McKenzie hadn't realized how far away Briahna lived from her by foot. It didn't take long to get to her house by car. She ran as far as she could until she slowed to a walk. The night was scary and she constantly looked over her shoulder afraid. It was almost enough to send her back home. Almost. She couldn't go back home. She couldn't be in the house.

When Leighton had told her about telling Stacy, McKenzie had been mad at her cousin. Leighton had been sworn to secrecy and she blabbed. Her cousin pleaded with her not to be mad, that her mother had her ways of making her talk. McKenzie knew all about that too. Her mother was the same way. Her grandma probably had the same Jedi mind trick. She had just passed it down. Thinking about it, she was glad Leighton had told. It made it so she didn't have to. She was nervous bringing up the subject because she knew her mother didn't like talking about it. She had to know though. She had to know who her father was.

JC.

Tears welled in her eyes and McKenzie brushed them away angrily.  Nothing would come from crying.  JC was not her father. No amount of tears would make it so.  She had so many daydreams about what it would be like with JC as her father. Her baby book would be completely filled out with his information. The school paperwork would be updated. Her name...

She collapsed against the wall outside the Fatone house. She brought her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them as she bowed her head and cried. She had been no better than her mother, practicing writing what her name would be. McKenzie Chasez over and over again. In the mirror on the back of her bedroom door, she would stare in to it with a smile on her face and practice introducing herself. "Hello, my name is McKenzie Chasez."

McKenzie had imagined bringing home boyfriends and introducing them to her parents. "This is my mom, Rachel, and my dad, JC." She imagined JC teaching her how to drive when she got her permit. It made her laugh thinking about the argument her parents would get in to as they bickered over who got to teach her. JC would win in the end because her mom was a terrible driver. There would be photos of them together at all her events because he'd be at every single one. He would cheer the loudest.

There would be family vacations in the summer. They'd go to the movies together to see the latest horror films because her mom was a sissy and didn't like those movies. JC would be there to greet her after she would graduate high school; after college graduation. He would be there to walk her down the aisle when she got married. And now...

The dreams were all gone. JC wasn't her father. There was no chance he could be her father. According to her mother, there had never been a relationship between the two of them. ‘I was gonna tell him and then...'

Then she was raped. Her mother didn't get the opportunity to tell JC how she felt because some man raped her. Some man raped her and McKenzie was the result. McKenzie cried harder. She was the constant reminder of what had happened. Every time her mother looked at her, she probably saw her father and what he had done to her.

Lights flickered on and the sound of gears squeaking caused McKenzie to look up. Next to her, the gate to the Fatone driveway opened up.

"McKenzie?" Melissa called frantically. She looked to the left, her eyes peering out into the darkness. The neighborhood was dark with only the glow from their security lights. There was nothing. When she looked to her right, her heart leaped into her throat seeing the teenager leaning against the wall. "Oh Kenzi!" She exclaimed and gave a sigh of relief as she quickly moved to the girl. She sat down beside her and drew her into her arms. "You gave your mother a heart attack! Who in turn gave me a heart attack! What on earth possessed you to run away?"

"Did you know?" McKenzie lifted her head and stared at her mother's best friend. "Did you know my father raped my mother?"

Melissa's breath caught hearing McKenzie's words. Pain ripped through her. "Oh Kenzi..." she whispered and hugged the girl tighter. A shadow caught her attention and she looked over her shoulder seeing Joey and Briahna standing at the gate opening. Even in the limited light, she could see their pale faces. They had heard McKenzie's questions. She turned her attention back to McKenzie, trying to shush her cries. "It's gonna be okay, Sweetie."

"No it's not," McKenzie cried. "How can it be okay? My father raped my mother. How will anything ever be okay?"

Melissa's heart hurt and she wanted to get in her car and go and see her friend. The pain Rachel must be in... Right now, though, she was needed right here. "I know it doesn't seem like it now, but it will be okay. You're just in shock right now." McKenzie wasn't the only one. Rachel was raped. Her friend was raped and never told her.

"My mom didn't want me," McKenzie whispered.

"Did she tell you that?" Melissa felt McKenzie shake her head. "Then how do you know she didn't want you?"

"Would you want a baby knowing how it came about?" McKenzie countered.

