"You guys don't have to knock you know," Lance said after he opened the door to his house seeing JC and Joey on the other side. "Don't know how many times I have told you this."

"I don't want to walk in while you're playing hide the cannoli on the couch." Joey grinned as he walked across the threshold and entered Lance's house.

"Amazes me after so many years, Joey is still the same." JC said with a smile as he shook his head.

"The same?" Lance questioned, shutting the door after his friends and followed them into the kitchen. "I think he's gotten worse."

"I don't see you every day. So I gotta save up all the jokes and vulgar comments until I do see you." Joey opened the fridge and started rifling through its contents.

"You won't walk in my house but you'll help yourself to my food?"

"Well yeah," Joey said as he grabbed a plate that had a small the remains of what looked like turkey that had already been picked off the bone. He pulled back the plastic cling wrap and picked up a piece, popping it into his mouth.

"Aren't you housebroken yet?" JC asked, watching Joey.

"Mel has tried many times."

"She should be canonized as a saint to put up with your ass for as long as she has."

"What can I say?" Joey grinned. "She loves my cannoli." His grin widened when his friends groaned.

"I take it Rachel told you?" Lance asked, reaching across the counter and grabbing a piece of turkey. He and Michael had a Thanksgiving craving yesterday. He tried to get his sister and his niece to join, but they had declined.

"Had to hear it from Kenzi first," Joey looked at Lance. "I've never been so caught off guard as I was when I heard her ask Mel if she knew. Jesus," he shook his head. "I'm so glad she asked her and not me. I don't even know how I would have responded. We spent a lot of time yesterday answering Briahna's questions. Let me tell you, that wasn't easy at all."

"I bet not," Lance said looking down at the counter as he crossed his arms on it. "Stacy had to explain it to Leighton too. She said it was one of the hardest things she's ever had to do because she couldn't answer a lot of questions. Like why."

"After dropping Kenzi off at school, Rachel came over and told us the whole story." Joey shook his head, as if in disbelief. If he was honest with himself, he still was. "I still can't believe it. Matt man..."

"Yeah."

"I'd like to meet him in a dark alley with a baseball bat."

Lance nodded in agreement. "You'd have to stand in line. I get first crack."

"How are you in all this?" Joey asked, looking at JC who had been quiet so far.

"Why would I feel any different than you?" JC asked, brushing off the question.

"Right," Joey rolled his eyes. "Come on C, everyone knew how you felt about her."

"I made a promise to myself that I was gonna tell her before the No Strings tour started." JC met the eyes of two of the men he considered to be his best friends. He saw the sympathy in them and looked away. He didn't want sympathy. It wasn't him who had been hurt.

"Fuck," Lance closed his eyes not knowing how close JC had been to revealing his feelings to his sister.

"Since she told me, I keep thinking about the times I could have told her. If I had, then maybe it wouldn't have happened. I could have saved her somehow."

"That is the worst possible thing for you to do." Joey said firmly. "You can't know if that would have made any difference."

"Don't I?" JC questioned. "If I had told her, maybe she wouldn't have been there. She would have been with me and it wouldn't have happened."

"If I had sent her back to Mississippi instead of letting her live with me, it wouldn't happened either."

"If wishes were fishes and all that jazz," Joey broke in. "Sitting here thinking about if we'd done something different isn't going to change the fact that it still happened. Rachel was raped by a man we all considered a friend. We need to deal with that. Let me tell you, she's not doing to well. Kenzi either."

"I don't even know what to do," Lance sighed staring down at his hands, picking at his fingernails. "I always wanted to know who McKenzie's father was. It was the great big mystery in the family. The kind that was whispered about at family gatherings. Of course that didn't compare to the whisperings and looks from people in town. They all thought Dad should have made Rachel get married."

"To who?" Joey asked, crossing his arms on the counter.

"To you," Lance said, chuckling slightly seeing Joey's eyes widen. "Or JC. Or Chris. Or Justin. People figured it had to be one of you guys."

