~13~

January 31, 2000
NSYNC House

Annaleigh tapped a wooden spoon against her chin, frowning as she hovered over a cookbook. She lifted a hand and picked the little bits of Rice Krispies stuck to her chin from the melted marshmallows, sticking it on her tongue. “Hmmm…” she whispered to herself. “Do I want the Rice Krispies its own layer…or wrap it around cake?”

It was Justin’s 19th birthday and she was up early in the kitchen baking him a cake she had never tried before: a cereal cake. Both he and Joey, who turned 23 a few days before, had both celebrated their birthdays together with friends in town a few days ago, but Annaleigh insisted on making separate cakes for them.

She had made Joey a cake in the shape of Superman’s logo, but with a J in the middle.  She quickly learned of Justin’s love for cereal and decided to incorporate it into her cake for him. Lance, JC, and Chris were going to be a bit harder to think of how to personalize cakes for. Especially when most of their birthdays fell at a time where they would be A: buy doing last minute prep for tour, and B: when they were actively touring.

“You could just do both,” Lance said as he shuffled into the kitchen, stretching his arms over his head. His hair stuck up in different directions, without the help of the hair gel he usually put into his hair for his “image”.

That was something Annaleigh still didn’t really understand. So many people in the business, the boys included, talked about her always being herself but as she spent time in the band, they wanted to change how she dressed, how her hair was done, and what she looked like. All she had planned to do was keep her head down and get through work a day at a time. She never thought she’d be doing interviews nor have people know who she was.

She hadn’t even been working for the boys for a full month and she had already had to have “a talk” with Johnny. She had been warned about Johnny’s talks. It wasn’t really a conversation, but more of a situation where he talked and you sat there and listened to whatever it was he had to say. She felt like she was being reprimanded by a teacher, and was getting a big slap of reality of the industry all at the same time.

There was more into writing one than she had imagined and had to give props to publicists everywhere that handled that part of the jobs themselves. Everything had to sound precise and cover everything that the statement was in response to. Staying neutral and level headed when it was a touchy subject was hard. Annaleigh knew she had to have tough skin for the music business, but this was really the first time her accomplishments were being questioned even before she really had the chance to present herself.

She liked to think of herself as a confident person, in fact she knew she could be that way if pageants had taught her anything. But having to listen to not only the church gossip mill running, but to have those whispers overflowing through the town of Clinton after parents’ divorce really made her stop and worry about what it was that people thought of her.

 And she hadn’t even broken the rules! All Johnny really needed for was to help Johnny write up a statement to release to the press about how she didn’t feel as if she got the job just because of her dad or because of her past with Lance, which was a lot harder than it sounded. It needed to address the concerns but she still felt like she had done something wrong just by how Johnny talked to her. She knew she couldn’t take it personally because Johnny was a business-minded person and always got straight to the point with whatever it was he wanted to discuss with you.

“Justin won’t care.” Lance pulled himself onto a stool, resting his elbows on the counter, rubbing at his eyes with the pads of his fingers. “The fact that you’re using cereal with his cake; he’s never going to leave you alone after that, you know that, right?”

Annaleigh let out a short laugh. She wasn’t too surprised. Apart from her, Justin was the youngest person in the house and acted like it as often as he could. Whether it was to keep himself grounded or if he really was just that energetic and youthful she couldn’t decide between the two.

He was always asking her to play a game of basketball with him and even to watch the game on TV, or to play video games with him. He was all in with the band, but he was one of the only two—the second being Joey—that didn’t have side projects they were working on at the same time. JC was writing and producing for other bands and music groups, Lance was working on his own record label, and Chris had his own clothing line he was in the progress of creating. Apart from working with the band, she didn’t have much to do (ha!) so they had often hung out over the month she’d been hired.

That’s not to say they had too much time to do nothing. Since the AMAs, every day was packed with rehearsals, appearances, studio work and more.  Lance and Joey called in to Los Angeles’s radio station 102.7 KIIS FM to talk give a couple tidbits about what would take place when their album was released, the boys took a quick trip to New York for an appearance on Total Request Live (known as TRL to the fans) to promote the premiere of the new video for “Bye Bye Bye”,  they finished the last couple days in the studio recording their album, they celebrated Joey’ birthday, and performed “Bye Bye Bye” at MTV’s Super Bowl pre-show.

All in all, it was a busy month, and Annaleigh had many more to look forward to. She wasn’t surprised the boys were sleeping as much as they possibly could. Luckily for her it meant a few extra hours of peace and quiet and fingerprint-free cake batter.