"You can't just ask someone that question, Kenz," Melissa said softly. She watched as the girl scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Listen, you can't put yourself in a position like your mom was in. No one can honestly tell you what they would do. They may say they would do one thing or another, but until it happens to them and they are faced with making that decision, they truly don't know. What they think they would do in that situation could end up being completely different when they actually have to make that choice."

"I wouldn't keep it," McKenzie said, wiping her eyes. "Carrying a baby knowing how it got there... then having to look at it every day. Remembering that night over and over and over again."

"So you can kill a baby?" Melissa asked.

McKenzie opened her mouth to respond with a yes, but paused. Could she kill a baby? She thought about when Kellan was born and she had gone to the hospital with her mom to see him. He was so tiny in her arms. She remembered going to the nursery to see the other babies who had been born. They were so tiny and content, laying in their bassinets swaddled in hospital issued blankets with tiny hats covering their heads.

"It's not so easy is it?" Melissa said softly. "I used to think I had it all figured out. Back when I was in high school. I knew what I was gonna do when faced with any situation. I knew I wouldn't find myself in a lot of situations. Life just laughed at me and I found myself in situations I didn't think I would ever be in."

"Like what?" McKenzie sniffled.

"Being pregnant and not married. Growing up I always saw myself dating the guy I was gonna marry, getting married. We'd settle in to married life, working, saving money until we could buy a house. We'd enjoy each other first before even think about having kids. You know Joey and I met in high school. We didn't know what life was going to be like for us. Neither one of us could have even dreamed up *NSYNC. We were enjoying ourselves. Our lives were crazy. Living on a tour bus. Going from this city to that city all over the country and around the world. If it wasn't touring, it was studio time, interviews, and appearances. It was a lot different being a celebrity back then, than it is now. There was no social media, barely even an Internet."

"Mom told me the stories."

"Right, so you know a little about how crazy their lives were. Joey and I weren't even engaged and I wound up pregnant with Briahna."

"What did you do?"

"Freaked out. Cried." Melissa laughed at the memory. "Hid at my parents for a few days. By this time, Rachel, my best friend in the whole wide world had up and left. She shut us all out her life. I couldn't even go to her. I was scared out of my mind to tell Joey. How could I have let this happen? I swore I would never wind up pregnant without being married first."

"Then what happened?"

"I finally had to ‘man up' and tell Joey. Joey was freaked out too. Our lives weren't conducive to having a baby. The baby wasn't going anywhere. I was pregnant and in seven months, we were going to be parents. We had a lot of decisions to make. A lot of changes had to be made especially since two months after Briahna was born, there was another tour. Joey would be gone for four months. Would we tag along with him? Would my parents watch Briahna? His parents? You get hit with situations that life throws at you and you just do the best you can."

"Why didn't she tell me before now?"

Melissa shrugged. "I don't know Sweetie. She never told me. I'm sure she has her reasons. I may not like them, but they are her reasons. It's not an easy subject to broach. There are a lot of emotions that arise with rape. Maybe she didn't know how to even tell you. Maybe she didn't want that act to cast a shadow over your life."

"I really wanted JC to be my father," McKenzie said, the tears welling up in her eyes again and falling down her cheek.

"It takes more than someone's DNA flowing through your body to make someone a father," Melissa pointed out. "Any man can make a baby, not every man can be a father. Do you know that JC was adopted?"

McKenzie turned wide eyes on Melissa. "He was?"

Melissa nodded. "He was adopted when he was really young, around five. Maybe you should ask him about it. About his biological parents and his adoptive parents."

"What do I even say to mom now?" McKenzie laid her head on Melissa's shoulder.

"She's still the same person she was before you found this out. Your relationship with Rachel doesn't have to change. I would suggest talking to her though. Don't run away."

*~*

Rachel paced back and forth in the living room looking at the clock seemingly every second. Time had apparently decided to stand still. Every time she looked, it was still the same time. McKenzie was on her way home after staying the night at Melissa's. It had taken everything she had to make herself stay home and not rush to Melissa's house and snatch her daughter. She had collapsed in relief when Joey had called and told her McKenzie was with them. It was Joey who talked her in to letting McKenzie stay there and deal with whatever was going on the next day.

She hesitantly agreed. It didn't mean she was able to sleep. What was left of the night had been spent tossing and turning. Her nightmares had also made a reappearance. Even laying with JC in her bed hadn't warded the nightmares off. They were more twisted than the previous ones in Mississippi. This time McKenzie and JC were in them. She didn't wake up thinking Matt was in the room with her. She woke up thinking McKenzie and JC were both gone, unable to stay with her knowing the truth.

