Chapter 32 - I Dream About Magnolias in June

Saturday, June 24th, 2006.
After a plane trip that felt like forever, JC and Ellie waited in the pick up bay of the Baton Rouge airport. Ellie tried to twist and stretch the knot that had formed in her lower back. “I sooo need a lower back massage right now.”
"Is there anything you want to do whilst we're here?"
"Honestly, I'm looking forward to just relaxing on the farm for the next week and a half. I've done most of this month's assignment and since Claire's in South Carolina for her cousin's wedding and her other cousin's baptism, my plans are kind of just to get some sleep and spend some quality time with my folks." She grunted as she tried to stretch.
“Sure you don’t want to sit down?”
"I'll be fine. Dad'll be here any minute.”

Ellie watched as JC leaned against their luggage. “Have you ever been to an infant baptism?”
“A few, why?” he responded.
“I don’t know. I guess we need to get talking about what we’re going to do about the little one.”
“What do you want to do?”
“I want to raise her Christian, but I also don’t want to raise her conservative.”
“That rules out my church.” He looked around for John’s truck. “At least if my church was an option.”
“What do you mean?”
“In the case of Mennonite/non-Mennonite interfaith marriages, the parents are encouraged to raise their children in the church of the non-Mennonite partner.”
“Are you OK with that?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “Same God, different rites of worship.”
“Do you want to raise her Presbyterian?”
“I don’t think it matters. Baptism’s mainly for show or superstition. We were saved by the crucifixion.”

Ellie watch the cars go by for a moment. “Was there any use to me trying to make a balance between our faiths for the wedding?”
“In hindsight or…?”
“Well, obviously there was no point, but when it would’ve made a difference?”
“I don’t know, not really.”
A large, red 4-door truck pulled up in front of them, John winding down the electric window. “Like my new truck? 2005 model.”

They drove on to the highway in silence. “Did y’all remember everything?” asked John.
“I think so, yeah,” replied Ellie. “We brought both sonograms and all that jazz.”
“I was thinking more sundries, but it’ll be nice to see all that. It’s amazing how things have changed since you were born. It used to be such a gas just hearing the heartbeat. Now they got these 3D scans in some places. Are you two wanting to know what you’re having?”
“We know. We were just waiting until all of our folks were in the same room so no one knows before anyone else,“ JC explained.
“I see.” John peered at Ellie for a moment. “You know, I cannot wait until we can find out. Frankly, I’d be happy with either, but from my own experience, raising little girls is so magical. They’re just so pretty and soft. You do not know love until you’re holding her for the first time and she’s looking up at you with her pretty little eyes.”
“Daddy!” Ellie exclaimed, “Stop trying to figure out what she is. We ain’t telling you!”
“Doesn’t matter.” John smiled. “I already know.”
“Wait...what?”
JC leaned forward. “You referred to her as a ‘she’ again.”

Emily was sitting on the front steps as the truck pulled up at the ranch. She made her way over to the car as everyone got out.
“Oh, geez,” Emily said with surprise as Ellie hugged her. “It’s barely been two months. How far are you along now?” She gently rested her hand on Ellie’s bump.
“Twenty-two weeks on Monday.”
“Are you starting to feel it kick?”
“I wouldn’t say kicking, more a flutter here and there.”
“Do you know what you’re having?”
“I know what they're having,” John stated as he carried the suitcases up to the front porch.
“You already told him?” Emily asked in a disappointed whisper.
“Josh said something on the drive over and now he thinks he knows. We haven’t actually told him.”
“Oh, OK.” Emily took Ellie’s hand as they walked to the house. “So, what do you want to do for your birthday?”
“Basically the biggest dish of macaroni and cheese Daddy can make.”