JC didn't want to think about what Rachel went through back in Mississippi. He heard the stories from Lance about what had happened when he had come out. He could only imagine how it would have been for Rachel to be back in town, pregnant and unwed. His heart hurt thinking of all the mean and unkind words that would have been spoken. All the unwanted advice that would have been given. It hurt worse thinking of people tell Rachel that she should marry the man who put her in that position knowing what that person did. How it must have hurt her to hear that.

Looking back he realized that he would have married her. He would have married her and taken care of her. Would have let everyone think McKenzie was his. No one had to know the truth. He could have slipped away from the tour on one of their off days and gone to see her in Mississippi. It didn't matter that she wasn't talking to him. It would have been a lot harder to shut him out when he was standing in front her and not some correspondence behind a computer screen. He could have let her know his feelings. Maybe she would have told him the truth then. They could have had a quick wedding on another day he could slip away or waited until December when the tour ended. They could have been married before McKenzie was born in January.

"Does he even know?"

Lance met Joey's eyes and shrugged. "I don't know. I would think he'd know considering what he did and when McKenzie was born." He shrugged again. "Rachel said she hasn't seen him since she left Orlando after..."

"So it's possible he doesn't know."

"Why does it even matter if he knows or not?" JC asked.

"When I punch someone's face in, I kind of like them to know why they are being punched," Joey said seriously. "He shouldn't be too hard to find. He was with Jive. They are now RCA..."

"Justin's with RCA," Lance broke in. "You don't think he works with Justin do you? I gotta tell him. I don't even know how. Or Chris. Rachel wants me to tell them. It's the least I can do."

"Don't look up Matt."

"What?" Joey asked, staring at JC. "Why?"

"Because that's not going to help Rachel. Or Kenzi. What if Matt doesn't know? He finds out and comes after Rachel? He takes her to court and gets visitation rights or even custody?"

Joey and Lance fell silent as they thought about JC's words. Matt could very well come after Rachel for custody of McKenzie. The court system could be sympathetic to him and see him as a man who didn't know he had a child and side in his favor. It wouldn't matter what the monster did to her. Would the court even believe Rachel? It would be a he said/she said case. No matter the outcome, Rachel and McKenzie wouldn't win. They would suffer.

"This whole thing just pisses me off," Joey pushed up from the counter and paced back and forth. "This happened right under our noses and we didn't have a clue until it was too late and even then we had no fucking idea."

"I know."

"Then that fucking asshole manipulated her with us. And Rachel man... she just let him."

"Hey! Don't you dare make any of this Rachel's fault." JC snapped.

"I'm not," Joey sighed, pressing his hands into his face. He sighed again as he dropped them. "I'm not. He used me - used us - to cover up his crime. I would have walked. If that was the price of fame, I would have walked away."

Lance and JC could only nod their heads. They would have walked too.

*~*

"I hate that you had to live with this by yourself." Melissa passed a tissue to Rachel then blew her nose in her own tissue. "You could have told me."

"I couldn't."

"Oh the hell you couldn't," Melissa shouted, using another tissue to wipe her eyes. "You could have told me. I wouldn't have told anyone. You would have at least had someone to talk to."

"It's easy to think of all the things I could have done differently," Rachel said softly. "It wasn't so easy at the time."

"I know," Melissa sighed. "I just wish you didn't have to go through it alone. You kept everything inside. You had no one to talk to. That hurts me to think about."

"It's the same thing I told Stacy. You were pregnant as well. How could I tell you what I was feeling inside when you were happily expecting a baby?"

"I wasn't happily expecting a baby the whole time. I was scared shitless when I found out. I needed my best friend and you were gone."

"I'm sorry," Rachel whispered, feeling tears well up in her eyes. "I was in a bad place."

"I could have been there for you. I could have helped you. We could have helped each other."

"I wasn't looking for help Mel. I was looking for it all to go away. I wanted to wish it all away and go back to before it all happened. I wanted to be back in Orlando with you, with Lance, with JC..."