“Since you’re the first fella up, you can lick the bowls when I’m done,” Annaleigh said as she started to work globs of Rice Krispie out of the bowl, setting it into a cake plate near her. “And have the left over marshmallows.”

“Great.” Lance let out a loud yawn. “So when are we going to talk about what happened between you and Wade?”

Annaleigh stopped what she was doing for a brief second before she continued to mold the marshmallow treat into the cake pan. She tried to keep a neutral expression on her face, but she couldn’t help but feel as if she had gotten caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Her lips pulled down just slightly.

“Jazzy told you?” she asked, looking up at her oldest friend. Lance nodded. Annaleigh let out a sigh, straightening to give him her full attention. “Figured. Thought you woulda brought it up way before now, though.” She shook her head back and forth. “Shoot, I knew that girl couldn’ keep her mouth shut for long.”

“Don’t blame her,” Lance said, clicking his tongue.

“I’m not,” Annaleigh insisted. “I’m just sayin’.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Lance asked.

“Because I didn’ want you to think I was like that,” Annaleigh replied, feeling her shoulders slump. “I came out here for a job, not to party.”

“You didn’t want me to think that my best friend—the same one I’ve seen drunk out not only on a creek bed but on a golf course—was a party girl?” Lance asked, his eyebrows lifting. “There’s nothing wrong with having a good time and a drink here or there. Besides, it takes a few times to learn your limit and I’d rather you do it around me than anyplace else.” He pointed a warning finger at her. “Not that I’m condoning underage drinking.”

Annaleigh let out a small laugh. “Course not. But, that’s not what I meant, James,” Annaleigh replied. Lance’s eyebrows knit together into a look of confusion. “I didn’t want ya to think that I would sleep with someone or something like that to get ahead or anything like that.”

Lance let out an odd laugh, shaking his head back and forth. He blinked rapidly, putting a hand to his forehead before putting his hands up in the air. “I would never think that way about you and you know it,” Lance replied. A hardened look crossed his face. “I know who you are and you’re nothin’ like that. You’re way too gosh darn modest for that and not in a bad way. Believe me. You’re not like other girls out here and everybody loves that ‘bout you. You’re different and a breath of fresh air.”

“Yeah,” Annaleigh gave a nod of her head, going back to what she was doing. The only sound in the room for a long moment was the sound of her bracelet clanging against the side of the cake pan as she patted the krispies into the pan.

He was silent for a moment and Annaleigh looked up in time to watch his facial expression slowly change from a stony expression to soften to a solemn one. His stony gaze slowly shifted into a look of confusion, and then compassion. “I really missed a lot at home while I was away,” he said as more of a statement then a question. “You’re not the same Annaleigh. I mean you are but…and I know  could be wrong, but, I don’t think your mom leaving hurt you. I think it broke your spirit.”

 “What do you mean?” Annaleigh asked quietly.

“You’re so structured and it’s work, work, work,” Lance said, a clapping sound hitting the air as he hit the back of his right hand into the palm of his left. “And, yes, that is the same way we do things here, but we also have fun while we do it. We don’t take ourselves seriously.” He paused, his lips twitching and Annaleigh lifted an eyebrow. “At least not all of the time. For us, what we love the most about this, is that we get to hang out together and do what we love all the time.”

Annaleigh let out a breath of air through her nose as she turned to give Lane her full attention. Lance had always been the kind of person to her that when he wanted to say something, she made sure she listened.

“I know you love what you do, but you don’t show it that often. Yes, this is a job for you, and you’ve had to grow up and help your dad financially, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun while you do it. Every time you perform, or during rehearsal, you’re always so stiff and tense and worried about messing up. I know you’re more graceful ‘n that. And confident. What happened to your confidence?” Annaleigh shrugged her shoulders.

She had lost her confidence and her self-esteem was lower than she had ever known it to be.  She knew she didn’t look or act like anyone in the business. She lost what little bit of confidence she had left when everyone wanted to change the way she dressed or what her hair looked like; like they didn’t think she was fine the way she was.

Not that she had thought too much of herself in a long while. She was happy she was able to keep her boots, it was a way for her to hold on to her life at home. She was proud of being Southern and from Mississippi. The values of kindness, hospitality, and family were very important to her, so she tried to bring those values with her wherever she went. Despite her family not being as perfect as she wanted, she knew that the NSYNC crew were her family as she worked.