John lifted Ellie’s feet onto a cushion on top of an old ottoman as the four of them sat in the living room. JC held his cell phone out in front of him as he waited for one of his parents to answer.
“Hello?” Karen’s voice came out over the speaker.
“Hey, Mom. It’s me, Josh. You’re on speakerphone.”
“Oh, hey. How did your flight to Louisiana go? I was talking to Beverly earlier and she’s really impressed with the video. We were just talking about what she should get you and Ellie for the baby.”
“Great. Our flight went smoothly. Listen, I called ‘cause I actually wanted to talk to you about something. You might want to get Dad for this.”
“Oh…OK. ROY! JOSH WANTS TO TALK TO US ABOUT SOMETHING!”
The four of them waited until Roy answered. “Hey, son.”
“You mind putting me on speaker phone.”
“Um…” Roy went quiet for a moment. “You hear that?”
“Yep.”
“Good, good. What did you call us about?”
“OK,” JC started to explain, “well as you two know, Ellie and I flew into Louisiana today for Ellie’s birthday. Anyway, I know that you’re coming up for the Fourth next week, and I also know that we talked about maybe saving the news of the gender for then.”
“Yeah.”
“Well, John’s come up with a little prediction and Ellie’s a bit worried that she won’t be able to keep the news secret for that long, so we are kind of offering the chance to find out now. If you want to.”
A pause came over the line. “OK…I guess if you’re ready to tell us.”
Emily grasped Ellie’s hand in anticipation.
JC looked over to Ellie, continuing as she gave a soft smile. “We’re having a little girl named Charlotte Riley. The two names together mean ‘carefree little one.’”
“But we’ll call her Charley for short,” Ellie interjected. “C-H-A-R from Charlotte, and L-E-Y from Riley.”
"Aw, that's adorable," Emily cooed.
"Do you like it?" JC asked his parents.
Another pause came over the line. "It's cute."

Later on, Ellie sat on the bed resting on some pillows as JC unpacked.
"I'm not quite sure, but I don't think my parents are as excited about the name as your mother." He set down some clothes into a drawer, waiting for her to respond. "Baby, you hear me?"
"Wait...what?"
"I said that I don't think my parents like the name."
She shrugged. "I don't know, they'll come around to it."
"You OK? You seem a little preoccupied."
"Why did you marry me?"
"I was in love with you."
"I mean, why did you actually marry me? Not why did you choose me."
"Because you wanted to marry me."
"I thought you didn't want to get married."
He lay down on the bed, kissing the back of her hand. "I guess I came around to the idea."
"Yeah, but why?”
He paused, sighing. “I hate this question."
"Why?"
"I feel like everyone asks it now, that’s all. Or at least something like it. I don't know what happened. It wasn't really an exact list of things. I just thought one day, 'Hey, I want that girl to be my wife."
She turned over. "When was it?"
"It was that Sunday where we had that picnic in Central Park. We were sitting out on the lawn and you were wearing that white dress and you had put those daisies in your hair and there was just this glow around you and I just wanted you to spend forever with me."
"Is that why you had that clumsy grin on your face? You were realising you wanted to marry me. God, you're perfect."
They lay together for a moment, hearing someone dig around in the storage room next door. JC turned towards the door. "Need any help in there?"
"I'm fine," Emily responded.

Monday, June 26, 2006.
Ellie cradled her stomach as she made her way down after a morning nap. She found JC clearing up a pile of newspapers.
“Hey.”
“Hi.”
“What are you doing?” she asked as she pulled out a chair from the kitchen table.
“Just clearing up some stuff. Your dad wanted me to help him fix a picture frame.”
“Which one?”
“Oh, one of the pictures your mom has of her horses in her office. A strong wind knocked it down or something.” He sat across from her. “He’s gone back to replace it.”
“Oh. He usually does those kind of things as soon as he can.”
“I guess he forgot.” He shrugged.
“OK, then.” She pulled her hair back. “What’s mama doing? Is she still in the laundry washing my old baby clothes? I swear she’s just ignoring the fact that I know now.”
“I don’t know, I think it’s sweet what’s she’s doing. I would love it if we had any of my stuff to hand down to the baby.”
“Because you were adopted?”
JC sat there with a blank face. “No, because all of my stuff was little boy stuff. Plus what could’ve been passed down didn’t survive Tyler.” He paused. “Or was grossly out of fashion by the time Tyler was old enough to wear it.”
“Do you remember when Tyler was born? I somehow always saw you helping your daddy put together the crib and your mama fold baby clothes.”
“Tyler was born before I went to live with them, not that I didn’t help my mom with laundry or anything.”
"Oh, OK..." She trailed off.