"It just makes me so angry!" Melissa exploded, pounding the couch cushion. "I want to find that little weasel and rip his dick off. Fuck, I'd like to string him from the ceiling fan by it. Put his dick in a tank of piranhas and let them just bite the fucking thing off."

"Mel..."

"You've had fourteen years to get used to this, you're gonna have to let me work out my anger."

"You think I'm used to this? That I've worked through this?" Rachel stared at her friend. "Seeing the word father in Kenzi's notebook for science homework sent me into a quivering mess in my bedroom. Do you know what it takes for me to get through any paperwork of Kenzi's when it asks for father information? Do you know I haven't been able to sleep this whole week because talking about what happened as made my nightmares come back?"

"Rachel..." The anger immediately faded. She wrapped her arm around Rachel's shoulder and leaned in to her. "I'm sorry. Jesus I'm so sorry. You know I love you." She sniffled. "I wish I could do something to make this all better. I hate it," her voice quivered. "I hate this. I hate what happened to you. I hate how you felt you couldn't tell anyone. I hate that you were all alone that you couldn't talk to anyone. I just hate it. I hate it."

"There are so many things I wish I would have done," Rachel said honestly. She let her head rest against Melissa's. "I can't let myself think like that... I can't get caught up in that. What's happened has happened. I need to keep moving forward..."

"How are you and JC?"

"I don't know," she whispered. "Maybe it would be best if we just take a break... I need to be there for Kenzi. I need to help her work through this."

Melissa was shaking her head before Rachel even finished talking. "Who's gonna help you work through this?"

"I don't need anyone."

"Fucking liar." Melissa said bluntly. "You think you can do everything alone... correction. You think you have to do everything alone. I'm telling you. You don't have to. You are not alone. Not anymore."

"This is just too much to ask him to take on. He didn't ask for this. He probably thought we were normal. Instead we have enough baggage to sink the Titanic."

"Who the hell is normal? Who wants normal? Normal is boring. Why is your first instinct to kick JC to the curb? You say you love him..."

"I do love him!"

"Then stop trying show him the door. You're not doing yourself any favors. JC either. Take what he's offering you. Jesus, take it and hold on as tight as you can. What did he tell you after you told him?"

"That he loved me." Rachel said softly, wiping a tear away.

"Then he showed up on your door step when you got home."

"Yeah."

"He held you while you cried. Held you while you slept. He was doing what a man is supposed to do for the woman he loves. Let him do this for you. Let him be strong for you. Let him shoulder some of the weight."

"But he shouldn't have to."

"That's the best thing about being in love. You don't have to. You want to."

The ringing of Rachel's cell phone interrupted the conversation and Rachel pulled it from the back pocket of her jeans. She tensed seeing the school's name.

"What?" Melissa asked.

"It's the school," Rachel told her as she tapped the answer button, lifting the phone to her ear. "Hello?"

"Mom," Kenzi's tearful voice hit her ear.

"Kenzi, sweetie! What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"I want to come home." She leaned her elbows on the counter in the school office. She kept them close together with her head bowed, embarrassed to be crying. Not only were there two secretaries in front of her, but there were two student helpers who were there instead of sitting in study hall. "Please."

"Of course," Rachel immediately stood. "I'll be there in about ten minutes okay? Can you put Mrs. Turner on the phone so I can let her know I'm coming to sign you out?"

"Don't tell her!" McKenzie gasped.

"Kenz, I'm just going to tell her I'm coming to get you. That's all." Rachel explained. She gave Melissa a wave as she left the house, her phone still to her ear. "I'm leaving Mel's right now, okay? I'll be there in 10 minutes."