“That’s not an answer,” Lance said to her and she shrugged again. She didn’t want to talk about it, but she knew Lance wasn’t going to drop the subject. “Ace, after rehearsals, even after the AMAs, the first question out of your mouth was ‘Was that ok?’” Lance continued. “That’s not you.”

“I’m just not as good as other people out here who’ve been doin’ this with a career in mind all their lives,” Annaleigh said with a frown. She brushed her hair behind her ears, cupping her hands with her face before crossing her arms over her chest. “I just wanted to do something like this because you did.”

“Yeah at first,” Lance agreed with a nod of his head. “But, I know that’s changed. I know this is something you want to do for you. And don’t forget, I was self-conscious about my dancing and my singing. My voice got so deep way before any other guy in my class. And you know I’m still not the best dance. But, I know it, and I still do it because I love it. Because I know I’m talented in my own way—“

“Yeah, I don’t know a lot of bass singers that can hit your range,” Annaleigh admitted.

“Exactly,” Lance said with a grin. “And my personality gets me far and I don’t give up.” He put a hand to his chest. “I use my personality to stand out and Anna, you’ve got personality for days! ”

Annaleigh held back a snort. “I’m as southern as a butternut, but I’m pain as toast,” Annaleigh protested. Lance shook his head back and forth, letting out a laugh.

“See, that’s what I mean?” Lance asked. He was silent for another moment, clasping hands together, lacing his fingers together. “I think, that you don’t think you can do this because you’ve had your mom and dad told you all the time that they didn’t want you to do this. And I think, that your mom leaving the way she did, you thought she was giving up on you. So you, essentially, gave up on yourself.”

Annaleigh nodded her head, feeling tears fill her eyes. She pressed her lips together to try and stop them from shaking. “You’re right,” she said quietly. Lance was by her side in an instant, pulling her to his chest in a tight hug as she started to cry.

“Anna, don’t cry,” Lance said, his deep voice, rumbling in his chest. “It’s a lot of pressure. I get it. It’s hard to listen to people pick apart you and what you do and talk about you. And you’ve had to deal with that more than any of us. But, it doesn’t matter.”

Annaleigh looked up at him, batting his hands away as he tried to wipe away her tears. “But, they’re all saying—“

“It doesn’t matter what they say,” Lance said, interrupting her. He used the side of his hand to gently wipe the tears from her cheeks. Annaleigh let out a loud sniff, trying to swallow the lump in her throat. “Our real, true, fans and our true friends supports us and build us up. It does hurt to have someone talk badly about you, but it’s their own opinion. You don’t know who they are, so why dwell on it?”

“But, everyone at home—“

“Now, I know that you know there’s a difference between ‘church ladies’ and ‘on the way to church ladies’,” Lance said with a half smile. Annaleigh let out a shaky breath of air, wiping her hands over her face. “You know everybody in Clinton likes to gossip about everybody. It’ll all turn around when they see how well you’re doing.”

“There’s always somethin’ or someone to talk about in Clinton,” Annaleigh agreed and Lance gave a nod of his head. That was one thing she hated about her city, and she tried hard not to hate anything. That’s not to say that she hadn’t taken part in the gossip telephone game with Jasmine from time to time. Or rather, Jasmine liked staying in the loop, especially with how boring they could find Clinton at times. “I just hate that it’s me.”

“Well, they should’ve known you were going to do something great with your life,” Lance said, giving her his best smile. “What with all those pageants you’ve won and not only as overall winner but for your personality, too. Well, except for one.”

“Hey!” Annaleigh said, shoving Lance’s shoulder before she pointed her finger at her friend. “I would’ve won that title if Miss Flower Power and her momma didn’ act like pageant snobs.” She started shaking her head back and forth. “Shoot, actin’ like they all knew everything about pageants. Well, I beat her butt bad the next time—not just in personality but as the overall winner—so that’s sayin’ somethin’.”

“Ah, you’ve got a little flicker of your spark back,” Lance said, pulling Annaleigh to him in another hug. Annaleigh squeezed him back, burying her head into his chest. “You know I think you can do this. I know you think you can do this. So let’s show everyone, and your parents, that you can do it, too when we start the tour in Mississippi.”

“Kay.” Annaleigh nodded her head as she took a step back from her friend. She took her friend’s hands and gently squeezed them. “Thanks, Poofu. I needed to hear that.”