They sat for a moment in silence.
"What happened between us?" he asked.
"What do you mean?"
"Back in April, we were all distant and shit. Something happened and now everything's OK. I honestly don't know if we've had one of our 'everything's going to fuck up/nothing's wrong' conversations for awhile."
"This is going to sound bad, but honestly you really scared me when you told me you might not be able to stay with me if I couldn't believe in us. I kind of need you here."
"For the baby?"
"No, because I love you."
"When did you know that, really?"
"It wasn't an exact moment, you know." She rubbed her belly. "It was just this feeling I had around a year ago. Even if we were living out of a hotel, the first time I've felt like I was truly at home was when I was in your arms. It's frankly the only place I want to wake up and the only place I want to fall asleep ever again."
"They why did you..."
She cut him off. "Don't, please. I'm not trying to start anything, nor am I trying to block you from saying anything, but sometimes you just feel like everything's going to shit. When we first found out we were having a baby, I got really scared you were going to leave. Hell, even before I knew for sure I was pregnant, I was convinced you wouldn't want to stay. I thought you wouldn't want this baby and you kept saying things that just convinced me more that you were going to leave me."
"Like what?"
"Just real ambiguous things, like never giving a definite yes anytime I asked you if this was what you wanted."
"I was scared."
"I know. I was, too," she said in barely a whisper, her eyes downcast. "I'm still scared."

He stood up, walking around the table to hold her in his arms. "It's OK. Everything's going to be OK." He kissed her forehead.
"I wish I was as optimistic as you." She sniffed.
He squatted down. “You are, you're just not feeling that way right now. We’ll just wait a little while and discuss it a little further when you don't quite feel like everything's super shitty.”
“But I don't feel like that.”
He kissed her, resting his head on her shoulders as they held each other. “You sure? You don't want some time to…” He looked her in the eyes. “I don't know, do you want some space, like some alone time or something?”
“No.” She gently shook her head. “I'm OK.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah.”
He kissed her, hugging her again. “OK.”

Ellie stared at the row of baptism cards as Emily searched the aisle for blue tissue paper.
"I forgot to ask you," Emily said as she flung six packets of tissue paper into the cart, "Ellen Sue called whilst you were napping to ask if you had made up your mind regarding Izzy's baptism."
"I'm not going."
"I told her not to expect the two of you, you and Josh. She said she frankly wouldn't be surprised regarding your past. She just wanted exact numbers before Wednesday."

They slowly walked down the aisle.
"Am in the wrong if I want an apology from both of them, even if Miles was the one who cheated and I didn't want to be with him anymore, anyway?"
"No."
"Then why won't they apologise?"
Emily shrugged. "I guess they're just too proud to. If they did, they would have to admit that their perfect little love story grew out of an affair. Don't get too caught up in it."
"What if I can't move on from it if they don't?"
"You're literally pregnant with another man's baby. Looks like you've moved on to me."
"What if I'm scared Josh will do what Miles did?"
"I know this is a bad comparison, but do you know the one thing your daddy could never get the hang of when it came to horses?"
"I don't know."
"Your daddy has never, ever liked riding them. Says it makes his giblets feel funny. Do you also know what my biggest and most irrational fear is regarding your daddy?"
"What?"
"I am so scared that your daddy's gonna get the thought into his head one day that he should try riding again, then he's gonna break his back just like my daddy. It's the stupidest thing ever, but I can't stand the idea of having to go through all that again.
"I would not be surprised if all you’re doing is thinking back to when Miles broke your heart and praying that that whole thing never happens to you again."
"I don't see how that is even similar," Ellie grumbled.
"It don't matter. Once you get an idea into your head, there's no use trying to get it out.”
“I guess.” Ellie shrugged.