"Okay," Kenzi told her mother goodbye and placed the phone back on the receiver. She lifted the books from the counter and walked out of the office and headed toward her locker. At her locker she quickly entered the combination and pulled the door open. Sniffling she crouched down and pulled her track bag from the bottom where she had stuff it that morning. Once that was out, she began putting her books in her book bag. She still had a lot of classes left in the day and wasn't sure what homework she'd have - if any. Briahna would be able to let her know

As she slammed her locker closed the bell sounded. McKenzie shouldered her bags and quickly made her way back to the office, keeping her head down so she wouldn't have to talk to anyone. Back in the office, she took a seat in one of the chairs and waited for her mom to show up.

Fifteen minutes later, Rachel was walking through the office door. Catching sight of her daughter, she immediately went to her. "Kenzi?"

"Can we go?" McKenzie whispered, her eyes full of tears.

"Sure, sweetie," Rachel told her. "Grab your things." She turned back to the counter and smiled as Mrs. Turner met her at the counter. "Hello."

"Hello Ms. Bass," Mrs. Turner smiled at the younger woman as she handed her the sign out sheet. "How are you?"

"Doing okay," Rachel told said with a small, forced smile. Okay was the furthest from how she was. She wrote her daughter's name on the sheet, noted the time, and then scrawled her signature.

"Good to hear," Mrs. Turner said with a smile as she took the clipboard. "I hope you feel better McKenzie. I'll have your teachers gather homework you missed and give it to Briahna Fatone."

"Thank you." McKenzie said softly.

"Thank you," Rachel said with a smile. She took her daughter's track bag. "Come on Sweetie," she shouldered the bag and followed McKenzie from the office.

"I'm sorry Mom," McKenzie said she climbed into the front seat.

"Don't apologize." Rachel told her as she started the car and backed from the parking spot. "It's my fault. I should have kept you home today." The drive home turned silent save for the radio in the background. Once they got home, she helped McKenzie take her bags in. "McKenzie..."

"Can I just go to my room?"

"You can't just hide in your room." Rachel told her daughter. She sighed when McKenzie wouldn't look at her. "Please talk to me Kenzi. Let me help you."

"I don't know what to say. How can I talk if I don't know what to say?"

"Just say anything. It doesn't even have to make sense. Just talk until it does. Don't keep it in. Trust me, keeping it in is not the answer. I did it for fourteen years. It doesn't help."

"I don't want to hurt you."

Rachel took a step closer to McKenzie. "You're not going to hurt me, Kenzi. I know this is really tough on you and I'm sorry. I wish I had told her a lot sooner. On my own terms. I wish I had discussed it with others first so I would have been better prepared. But I didn't. I just kept it all inside hoping it would go away. Hoping you would never ask. I know this is my fault. I didn't handle this as well as I should have and I'm sorry."

"There are some moments where I hate you," McKenzie whispered, unable to make eye contact with her mother. She heard the sharp intake of breath and felt the pain in her heart. "Everything was going so good. After the move out here... we were finally settled in. It doesn't feel that way anymore. It feels like I was pushed out of an airplane and I'm tumbling through the sky. I either don't have a parachute or I can't grab the cord to launch it. Everything I thought I knew... I don't. I know it's not right to feel that way. But I can't help it. I don't want to feel this way. I don't." Her voice wavered and the tears fell.

"McKenzie, Sweetie," Rachel wrapped her daughter in her arms and pulled her in to a tight hug. "It's okay to feel this way. You can feel anyway you want okay? Just don't shut me out. Okay? Don't shut me out. I love you."

"How can you love me?" McKenzie said against her mom's shoulder.

"Because you're my daughter. You're part of me," Rachel whispered, sniffling. "It was a rough pregnancy for me considering... I didn't think I could love you. But when the nurse placed you in my arms... everything just fell away. I started crying, holding you so tightly to my chest."

"But how? Knowing how I was made?"

"It's not something anyone can really explain. Mothers can explain and keep explaining, but until you become one, you really don't understand. It's a mother's love. I held you in my arms, looking down at you through the tears and you were just perfect. You were this beautiful innocent little girl God gifted me. You became everything I didn't know I needed."