JC hadn't wanted to leave. She wasn't sure if he should stay. McKenzie hadn't been receptive of him last night. She wasn't sure what would happen today. JC being present could make McKenzie shut down and not want to talk. JC being there could make McKenzie more emotional. She didn't know what to do or how to handle it. So she made the decision to send JC away before McKenzie showed up.

A car door sounded and she drew up short, glancing at the clock on the wall. She drew in a breath and let it out slowly. Her stomach was twisted in knots. She felt sick to her stomach. She hadn't even been able to drink the coffee JC had made before he left. It sat on the end table next to the couch. Cold. The front door opened and she whirled around. McKenzie stood there staring at her. Melissa behind her.

Rachel could see McKenzie's eyes were red and swollen signaling she had spent a better part of the night crying. She could relate because she had too. "Kenz..."

"Mom," McKenzie's voice cracked and tears filled her eyes again. She quickly crossed the room and collapsed into her mother's arms.

"Shhh," Rachel whispered holding McKenzie tight as she cried. "Shh," she said again, feeling tears roll down her own cheeks. She looked up and met Melissa's eyes. One look and Rachel knew that Melissa knew.

Melissa walked forward and reached out clasping her arm over Rachel's forearm. She gave it a comforting squeeze. "We'll talk later okay?"

Rachel nodded. "Thanks," she told her friend. Thanks for understanding and thanks for taking care of McKenzie. Melissa left and she continued to comfort her daughter through her tears.

"I'm sorry Mom," McKenzie said through her tears. She lifted her head to look at her mother.

"Shh, come on now," Rachel lifted her hands and wiped her daughter's tears with her fingers. "Let's sit down."

"Is JC still here?" McKenzie asked as she took a seat in the middle of the couch. She already knew the answer the question. His vehicle hadn't been parked outside when Melissa pulled up. It had been the first thing she looked for. She couldn't describe how she felt not seeing it. A part of her was glad he was gone. Yet there was a part of her upset he wasn't there.

Rachel shook her head. "No. I sent him home so we could talk." She watched her daughter's expression trying to read her reaction. "If you want, I can ask him to come back."

"No," McKenzie shook her head and sighed. "I don't know."

"How about we just talk. You and me. If you want JC to come back, I'll call him, okay?" Rachel continued at McKenzie's nod. "I was going to talk to you today about everything. Lance was going to come over and be here..."

"Uncle Lance knows?" McKenzie broke in.

Rachel nodded. "I told everyone on Tuesday. That's why you stayed over at Aunt Stacy's. Before then, no one else knew. No one."

"Grandma and Grandpa didn't know?"

Rachel shook her head. "No. I didn't tell anyone. Not even Lance."

"This is why you freak out when it comes up?"

"Yes. But I'll answer any questions you have. I know it's not fair to you to not know."

McKenzie crossed her arms, resting them on her knees. "What if I don't want to know?"

"That's your choice, Sweetie." Rachel placed a hand on McKenzie's back, rubbing back and forth. "If you don't want to know anything, I won't tell you."

"Can I change my mind later?"

"Of course. This isn't a one day only sale."

McKenzie snorted. "I just... I don't know..."

"I know it's a lot to take in. I'm sorry."

McKenzie met her mother's gaze. "Why are you sorry? It's not your fault. It's his."

"I should have told her sooner."

"I don't think it would have made it easier."

"Yeah, but then you wouldn't have gotten your hopes up about JC," Rachel pointed out.

"Can you tell me about you and JC?"

"What do you want to know?"

"You guys were really never together?" McKenzie sighed when her mother shook her head. "Why not?"

"There's probably not really a good reason. Looking back, I would do a lot of things different. I really liked him, but I was too scared to tell him. To ask him out. We had such a close friendship, I didn't want to ruin that."

"But all the photos? The sketches, the signature."