They steered the cart into the baking goods aisle, collecting together packets of sugar and flour.
“So, I was thinking”—Emily fussed around some cake decorating supplies, trying to locate a bottle of red food dye—“the tea room has a little dessert by the name of a ‘Charlotte.’ It’s a little cake with strawberry jam and Bavarian cream. You used to love so it much as a child.”
“What’s your point?”
“I was thinking, since you’re probably going to be down here for Annabelle’s baptism in September, wouldn’t it be nice if we hold your baby shower at the tea room a few days before or after? We could rent out the terrace.”
“I don’t think I’m friends with that many people down here anymore.”
“Nonsense,” Emily scoffed. “You’ve got me, your grandmothers, your great grandmother, your aunts and female cousins. There’s Josh’s mothers and sister. Tyler probably has a girlfriend you could invite, plus any of his female relatives. He probably has friends or friends’ wives who could come. You also have some friends up in New York who might like to come. Shelley’s daughter Melanie’s best friends is gay; he went to both her bridal and baby showers. Shelley would invite herself, and we wouldn’t want to start anything by not inviting Melanie herself, you know how Shelley is. And of course there’s Claire, Diana and Anna, possibly also Beth…” Emily paused for a moment. “That’s twenty-five at a loose estimate, twenty-six with the guest of honour. The tea room does functions at $25 a head.”
Ellie calculated the cost in her head. “That’s at least $650 on catering alone!”
“Well, then. Good thing we only have to throw you only one shower, then.”
“Can’t we just get Granny Jean to do the catering or something?”
“Ellie, you know that Jeanie doesn’t do ‘girly’ functions like baby showers. I mean, if you were having a boy, we might’ve been able to do a garden party barbecue or something, but she knows as much about catering a high tea as I do smoking a pig.”
Ellie opened the calendar on her phone. “If it’s something you really want to do, maybe the 25th or 26th of August might be good days: either the Friday or the Saturday, if you can’t do it earlier.”
"Great, we'll start planning this week."

They finished their grocery run. As Ellie was packing the last of the bags into the bed of the truck, a cherry red minivan parked across the way. Miles stepped out of the driver's seat and walked around to the door behind him, hoisting Izzy, a tiny seven-month-old baby with a giant purple bow fixed to her thin red hair, onto his side. Molly Sue followed and kissed her baby, then her husband. Ellie made a small but friendly smile when she caught their eyes. They stood still for a moment, Miles whispering something into Molly's ear, then the two of them laughed, walking into the store without acknowledging her further.

Ellie was quiet on the way home.
"Are you feeling alright?" Emily asked, pretending she didn't know the cause of Ellie's sudden mood change. "Are you feeling a little tired? Do you want to maybe have another nap when we get home? I'll ask your daddy if he can help with the bags."
Ellie nodded. "I think I might like that."

"Daddy!" Ellie called out when they got home before she went up to her room.
"Yes'm?"
"Mama wants your help with the groceries."
John emerged from the kitchen. "You're not helping?"
"I'm feeling a little tired. Mama says I can go up to bed for a while before dinner."
"OK," John said as he put his gumboots on. "I guess if it's good for the baby."

JC pressed a finger to his lips as Ellie entered the room, pointing to his cell phone held to ear. "Phone interview," he mouthed.
Ellie sighed, changing from her sundress to an oversized maternity tank top and lying on the bed as quietly as she could. She zoned out as he answered the same questions as before, giving the same answers about the theme of the music video and the single.

He snapped the phone closed when the interview finished.
"You OK?"
"Being 28 sucks."
JC paused for a moment. He crawled onto the bed, lying behind her. "You've only just turned 28. I do agree that at first it does suck, but after a while you meet the person you're going to love more than anyone else in the whole world."
"Stop trying to be cute."
"What's wrong? Really?"
"I'm just on one of those pregnancy downswings, that's all."
He rested his head on her shoulder. "OK, but I know you, and those things don't just happen. They're usually caused by something."

Ellie lay there silent for a moment. "Am I fat?"
"No."
"OK, but am I carrying heavy?"
"I don't know what you mean. Is it a pregnancy thing or a normal self conscious thing?" His eyes widened. "Is it both?"
"Stop it! It's not funny."
"What's wrong? Seriously. I'm not going to laugh or be a dick or anything."
"I saw Miles and Molly Sue at the market."
"OK, then."
"They looked really cute and in love, then they saw me and then Miles did that thing where he probably said something shitty about me to make her feel better."
"Um...OK. If he wants to be a shitty person and build up his wife's confidence by saying shitty things or whatever, then whatever, man. It's not your problem if he's a cuntbubble."
Ellie grunted in frustration. "What am I supposed to do then?"
JC reached out his arm. "Just let it go."
"But..."
"Just let it go. If he wants to be a pig, then let him. It's none of your problem."