Lance’s chest swelled as he took in a deep breath of air. “You know, I think I needed to hear it, too,” he replied. Annaleigh watched as a distant look came into Lance’s eyes. “For myself.” She gave him a confused look, tilting her head to the side.

“Why?” she asked. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Lance replied, his nose wrinkling as he shook his head. Annaleigh lifted an eyebrow in a silent question. “It’s nothing, I promise.” He gave a shrug of his shoulders. “You know me and my dancing. I always get a bit worried about it before tour rehearsals really start. It’s fine.”

“If you’re sure,” Annaleigh replied, moving back to finishing the cake.

“If you’re sure,” Lance stated. “Are you sure you’re ok?”

“I will be,” Annaleigh said, letting out a breath of air. “All y’all help. I like bein’ around you guys.”

“Trust me, we like having you here as well,” Lance reassured her. “You’re a great asset to the band. Seriously. Both you and Gabe are doing well.” He stretched his arms over his head, yawning. He reached out his hand and dragged his finger in the bowl of frosting, quickly pulling it back after getting hit on the back of the hand by the rubber spatula Annaleigh grabbed. “What? Sugar will help me wake up. And I’ll need it to keep up with Justin after he finally wakes up.”

“Today will be fun,” Annaleigh said, waving her hand in the air. “And he’s gonna love this cake. I hope.”

“I’m sure it’ll be great,” Lance said as he licked his finger clean of frosting. “You’re a great cook and Chris will eat anything, anyway.” Annaleigh chuckle. “Ok, now give me a smile so I know you’re actually feeling better.” Annaleigh rolled her eyes before parting her lips in a bright smile. “Not your pageant smile, it freaks me out.”

“You’ve seen it so many times,” Annaleigh said with a laugh.

“You smile like this.” Lance gave a toothy grin, pulling his lips apart to reveal both rows of teeth. “It’s , like, robotic.” Annaleigh stuck her tongue out at him and Lance quickly took that time to scoop out some more frosting, slapping it onto her cheek.

“Hey!” Annaleigh gasped, feeling herself smile as she reached up to wipe it from her face. Lance quickly put his hands up, deflecting her counter attack. “You’re mean.”

“But, I got you to smile,” Lance said, wiggling his eyebrows. Annaleigh chuckled. “Hey, I know things have changed between us since I’ve been gone, whether I wanted to realize it or not, but I’m glad you’re here.”

Annaleigh used her shoulder to brush her hair out of her face, giving him another, normal, smile. “Me too.”

Annaleigh’s bedroom door slowly opened and Justin stuck his head in through the crack, lifting a hand to rap his knuckles on the door. “Knock, knock,” he said, opening the door wider, leaning in, grasping the door frame and the door handle to hold his weight.

“I knew it was a matter of time before you came in, Buttercup,” Annaleigh looked up from her book, pushing her glasses up her nose to look at Justin. She set her book aside aside before sliding off her bed, crossing the room to him, wrapping her arms around him in a hug. “Happy Birthday.”

“Thank you,” Justin said as he hugged her back. “I didn’t know you wear glasses.”

“Just for when I read,” Annaleigh replied with a shrug of her shoulders. “Why do you think I get called Bookworm?” Justin lifted his eyebrows, his lips curling up into a smile and Annaleigh quickly talked over him. “I prefer staying in and reading then going out sometimes.”

“I hope you don’t mean tonight,” Justin said, tilting his chin upwards just slightly.

“Of course not,” Annaleigh replied, planting her hands on her hips. “Shoot, there’s no way I’d miss your birthday party.”

“So, what are you reading?” Justin asked crossing the room to flop down on her bed.

“History book,” Annaleigh replied, moving to join him, settling back against her pillows. She had been meeting regularly with her tutor, or as regularly as she could with her busy schedule. Her education was important to her, and she had promised her dad that she’d put a portion of her earnings towards her future college tuition. “I have a quiz about the impact of world war 2, coming up.” She then reached out a hand and gently hit his side. “You don’t have to worry about that, Mister Nineteen.” Justin’s upper lip curled just slightly.

“I haven’t graduated yet,” he explained as his smile returned. “I have a couple of sessions left I haven’t done yet.” He gave a shrug of his shoulders. “But, that’s not important. What is important, is that I have a surprise for you.”

“A surprise?” Annaleigh repeated, her eyebrows colliding as she gave him a confused look. “You’re supposed to get surprises.” She reached out a hand and placed it on his knee, gently shaking it. “It’s your birthday.”