Rachel smiled. "I really liked him Kenz. It's what we did growing up. I must have practiced signing my name as if I had married dozens of different men. Sometimes it was kids in my class, kids I went to school with, celebrities on TV. It's what we did. We signed our names, we played MASH where we figured out who we would marry, how many kids we would have, and what type of house we'd live in. My diaries are probably still at Grandma and Grandpa's house in boxes and they'd tell you about every boy I've ever had a crush on. JC was no different, I just didn't write in a diary then. I tried keeping a journal, but I was too afraid Joey or Chris would steal it and read it to everyone. I just drew... a lot. I'd draw photos of everyone to try and hide the fact that I really wanted to draw JC."

"Did they know?"

"They knew. Everyone tried to get us together, JC and I just... could never make a move."

"I ruined it, didn't I?"

"Sweetie, it's not your fault. You were the only innocent party in all this." Rachel wrapped an arm around her shoulders, and hugged her. "JC and I had plenty of opportunities to tell each other how we felt, but we didn't. That's on us. Not on you."

"Why didn't you tell anyone what happened?"

"Fear. Embarrassment. Shock that it even happened. Denial that it happened. Disgust. I was in a bad place afterward," Rachel told her daughter honestly. "I was embarrassed that it happened. Scared that no one what believe me. Scared what people would think..."

"But Uncle Lance wouldn't think bad about you," McKenzie interrupted.

"Traumatic events can screw with your brain Sweetie. I hope and pray that you never have to find that out. I also didn't tell people because the man who did this, he threatened your Uncle Lance and the rest of the group. They were on top of the world at the time. Their new CD had just come out and blew away records. They had a huge tour coming up."

"How did he threatened Uncle Lance?" McKenzie asked softly.

"He was going to take it all away from them. I couldn't let him do that. The guys were so happy. This was what they had worked so hard for."

"So you kept quiet?"

Rachel nodded. "I'm sure the threats were all lies. But I couldn't take the chance. I couldn't take the risk of saying something and having everything crumble around them."

"But couldn't they have helped you? *NSYNC had to have a lot of money at the time. They could have helped you."

"It's always easier to look back on things and see what you should have done or what you could have done. I can look back and make up a list of a hundred things I could have done differently. I could have stayed in Mississippi after graduation instead of moving in with Lance."

"But then you wouldn't have known JC... not really. You could have told JC how you felt."

"It could still have happened even if JC and I had been together." Rachel took McKenzie's hand in hers. "You can't get lost in what ifs or the should coulda wouldas. Trust me. I know."

"I just keep thinking on what could have been done so it wouldn't have happened."

"Then I wouldn't have you." Rachel's lips wobbled as she tried to smile at McKenzie. "McKenzie, I wouldn't trade you for anything in the world."

"But don't I remind you of what happened?"

"Sometimes," Rachel told her daughter honestly. "It's not something I'm ever going to forget. There are a lot of days I don't think about it at all. There are days where it's all I can think about."

"Is it the reason you never really dated anyone?"

Rachel eyes widened at the question. She hadn't expected McKenzie to ask something of that nature. "I don't know Kenz. Maybe. I never really found anyone who I really wanted to be with. That's really why I didn't stay in relationships."

"Is that because of what happened or because of JC?"

"Maybe a little of both."

"Did you ever talk with anyone about this?"

Rachel shook her head. "No Sweetie. I never told a soul."

"What if I want to talk to someone..."

"Then I'll find someone immediately if that's what you want."

"Can I go lay down now?"

"Yeah," Rachel hugged her daughter again, before allowing her to stand. "Oh, wait," she held out her hand. "Phone." She said when McKenzie stared at her.

"Mom," McKenzie groaned.

"Nope." Rachel shook her head and wiggled her fingers in a gimme motion. "I'm gonna be lenient and you only lose it for a week..."

"A week!" McKenzie exclaimed as she withdrew her phone from her pocket. "That's not lenient!"

"You're lucky it's only for a week," Rachel closed her fingers around McKenzie's phone. "You scared me half to death McKenzie. I went upstairs to check on you and you were gone. We tore this house apart looking for you. Do you have any idea how that made me feel to realize you were gone?"

"I'm sorry," McKenzie mumbled, looking down at the floor. "I just had to get away. I couldn't turn my head off."

"That's no reason to run away." Rachel chided. "You should have come to me. You should have talked to me."

"I couldn't," McKenzie turned her watery eyes on her mother. "I couldn't face you."

Rachel's heart broke. "Then I could have called Lance to come and get you or JC could have taken you to Lance's or Melissa's."

"I couldn't face him either." McKenzie mumbled before turning and walking away.