it, but he couldn’t follow the pattern.

 Lance looked down at the white tape wrapped around his fingers before pulling his sweatshirt sleeves down over his hand, lifting the hood up over his head. He pulled at the drawstrings, tightening it around his face as he swept his gaze over the people in the room. There were a few men in the corner lifting some weights, occasionally glancing over at her.

Not that he could really blame them. She was a very beautiful girl, and you didn’t see a lot of them working out like that in the gym. He had to hold back a snort. Doubt they’ve seen any girl around here, anyway, he thought to himself. He didn’t go to the gym that often, and when he did, he never saw anything like this. And she expects me to do that?

He adjusted his sweatshirt, pulling it away from his chest. All he had really done was warm up on the treadmill, like Annaleigh had told him. He was still trying to catch his breath, and now he was burning up. He could see through all of the mirrors that he looked ridiculous, but he wasn’t risking being recognized. A whole bunch of people went to this particular gym.

“Alright,” Annaleigh said, giving the punching bag one last punch, a loud smack echoing around the room. Her chest heaved as she breathed heavily, swinging her arms around in a circle. “Your turn.”

“I don’t know about this,” Lance said as he got to his feet. His heartbeat sped up. Annaleigh ignored him as she reached for his sweatshirt sleeves, pushing them up.

“Taped correctly…good,” she said before smacking his arm. “I’m gonna warn you now, you’re going to be really sore tomorrow.” Lance shuffled his feet as she grabbed his arm, pulling him over towards the punching bag. She then reached towards the ground for a pair of white gloves, holding them towards him before moving to start putting them on his hands.

“These are bag gloves, they’ll help keep your hands protected. If you don’t wear ‘em, you’ll probably pop or dislocate a finger or two. We’ll just do some standard punches and kicks, nothing too hard. First things first, when you’re using the heavy bag, don’t try and do anything flashy, just find a natural rhythm and work to the best of your ability. You’re punching the bag, not pushing it…”

Lance occasionally nodded to what she was saying, listening as best as he possibly could, but he couldn’t really focus. He shook out his arms and legs before looking around the room again, his gaze stopping briefly on the two men in the room. They were whispering to each other, glanced in his direction for a moment before going back to what it was that they was doing.

“And remember to keep breathing, it helps with endurance…”

Lance reached into his shorts pocket when he felt his cell phone vibrate against his thigh. He lifted his phone out of his pocket and flipped it open, quickly opening the text from Jake.

Jake: I’ve been thinking about us. I have been for a while. I’m sorry. I love you, but I don’ think I’m in love with you anymore.

Lance felt his breath rush out of his mouth. Forget about breathing. He stared down at the text, reading it over and over again. Annaleigh was trying to get his attention, but he barely heard the words that came out of her mouth. His stomach clenched, an ache forming growing more and more intense by the second, sliding up into his chest.

A loud, “Fuck” shot out of Lance’s mouth seconds before he curled his free hand into a fist, shooting it forward to strike the punching bag. Annaleigh blinked as it jerked and rocked in front of her before she grabbed it.

“Good,” she said to him, blinking in surprise as she tried to steady the bag. He lifted his head to look over at her and she twisted her mouth to the side, spotting the look in his eyes. “That was good.” Lance put his hand to his forehead, his heart pounding in his chest. "You ok?" 

"Yeah," Lance gasped out, slowly breathing in and out through his nose. He swallowed thickly, closing his phone, holding it tightly in his hand.