Ellie sighed. "Do you think I'm fat?"
"No."
Ellie sighed again.
"Look, baby, you're pregnant. You look pregnant. Also, you're pregnant, your body's doing something really weird and you're not used to it and it's OK if you're going to feel shitty occasionally. Don't be too hard on yourself."

He repositioned himself and kissed her, running his hand up her stomach underneath her tank top. He stood up, walking around and gesturing for Ellie to reposition herself.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Nothing," he said as he lifted the tank top above her head, kissing her back as he undid her bra.
"Look, I'm not saying I'm against the idea of you undressing me or whatever." She groaned as he pressed his lips to her neck and slowly sucked her skin. "But I don't think it's a good idea to fuck your pregnant wife in her childhood bedroom with her parents downstairs."
He kneeled down before her, sliding her panties down her legs and opened her legs. "But what if my pregnant wife wants her pussy eaten?" He spread her lips open, kissing her clit.
"But the door isn't even locked."

He never responded. He was too busy running his tongue along her lips, sucking and kissing her. She leaned back on her hands, angling herself so she could occasionally see his piercing blue eyes look up at her. She bit her lip, running her hand through his hair as he teased her.
"Baby..." she whimpered, squeezing her pelvic muscles as she started to come. She reclined onto her back, gripping the bedsheets as she cried out in silence.

He wiped his mouth, undressing before he pulled her to the floor. He gestured her to get onto her hands and knees, lifting her ass towards him as he inserted his cock into her. He reached forward and tilted her face to the side.
"Look at us," he growled, starting to thrust as she watched their reflection in the full-length mirror bolted to the wall.
"You look so sexy," she whispered.
"Do you like seeing me fuck you?"
"Yeah."
"What do you like seeing?"
"I like seeing your fine ass."
"And?"
"I like seeing your hands digging into my thighs."
"Anything else?"
"Well...there's nothing else I like..." She trailed off, gasping in pleasure as he increased his speed.
"Is there..." he grunted, "anything you would say you loved?"
"I love seeing you bite your lip as you pound me."
"Anything else?" He wiped her hair away from her face. "What's the thing you love seeing the most?"
"I love seeing your thick, hard cock slide in and out of my pussy as you fuck me. Do you love seeing your cock thrust in and out of my hot, pink, wet pussy as you fuck me?"
"Fuck yeah, I love it." He dug his nails into her as he further increased his speed, grunting with every thrust.
"Do you love fucking me until you cum? Tell me, what do you love more: seeing your cum dripping down my ass, slowly trickling down my tits or overflowing after you've filled my pussy?"
"I'm not quite sure..." He made a loud grunt as he came. "I can't choose a winner." He withdrew, watching his semen drip onto the floor boards. "But seeing it come out of your pussy is rather fucking amazing."
She turned around, pulling him close to her to kiss him. "Why are you constantly doing that to me?"
"Because you need to be worshipped."

Ellie swept a loose strand of wet hair behind her ear as she made her way down for dinner. She smiled as she caught view of the birthday layout on the table and the pink party decorations.
"Oh, wow."
"Do you like it?" Emily asked as she drew her into a hug.
"It's amazing." She gestured to the round cake decorated with white frosting and a pink rose-shaped candle in the centre, “Happy Birthday, Ellie” written in pink icing. "I really hope that's red velvet."
"It is the only kind of birthday cake you usually want."
"Awesome. You can all leave now." Ellie pretended to shoo them away. "I don't want y'all to see me unhinge my jaw to eat it whole," she joked.
John fake laughed. “No,” he dead-panned.
"OK, OK." Ellie squeezed together her finger and thumb. "I'll let you have a little bit. I am now eating for two." She playfully patted her stomach and looked around the room. "How did you guys get the balloons up?"
"I used some double-sided tape to stick them to the ceiling." JC pulled down a balloon, showing her the little square of clear tape. He reached up to put it back in place.
"That's actually pretty smart." She kissed his cheek.