“And I can cry if I want to,” Justin said, earning a laugh from the younger girl, “but you can’t. Lance told us you were upset earlier today.” Annaleigh made a face. “But, that’s why I have a surprise for you.” He reached behind his back, his shirt moved just slightly, before removing a CD case, tossing it onto the bed. “I said I’d let you listen to your dad’s album. I finally have time to do so.”

“You didn’t have to do that, Buttercup,” Annaleigh said, despite practically snatching the CD off of the bedspread. She smiled down at the image of her father—he was younger, with a more sure of himself attitude hidden in the half smile on his face.

He sat front and center on the album cover, sitting on one of the white boxes that blended in with the white backdrop, hunched over, and holding a guitar up in his lap. One had gripped the neck of the guitar, while the other arm laid on top of the guitar, forming to the curve. His chin rested on the back of his hand, eyes locked with the camera. His band mates, three men and a woman, sat on the rest of the white boxes at differing heights. One man was leaning on a snare drum, another had a violin in his hands, one with a guitar, and the woman balanced a keyboard on her lap. The word, “Reflect”, sat at the bottom in slanted black writing, a gray reflection of the letters underneath.

Justin silently watched as she flipped the album around to the back and read through the track listing. “Silent Footsteps, Breathe Life into Me, and One Day Too Late,” she said as she came to the end. Her fingers were tingling. It was like a time capsule, stepping back into a part of her dad’s life she didn’t know about. “I have to listen to this now.” Removing the CD from the case, she slid off her bed and hurried over to the stereo on the shelf.

“Start with the last song,” Justin prompted.

“Why?” Annaleigh asked, turning to face him as she fed the CD into the stereo. She tucked her hair behind her ear before doing as he asked, queuing the song.

“Because it’s about you,” Justin simply replied. “Or rather, it’s for you.” Annaleigh whirled around to face him, spinning the volume dial up in the process. A look of alarm crossed her face before she flinched as her dad’s loud voice boomed through the room. Justin slapped his hands over his heads, the album booklet hitting the side of his face.

“Oh my stars,” Annaleigh said, putting a hand to her chest as she turned down the volume. “I’m sorry. How’d you know that?”

Tick tock hear the clock countdown
Wish the minute hand could be rewound
So much to do and so much I need to say
Will tomorrow be too late

“Here, look,” Justin said, holding the album booklet out towards her. Annaleigh grasped it and dropped back down onto her bed, tucking her legs underneath her. He pointed at a block of text near the bottom of the right page.

The page was filled with the usual list of song writers, musicians, producers, instruments used, and more. But, at the very end of the text was an extra added line. “To my daughter, my miracle, my light, my compass leading me in the right direction. Home,” Annaleigh read aloud, “this song is for you, about you, and encompasses you. You have changed my life, and changed me, in ways I never would’ve imagined and still in ways I’ll never truly know.”

Annaleigh felt her shoulders drop as she lowered the booklet in her lap. Her vision swam as tears collected in her eyes. “I just don’t get why he wouldn’t ever show me this,” she said as she used her arm to wipe at her eyes.

“I didn’t mean to make your cry,” Justin said with a frown, sitting up. “I thought it’d make you happy.”

“I am happy,” Annaleigh insisted, giving her his best smile, despite her lips shaking. Justin snorted, an amused look on his face. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Justin said as he opened his arms to give her a hug. “I don’t want you to be sad.” He then settled back against the wall. “And I know you and your dad don’t have a great relationship when it comes to your music, but I wanted to show you that you got your talents from him. You’re a great musician. We didn’t pick you to be in the band because of him, you got in on your own. And you should be proud of that. He may not outright say it, but he is of you. We all are.”

Annaleigh sucked in a deep breath of air, collected all of her negative thoughts into the back of her throat, before expelling them in a long breath of air. Whether or not she actually had faith in herself, it wasn’t just about her. She was part of the NSYNC band. It, in essence, was about them, and he’d do anything to support Lance and his friends, and she couldn’t do much if she was always a cloud of negativity and worry.

Besides, they had a reason to celebrate and have fun that day. And even more than that night after night when they were on tour.

"Wanna play a game of basketball?" Justin asked, gently hitting her knee with the back of his hand.

"How'd I know ya was goin' to ask that?" Annaleigh asked with a smile.

Justin grinned, shrugging his shoulders. "I need to do something while I wait for your cake to cool off."