After dinner, John dug around the kitchen for a box of matches.
"I'm sorry for wanting dessert immediately after dinner. It's just that I can't bare to have that cake sitting right in front of me, completely untouched, for much longer. If I catch another wiff of that cream cheese frosting, I'm either going to face-plant myself straight into it or throw it across the room to prevent myself from face-planting into it." Ellie joked.
"Oh no," Emily reassured her, "I get it. Your father made the most insane pan of brownies for Memorial Day when I was pregnant with you. I basically took half the pan and ate quietly in the corner like a hound chewing a pig's trotter. You had a pretty murderous sweet tooth even before you were born."
John scuttled over, striking the match and starting to sing “Happy Birthday” before he had even lit the wick of the candle. Ellie smiled as the three of them sung to her. She took a deep breath, swiftly blowing out the candle.

After the cake, a large box with a large pink bow was placed in her lap.
"You don't want to wait for the baby shower?" she asked her mother.
"No." Emily shook her head. "Hand-me-downs now, new stuff then."
Ellie untied the bow, opening the box to find parcel upon parcel of blue tissue paper, the biggest on the top. She carefully unwrapped it, her christening gown lying delicately folded inside. She looked over the gown, savouring its soft flannel material and lace trim. "I'm so happy it survived." She continued to carefully dig through the box, quickly yet carefully looking at each parcel.
"I'm completely oblivious to these kind of things," JC asked as he took a slip of water, "but why blue tissue paper if it's going to be a girl?"
"They say that antique clothes last better in blue tissue paper," Ellie said, unwrapping a pink dress with a smocked collar embroidered with little purple flowers. "Yes, it's here." Ellie teared up as she showed Emily the dress. "That's the one from your 1979 birthday picture, right?
Emily went into the living room, emerging with a framed photo. She held it for Ellie to see. "I think it is."
Ellie nodded. "Good, good."

John handed Ellie a rectangular present. "I did most of the painting, but Josh did help me with tracking down the music box and painting the script on top.
"Daddy has a habit of telling you exactly what you're getting before you even have the chance to unwrap the gift," she joked as she removed the paper, finding an old cigar box painted and converted into a jewellery box. She opened the lid, finding only a windup key in the red velvet-lined compartment. She screwed in the key, winding up the music box, a confused look coming over her face as the theme to Love Story tinkled out. "Who picked the music?"
"Josh did."
"You have seen the movie, right?" she asked JC.
"Um...yes."
"You do remember how it ends, right?"
"John wanted to use the...'not depressing' one for something else."
"I already gave you a 'You Are My Sunshine' music box," John explained.
Ellie grunted. "I'm not going to take it as a bad omen this time, but it's the modern equivalent of giving a newly married couple a copy of Romeo and Juliet. You're just asking for tragedy to happen."
"Considering you got Cujo last year and you haven't been killed by a rabid dog sort of excuses this," JC pointed out. "It's a pretty melody, enjoy the thought."
"I do...It's just that..." Ellie pursed her lips. "She dies at the end." She sighed. "Daddy, I love it, I really do. Thank you."

JC passed her what was obviously a CD. "An advance copy of my new single."
"You're not supposed to tell me what the present is."
"Look at the B-side."
Ellie looked at the track listing. "Something..."
"What?" John asked.
"The song's called 'Something.' If I didn't..."
"Yep," JC confirmed her suspicions. "Look at the liner notes."
She wrestled with the security packaging, opening the case to read the notes on the inlet. "'Something,' written by George Harrison. You sneaky little shit."
"Read the credits."
"Publishing blah, produced and arranged by JC Chasez, guitar and piano by JC Chasez...you're being real self-sufficient on this track...'Happy Birthday Ellie.'" She paused, putting the CD on the table and resting her chin in her hand. "So, you recorded and produced a cover of our song, made it the B-side of the single you are releasing to stores literally the day after my birthday, then you dedicated the song to me for my birthday..?"
"Yep."
"I don't know if I should be excited or scared at the prospect that your fans are either going to love it or completely despise it."